Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock: The Sweet Sound Of The Male Biological Clock
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Monday April 6th 2009
I’m gonna be honest. I’m turning 30 this year and my biological clock is a-tickin’. I want kids in the next 3-5 years, partially because I don’t want to fork over any dough for fertility treatments. That’s why—along with marathon sessions of “The Millionaire Matchmaker”—I’m rapidly losing patience with men my age or older who don’t feel that they’re “ready” to have kids. When you don’t have a fire under your ass that’s pushing you to be ready, or else, it’s really easy to delay parenthood until the day your 40-year-old self grows up, decides it’s time to spread the seed, preferably in a 25-year-old’s egg. But science might finally have a little pressure to put on these guys. In The New York Times’ Sunday Magazine this weekend, Lisa Belkin wrote about a new study out of Australia that found that children of older men have slightly lower IQ than those of younger fathers.
“Data they analyzed from more than 33,000 American children showed that the older the man when a child is conceived, the lower a child’s score is likely to be on tests of concentration, memory, reasoning and reading skills, at least through age 7.”
To be fair, the differentiation is hardly huge, but it’s one of several other “side effects” of men procreating later in life—along with increased chance of birth defects—that prove men can hardly depend on their sperm to stay at peak potency their entire lives.
Obviously, I’m not a fan of kids being born with any problems, but this article made me pretty psyched. Finally, evidence was being discovered that would make men feel at least a little of what women feel as they hit the ‘30s and start thinking about having kids. Could this ignite the end of Peter Pan Syndrome, where men insist on maintaining a certain adolescence for as long as possible? I hope so—although, I don’t know that this will help with the man-child propensity for 25-year-old ass. All in due time! [NY Times]
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Perceptible
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Seriously tho, if a man isn’t totally gung-ho about having kids, you can’t hurry him along. It won’t end well. They’re either ready or their not. I can’t imagine a statistic like that will make them feel more ready and sooner.
Maybe since men don’t have the same urges we women do, they are able to be more realistic about what a huge, life-changing event it is to have children. Your life will never, ever be the same. (And I wouldn’t give up or change either of my kids for anything in the world!)
I found myself in my mid/late 30s, single, and wanting a second child. Why should I need to depend on “finding” a man to satisfy that want? I decided to adopt my second child and found it was (and is) one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Not that I’m saying you should abandon hope and plan to adopt or otherwise become a single parent. You should do what makes you happy and what satisfies your needs. I’m just saying there are many possible paths to finding satisfaction in the desire to (someday) become a parent.
retro chic
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]
haha, you know, I can see men spinning this into a new justification for seeking only 20-somethings. If 30+ men think they’re already at-risk, they’ll want the young, chromasomally unchallenged even more!
Also, the evidence has been out there for awhile about physical defects like shorter limbs, etc. That alone should have scared them for their future sons, at least—we all know how men feel about their appendages. Meh, don’t see anything will change much, unless there’s a threat to their own “appendage” and actual video of childless man’s dick falling off after 30.
develange
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 12:38 pm: [report]
I guess you can never really know what it’s like to be a parent until you actually ARE one, but still. Have kids because you want them and are mentally and financially ready. I can’t even imagine having a kid when I’m 30! It’s only 8 years away! But, to each his/her own. . .
writergirl
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
Huh….well….the study goes a long way to explaining my brother-in-law….
loveitlala
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]
Either fortunately or unfortunately the male “menopause” is impotence, but there is a drug for that so men aren’t afraid.
Cherubina
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 02:20 pm: [report]
My boyfriend’s going on 32 this month and already jokes about being eligible for social security before his kid turns 18. We don’t plan on conceiving for the next few years, but I think in the back of his mind he’s worried about being one of those “old man” fathers. I work with someone who’s in his early 50s and has a 7-year-old, and I must admit it’s a little odd to see him with his kid and think they’re father and son.
Still, with the trend being that people seem to be having children later in life, I don’t think it’s that much of a deal, and no one—male or female—should be pressured to “deliver” before his or her “biological clock” has ticked its last tock. Everything in its own time.
nemesis1
wrote on April 6 2009 @ 04:40 pm: [report]
I get really grossed out by the 40+ year old couples walking around my nieghborhood with one and two year olds. We are NOT meant to have kids in our late 30’s and 40’s. Biologically, we’re meant to have kids by our late 20’s. If you’re going to have a kid at 40, OK then. But KNOW that nature generally did not mean for us to work 8-10 hours a day and then come home and raise youngsters at age 42. The majority of us don’t have the energy for that. Plus, it’s just creepy . . .
Anyway . . .why do you want to be 60 years old when your kid is 20? a kid deserves a parent who’s going to be around for a while. If you don’t have a kid by your early 30’s, you probably just don’t want kids. But that’s ok. There are enough people in the world.
I also think that women are putting off having kids because - well - having kids just isn’t as important to women anymore.
Here’s and interesting thing. My working-class friends all had kids in their 20’s. My upper-class friends had kids in their mid 30’s.
BTW - if no men want to have kids with you, it’s probably not them - it’s you. But I’m sure your shaming tactics and snarkiness help things along, don’t they?
Stephanie1913
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 07:38 am: [report]
woah. vicious much?
nemesis1
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 07:55 am: [report]
Hmmm . . . do you mean am I as vicious toward women as a lot of the women here are to men? Like double standards much, do you? OK to criticize men, but not women? This so-called article litrally drips with derision towards men. But that’s ok, because men are all cads, and all women are angels.
I am becoming more and more convinced that the majority of American women are completely incapable of introspection. It’s all about blaming other people (read:men) and playing the victim. If bad things happen to me, it’s everyone else’s fault. If no one wants to have kids with me, it’s because men suck. Yadada yada yada. What bunch of whinny little girls American women have become. Buy a big mirror, stand in front of it, and take a look at good look at yourselves. If no one wants to have kids with you, it’s probably because of YOU, not everyone else.
ALSO: it’s perfectly fine to discuss men’s prime fertility years, but mentioning a woman’s prime fertility years is a crime of political correctness. And I grew up believing men were the champions of double standards. Guess I was wrong.
PinkRanger
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 08:07 am: [report]
@nemesis1: I don’t think Amelia was saying anything bad about men here, she is just saying that since they don’t have the same kind of biological deadlines as women, which puts less pressure on them to have kids. So its only natural that a lot of women would want kids before men would. This article doesn’t describe a double standard at all. And you say American women are “whinny little girls”? You’re the only one I see whining around here.
joyy
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 08:18 am: [report]
@nemisis - I think there are other posts on this site discussing a woman’s “prime fertility years” - it might have been before you showed up here and started posting htough *shrug*.
And who says putting off having kids (of those who do have kids) is necessarily a bad thing? The logic behind it that may or may not explain the 20s/30s class difference you mentioned is that a lot of people want to make a bit more money before having kids so that they are more financially stable when starting a family.
As for the comment that if a guy doesn’t want kids ‘with you’ that it’s the woman, not the guy, what about all the people who just know they don’t want kids regardless of whether or not they’re in a relationship?
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 09:46 pm: [report]
Nemesis: Saying if a guy doesn’t want kids it just means he doesn’t want kids with YOU is so not true. It means he doesn’t want kids PERIOD, or at least at that point in his life. We don’t believe that men “suck” as you say, they just generally aren’t in a rush to have kids in their 20s, which is when women begin to have their maternal instincts, so we are left wishing that men would be on the same page as us. Basically I agree with what Pink Ranger said. I do agree with what you said about women putting off having children it’s not as important to as many women now. We are now in the position where we are able to have our own successful careers before we think about having children.