The Five Most Important Things You Should Know About: Crabs

Oh my god, CRABS. Aren’t they beautiful?
1. Pubic lice aka crabs, do not have feet. They have CLAWS, hence the whole crab thing. Without feet they can’t actually walk across any surface, but they do sort of swing from hair to hair. Like a tiny, tiny Tarzan, if you will.

2. Lice is plural, louse is the singular. A lice egg is called a nit. A baby louse is called a nymph. Flirty! Oh and an adult louse is about the size of this circle: O. Gah-ross.

3. Crabs love a good, warm body to cling on to and can’t survive long without one, which is why the chances of getting lice from an infected person’s sheets or toilet seat are pretty low. That said, you probs should break out the bleach if you’re chillin’ with anyone with a crazy case of the crotch monkeys.

4. Crabs are usually found in the genital area, nestled amongst the hair (so this is why porn stars go bald…), but they can also be found in other areas of course hair, like the armpits, facial hair, legs, eyebrows, and even eyelashes. One of my roommates in college got crabs, and as a precaution I applied the crab-killing shampoo all over his back hair. What can I say, I was a good friend.

5. Speaking of getting rid of the nasty buggers, it’s actually pretty easy. After all, crab infestation is rampant and common! You use the same shampoo used to kill head lice (we’re sure your mom still has a bottle on hand from when you were a dirty little rugrat), wash and dry the hell out of your clothing and sheets, and inform any of your sexual partners, to be polite. Oh, and abstain from sex until the little buggers are gone. [Center For Disease Control]