Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Have You Ever Lied About Your Sexual Experience?

Riley
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]

I’ve lowered my number to an ultra-conservative girl I took out, she freaked when I told her I had smoked pot before.  Of course, she “loved” me after 1 date, so that went far.

No point in lying to my friends though, not big on the sexual conquest bragging.

shannac02
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:27 pm: [report]

Awwww… BLS, we don’t hate you… You still have my love. LIAR!!!!!!!! LOL j/k. Marry Amelia please? Thanks.

delovely
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:29 pm: [report]

Total numbers aren’t really the point. It should be be the average, haha. As in, I’ve been having sex since I was 15, 22 now, total number is 15, so that averages to 2 or so a year. When you put it in terms of that, it sounds way, way better. This also works if say, you’ve only been having sex for a short time and don’t have too many partners. Say, lost v-card at 19, now 22, slept with 3 people = 1/year average. You just have to put things in perspective, I guess.

BeASimpleMan
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

I’ve had the same situation Riley…my number was quite a bit higher than the very reserved girl I was dating.I shouldn’t have to lower my number…I know I’ve been safe. I’ve never understoond why chicks ask a guy how many girls he’s been with. No good can come from answering that question. I don’t ask, because I don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter to me if your number is 0 or 50, as long as you are clean.

GAgirlinNYC
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:38 pm: [report]

Amelia- I love and have so much respect for you for just openly saying your number! I always get into this awkward position when it comes up in relatitonships or even with friends, because I feel like a lot of my friends are judging me. It’s like it’s become this huge secret that no one is ever supposed to admit to. How refreshing to see you said it- and said it to the world!

subpar
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

My first (only) serious boyfriend was a virgin when I got to him and totally lied about it. He confessed later by pretending as though we had never broached the subject. Little did he know, it was blatantly obvious that he was a virgin the first, second, third, and fourth time we had sex (they were all within the same ten minutes).

jojo32
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]

I like the ‘averages’ approach.  Cuz I got divorced last year, and my number kind of shot up over the summer.  But with the averages…I feel so much less whorish!  Yay!

roastchicken
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]

I had an ex that told me that every girl he’d ever slept with had anal sex with him. Please, I knew that was a lie the moment it came out of his mouth. I just can’t imagine that every woman out there is just gagging for butt sex. So I said to him, well I guess I’ll be the first girl you’ve slept with that didn’t do it.

There was this guy, that I was close friends with, that told me he’d slept with three women. After we slept together, which is a bad idea btw, I KNEW he had to have been a virgin. He was so awkward, and it lasted for like four minutes. Why lie about it guys? Women can always tell after the deed anyway. I thought it was pretty pathetic that he had lied about it in the first place. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it if he’d told me the truth from the start.

retro chic
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

Wow, BLS, “fractionalize my total” or “it’s about the way people *perceive* these experiences,” lol. You are destined to be a great lawyer, that’s all I can say!

I’m with The Experienced Guy. Win, lose or draw, you know what you’re getting. Numbers shouldn’t matter, so don’t bother to lie about ‘em. But… they sometimes do matter.

On another post I said: I had a long-term relationship that was launched on my then BF’s confident delivery of “Now you’re with someone with Experience.” And how. And is why I wouldn’t marry him. He made too many others happy, who were ever-trying to return to the trough, and it made me ill. Everyone has their limits.

Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

@GAgirlinNYC People who judge other peoples’ numbers are a**holes.

ClatieK
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]

I do feel like a conversation about numbers is helpful when judging STD risk… I am a fan of stating it in deciles—single digits, teens, twenties, and 30+. Also, it’s fun to ask, “Sexual partner-wise, what decile are you in?”

ksdancer
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

I guess most of you commenting on here are pretty young (same with Amelia?). Who cares about the numbers? Like many have said, women can TELL alot of the time. [One guy I was with for a year—who did get tested—told me he’d had sex with over 200 women in his lifetime. Really? Didn’t seem that experienced to ME! ] If you are worried about STD’s, then get tested FIRST or always use condoms or something to protect yourself. I think its more a matter of respect and trust between the people involved.

joyy
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]

@ksdancer - if a guy sleeps with 200+ women, how much do you think he’s really learning from any of them?  I mean really, staying with someone for at least a few repeat performances (or for years for ltr folks) is where you actually LEARN yer skillz. 

I’m remembering a graph with number of partners on one axis and quality of sex on the other axis ...

Brooding Law Student
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 08:53 pm: [report]

Retro… thank you?

PinkRanger
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:06 pm: [report]

The guy I lost my virginity too told me he was very experienced, but then later admitted to being a virgin, and then later took that back too! I’m still not positive, but I kind of think I was his first he was a scuzzbag anyway, but at the time I was young and impressionable and it drove me mad!! Trust is so important, whether its a one night stand or a long-term thing, your number doesn’t mean sh*t, and you should just be honest. I mean, honestly, there are much more extreme situations that are the true dealbreakers, ya know?

