Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: How Can A Woman Be Bad In Bed?

ChoJinn
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 08:35 am: [report]

Yup.  To emphasize, ahem:
1) No. 1 complaint of all time: if we’re rolling around naked and I am, uh, raging: touch…my…penis.  It will not bite you, even though I probably will.  I don’t want to have to grab it myself before you do.
2)the fake bj.  If you’re going down there, as the song says, put it in your mouth.  Just licking the sides doesn’t quite count.
3) when you’re on top, the point is not to see if you can crack my penis off at the base.
4) and of course as the IM guys mentioned, if you’re not into it, neither are we.

I am surprised the tone of the article is so….surprised.

MoonBabye
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

^ditto. And if you’re not into it, why the heck would you be sleeping with someone in the first place (women!)? My days of (brief) pity sex are finito! If you’re not giving me a she boner, don’t expect anything from me. I don’t get the whole “side lick” thing either. Um…the tip’s the sensitive area. Maybe there should be a topic about that?

@Amelia: It’s going on a year so…No, I am not a prude! Just haven’t met anyone to get the old motor going.

Nutmeg
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 09:28 am: [report]

I thought it was fantastic.
The bad sex I’ve had involved women who either had no rhythm or didn’t move. If I wanted that, I could screw a wet towel.
Good sex can vary and what does it for me might not do it for the next guy, but I like some grinding, I like being kneaded (like dough) inside her, I like her hands on me, too. Dirty talk is ok, but it doesn’t have to be vulgar, just encouraging. Varying positions is nice, but being above average in peen size has disadvantages sometimes.

Humble Bee
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 09:44 am: [report]

I’m with ya Moonbaybe,
I haven’t gotten any in MONTHS, I have a great urge but at the same time I haven’t found the right person. BY that I mean someone I have a lot of chemistry and sexual tensions with. I have had sex when not in the mood and that made my partner get “out” of the mood, It really does take two.
Oh and I was laughing uncontrollably when I read the part of Momma’s Boy, “Are you gonna choke this bitch” oh man. Too, too, funny.

Happycrow
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]

Plenty of women are awful in bed.  Beyond the general statements above (could care less about oral sex, though that probably makes me a tiny minority of today’s adults), it’s terrible to be with a gal who’s doing a preconception of you, but who makes no actual emotional connection.

Even “oh, god, you NOW” sex driven by overwhelming chemistry has that connection.  Sexually speaking, a gal who insists on wearing her armor when she’s already removed her clothing is a serious waste of time.

Jessica
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]

Crying.  Crying is bad in bed.

Humble Bee
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 10:18 am: [report]

I agree with Jessica,
that’s gotta be one of the worst turn offs.

Arty
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]

How can one know if they have “rhythm” in the sack? Is it about following the rhythm of your partner?

I want the guys on Amelia’s IM to talk about dirty talk—what they like, don’t like, etc.

Adam(aka)AP
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

The mood killer for me is when a gal is naked with me but yet tries to cover herself. Be comfortable in your own skin, if I’m naked with you then I like what I see don’t get all weird and cover yourself.

B1ll
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]

It seems like everyone agrees that if anyone (man or women)is not emotionally involved while having sex they are going to be bad at it.  It’s not necessarily that they have bad technique but are having a bad experience because they don’t want to be there.

@Moonbabye Do you really want your partner to go straight to the “sensitive area” or do you prefer a slow, even sneaky, approach the builds up the anticipation and prolongs the enjoyment?

@Amelia Good head equates with good in bed only when the person really wants to be with their partner.

retro chic
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]

B1ll, I’d say that’s true. ‘Cause I’ve had the most technically gifted partners who likewise made me a better “tennisplayer,” shall we say—only to feel empty if there was no deeper connection, ultimately making it a poorer experience ‘cause it can mess with your head for those of us that can’t separate the two.

develange
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 01:42 pm: [report]

The whole not telling someone what you want and being insecure about your body kills the mood. Sure, there’s always going to be that vulnerable, slight insecurity when you’re naked with someone you don’t really know, but shutting off the lights or keeping your shirt on screams INSECURE.
Certain sexual positions are really unflattering, but who the hell cares! I’d rather have a guy with a gut who #&@$% the #&@$% out of me than an abfest who can’t match my rhythm.

anatomization
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

crying in bed is the worst.  One of my longest relationships was with a girl who would occasionally cry, and she always said it was because she loved me so much and it felt so great..B.S.  I later found out she had cheated on me with several other people.  Guys watch out, cause criers are no good in bed, ever.  If she’s crying something is wrong, either in the relationship or with her.

magz
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 07:15 pm: [report]

@Adam(aka)AP As a girl that’s done that (stupid me) I think it’s just how comfortable a guy makes you feel. If I’m with a guy who makes me feel like a million bucks, doesn’t matter that I’ve gained 20 lbs since I met him, I’m naked and I’m proud of it. I’m not trying to blame the guys on this one, but I mean if I’m into you, like really into you, then I’m more likely not to care about the lighting in which you see my body, whether they are on or off.

Alison Wonderland
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]

@Adam & Develange: In my opinion that’s what it boils down to. If you’re self-conscious (about your body, your technique, etc.) or basically if you’re just thinking too much you’re setting yourself up to fail.

sam04
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 08:48 pm: [report]

I don’t get women who aren’t into giving head.  A little enthusiasm goes a long way, in my experience.  I especially like it because it’s one area I can easily be in absolute control.

