Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Do You Have Dating Age Restrictions?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
12:30PM, Tuesday November 11th 2008
Women typically date their own age or older, whereas guys typically date their own age or younger—I suppose this is because women mature faster than men, but once you’ve reached full on adulthood, certainly maturity evens out somewhat. With that in mind, I decided to find out what their rules are when it comes to dating older or younger women. Their answers may surprise you. I even got tingly.
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Rebecca
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
I’m 17, almost 18, and I would (personally) date age 17-20. Any younger and I would find it slightly creepy (16 seems so long ago, and so young…) and my parents would kill me if I dated someone older, methinks. Well, until I get to university anyway!
Do you know the ‘universal’ half your age and add 7 rule? That’s how you find the youngest age you can date and have a relationship that is socially ‘acceptable’. Which makes mine 15 (no thanks), or 16 when I turn 18.
Oh, by the way, British guys are NOT more mature. Hell no. (I’m English)
Fantastic blog by the way!
Krissy
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 03:55 pm: [report]
Is the “tortured soul” single?
Amelia
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
@Krissy He is
shannac02
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 05:49 pm: [report]
Is “sports nut” single?? I dig a guy that is afraid of Demi Moore…
Marina
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 06:36 pm: [report]
I started dating a 36 year old when I was 18 and when we ended things (I was going back to college…) I was 19. For some reason it really did work out though, despite our HUGE age gap. Mentally I was more on his level and he was still playful like a guy in his 20’s. The one thing that did bother me though was that he had a track record of dating girls way younger than he was (his ex before me had just turned 21). What’s up with that? We remain good friends to this day and what attracted me most was how well we got along, understood each other, and cared for each other. That’s what really matters.
Swirly
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 06:40 pm: [report]
<<“BUT he’s also British and they are just scientifically more mature”>>
Haha I just love that comment.
Trixie Firecracker
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 07:15 pm: [report]
I dated a guy who was 36 when I was 21. He suffered from Peter Pan Syndrome so the age difference didn’t see that large, but ultimately, I was not very into him and that just did it in.
Standard creepiness rule, according to xkcd.com, stipulates that you shouldn’t date anyone under [(age/2)+7]. Check out the comic here and be amused: http://www.xkcd.com/314/
Katia
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 07:40 pm: [report]
Age has never been an issue with me. Most of my experience has been with younger guys, but sadly I can’t say that any have worked out well for me as there is that maturity issue. It’s a shame because they’ve been nice guys, however they can’t seem to handle emotional issues very well and tend to run and hide instead of dealing with their problems.
cath
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 08:18 pm: [report]
The man I’m with is more than 20 years older than me. He doesn’t look it. Age is all relative, its how you feel, not the number you are.
abbylyn
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 10:39 pm: [report]
I think your tortured soul friend is pretty much brilliant.
Lex
wrote on November 12 2008 @ 12:06 am: [report]
My problem with dating older guys has always been this sort of catch-22: If a guy is say, 35 and appropriately mature for his age (settled in a career, seeking a solid relationship, maybe wants kids and a family, etc) then he and I have no business dating; we’re in two utterly different life phases and our wants/needs do not align. On the other hand, if a guy is 35 and immature for his age, then we’ll probably get along great! We can talk about the new season of South Park and how our moms are always totally ragging us and our exes are acting crazy again. But I usually find that, over time, I lose respect for this kind of guy because one day, I wake up and go: “S***. You’re a grown-ass man who acts like a little boy.”
Furthermore, if you’re still acting 22 by 35, then you’re probably still going to act 22 at 36…and 37…and 38…and so by the time I’ve matured to the point where I’ve actually got a solid career, am done with the game-playing time, want kids, etc. you’re probably going to still be thinking that milk crates are an acceptable form of furniture. Not going to work, buddy. Sorry. FutureMe can do way better than that.
ClatieK
wrote on November 12 2008 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
Amen to that, Lex! I love it.
I have this theory that guys freak out before their 30th birthday, so I try to avoid guys who are in that 28-29 range. Since I’m 29 (but closer to my 30th b-day than my 29th), dating younger puts the man in that freakout range.