TexasRanchBuck
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 09:31 pm: [report]

Women don’t really want to know.  One popular dating guide said women were always supposed to say 7 men.

truth is it doesn’t matter sooner or later they tell you anyway.

For a divorced Woman I was second,  twice…
Yes It was endearing at the time…
I am 67 and been married twice once for 23 years, once for 9 years, in three or four LTR’s averaging 3-4 years and spent a lot of single time seeking Miss Right for marriage.  Today’s women don’t want marriage,  they say why buy a whole pig for just a little sausage?

Being older is easier to bed most women except real young ones.  Being wealthy make it easier all around.
Power follows wealth.  Women like powerful men.

When I do find a girl of my dream, its still like my first love,  birds singing,  flowers blooming…
and your heart pumps like a A Ferrari GTO at 6800 RPM.

I have just found a   keeper, a 41 YO RN and it’s just like my first love, only sweeter and better

Tink

retro chic
wrote on June 9 2009 @ 10:06 pm: [report]

Amelia, well, don’t judge a judger in this case. I couldn’t take the reappearance of the *many* satisfied return customers. It’s one thing to hear the words “a lot of women” (no numbers were discussed—I never asked, nor was told), and quite another to literally see them in the flesh still hangin’ around waiting for something to go wrong in our relationship. We worked in the same biz complex, so the evidence was daunting at all hours of the the day and night. Faithful or not, there’s something to be said for someone who needs that much attention from that many women. And those were just the ones I knew about.

I have *never* asked any BF for a body count, nor would I ever answer if asked (it’s no one’s biz), tho, if I did, I would spill. An actual number means nothing w/o other far more important bolstering factors, one of which I named. I believe numbers are something that might be important to people cutting their teeth sexually. It is not common conversation among adults.

majicksand
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 07:46 am: [report]

Do most people even know their actual number?  I guess I could make a list spanning the last 20 years if I wanted to, but why?  Most of mine were crammed into my “tramp” phase which occurred shortly before my bi-polar diagnosis in my early 20’s.  Should I have to explain that due to a chemical imbalance I didn’t understand I used to do lots of stupid things when I was manic without considering consequences?  Frankly, I think a potential partner should be more concerned with the damage I did to my credit score during manic shopping sprees.

secretsquirrel
wrote on June 10 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]

The only important questions I ask having to do with numbers in a tangential kind of way are “do you get tested, how often, and when was the last time?”

1 or 200 partners, in the end, that’s really all that matters unless you’re judgmental and I do NOT want to date anyone like that.  If someone asks me numbers, I tell them the last time I was tested and if they want to dig for more info, I move along.  That’s just being nosy, in my book.

Unohoo
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]

@majicksand - true!  most of my numbers are crammed into the same 3 year period.  Thank Bob that my husband has never wanted to know the total.

Also - just to address the rational that the quality of sex must have something to do with quantity of partners.  Um no.  During above trampy phase (I like to say I am a reformed slut) I slept with all types of guys.  Several super hot men that were getting laid anytime they wanted.  Without exception every “10” I dated turned out to suck in the sack.  My theory is pretty men don’t have to try so hard.  Their numbers are massive their skill is near zilch. Give me an average joe any day of the week.

snap
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 03:21 pm: [report]

are girls supposed to be impressed that a guy has had a threesome?  that would totally turn me off.  and high numbers turn me off too.  i know that most men are HPV risks, but if they’ve slept with more than 5 girls or so, having HPV is pretty much a sure thing!

majicksand
wrote on June 11 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]

My fiance knows my sexual history, and I know his.  Not specific numbers—neither of us has taken the time to count.  We’ve actually met several of each others’ past partners.  We have even openly discussed details in some cases where the information was relevant to the underlying subject.  Hell for that matter, we talk about which celebrities we’d like to get our hands on.  (Dave Navarro is my not-so-secret twisted fantasy.)

I just don’t get why any of it is a big deal.  Our past relationships (even the ones that can be measured in hours) are part of what make us who we are the same way education, family history, and trauma factor in.  If he loves me before he hears a “number”, do I become a different person after?  Somehow less worthy of his affection?

H. Blue
wrote on June 22 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

Haha jojo..  I did the same thing!  I married my first ever, and after the divorce made up for the years of sleeping around I lost in my early 20s.  There are definitely a few I wish I didn’t sleep with, but it’s done now.  And I’ve calmed down a bit since then.
RE: making sure the other person is clean..  did you know it’s not typical to test a woman for HPV until she’s 30?  And there’s no test for guys, so really, there’s a good chance that no one is clean if they’ve had multiple partners, because a lot of people don’t know they have HPV.  Condoms help, but do not guarantee that HPV won’t be spread.
I think the thing that would worry me most about a guy having a lot of partners is the risk of disease.  Otherwise, I really don’t want to know, nor do I care to share my history.  It shouldn’t have any bearing on the current relationship.