Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: The Third Date Rule
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
12:00PM, Friday August 8th 2008
I have this theory that if I had had sexual relations with my fiance on the first date, rather than, um, later down the line (hi, future in-laws!), we would probably not be getting married, because we probably wouldn’t have had a second date. Not to make my fiance sound like an a-hole, because he really is not, but he definitely, at that single guy period of his life, was intrigued by my insistence that we take it slow. If we had slept together right away, there wouldn’t have been an excuse to see me again—like a lot of horny dudes, I’m sure he was initially interested in me for my amazingly hot body (kidding!), and, you know, a dash of my winning personality and intelligence. I know there’s a theory floating from woman to woman which says that, if you’re actually interested in a guy for more than just sex, you should wait to sleep with him until the third date—women, and I am totally generalizing here, think men lose interest if you sleep with them before that third date and also lose interest if you wait longer than that. Curious to see if this is true at all and if women give men enough credit, I decided to ask a few of the guys on my IM. And ladies? You can sleep with these dudes whenever you want. It’s clear that first date, third date, 50th date, they are down.
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par3
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 12:43 pm: [report]
my fiancee and i hooked up on the first date! we couldn’t help ourselves!
CharStarHeartsU
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 01:37 pm: [report]
I believe in waiting…well at least now I do. I’ve done the whole sleeping too early thing and it has gotten me no where except a few booty calls. Now I believe in preserving that time and taking a little more time getting to know the person before jumping in the sack.
sterlingblue
wrote on August 8 2008 @ 02:52 pm: [report]
Every single woman I “waited” to sleep with has been awful in bed. Conversely, every woman I had sex with on the first date has ranged from good to kinky to best in my life. I am fortunate in that I married the best in my life. We don’t tell people about the first date.
ClatieK
wrote on August 9 2008 @ 12:00 am: [report]
Nobody knows what they want or why. I’ve stopped trying to figure anybody out, other than my own damn self.
Funny side note: I have a friend who wouldn’t sleep with a guy and he told her he thought she was trying to make him into her boyfriend by waiting and she was like, Hell no! I barely know you! I’m not angling for you to become my boyfriend—I just don’t want your penis in me!
Elle
wrote on August 10 2008 @ 06:47 pm: [report]
I’ve waited until a few dates before putting out. I think the sexual tension makes the sex that much better when you finally do give in.
Alabama
wrote on August 10 2008 @ 08:03 pm: [report]
I always *thought* I subscribed to the theory you mention above (“if you’re actually interested in a guy for more than just sex, you should wait to sleep with him”). But then—bam—I finally say screwitwhythehellnot with a guy I was pretty sure I’d never see again, and he actually took my number in the morning and actually called. And somehow my first one-night stand became my longtime live-in boyfriend.
Which is to say that you can apply the theory when you actually *know* who fits the boyfriend bill…but as is the case with us ladies, sometimes you just can’t judge a boy by how easily he gives it up
Vic Vic Victoria
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 09:31 am: [report]
One problem I had with these discussions is, what if a girl just isn’t that permiscuous? Don’t get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next person… But I would usually wait longer then 3 dates just because, I don’t sleep with everyone I date, I try to only sleep with those who become my boyfriends. Plus even if the chemistry is there, and I want the dude so freaking bad, it may be a few dates before I’m really comfortable. It’s not A RULE I’m following but rather, the fact that I really am a nice girl. I don’t know, anyone else get what I mean?
Budlight Lime Gal
wrote on August 11 2008 @ 09:55 am: [report]
My boyfriend et I had sex the 1st date, if he wouldn’t have put out I would have scratched my head. We both thought we would just be FWB, I told him I don’t want a relationship w/ him and now we are tighter than ever!
Kalena
wrote on August 12 2008 @ 10:12 am: [report]
You all talk about when the best time to have sex is. Well I have a question guys, What if you meet a girl whose nice and fun but doesn’t put out? Does that mean that you automatically ditch that prospect just because she doesn’t want to do anything before she gets married?
sterlingblue
wrote on August 12 2008 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
I will answer Kalena’s question from only my point of view. If I met a girl who was great but did not want to have sex before marriage, I would not date her. I respect everyones’ right to their own beliefs. But, she would just not be for me.
tokidokibokki
wrote on August 12 2008 @ 01:17 pm: [report]
i am the one always pressuring guys. one time, a guy said he didnt want to sleep with me because he liked me, and of course, i pressured him into it. he loved it. and i told him i never wanted to see him again.
go figure!