And as for dating older, I tended in the past to get along well with guys who were about 6-7 years older. But now that means that if I’m looking for a never-married, no kids guy, what does that say about him if he’s still in that category at age 37? Sigh. I’m horrible, I know.
gillybeans
wrote on November 12 2008 @ 02:19 pm: [report]
The main problem with a much older man are the pop culture differences. Like, if you said you wanted to go see M.I.A perform at McCarrren park pool and he was like, ‘Who? No darling, let’s go see Phil Collins in the Genesis reunion tour!’ Also, he might call his jeans dungarees.
BKjazzed
wrote on November 13 2008 @ 11:38 am: [report]
I agree with gillybeans. Not only are pop culture differences important, but memories are important. I can have a more meaningful conversation with someone who grew up in the same era as me.
ghotisgirl
wrote on November 14 2008 @ 09:12 am: [report]
I totally got lucky,I am 33 and my boyfriend is 23.He is more mature than any other man I dated close to my age.With him I feel younger,I play games with him and my kids,we love the same music,and we are both night owls. He is financially stable already,continuing college online and has a full time job.He comes home every night and is faithful to me.He treats my kids as they are his own,one is 12 and the other is 9.He has done more for them than their father has.I am certainly not letting this one go anytime soon!
Now don’t get me wrong,I had issues in the beginning with our age gap,but he has changed my views on that.I have issues with low self-esteem and insecurities,and the age gap was making it worse.BUT..you can’t help who you fall in love with.He has made it quite clear that he is happy where he is,who he is with and has no intentions of going anywhere.WHEW!
I worried I was “taking away his youth”,but he is happy,which in turn makes me happy.Age gaps such as this aren’t for everyone,I was just very blessed in finding him!
burekbeba
wrote on November 15 2008 @ 12:02 am: [report]
Just remember The Rule: Half your age plus seven. That’s as low as you should go… Which means my business partner is off limits to me until he’s 30, which is 7 more years from now. Do the math. :D
Atryus
wrote on November 17 2008 @ 12:55 am: [report]
I have a standard rule about dating women older then me, closer to my age then my mothers age, which puts the limit at 8 years older…
andrewdolan
wrote on December 2 2008 @ 07:58 pm: [report]
About five million men in the United States are married to women four or more years older than themselves, and 183,000 are married to women twenty or more years older than themselves(!). 34% of the women ages 40-69 in a 2003 AARP survey date men younger than themselves. [Source: “How To Date Older Women,” 2008, ISBN: 9781435720732]
Godsavedbest4last
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 03:55 am: [report]
My ex-husband was 6 years older than me. I have been blissfully married to a man who is 9 years my junior for over 7 years now. He was 31 and I was 40 when we got married. Tall dark and handsome with no vices, no previous marriages or children. Great provider and legally adopted my (at the time) 4 year old son. I had 2 late teen girls at the time and yes I felt self conscious at first. Don’t EVER let age get in the way unless it is an Ivana thing where ego has to prove a point. We truly love each other. Also, women usually live 8-15 years longer than men. So,kicking the bucket within a few years of someone is better than pining away broken hearted for decades, as my poor mother does (my father was 10 years OLDER than she is) and she never re-married. I am living proof it works if it is for the right reasons and compatibility is there in everything major. You still have to have similar interests but that appies to any relationship.
burnnotice
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 03:36 pm: [report]
OK, your comments may be tough to take but I gotta ask. I’m a woman who has always dated a variety of men in my own age group. I’ve had a very unusual life all over the world and am now 55. I recently met a 21 year old man who is incredible. I find that I am really attracted to him and I think he may feel the same. Just from curiosity I would love to sleep with him, no strings attached, and I think my sexual experience and his (assumed)stamina would make for a great time in bed. Do you all think I’m a total perv or what? Should I just get a grip on my imagination and let the fantasy go?
tigerlily51111
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 10:39 pm: [report]
Burnnotice should go for it! If he is legal and he is into you why not! I have been told by my 21 year old stepson and a whole lot of his friends that they think it is a fantastic idea. Nothing like getting an “advanced diploma” they said!