“The Virgin Daughters” Examines The Creepy Purity Movement

cattgirl813
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]

How come whenever I’ve seen or heard reports about purity balls and virginity pledges, it’s always been fathers and daughters?  Are we really willing to teach our girls that the greatest gift they can offer to a spouse is virginity?  Why is chastity and sexual control always the responsibility of the female?  Something about the chastity movement smacks of female repression to me.

WinkyFace
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]

This is kind of a creepy concept. I can understand if you’re staying pure for yourself, but to do it for your father… that just screams “Creepy Joe Simpson” to me.

But, I do think the show paints a pretty fair picture of purity. What comes to mind when I hear about these purity pledges are really weird, socially awkward girls (from my experience), but those girls seem really normal.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:47 am: [report]

Yup, double standard.

vanya
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]

I find it particularly intriguing in our geographic area, the purity movement also has a very short meet & marry period. 

It’s extremely commonplace for those (at least in this area) who adhere to the purity movement, to marry within 3 months of meeting.

IIRC, divorce stats are higher in conservative Christian groups than in the general population.

vanya
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:50 am: [report]

ITA it’s a double standard. I know this same group is trying to push Integrity Dinners for mothers & sons, but they haven’t caught on.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:52 am: [report]

@Gabby1: Burkas for everyone!

joyy
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]

Creepy for sure.  If someone wants to choose to stay a virgin til marriage - why don’t they just make that pledge to themselves?  The creepiest part of this to me is that they pledge it to their fathers.  *shudders*

sportzriter13
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]

I understand if someone wants to wait for marriage, but this goes far overboard. I wound up not waiting, but by not being pushed into virginity, I was prepared and used protection when I gave it up(had chosen to wait for marriage, but a bad engagement made me rethink).
This does stink of feminine opression-why can’t the girls make their own choices or have their moms more involved? My mother and I are very close, and she’d be the one I’d go to on this kind of issue, not my Dad.
I appreciate having parents who trust my judgement enough that I can make those decisions on my own, and a father who doesn’t feel he needs to “protect” me from myself.

joyy
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]

@sportzriter13 - but if the girls aren’t brainwashed into thinking they need their father to protect them from themselves, how else will the family accomplish the father-worship these girls are demonstrating ????  After all, this is America - fathers DO have the right (nay, a duty) to brainwash their daughters into total submission, don’t they?  (/obvious satire)

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]

@Sportzriter13 Next they will want to circumcise them too. (/Obviously horrible idea, but needed to be brought up more often to keep it in people’s consciousness)

sportzriter13
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 12:40 pm: [report]

@ joyy-true, you’re right *sly wink*;) (I do appreciate your wit and sarcasm)
@CheeeeEEEEse-agreed, let’s make sure they don’t get that far! knowledge is power

retro chic
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 12:42 pm: [report]

That’s some Big Love goin’ on there, except that insults BL. Darned if the father shops at the same wig store the other daddy pedophiles do, too. Once again, Father Know Best doesn’t he? Why aren’t the role-modeling mothers “at the core” of this cult…er, movement?

writergirl
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]

Don’t most father’s want to run in the opposite direction from their daughter’s on this topic?  Mine did.  He didn’t want to know nuthin’ about me and sex and if I was having it or not and that was all well and good left my mother, thank you very much.

So “creepy” doesn’t even begin to describe it.

As for the girls themselves….I don’t understand it.  I don’t understand how you can marry someone you haven’t even KISSED?  I can see holding out on sex for marriage—fine.  But never kissed? 

How does that work?  I don’t understand.  And how do they even know what to do?  I mean really. If they aren’t allowed to kiss eachother, they sure aren’t reading romance novels, and their friends are limited to those who are in the same boat.

So really…how do they know what to do!?  To me…that’s the obvious problem right there!

missduplicity
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 01:26 pm: [report]

...Wow. I’m really glad they didn’t have these “purity balls” when I was younger, or I probably would have been attending one.

Trust me, there is no better way to guarantee that your daughter will have sexual hangups for her entire life than to make a big deal about the “gift” of her “purity.”

