Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: First Date Sex

Humble Bee
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 01:21 pm: [report]

It’s funny that they say they don’t loose interest, but none of these guys have actually long term dated the girls who gave it up. I agree with the one statement the music Nerd said, that if you can keep a person “entertained” for three weeks to a month with out sex,  then there’s something there. There is clearly some chemistry that isn’t sexual. A relationship isnt built on sex, its built on getting to know the person and what he or she likes, then when you feel that its time show them what you like sexually, then you hop onto bed. plus, i feel like you have a better connection and its not just a f*ck. You actually want the person to stay and cuddle for a bit rather then just quickly get dressed and say see ya!

Isabela Laval
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]

I met someone at an after hours club in Philly (Emerald City, it has since closed down).  I stole a Heineken right out of his hand, talked, and took him home.  Didn’t think anything of it.

The next night, my girls and I went to another place, and lo and behold, he was there also.  I must’ve mentioned my plans the night before.  Again, I took him home.

That was 5 years ago. 

MarriedWhiteMale
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 06:02 pm: [report]

I slept with a girl in college on our first date, and it ended up leading to an almost three year long relationship, with our being engaged to be married!  Alas we split up her Senior year of college, but it does, and can work!  I think it really depends of the guy AND the girl!

sunrise
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 06:43 pm: [report]

I really like ” The Experienced Guy”‘s answer. It really does make the most sense!

Montana
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 07:52 pm: [report]

Women who give it up right away have always been thought of as “sluts”  and “not the marrying kind.”  I don’t think that stigma will ever go away.  I also think that if a guy and a girl can “entertain” eachother for a while without sex, when they finally do have sex, it will be EXPLOSIVE and not to mention great.

Alabama
wrote on January 6 2009 @ 08:44 pm: [report]

Like Isabela, I went home with a guy I met one night at a bar in Philly and wrote it off as my first-ever one-night stand. We’ve been together for four years so I definitely have come to conclude that anything is possible but I am ashamed—and I say ashamed because I DON’T think it’s fair and I DO think it’s sexist—that I generally agree with Amelia’s theory. Worse, I have continued to preach it to my sister, friends, etc., over the years… even after I proved it wrong!

ClatieK
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]

Music Nerd is such a neanderthal! Ugh.

Amelia
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

Just to defend Music Nerd a little—despite his neanderthalness, he has been devoted to his girlfriend for, like, six years. So he’s a LOYAL neanderthal.

tracy122683
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 11:58 am: [report]

I slept with my fiance on the first date and February 7th will be 7 years together! I dont think it really has anything to do with when you sleep together, but whether or not you like each other afterward for more than just sex.

Humble Bee
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 12:13 pm: [report]

Wow. I had never actually heard of any one staying together after fist date sex. That’s awesome, kudos to you guys. I still stick to my 3 date before you have sex rule, but i do agree that sometimes you just want to do it and there’s nothing wrong with that, its just a personal choice.

shufflegirl
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

kudos to “The Experienced Guy”.  The sexual double standard in this world is ridiculous, girls never think less of a man if he screws some chick on a first date, because we can’t possibly expect a man to have any self control or say “no”.  Why does all the responsibility have to be placed on the woman?

If you want to have sex with someone and they are willing, then have sex.  That is all it is.  A relationship is a whole lot more, but if you know the sex is good from the beginning what’s so bad about that?

AJ
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

My current boyfriend later fessed up to me that he judged my character based on how early I would go home with him.

He totally baited me on both our first and second date and was shocked that I was like, “Okay…goodnight!”. But he knew the guy I dated before, and that left me with a reputation (HIS!!!) of being kind of a slut (because you’d have to be to be with him. I hate that!!).

But we ended up waiting a good long while, and he apologized for assuming that of me (and testing me).

So yeah. Maybe it’s a girlism, but had I done it on the first date, we would not still be dating.

Nick at Night
wrote on January 7 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]

My wife once said (before we were married) that she would never date a guy who cried at movies, yet she does it all the time.  I don’t really consider that a double standard.  I think it just comes down to: A) men judge women differently than women judge men, and B) we hold ourselves to different standards than we hold for a prospective mate (not necessarily higher or lower standards, just different).

DancerNinja
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 12:45 am: [report]

I got trashed, slept with a guy, and then dated him for nearly three years. I’ve held out for months, and then dated the guy for three years. Each “coupling” has it’s own pace and chemisty, you can’t fit human relationships into some formula.

Dmun
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]

Go experienced guy. Actually had intelligent things to say!

Alabama
wrote on January 8 2009 @ 10:01 pm: [report]

Humble Bee, your comment made me realize that there’s a distinction to be made between the point of this post and stories like mine. I also had a three(-ish) date rule, but with my guy it wasn’t a first date so much as an unexpected one night stand with a guy in a bar.
I definitely think it’s more complicated when there is a date involved, because there is so much time to think, overthink, stress, question the repercussions, etc. In fact, I normally do all of that and then some but just didn’t have time on that one occasion. Maybe for those of us who tend to overanalyze, the occasional spontaneous decision is for the best

SeattleMama
wrote on January 24 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]

I think one thing that makes a difference is WHY the first-date sex happens.  If you both feel a definite connection and that’s why you do it, I can totally see it having the potential to turn into something more.  But if you’re just doing it out of nervousness, or for approval, or because you’ve run out of stuff to talk about… well, of course he’s going to take you less seriously.  It’s all about the context.