Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Do You Google Stalk Your Dates?

EastCoastMale
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 12:34 pm: [report]

hmmm…cant say I have or would. Rather not ruin the surprise and keep my sanity while I am at it. =)

Mackenzie
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 01:19 pm: [report]

I have friends that do this, but it’s usually just when they meet a guy and want to find out if he’s single or hitched or has kids.
I have one friend in particular who facebook/myspace stalks people we went to school with—like A LOT. She is like a human tabloid, reporting to me about who’s together, who’s breaking up, who’s fat, who’s preggo. It’s funny but admittedly a little creepy.

mikeyellenlee
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

I think this is just ridiculous.

Lisa Marie
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

I always Google stalk people I date.  Extensively.  I used to not even care, but then I found out that my ex-husband had spent time in jail for lewd conduct with a minor and the guy I had dated post-divorce had been arrested for kidnapping and false imprisonment.

So, yeah.  Now I utilize Google to the fullest extent.

Alison Wonderland
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]

If you’ve put it on the internet it’s fair game.

retro chic
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]

With Alison. The Internet is 411 public access, like a digital Library of Congress… but with lots more “congress.” And my Native American Google screen name is: “Goes thru life with eyes open.”

Shasta
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 05:46 pm: [report]

I’m so conflicted.  If you put it out there it’s fair game.  Plus, pre-Google, we all snooped.  Just not electronically.  However, Googling before the first date seems to ruin the fun.

OK.  Not only does it ruin, sometimes after a few drinks you can’t remember what he told you and what Google did.

Amelia - a followup please. How do you stalk without appearing to have stalked?

Keesh Mia
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 06:53 pm: [report]

I am soooo skeptical about this. Not many men have the courage to fess up.  I’ve dated men that admitted they’ve Googled me after they feel so comfortable with me. Ultimately, it’s always bad news because they are always creepy in their own way and mostly all were possessive. Surprise?

YouKnowYouLoveMe
wrote on April 21 2009 @ 08:55 pm: [report]

I google-stalk, facebook-stalk, twitter-stalk, and do a quick criminal background check (the perks of law school).

HitOrMissJudy
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:10 am: [report]

The most uncomfortable date I ever had was with a guy who had google-stalked me so extensively that he started quoted me TO me over dinner. I would start telling him a story and he would finish it for me. Ruined some of my best material!

Diana Vilibert
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:18 am: [report]

Thanks for the shout-out, Amelia!

As for the guys…I call shenanigans! Not to say your guys are lying, but I think guys are more prone to it than it might seem from these responses. I would say over half of men I’ve dated have ‘fessed up to Googling me on the first date, and a good chunk have those have went on to ask questions/make comments on what they found—-which, like in Amelia’s case, is a lot. Am I alone in not finding it creepy to bring up though? If the guy himself isn’t creepy and makes a joke out of it, then I think it’s kind of funny.

That said, although over half of guys I know Google-stalk, EVERY SINGLE girl I know does it. Maybe it’s in our nature to be more aware of/on guard from potential creepsters?

As for looking at someone’s FB being OK and Googling being weird or “snooping”—no way! What you put out there online is public, whether it’s on your Facebook page, your blog, a message board, etc. You can say/hope/wish it’s different, but that doesn’t make it true.

Naneenya
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:23 am: [report]

I agree that if it’s put online, it’s fair game - I frequently Google-stalk myself to make sure there’s nothing incriminating or embarrassing on my “Google Resume”. 

Google stalking is no different than asking another person “Hey, what do you know about him?”  Except, that your Google results can be self-controlled. (to an extent)  Much better, in my opinion.

But, then again, maybe I’m flattering myself thinking that my potential dates care enough to e-stalk me.

Abraham Lloyd
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]

Ladies, don’t forget that regardless of what you know or how much you find out—there’s etiquette to follow regarding how much of your new found information you can initially share with your date without making him feel uncomfortable.  Remember that you’re Googling him so that you can make a decision about seeing him; not so that you can show him how how smart you are or how much you know about him.  The latter is kind of creepy, to be honest.  No man is going to be impressed because you know a lot about him.  If anything, it will make you look approval-seeking and possibly needy (men hate needy; hate it).

If you feel compelled to drop a clue that you looked him up, do it with something obvious that is easy to explain.  Refrain, though, from quoting his work history, where he went to school, or stories about his youth.  They may be public details because they are on the internet, but they do have a private connotation; he did not share them with you - yet.  You only have one opportunity to make a first impression; is that the impression you want to make?

Naneenya
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

For me, it goes without saying that I would never share anything I found online.  There’s no need to outwardly discuss something that he didn’t feel compelled to bring up on his own (in person).  In my case, “Google-stalking” is part of having a crush on someone.  Kind of a “we’re not on the phone/texting/emailing right now, but I want to know about him! *7th grade squeal!*”

Then again, I’m pretty sure I have no idea how to date -

kannf1982
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]

I think it’s fair to do, but you’ve got to remember to keep separate what you found out from the person, and what you found out by your internet search…I had a guy bring up a couple facts about me that I knew I had not yet mentioned, such as my somewhat obscure bachelor’s degree.  I dont think he realized that mere chitchat was revealing to me exactly what he had looked up on my facebook, or google, or linked in. I guess it’s flattering that someone is that curious but at the same time, you do run the risk of showing a few cards you shouldn’t without even realizing it…or realizing it after the fact and kicking yourself.

jadeycakes
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]

It’s so weird, I’ve never thought about Googling anyone, ever.  I check out their Myspace once and a while, but that’s about it.  Now they have trackers so I stay far away from it all.

One Big Voice
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:25 pm: [report]

@Alison Wonderland - What if someone else puts it on the net? There used to be a pic of me on someone else’s web page that they put up without my consent (since removed). That site would be the first on any search of my name. Now that it’s gone, there’s absolutely nothing on my “google resume”, and that’s the way I like it. My frisky profile is only #2 for “One Big Voice” ... damn you Sarah Connor!

I Yahooed a girl once, but felt bad after, like I had invaded her privacy. I was careful not to bring up anything I’d learned in conversation.
It seems to me like women are way more comfortable snooping. Not just googling, but also searching a guy’s computer, e-mail, internet history, cell phone logs/bills, etc. Why is that?

Abraham Lloyd
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]

@OneBigVoice I think women are more comfortable with the idea of Google stalking than men are because they spend more time qualifying members of the opposite sex.  Women are constantly being approached by men.  With this attention comes the responsibility of having to weed out who to spend time with, and who to say “thanks, but no thanks” to.  Google-stalking is another tool to aid them in this process.  Men, on the other hand, have usually made a decision about their interest in a women by the time they approach her.  Google stalking at that point seems less important than seeing what happens.

shannac02
wrote on May 5 2009 @ 07:06 am: [report]

Sooo… I have one to add to the pot:
I met a guy at a bar, blah blah blah, we talk, we text, he finally asks me out. Before we ever go out, he says he’s looking to buy a house, and I, of course, am in the Real Estate business, so, I offer to look up some houses and send the links to his e-mail. Now, Call me crazy, but I never had his last name, before I got his e-mail address, So I did a little Google search and found out that he is a CONVICTED 2nd Degree RAPIST that will have to be a registered sex offender for LIFE. Now, I’m quite the forgiving person, but I CANNOT go there! Google could have possibly saved my life… I say possibly, because it most likely would have been my .9 mm that would have saved me if anything would have gone down.
Food for thought, Ladies.