Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: When Do You Decide You’re Going To Bone Someone?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
8:30AM, Thursday May 28th 2009
This week I was pulling together questions from men about the things they wonder about women. One of the questions was, “How quickly do you decide if you’re going to have sex with a guy?” I thought the question was an one that could easily be turned around on men. The question is not, “How quickly do you decide you want to have sex with a woman?” but “How quickly do you decide you are going to have sex with a woman?” If what the guys on our IM have said in the past is to be believed, if you are relatively attractive, every straight guy you know probably would sleep with you. But at what moment does he decide he’s actually going to try, and, for the especially confident, how quickly does he decide he will?
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
Not that there is anything wrong if it is…but both the pairs of feet on the photo look male to me. If not then that model walks barefoot too often for me to be attracted =)
bogart4017
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
I will try to sleep with her when i feel the vibe from her that she wants to sleep with me. This differs from woman to woman—-some decide on the first date, some take 2 weeks etc. The real answer is “as soon as i think she will say ok”.
shannac02
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]
is it bad that this Guys on IM segment made me lose my girl boner for the law school student? I am sad… He’s a whore. And, I think I now want Amelia to marry John DeVore. It should happen, I command it.
Amelia
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
@shannac02 Oh goodness no. That’s basically incest. And as for Brooding Law School Student—I can assure he’s not as whorey as he comes off. I can vouch that he’s actually quite the sensitive, kind lad.
shannac02
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]
I’m still sad…
retro chic
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:52 am: [report]
Sorry, Amelia. I’m with shannac02 on the BLS dude. Ever the litigator—operating thru dating loopholes. Btw, I like Patti Stanger’s “penis up/penis down” logic. I’ve long ago resigned myself to the fact that most men, will opt for boning with a willing partner and not worry too much before or immediately after, if there’s a future. Just smelling the flowers as they find ‘em (as told to me by guy-friends and exes). The term “future” is relative. Marriage for some—after breakfast for others.
shannac02
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]
Uh-Oh… I’m not even a breakfast person.
Little Lamb
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:01 am: [report]
Umm…am I really the only girl who also walks around Wal-Mart saying to myself “He’s hot enough to do, he’s not, he’d be hot enough after a shower and Lysol spray-down”??? I totally size-up every man I walk past.
EastCoastMale
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
(shakes my head) and please no ubiquitous….which head? or theres another man thinking with the wrong head. =)
hanabira
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:15 am: [report]
@ little lamb:
yeah I make those judgements too. I guess I feel that I do it a little differently than the guys said though as “want to” is too active a phrase for me. I think the more passive phrase that would describe my thought is “would, if the circumstance arose”...
Ginger
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
@ Little lamb:
No. I do it too.
Then again, I’ve had more than a few guys tell me that I’m more like a ‘guy’ when it comes to sex than some guys are.
killahTRAMP
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
@ Ginger:
I am the same way. I am generally “one of the guys” and I suppose that is because I think like a guy… or so I have been told on multiple occasions. It’s kind of ridiculous really. I’m kind of a dude in a cute chick’s body.. haha. I dig it. But that’s besides the point. I think like a guy when it comes to many many things, including sex. And yes, I do size up and decide whether dudes are bangable or not in every day circumstances, like walking though Wal-Mart or whatever.
Brooding Law Student
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 04:51 pm: [report]
Wow… I’ve been turned on. How quickly it happens. I just wanted to clear 1 thing up: I am far from a whore. When I said I don’t date I didn’t mean I only sleep with people. I meant I don’t casually date. I have a ton of friends who date anyone they think is attractive, even if there is no real connection there. They seem to think if you spend enough time with someone the connection will form. I tend to think the connection is either there from the beginning or it’s not. And I only date when I feel that connection, when I’m compelled to pursue the women. Coincidentally, these are usually the women I want to sleep with as well, and I know it immediately. It’s been that way with me my entire life. I’m not good at casual relationships. As for the one-night-stand thing… those come along when they come along, and you know the difference between a one-night-stand and being interested in someone for who they are. I tend to think one-night-stands are rare and obvious, that’s why I don’t spend my time worrying if the girl thinks something else is going to happen. This doesn’t happen on a date, this happens in other arenas. And I was wrong about it once, as I intimated, got called out for it, felt like a complete prick, and have been far more careful since.
So if you all want to abandon me now as the IM guy who you want to date Amelia… but man did I get turned on fast.
UVASara
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 04:57 pm: [report]
@ Brooding Law Student I haven’t commented before but I feel the need to comment on that. I think it is semi-refreshing that a guy can admit that casual dating isn’t satisfying ... at least that is what I think you are saying? What is the point of going on dates with someone you have little to no connection with?
loveitlala
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:02 pm: [report]
Lawschool guy is a heartbreaker! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve been screwed by someone I wanted to be serious with when they didn’t. Now I know what to look out for… I’m like a hawk. I don’t blame the guy, but I just avoid his type.
loveitlala
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:06 pm: [report]
@broodinglawstudent, I just read your post. I totally get it. I think at a certain age you can finally distinguish one night stand from potential relationship, but that age didn’t come to me until recently. Before that it was a lot more fuzzy.
loveitlala
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:08 pm: [report]
And it’s definitely fuzzy when the guy took you on a date/dates.