I seriously think that Christian fundies come up with these freakish ideas as a covert way to disprove evolution….I mean, hell, even I begin to doubt the “evolved” status of us humans when I see things like this.

nemesis1
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]

Maybe these dads just don’t want their daughters to get knocked up by 18. Oh, but I forgot - females can do whatever the want, because it’s all men’s fault.

justme
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 03:09 pm: [report]

Nemesis1
Why is it okay for purity balls for all the little girls but the boys in the same family aren’t pledging the same restraint?  Teach your daughter self respect, not daddy worship.  Teach your sons self restraint, respect and responsibility.

NdlovukaziThor
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 03:36 pm: [report]

This reminds me of a comment I heard someone make in a discussion the other day - that the best form of birth control is a woman keeping her legs closed.

So many negative implications this kind of thing winds up having on society… brainwashing, people popping out babies like clown cars pop out clowns, higher divorce rates, higher pregnancy/STD rates - for those that don’t wait until marriage, but are only “educated” about abstinence but still wind up slutting it up at some point.  Nevermind that you’ve got the clap and you’re knocked up, you let down Daddy!!

Society - always repressing (yet obsessing over) S.E.X.

writergirl
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]

@justme—

I thought boys did do these things, too….Didn’t I read something about the Jonas brothers and their purity pledge rings?

Of course, they aren’t swearing allegience to daddy….which is a huge fundamental difference.

ExGirlfriend
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 04:22 pm: [report]

since when do little girls want to marry their fathers? When I was growing up I wanted to marry John Stamos, and last I checked he was nothing like my dad.

SaraAnne
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 06:54 pm: [report]

right on, ExGirlfriend.

what if one of this guy’s daughters was lesbian? maybe some of them are. if i had the choice of marrying someone just like my father or dating women, i’d be all over the ladies.

shanka
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 07:21 pm: [report]

oh dear…i do love to be different!
many women who are promiscuous later in life didn’t have a close bond with their parents, especially with their fathers. fathers solidify how a woman thinks about herself sexually; this is well documented. even another example for this is seen in women who had absent fathers; a lot of them find themselves drawn to older men and tend to feel insecure (i mean, if dad didn’t stick around, why should any guy? trust me, i know). if a man, who presumably knows what men want, can tell his daughter “your virginity is special and only for you to give away…give it to someone worthy when you’re ready,” who can say anything negative? why is that sexual repression? our culture doesn’t esteem virginity nor those who value it so that makes it easier to call them weird or creepy. how mature!

from what i can tell, this man has all daughters…what son does he have to tell to be responsible? i agree that it, too, should be preached. the whole purity ball thing is an idea from debutante balls, which also has it’s element of creepiness: now the woman (16 yr old girl) can be presented to society as an eligible mate.

and i highly doubt that none of you think that a kiss isn’t highly arousing…i’ve heard and read so many say that it’s more sexual than sex itself. if she was already pledging herself to virginity until marriage, why would she give in to a kiss’ intimacy (especially since she wanted to remain a virgin! it’s hard enough dealing with people thinking you’re some sort of crazy, but good god! the raging hormones! the counting down of days until you can jump in the sack! it takes a lot of strength to remain a virgin, hell, even to remain true to your beliefs nowadays)?

me personally, i wanted to remain a virgin until marriage, but curiosity got the best of me (and it was horrible!! ugh…honestly it was a huge reason behind why i dumped him! lol), and i can now certainly appreciate the argument for test driving your mate! after i became sexually active, i began to have worries that i never had before and doubts i’d never experienced. it’s something that we all experienced…perhaps many of you have forgotten cause it’s been so long since your first time (and it hasn’t been for me, so it’s all fresh lol)! you don’t remember the insecurity or the embarrassment or the “oh my god i can’t believe i just had sex! even if it wasn’t like the movies at all!!”? or was i the only one? lol i doubt it. my reason for bringing that up is it’s easy now, after sexual experience, to apply the feminist logic of f*cking when you want and who you want, to not let anyone dictate your very personal sexual decisions. but that’s usually not the case the first time out; you just thought of it as IT and you couldn’t wait to experience what IT was! so before you fling your insults and your judgmental attitudes, consider this: those who wait a loooong time for IT has some serious excitement built up, just like you did, and they will surely be disappointed that first time, most likely just like you were…but there is surely something kind of magical and sweet in sharing that with someone you love, so let them have that ffs!