Kalen
wrote on August 12 2008 @ 10:29 pm: [report]
I have another question thats a little off subject and a little random but. If you were to ask for a girls number, one that you found really attractive would you be more likely to ask when she is all dressed up and nice or when she doesn’t look bad but she hasn’t really done anything extra like make up or anything special with her hair?
Chelle
wrote on August 14 2008 @ 08:30 am: [report]
Seriously, you should do it when you wanna do it. Life is TOO SHORT to psychoanalyze. When you’re both comfortable, when you both want to, and when you both are itching to tear each other’s clothes off and go at it on the couch (hehe, that’s what my bf and I did on a date…I didn’t count…I don’t know which one it was, nor do I care) then you should do it. Everything happens for a reason, and if you work out, you work out. If you don’t, you don’t. There’s probably a lot more to that part of the equation then the sack-romp you threw into the mix.
Bad Man
wrote on August 20 2008 @ 02:40 pm: [report]
Rules? There are no rules. First date sex can be amazing. Waiting a few weeks can be incredible. First date sex can be awful. Waiting a few weeks can lead to a break up.
What’s with this “one size fits all” thing? It’s an individual experience every time.
Dmun
wrote on August 21 2008 @ 09:14 am: [report]
I have a rule about that rule—you make me wait for some arbitrary reason, when we’ve got actual chemistry?
You’re a loser. I’m moving on. Screw “do you have sex on the third date” its “if you don’t, you’ll not be talking to me long.”
Plenty of fish. And in my own defense, the last girl I slept with on the first date—was my girlfriend for 2 and a half years. Last girl to try the waiting game? Yeah, 2 weeks and I was out with someone else.
Shelly Swallows
wrote on August 22 2008 @ 06:45 am: [report]
Victoria, I dispute your assumption that promiscuous girls aren’t ‘nice’. I sleeps with guys when it feels right - and sometimes that’s on the first date. That doesn’t mean I’m not ‘nice’.
It bugs me when people ascribe this morality to sex - Sex is not dirty and bad, and having sex without waiting an arbitrary length of time does not make you a bad person.
Jake
wrote on August 23 2008 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
I’ve blogged about this rule, as well as the ‘three day rule’ here. I’m strongly against rules like this because I think people should act on impulse and in a manner that fits the situation, not some societal notion of how people should act.
duckie
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 11:35 am: [report]
My common law partner and I met 4 years ago as a out-of-town, one-night-stand, deal. We were young when we first met, but we kept friend over the years and now are together. When I was dating, I could tell right away if I had chemistry with the guy, you just have to make sure the person is healthy and stable before you start sleeping with them.
Reena
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 11:45 am: [report]
I had a similar situation as Alabama…
I met a guy at a party, he went home with me, we had AMAZING sex all night. Then the next morning, we ended up spending ALL day just laying in bed, chatting, flirting, having sex again, etc.
Now he’s my boyfriend of a year. We had such great chemistry that it just felt right to be together, both that “One Night Stand” first night, and now. Go figure!
Worth my "wait" in gold
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 02:43 am: [report]
Kalena: I am a girl in exactly the same situation you mentioned. My now-fiance met me some 9 months before we actually started talking. He had a major crush on me but thought that I was out of his league. In the meantime he dated a few slutty girls who he got sick of due to their shallowness and low morals for more things than just sex.
When we started talking (just as acquaintances) unbeknownst to me he was actually in a FWB relationship that he wanted to end because he felt like he was wasting his time and in fact really had no respect for her.
About 3 weeks after we started talking and going on outings like lunches, afternoon movies, conventions, with no touching, kissing, or anything like that, he told that woman that he no longer wanted to see her. He then confessed his feelings for me and we started dating though it would still be another few weeks before we would have our 1st kiss.
Here is a man who is divorced and has had many GFs and a few FWBs, a man who has no lack of testosterone, but in the end when I explained to him that I would not have sex until I was married, he promised me that he too would wait for me and to this day has kept his promise.
I know it has not been easy for him but then as they always say, good things come to those who wait. And I am so glad to have found and made a true gentleman out of my man.