UVASara
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:11 pm: [report]
@sprinkibrio, I agree. What confuses me the most is when you (or I, really)do feel a connection, but the guy doesn’t want to continue to explore that. Can you tell I’m going through this now?
Brooding Law Student
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]
One-night-stands are context specific. I’m not in my 20s anymore. I would never count a date as a one nighter, not even close. A date is a date. It’s pre-arrangement. A one-night-stand is bumping into someone.
And, yes, I was saying that casual dating is not satisfying. I don’t get it. Never have.
I can tell I’m going to get sucked into commenting on this stuff now. Thanks, Amelia.
Amelia
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:31 pm: [report]
Because I know BLSS so well, sometimes I read between the lines during these convos based on what I know about him, instead of remembering that some things need to be clarified for the readers that don’t know him at all. Oh and if he was a whore, we woulda boned years ago.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:37 pm: [report]
@BLS: You can’t still be in law school in your 30’s?
writergirl
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
@Cheese—give the guy a break!
Brooding Law Student
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:44 pm: [report]
I worked as a writer for 8 years after undergrad. So, yes, I can be in law school and be in my 30s. Career change.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:47 pm: [report]
@BLS: My petard has been hoisted. I’m dabbling in some #&@$% at the moment, with eventuality of law school.
Brooding Law Student
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:52 pm: [report]
Petard? Your bomb has been hoisted? I cannot recommend law school highly enough. Just finished my 1st year, and really enjoyed it. Haven’t regretted my decision for a second.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 05:54 pm: [report]
@BLS: No, the bomb went off in my face. I thought I was going to catch you out. Which school if you don’t mind me asking?
Brooding Law Student
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 06:28 pm: [report]
I do mind, and I don’t mean to be rude. Law school is very professional. I would rather keep my anonymity here and not have the kids I go go law school with (on the off chance) knowing some of the things that Amelia has pulled from me here. Sorry, Cheese. Let’s just keep it that I go to law school in New York.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]
@BLS: No harm done. You may want to consider getting rid of your profile to hide yourself online better though if thats what you’re really concerned with. I can only imagine the number of law students who can appreciate Casablanca AND The Chemical Brothers to be in the handfuls.
sam04
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 06:48 pm: [report]
I agree with the distinguishing characteristics of a one-night-stand vs. a date. Any woman who sleeps with someone after a chance encounter and then is upset to find out the guy isn’t interested in her the next day is foolish. Sometimes sex is just about sex. I get that lots of women (maybe even most) are more emotionally involved when it comes to sex than men, but they should then be self-aware enough to realize that they probably shouldn’t have one-night-stands!
And yeah, I totally make snap judgments about who I would/wouldn’t sleep with. Only on strangers or acquaintances, though. Once someone becomes a friend, they lose all sex appeal. The only thing I struggle with is actually… seducing someone. In theory it should be so easy as, stereotypically, men are always up for it. In practice… not so much.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 06:54 pm: [report]
@sam04: Yeah, I’d like to be told that I’m interesting before I have to make a move. I’m paranoid like that.
sam04
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:01 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: Absolutely! Usually there’s some kind of flirtatious signal, yeah? But some people are just naturally flirtatious and they mean nothing by it. Those people are the bane of my existence. Well. Sexual existence.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
@sam04: I don’t take kindly to that tipsy “Oh you’re cute!” comment either.
Sofjna
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]
Awww Cheesy, you are interesting. And cute!
Sofjna
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:06 pm: [report]
oops- nevermind then.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:07 pm: [report]
@sofjna: Hehe, point taken. *coy grin*
sam04
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:08 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: “Cute” doesn’t really imply that someone wants to sleep with you. It implies the opposite, actually. There should just be a universal signal. Like a secret handshake or something.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:10 pm: [report]
@sam04: Get working on that and inform me about the progress.
sam04
wrote on May 28 2009 @ 07:16 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: Will do. It’ll end up being one of those chain emails.
jojo32
wrote on May 29 2009 @ 08:04 am: [report]
@ ECM (regarding the feet) Sadly, those could be my feet in that pic. :( LMAO!
TexasRanchBuck
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:04 pm: [report]
When I see her I visualize her in a a few seconds-Not longer.
When dating I decide is she the kind of women I want to be around for a long time. if Not then I think of her for a short term passionate affair.
I have quick reflexes and know when to act and how to act.
It should not take a guy more than a few seconds.
The Buck
HARDER
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:35 pm: [report]
Ok I dont’t know about you guys, but i do the same thing. I walk around stores or the mall sizing up males and females.As you can tell by now i’m bi.And if i decide i want to sleep with a guy i’ll come out and tell you straightaway.Now if it’s a girl i’m interested in i do tend to be more leery.I take time to see if i feel that bi vibe.Even then it’s not so much as taking time.It’s more that females tend to make it difficult even if they want it too.Me personally i don’t have time for games.I’ll tell you up front that it’s just a #&@$% thing.No dinner,no cuddling,no aftermath.Just some good old bend-me-over-the-table and #&@$% the hell outta me.Now if we get along we can be friends but i don’t need you patronizing me.Now i have found that guys tend to be clingy too.I’ve hooked up with guys and i always tell them up front it’s just a #&@$% thing,no dates,no commitment.However, we do the deed and they wanna start talking about breakfast,or goin out,or holding hands.With that being said,females do make it difficult,but guys tend to get waaaay too attached!