Meg the Conqueress
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 08:26 pm: [report]

@shanka:

I completely agree that being a virgin/waiting until marriage is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s refreshing to hear from someone who has that opinion   I’m 22 and still a virgin because I simply haven’t found anyone worth losing my V-card for.

I think what is grossing people out within the context of the article is that these girls are pledging to their fathers to keep their virginities intact…and the implications of that are more than a little weird.  It implies that the father not only owns his daughter but has a creepy interest in her sex life or lack thereof.  Girls do benefit from male role models and the father is the most important one.  However, there is a difference between a father advising his daughter to practice abstinence and one who removes the other option—safe sex—entirely.  Abstinence-only education is, for a parent, a bit like sticking one’s head in the sand.  The child will respect you far more for being straight, balanced and thorough about her options than if you make sex like some kind of forbidden fruit.  That’s where the repression comes in.  There’s also the blatant double standard at play; as others have mentioned, they aren’t making sons take the same pledge.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 08:36 pm: [report]

@Meg: Wow, 22 and a virgin because you haven’t found anyone, what the #&@$% does that say about me being 23, a guy, and still has it. It certainly isn’t admirable in my case.

portisheart
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]

I really wanted to respect these girls, but they just seem so brainwashed! Eww imagine having your first kiss on your wedding day! Not to mention sex…

misspixie
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 03:14 am: [report]

Ugh. This is so creepy. I don’t think having sex before marriage is indicative of not having a decent parental role model, either. The way that guy says “a father is everything” - geez, important yes, but not everything. What would be better is to teach the girls to think for themselves and to make informed choices. Imagine if one of them decided not to live their life this way - would their father love them less?!

nikkiwikki
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 05:31 am: [report]

Oh, this was a TLC special! I can’t remember what it was called, but “Purity” was definitely in the title. This was such an interesting program!

joyy
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 08:19 am: [report]

@shanka - I really don’t think many here would disagree that having a father who is involved in his daughter’s life is a good thing.  And saving your first time for someone you really care about and ‘giving it away’ as a deliberate, well thought out choice is also a good thing.  Parents being involved with their children and talking about sex (or the lack thereof) and being comfortable enough to discuss these things with their children - also a great thing.

But after watching that video ... it just seems way too creepy the way they daddy worship and want to marry someone just like their father.  I also have to wonder what kind of role their mother has in the family if the girls’ lives revolve so much around meeting strict standards their father sets for them. 

Again, wanting to wait til marriage in and of itself isn’t creepy or f’d up.  But the culture of what looks like brainwashing that is portrayed in the video just seems ... creepy.  I just can’t think of a better word than creepy.

shanka
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 01:22 pm: [report]

@meg, et. al

let’s be honest.

these women, and others, have grown up believing that sex is sacred. what you’re adamant to call brainwashing and repression actually relates to both the religious aspect of it growing up with this belief and actually respecting their parents; these “followers,” if you will.  “i can’t believe there still exist june cleaver-happy housewife-do what daddy says people out there!” you cry. they don’t ascribe to your lifestyle nor the prevailing mantras of society (do what you want, question authority, depend on no one), and a little part of you wonders if that’s a form of judgment, and it makes it so very easy to call them creepy and weird and immature and followers and sad. 