So it looks like bad sex = timidness/insecurity.  If you’re just laying there like a corpse or not actively participating in any way, chances are you’re probably not that into it.  I think no matter how shy or self-conscious you may be about your body, if you’re really turned on by someone you won’t be thinking about any of that.

MoonBabye
wrote on May 20 2009 @ 09:28 pm: [report]

@Bill: Sure, who doesn’t like to be teased? But to tease and then follow through? Its not like I place my mouth on the tip and just sit there…it’s about making everyone happy in the boudair. However, variety is the spice of life! Those dangly things need to be played with! And I like to pretend its a popsicle. Have you ever finished a popsicle by just licking the sides?

@Humble: I feel better about my sexual standing then! I feel I’m moving past the basic animalistic desire of mere humping and want that emotional connection to make things even more spicy. Besides, I’m not going to lay all my kink cards on the table for someone I don’t feel extremely excited about. *shrugs* This slump is starting to make me stir crazy though.

misspixie
wrote on May 21 2009 @ 03:16 am: [report]

@MoonBabye and Humble

It’s been a 9 month drought for me so far - and tbh, i know when I finally get some, it’s going to be with someone I actually have a connection with. I have waited too long to cure the drought with a random unemotional shagfest.

CthisSunshine
wrote on May 21 2009 @ 11:51 am: [report]

HMMM… I was riding the pony (more like a draft horse) the other day. This was after 2 horrible sexual experiences post (a heart wrenching/ mind-f***ing) break-up in August There is in town visiting now on a p**sy adventure, but things have changed…
1. the first time (months ago) we had scrumptulescent mind-blowing sex. Fantasy-worthy, in fact.
2. I wasn’t feeling it so much, but I don’t think he noticed.
3. I let go and just went with it, but slipped and almost broke his penis. That hurt me too and I thought, “JESUS! Am I bad in bed or do accidents occasionally happen?”
I had to laugh it off.

By the sound of this article and the responses (all HILARIOUS) I’m feeling a hang-up coming on…

About the rhythm comments & questions: The first time I ever had sex, I was told that I was “off”. Ever since then I have been afraid to hop on and unleash my cowgirl. My last relationship, of 2 years was pretty much based around sex when I look back on it (pon intended). He would tell me that I was amazing and this guy would scream pure bliss. However, if I didn’t get off he’d get frustrated and tell me it was a waste of time. So, I learned what I liked, spoke up more often and also to faked it for the sake of not being berated.

Of course, articles like this make me think I’m sexually inept, but the more I accept sex as not being cinematic and porn-like, I think the rhythm will come with chemistry, comfort and communication. I HOPE!!!!!
Suffice it to say, I haven’t had the best partners or teachers in the bedroom. What would you do starting now?!

bbpickles
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:19 pm: [report]

@MoonBabye I agree, we shouldn’t be having sex with guys if we aren’t totally hot for them!  I don’t do that crap anymore, and I have had amazing sex since then.  Even if I have to wait for a year or two for it…..

Clearly there needs to be some sort of BJ class for the ladies who think shaft licking if appropriate!

pearl15
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 05:01 pm: [report]

Ok guys, got news for you (if you don’t already know this…you’ll want to….)

If you think your woman is bad in bed because she’s “not doing anything” ....then it’s because you have not revved her up.  The woman should always be “worked on” first (before you) because once you’ve given her an orgasm…she’ll do ANYTHING you want. 

If a woman is “just laying there”...it’s because she’s bored because you have not given her an orgasm first (plain and simple truth)

And the only real way to rev up a woman is to perform oral sex on her.  Make her orgasm BEFORE you enter her.  But go down on her for as long as it takes…none of this 30 second crap! A guy who doesn’t like to lick a woman won’t last with any woman (sorry - again it’s the truth).  So you need to learn to love it.  There are men we can find who love it. 

How to do it correctly?  Insert your fingers in all of her - while you lick her (fingers in her butt and vagina both).  Fill her up.  Don’t move your tongue around the vagina (doesn’t do the trick) keep your tongue completely in ONE area - right on her clit !  Don’t freakin move your tongue off of it !

Once you’ve made her orgasm like this, she’ll be more active - she’ll do ANYTHING you want !  But if you don’t like oral sex on her, you won’t please any woman.  And she will just lay in bed bored.

ChoJinn
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 10:38 am: [report]

um - thanks for the pseudo-emasculating “hot tips.”  While it sounds like you are a reasonably sexual individual, the entire point of the article, and the subsequent posts, is that there are LOTS of women who aren’t.  Chalk it up to whatever - past partners, abuse, insecurity - it sucks when she makes it my problem, period.  The “laying there” gripe isn’t directed to those women who are bored, but rather those women who are insecure, refuse to get on top, want the lights off, etc.

EastCoastMale
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]

Wow..there was a lot to take in (pardon the pun) from both the article and the posts that followed it.

I cant tell if bbpickles mean to say is or isnt appropriate. A lick now and then can do wonders but I may be part of a small group of men who is indifferent to receiving oral. If a woman feels the want to do so then I wont stop her but I definitely don’t hint at it and never try to angle may way into receiving it.

@moon
agreed that paying attention to a man overall rather than just the shaft is a good thing. I cant tell you how much a tickle with fingernails does, at least for me lol

@cho
I agree that it does create either an awkward situation or a total turn of if someone isnt comfortable in their own skin but my opinion is to comfort that person and work with them rather than getting upset or just glossing over it (not saying you were suggesting that). As for lights on or off, I can go either way. Sometimes playing in the dark is just as nice, yellow-paging as it were. I personally never got into the whole sensual mix CD thing…maybe its just me.