30 Things Women Think About During Sex
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
sex
11:30AM, Friday October 30th 2009
Women try to stay focused during sex. We really do! Some nights our minds wander to more mundane things in life; other nights we get a little existential. Can you really blame us for not being fully present every second? We’re busy women with work, friends, a softball league, and seven seasons of The West Wing to watch! After the jump, 30 things women think about during sex ... you know, other than how your big boy is rocking our world right now.
- I wonder who is on “The Daily Show” tonight?
- I can’t do this with my dog watching.
- Yes! Yes! Yes! Right there!
- Ow! Slow the hell down! What the hell are you doing?
- It’s cold in here.
- What am I going to wear tomorrow?
- I should not have had so much to drink.
- Did he hear me just queef?
- Ugh, I hate condoms.
- Was I wearing lipstick? Is there red lipstick all over everything? F**k, there’s probably red lipstick all over everything.
- His roommate totally heard that.
- That’s not the clitoris, darlin’.
- This reminds me of that time I slept with Brian ...
- Was it really necessary to wipe the excess lube on your hands on the pillowcase where I was going to lay my head?
- Crap, I have to wash some laundry.
- I wonder if this makes me your girlfriend?
- I’m Belle from “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl,” you’re one of my clients, we’re in a lush luxury hotel, we just sipped the finest champagne and now I’ve shown you my thigh-highs ...
- Do I look cute from this position?
- Maybe I should use my vibrator. Would that freak him out?
- I hope he does that thing again where he ...
- Do I even know this guy’s middle name?
- I wonder if I can have more earth-shattering orgasms than this?
- God, why hasn’t he come yet? I’m bored.
- I remembered to take the Pill this morning, right?
- Wow, $78 spent at Victoria’s Secret and it’s in a pile on the floor in less than 60 seconds.
- Is that my G-spot? Is that my G-spot?
- I hope we can get this over with so I can go to sleep.
- Hey, you didn’t pay for dinner and I still f**ked you.
- You have a completely ridiculous O-face.
- I’m cooooooooooming!
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whatsername
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
should i put my hair up or leave it down?
SCRMOM
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]
He better not make me squirt - I really don’t want to have to change the sheets before going to sleep.
brandyalexander
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:51 am: [report]
haha, yes to numbers 16 and 29.
bethlynn00
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:53 am: [report]
31. Geez, how many times am I going to have to guide you to the right hole?
32. Is that pee? Do I have to pee?
33. Damn I should have taken my glasses off before we started, now I’m going to have search for them, and I can’t see without my damn glasses, so it’s going to take forever, ugh….
34. He better not throw the condom against the wall when we’re done!
35. I could had a V8…
C.Munro
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
I think No. 27 rather frequently myself.
2. is a mood killer. Keep the pets locked out.
Our version of 4 is, “Ow! Bad angle! Ow!” If I’m thinking 7, sex is probably not happening. 11 and 16 cross our minds too. 23 is closely related to 27.
sunara_rayne
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:02 am: [report]
31. Hurry up..I have to pee
32. Hurry up..you’re starting to sweat and it’s getting my bed soaked!!
33. Damn…he just f**king moved/ changed positions..now I totally lost it..I’m not gonna cum…Damn it!!! Ok, hurry up then let’s get it over with…
34. I just came!! (Finally!!!) Now hurry up and get it over with..you’re sweaty and now I want to go to the bathroom…
35. What time is it??
36. What day is it?? Did I miss my show??
37. Hey..hey..heyyyyy!!!!! what the hell are you tryna do back there???? That’s NOT where it goes!!!
37. Pleeease catch it all!!
lilmissA
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]
@bethlynn00 LOL! too funny! I love 31 and 32!
lostrun
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]
@bethlynnoo..love 31, but you know, i often think that they KNOW where they’re aiming, but hope we don’t notice!
esmee
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]
Ah dogs…if only watching was all mine ever did. He goes nuts if he even sees people hugging. Strangers on the street even!
There should be no touching—ever! as far as he’s concerned.
hlh22
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
Love #31 - I don’t understand how after 5 months, he still doesn’t get in there without help.
cooldad
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
I usually get the opposite of 4 (which is a version of 27)
Also, it seems like the minute we start (this is probably a married thing), she starts talking about plans for the next day, who’s going to pick up the kids up where, what one of her clients did, ...
A.J.R.
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
Yeah, #2…
Luckily our dog has pretty much learned to stay off the bed while mommy and daddy are uh…close-hugging. Unfortunately, I think she’s also learned to recognize daddy’s “I’m finished” sounds and as soon as I collapse on top of my wife, she jumps up and gets all licky.
impoddity
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]
#38: Longer is not necessarily better, sweetheart. Please hurry up and finish; I’m starting to chafe.
#39: I really hope he washed his hands/trimmed his nails first.
#40: Great job Sherlock, you’ve found the little man in the boat, finally! Now don’t forget, there is a boat to focus on as well.
claw
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]
@ whatsername -
Yes! So many times I’ve looked at the hair tie lying on the nightstand and wondered if I should stop grinding away for a second to reach over and tie my hair back. Decisions, decisions!
*sam*
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 03:17 pm: [report]
#41: can he tell that I’m totally not into this right now?
#42: oh crap, did I remember to set the alarm?
#43: OMG, if you stop ONE more time to change positions, I am going to KILL you!!!
#44: he does realize that my clit is about the only reason I cum right? because that is NOT doing it for me…
#45: wait, how many times have we done this week now?
abbieonline
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]
lol so true, and staying focused is so very, very hard.
Pipi
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]
Oh yeah what I think most often is #13. And then the 2nd top thought is “Do I have to pee? Oh man he needs to hurry up because so I so have to pee”
Pipi
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]
Opps I meant 23!!!!