perhaps she trusts her father who, as a man, might have some clue as to what men really want. perhaps she’s had her sex ed class and realizes that there are safe sex options but also knows that none of them is 100% effective. not one can make that claim. except, of course, abstinence.  she likes not having the anxiety of “oh god please let my period come or let that test be negative” she grew up in a home where she could trust her parents, which is such a f’ing rarity we find it odd that it even exists and therefore we question it. so she chooses not to be brainwashed by an overly sexed culture. she chooses not to follow it’s “unquestionable, infallible reason”. instead she follows the advice of her loving parents. because before any of us had sex, we thought that sex was such a big deal. it’s only after we’ve had it do we realize it isn’t. she trusts her parents to give her good advice about this very big decision. “wait,” they say. she sees how her dad cares about her and she’s proud that her mom chose a good guy. and she chooses to honor her parents, honor her beliefs, honor herself and even honor her future mate. and she waits.

and how dare we be so condescending to call them brainwashed? oh since they ascribe to a belief system that you don’t? because they don’t want to make some of the same mistakes they see in the culture around them?? because they actually have parents they want to listen to?? that they can’t possibly be intelligent enough to make their own decisions, to decide what they want versus what their parents want? and the instant those two coincide they’re instantly labeled brainwashed.

one can very easily make the same statement about anyone with very little thought…

sailorbev
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 04:52 pm: [report]

I’m not neccissarily creeped out by this video. I mean yeah it is sort of reminiscent of a cult, but these girls seem happy! I mean look at the oldest daughters face when she talks about her wedding and kissing her husband for the first time!

But I am worried about the girls that are curious and want to decide for themselves. If one of those girls had safe premarital sex, would her father stop loving her? Or would they accept her decision and love her no matter what?

I think extremes in anything is never a good breeding ground for healthy people. Especially when the focus is on feminine sexual purity and not sexual health.

nemesis1
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 06:45 pm: [report]

shanka:

Good post. Don’t know whether or not you respect a thumbs up from me, but I thought I’d offer it anyway. The one thing I disagree with is the “what men really want” comment. Women are as sexual as men, and they want sex as much as men. Period. Don’t demonize male sexuality by way of making an argument. That’s kind of old hat. I’d be just as wrong to say “what women really want” and mention money or shoes.

The basic notion I gather is that most of the females here think that young girls should be able to do whatever they want - and that any attempt to curb their behavior is verbotten. That’s all good and well, but the rest of society is often left to pick up the pieces. Why, for example, should I pay taxes to support day-care facilities at the local high-school? Logic says that if a person is old enough to make their own decisions, they’re old enough to live by the consequences of those decisions. (I realize this notion is anathema to modern feminism and it’s social constructionist partners, but oh well.) So then, if a teenage girl is capable of making the decision to have unprotected sex and have a baby, she should be solely responsible for supporting that baby - not handing a bill over to the taxpayers.

And yet . . . modern feminism, like most systems of ‘thought’ based on cultural Marxism and liberal structuralism, is always quick to harp about ‘personal choice’ and ‘rights,’ but slow to address personal responsibility for one’s choices.

Should I also mention that most teenagers are dumb-asses who can’t see more than five minutes ahead of time? Why the hell shouldn’t they have guidance and - GASP - rules when it comes to sex or anything else? 

BTW - I often see a paranoia here against anything that promotes ‘abstinence’ in young people, as if we should actually be promoting the idea of MORE sexual activity among teenagers! Any social scientist - or person with a modicum of common sense - would tell you that’s a bad idea.

retro chic
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 08:19 pm: [report]

Interesting article and vid: Imagining another type of upbringing, I can almost squint and see the daughter in the vid as another RHW of OC family member and how those parents clone their kids.

Parenting is a form of brainwashing, is it not? It’s just disguised with more hugs and kisses all over it, with mostly good intentions.
I know my thoughts and reactions are unconsciously informed by references to my parents teachings, I can even hear their voices coming out of my mouth long after I’ve left home… “Wash your hands as soon as you get in the house!...” I, and now my daughter, almost hypnotically dash to sink to this day. So, I too can see why something like Purity values would seam automatic and normal… I just think it’s archaic, anti-woman and gross, that’s all.

@sportzriter, writergirl, joyy, and others mentioning “Where’s the mother in all this!?” I think that’s why it’s so strange to me, ‘cause it disrupts the natural role-modeling that would have taken place anywhere else in nature.

