Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Do You Require Domestic Skills In A Partner?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Tuesday August 26th 2008
Watching Mad Men has made me slightly nostalgic (well as “nostalgic” as I can be for an era in which I wasn’t even a zygote) for the days when people drank at 9am (at work too!), men wore suits every day, and women rocked brooches and perfectly coiffed up-do’s. But it also has made me think about traditional gender roles, particularly the role of the woman in the home—cooking, cleaning, attending to the social calendar, and raising the children. Now that women are largely active and succeeding in the work force, “women’s work” has become something that a lot of women don’t want to do, have to do, or know how to do. While I love to cook and cleaning is my OCD vice, I can’t sew to save my life and wouldn’t know what to do when it came to making a table centerpiece. Catherine can’t cook and doesn’t have an interest in learning—but because so many of our mothers still fit these roles when we were growing up, do modern men still expect their future wives to nurture in the same way, despite having careers outside the home? In a nutshell, will Catherine’s future hubby be letdown when she tells him, “Sorry mister, I am not going to learn how to cook your mother’s famous tuna casserole”? I decided to ask the guys on my IM whether they still expect modern women to be “domestically skilled”.
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Catherine
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 11:08 am: [report]
*NOTE: It’s not that I don’t want to learn how to cook (and I actually can cook certain things), I just don’t want to cook meat. Sorry.
Leigh Raines
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 11:42 am: [report]
my fear of cooking meat is probably the reason i order in or go out to dinner every night and have no money
Annika Harris
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
My mom actually cooked homemade potato chips, bread, etc. when I was young. She was the homemaker and breadwinner because she was a single parent. But I have absolutely no desire to cook. I’ve been blessed with a father, male best friend and boyfriend that all enjoy cooking, so to me cooking has become man’s work.
atlgirl
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 02:39 pm: [report]
@Annika: I’m with you! Cooking is definitely the man’s work in my relationship, and I love and appreciate it. I do the cleaning/decorating.
par3
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
in the US telling your bf a few dates in you are a terrible cook is kooky and cute! in europe, telling a man you can’t cook basically demeans your life as a woman. i’m serous.
AC
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 01:46 am: [report]
Do any 20-something women actually know how to cook? Seriously, I’ve lost count of the number of past and present girlfriends and/or female friends that lack the basic skills necessary to cook a simple meal.
In contrast, I’m reasonable skilled in the kitchen and take pride in my cooking. It’s enjoyable. Of course, the bonus is that I cook for my girlfriend and, in turn, she does the dishes. Seems like a fair trade.
Amelia
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 06:34 am: [report]
@AC I can cook, but I can cook because I wanted to learn and I enjoy it too. And everyone knows food taste better when the cook made it with love.
oogabooga
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 07:06 am: [report]
who wants to cook with love for me? any takers?
bunnymatic
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 07:09 am: [report]
i’m 25 and love the entire domestic female role especially cooking! also, although i plan on becoming a lawyer in the future, i do still look/desire the alpha male types. it’s strange.
i grew up in a household where mom did 90% of the cooking (it’s one of the reasons my first love is “good food”) and i believe i’ll end up doing the same. i don’t see anything wrong with it, i wouldn’t mind if my partner pitched in, but i’d definitely prefer to assume the domestic role.
i think it’s really important that the conversation opened up the concept of each of the genders assuming roles/activities of the opposite gender. i think this is extremely important towards the advancement of gender equality. a lot of my friends look at me as if i have a third eye when i tell them that i offer to split a bill or even foot an entire bill on a date. hey, if both of us are working hard for our money, isn’t it up for fair grabs, who foots a bill? the same can be said for household chores and cooking. in the end though, i’d still prefer to be the Bree. :]
Budlight Lime Gal
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
My boyfriend cooks as well. I clean b/c it’s a fair trade. I do dishes… okay the dishwasher tech. does it
Elle
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 08:02 pm: [report]
Part of me thinks that women who do fulfill some part of the “traditional” role, be it cooking or cleaning, etc, tend to be the ones that are asked to be married at a younger age vs. their counterparts. I mean the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach right?
Now I could be talking out of my ass completely here, but that’s just what I’ve observed in my circle of friends. Maybe it’s the whole “nesting” aspect in the females that the guys are attracted to.
I was raised to know how to cook and clean. I’ve recently taught myself how to mend clothes by hand too. I fully intend to teach my children (male & female) how to take care of the house because I find it strange when people don’t know how to do these basic things. You can’t eat out every day for the rest of your life and if you do bless your heart because you must have a lot of money.
That being said, my husband cooks AND cleans as well and I find it a huge turn on in a way. I knew he was a keeper when I discovered that.
Lynn
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 09:37 pm: [report]
I’m domestic in some ways, but not others. I rock at baking, and I love to do it. I like having a boyfriend around because then I can bake to my little heart’s content and always have someone who will eat it. I’ll pass along desserts and bread, and I hope that he appreciates it. But the minute he *expects* it of me, we have a problem. I do it because it’s my thing. Not for him. He’s just a nice disposal system, really.
And I wish I could cook “real food” and sew, and I give it my best shot, but I always end up with crap from both. So any husband of mine had either be OK with the simplest meals in the world (who wants spaghetti again?) or be willing to help out. Oddly, I WISH my (hypothetical) husband could expect these things of me, because I guess they feel more practical than my baking desserts and breads all the time, but I disappoint *myself* so I’d be no good for someone who really valued that.
Oh, and I CAN clean and do laundry well. But now, while I’m single, it’s just a matter of my not wanting to. Still can’t decorate, though. I moved into my house over a year ago and almost all the furniture, decorations, etc. are exactly the same as when I moved in (it was my late aunt’s house, so I moved in and basically got all her junk).
But I have to say, I LOVE when a guy is handy around my house or with my car. I can’t help it. I’m sure it’s because my dad did all of that growing up. When someone fixes my car or whatever, I feel really taken care of and secure.
atlbf
wrote on August 28 2008 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
I think if you enjoy what you do, then it doesn’t matter which sex takes on what role. Maybe we should all just be more complimentary to our partners? When my gf tells me I did a great job cleaning up the yard, or hanging a picture…I go looking for more…having domestic skills is definitely a turn on regardless of your gender.
Michelle
wrote on August 30 2008 @ 02:00 pm: [report]
Thanks.. sometimes I need articles like these to remind me of the positives I have in being gay.
Though I still have a lot of envy toward straight women. They can always have sex with a kinder, wiser, more attractive person than them whenever they want because they have the only vagina. Now that’s power.
UPPER DECK
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 04:04 am: [report]
I clean as if trained by Intel.I cook quite well.One of my companies is a clothing business…so I’m handy enough with needle & thread.I know my way around a TIG welder too.I need women for?!...S-E-X.
HW
wrote on September 3 2008 @ 04:55 am: [report]
Oh wow… I cook, clean, knit, sew, do the laundy, bake (bread and such), tidy up, sometimes ensure his shirts are ironed and go to college too!
Hmm, I’d be worried if I couldn’t do these things. He doesn’t especially ask I do any of these things and would probably much prefer it if I had a job. ;D
FabulousJoi
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 08:56 am: [report]
I wouldn’t say that I’m “domestically challenged.” I know how to cook the simple things; leave the complex items to my mother and sister. I can sew a button, do laundry and change a tire. That’s about it.