Laurel
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
#46 Mmmm I bet Richard Thompson does more with those fingers than play guitar
#47 Harder!
#48 Eeep slow down!
majicksand
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
#46: Damn, do you think the kids can hear us?
#47: Did I turn the oven off?
#48: Did I turn the coffee pot on?
#49: What the hell was that? Are the kids awake?
#50: What time is it? I’m never gonna get up on time!
#51: Is he gonna be offended if I read a few chapters when we’re done?
Knitter79
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 04:15 pm: [report]
5 and 25 are big with me. I’m always cold, which is partly why I want to keep the lingerie on as long as possible! 27 happened a lot with my ex, as well as ‘hurry up, your boney hip is hurting my thigh!’. The worst, ‘this position feels like I’m at the gyno.’
jadoremode
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 09:56 pm: [report]
52. Okay, I have 3 more hours until work…how LONG is this #&@$% going to be.
53. Ugh, wtf, why is he out of me and trying to finger me?
54. This guy watches too much porn.
55. Ew, sweat just dripped on me.
kittiekat
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 12:34 am: [report]
56. (If I hadn’t already had anything to eat) I’m hungry.
57. I need another drink.
secretsquirrel
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 07:55 am: [report]
#2 is hysterical cuz I have to keep my dog out of the room. I found out 2 weeks ago that she is a sympathy moaner! She was curled up in a ball on the floor, totally out of the way and I forgot about her. I start getting vocal and I hear this noise. “What is that? Is that me? Do I make those sounds??” As it progresses, I realize it’s my dog OOOOoooooOOOOOooooing along with me.
Now, she is on the other side of the door!!
ImDaMan
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]
I hope he likes my new haircut
EricaB
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]
My sex life is dominated by quickies, so I really don’t have time to think of too many other things, LOL. #8 happened last night, but unfortunately #30 did not. ;o) It was still good though.
EricaB
wrote on October 31 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]
Forgot to say, I love a fellow girl who can drop an f-bomb or two.
anne@@@
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]
56. man i hate it when he wants to do this when the baby in here sleeping!
57. i hope i dont get peg. again the baby is only 5 months old and it ant like he takes care of him at all!
58.thank god its over!!
troisheures
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 01:40 am: [report]
I once asked my boyfriend what he thought during sex. He just looked at me strangely and said “I dunno. Yes? Yay? You think?”
That common or was he just mindless?
BlueVibe
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:31 pm: [report]
“History Channel is SO corny.”
We need to leave the TV off, obviously.
Gingee
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]
*Laughing*
#23 Yep. Been there and thought, “Why is he taking so long? Hurry up and get it over with. This is boring.”
majicksand
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 01:29 pm: [report]
@troisheures: Completely common. That’s why they hate the, “what are you thinking?” question.
JackieO
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]
LOL #23!!!
IrishErin
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]
I have, on more than one occasion, had to stop myself from screaming “WHEN I SAY DON’T STOP I MEAN DON’T #&@$% STOP YOU IDIOT! DON’T CHANGE POSITIONS BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT WILL BE BEST. THIS IS BEST. BECAUSE I JUST SAID IT WAS! WHYYYYY WOULD YOU STOP? IT’S GONE NOW. AND NOT COMING BACK. YOU’VE RUINED IT. GODDAMMIT!” followed by swinging at his face. It can be so incredibly frustrating.
MusiqalYo
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:54 am: [report]
LMAO @ #23 first of all and I know its not just me that does this but sometimes I vision myself in a totally different place not because I’m bored but it just pops in my mind and it’ll be somewhere extrememly random like a mall I haven’t been to in forever, lol.
onewriter
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:17 am: [report]
well, this was enlightening. with my ex i would do the bills in my head etc. with my SO, I have no mind during sex. just what he is doing with me. that’s all.
majicksand
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 10:07 am: [report]
@onewriter: I was actually thinking about some of these posts myself. We started with lighthearted jokes, but it’s started to get really negative.
Just so you guys all know, we ladies are not always pissed off, disinterested, and desperate for you to “hurry up and finish.” Though I do occasionally find my mind wandering, I’m usually thinking things that would make a porn star blush. I am physically unable to verbalize most of it, much to my husband’s chagrin, but it’s there in my mind. There just aren’t enough functioning braincells to form the thoughts into intelligible words. The porn star thoughts melt into moans, screams, and the occasional “Oh God!”
SCRMOM
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]
@majicksand: ITA, but I do think a lot of the negative comments are meant in jest. Sometimes I will add a comment to a post on this site to be shocking and/or funny and/or to mock a stereotype about women. I’m sure not everyone “gets it”, though. (Case in point - the choice of my screenname on this site.)
onewriter
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
@majicksand yes!! it’s in my head…if at all, but I’m not able to articulate anything other than that either…at least he doesn’t seem to mind, and on the plus side, I seem to remember a post about a girl who was like a drill sargeant…at least I’m not like that either…lolol I guess if you’re with the right man, all is well.
troisheures
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]
@majicksand Ahh, yes. Of course. It really was funny though, how shocked he was at the fact that I thought during it.
purplerose
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 03:03 pm: [report]
7, 23 and 27 hahahahha agreeed.
Hilarious.
impoddity
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 05:19 pm: [report]
@jadoremode: #54: I have thought this on more than one occasion, sadly.
Shriekback68
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 11:08 pm: [report]
FYI, ladies: men’s minds wander just as much as yours do during sex.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 4 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
@shriek - actually im pretty focused on whats going on… id lose wood if my mind wandered.
ayonali
wrote on November 8 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
#51 - Luckily I’m with someone who enjoys books just as much as I do. Good add!^_^
Ms.Bubbles
wrote on November 11 2009 @ 09:40 pm: [report]
AMEN IrishErin AMEN!