Meg the Conqueress
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]

@cheese: The fact that you still have your virginity at 23 AND are a guy means nothing negative about you whatsoever from where I stand…in fact, you defy the stereotype of guys humping anything that moves from the time they turn thirteen.  I don’t know you personally so I don’t know your reasons for remaining a virgin, but girls can get away with holding on to their virginities a lot longer than men can.  The pressure you must feel makes me cringe, but realize that there is nothing wrong with you.  Many people would probably find it refreshing.

@nemesis1: It’s not the teaching of abstinence that I disagree with.  It’s the teaching of nothing but abstinence.  Yes, teens should know that there is nothing weird about them if they decide not to have sex, and that abstinence really is the only way to be 100% sure not to get pregnant/contract an STD.  But let’s face it.  Teens have raging hormones and, with a few rare exceptions, less self-control and emotional maturity than your average tom cat.  They go where the forbidden fruit is.  If that part of human nature is present in adults, it’s increased tenfold in teens.  So the facts and consequences of sex should be set out for them in a clear, professional way.  Some would argue that telling them how to protect themselves is like giving them permission to be promiscuous, but the sad fact is, they don’t really wait for our permission to begin with.

nemesis1
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 09:02 pm: [report]

Meg the Conqueress:

“in fact, you defy the stereotype of guys humping anything that moves from the time they turn thirteen.”

That is indeed a sad stereotype, especially since most teenage boys are scared and confused as hell about sex.

“@nemesis1: It’s not the teaching of abstinence that I disagree with.  It’s the teaching of nothing but abstinence.”

So then what DO you agree with? What’s the alternative? ‘Cause it seems to me the consensus around here is, “Just do whatever the hell you want.”

“not to get pregnant/contract an STD.  But let’s face it.  Teens have raging hormones and, with a few rare exceptions, less self-control and emotional maturity than your average tom cat.”

‘Tom cat’; another negative male reference. Do they ever stop? Why do you gals hate men so much around here?

‘Raging hormones’ is more or less a euphemism for ‘Don’t know what the hell they’re doing,’ so maybe we should just use real words.

“Some would argue that telling them how to protect themselves is like giving them permission to be promiscuous, but the sad fact is, they don’t really wait for our permission to begin with.”

Actually, only an idiot would say that.

“So the facts and consequences of sex should be set out for them in a clear, professional way.”

But they ARE every day in sex ed. classes, TV shows, movies, etc, etc! People talk about this subject like no one EVER talks to teenagers about sex or they can’t go down to the local pharmacy and buy condoms, for Pet’s sake. Kids hear about the inherent risks of sex ALL THE TIME. The trouble with kids is that they don’t understand these risk, because they haven’t EXPERIENCED as many negative consequences of risk as adults have. Teenagers do not have the PERSPECTIVE of adults, and therefore cannot properly judge an ADULT activity like sex.

Honestly, most everyday folks think that kids are screwing too much and that this is causing social problems that WE ALL pay for. Leaning on the idea that it’s just ‘human nature’ is a farce. It’s also ‘human nature’ to beat your neighbor over the head and take his stuff, but there are laws to prevent this - for good reason.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 09:42 pm: [report]

@Retro Chic: They look like they belong on “The Hills” actually, strikingly beautiful (freakish actually) and totally vapid, a dangerous combination.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 09:59 pm: [report]

@Meg: The pressure I feel is not the sociological pressure you assume is placed upon the stigma of my situation, but the pressure a few inches below my belt.

I am just about incapable of it, socially, not physically, don’t get my wrong I wish people could get past all the funky hang-ups I have, and just do me (Nike don’t sue me). It’s not for a lack of trying either, it just never happened.

As you say “we would hump anything after 13” isn’t true in my case, it was more like 10. I for one can, hand on heart, say I have never had a wet dream. I have a strangely elevated sex drive, minus the sex of course, and had freakish masturbation records in my teen years. But sadly, I am much too socially awkward, perhaps even to the point of AS, to ever express this to someone I don’t know in a intimate setting, so I keep the to familiar in the odd hope that someone will come along and take me by the balls and snap me out of it (Perhaps even literally, I may like it).

LaGiulia
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]

There is so much about this video that makes me want to be all snarky. The air of self-importance these girls have, simply because no one’s ever entered their very sacred cooches. The fact that somebody might think it’s a good idea to marry a guy they’ve only known for a few months, and actually been together with for a handful of days. The fact that saving your first kiss for your wedding day means that your first kiss is going to happen in public, with about a hundred people cheering you on. The fact that being treated like “A beautiful princess” seems like the ultimate goal to these women, and God knows they’re going to be sorely disappointed.
At the end of the day, though, it’s their prerogative.

LaGiulia
wrote on April 4 2009 @ 10:22 am: [report]

(Also: since when is sex automatically “Bringing something unhealthy into your body?”)

Meg the Conqueress
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 07:04 pm: [report]

@nemesis1:

Whoa.  Let’s retract the claws here.  I respectfully disagreed with you, not ran over your grandmother, so let’s keep the “only an idiot would say that” to a minimum, shall we…especially since you didn’t attempt to qualify the name-calling with a valid reason in relation to that point.  How many teens do you know that ask their parents’ permission before they have sex? 

I really don’t know how much clearer I can be about my point: there’s nothing wrong with teaching kids about the option/benefits of abstinence.  But abstinence-only education doesn’t work.  It never has, which means there’s something, somewhere inherently wrong with the system.  Emotionally mature enough or not, teens are having sex.  Period. 

And there’s a difference between learning about sex from peers/movies than learning about sex from a class, clinic and/or parent, so let’s differentiate.  Just as there’s a difference between having sex and clubbing one’s neighbor over the head in order to steal his stuff…I’ve never had that urge myself because I’m not a psychopath, so that analogy doesn’t really work.   

Here’s a link that more thoroughly expands upon what I’m saying, if you’re interested—

http://www.populationconnection.org/Reports_Publications/Reports/dl/471

—even though it seems we’re at an impasse.  Difference of opinion, and all that.  Seems like lots of other so-called “idiots” (apparently a euphemism for the majority of the American public and those famed know-nothings we call “doctors”) have reached something of a consensus on the matter…

Meg the Conqueress
wrote on April 5 2009 @ 07:12 pm: [report]

Oh, I forgot about this:

“Maybe these dads just don’t want their daughters to get knocked up by 18. Oh, but I forgot - females can do whatever the want, because it’s all men’s fault.”

Who’s the pot calling the kettle sexist?  Funny, you don’t seem nearly as riled up about the fact that the sons have to take no such purity pledge.  Aside from the Immaculate Conception, girls don’t get “knocked up” without another equally responsible party.

daniro
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 12:43 pm: [report]

I stumbled on to this site.  As a male, I couldn’t help but notice all the sexual ads and titillating articles for women.  Having viewed the “Purity” video and then read all the obviously negative, judgmental and even some sarcastic comments, I came to the conclusion that the majority of these women commenting here were probably raised by a distant father or live in a home with a single mother or absent father.  How else can the vitriol and disgust of fathers be explained.

You can’t live in a loving family with a loving father and possess the attitudes many of these women (who are here commenting) seem to possess.

I guess that’s why they NEED this site?  To admit that waiting for marriage, respect of fathers (and mothers) are character traits worthy of emulation would only make them pause to consider their own loose morals and lack of character.  Toodle, loo!!!

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]

No self respecting guy would sign off with “Toodle, loo!!!”. Seems like your daddy issues drew you to men.

Amelia
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

@daniro Hey look, Ann Coulter’s commenting on The Frisky!

Little Lamb
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]

@ Amelia- Oh snap!!! 

Love it!

lalaland
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

Daniro,
I don’t know how you could say “You can’t live in a loving family with a loving father and possess the attitudes many of these women (who are here commenting) seem to possess.”  Considering you know next to nothing about the people who have commented above! I was raised in a very loving, attentive two parent home and am quite close with my father. Yet I couldn’t agree more that the idea of this purity pledge to your father is a bit off. They basically ignore their mother and her impact on their life/decision to remain sexually pure. I find it very hard to believe that a woman’s choices are purely determined by her father’s input.
Furthermore your judgment of peoples “loose morals and lack of character” is offensive and pointless. If you don’t like what this site is about. Don’t visit it.
Thanks

Arty
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

@Amelia
My dad is awesome. He’s very loving and supportive.
I love my dad and I love The Frisky! Yes, it’s possible! There, I said it!

Nefret
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 06:49 am: [report]

You know, if there was a Sluts Ball to celebrate girls who pledge to ‘test drive the car before you buy it’ there would be massive hand-wringing about what kind of parents let their kids discuss their sexual choices in public. I have yet to find any secular group, including my beloved Frisky that is as sex-obsessed as the conservative Christian culture - I was raised in that tradition in a loving, two-parent household, and still have a close and warm relationship with both parents tyvm Daniro, but that doesn’t stop me from recognizing that there are CLEAR boundaries between a parent/child relationship and sexual relationships. I got way more exposure to sex in youth groups and Sunday School and church (in the name of scare tactics of course) than I’ve ever encountered in the real world. We were regularly pressured to take “purity pledges” but never to our parents, that’s just way over-the-top creepy.

misspixie
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 07:08 am: [report]

@Daniro - I have been raised in a close family home - I still live at home and have a great relationship with both my parents, but my relationship choices are *my* choices, and are not to do with them and not likely to ever be.

The whole concept of purity before marriage is outmoded. It was brought about historically because women bore children, they needed to guard bloodlines etc. Fine, if you want to choose the no sex before marriage option but I don’t - I don’t want to have my choices overlaid with some ridiculous moral and religious framework and to be told that somehow because I have sex with someone I have no character (ha!). I have a Theology degree, so I have some awareness of how much the church and its teachings have continuously supressed women in this way and how its patriarchal attitude continues to do so. This whole pledging purity to your father thing just smacks of it. Ugh.

I’d probably feel better about this whole idea if the mother had asked the sons to pledge their purity to her

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 07:26 am: [report]

@Misspixie: On my mothers grave….

misspixie
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 07:48 am: [report]

@CheeeeEEEEse - hmm. Think you should just pledge purity to yourself, hon…

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]

@Misspixie: Twas a joke.

Titi
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]

@misspixie: you are absolutely correct. The historical significance of this subject has been [strangely] overlooked. Damn fine post, sister.

@daniro (aka Ann Coulter? Amelia, you crack me up!):
Sir, I was raised by my dad (my mom has been gone since I was 14). I have a wonderful father. He’s my best friend. My other BFF was my brother—my only sibling (he passed on). My padre is quite present, not distant, and very loving. I can tell him anything—and I do.
Here’s exactly why he is a phenomenal dad—he taught me to think for myself, to ask questions, and to seek knowledge. He always let me know what my options were, gave me his opinion, then told that my decisions were mine—and mine alone—to make. He educated me, but didn’t indoctrinate me. He raised me to be independent, self-sufficient, and most importantly, a feminist. He never judged me if I did things my way. I’m 28 and I still think he’s the coolest.
But there’s the difference—these poor “pure” girls aren’t experiencing life, making their own decisions, or even being given options. It’s quite sad. They don’t know any better. They live in the narrow realities created by their archaic, misogynist religion and their patriarchal families. They’ve been robbed of freedom of thought their entire lives. It’s intellectual abuse, in my opinion.

misspixie
wrote on April 9 2009 @ 02:11 pm: [report]

@Titi - cheers chick

Shali
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 01:37 pm: [report]

This is disturbing. Even looking at it objectively it seems like there’s a major male dominance vibe in all of this “purity ball” crap.

sensualmess
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 02:35 pm: [report]

Ok, why is a father in charge of his daughter’s hymen?  It belongs to the girl; it should be the girl’s.  Sounds like we have a throwback to 4th century mentality with 21st century bs.

Penthesilea
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]

Beyond the creepiness of this video, which reminds me way too much of ancient cultures practicing total seclusion of girls until their marriage (around at age 14)....

I have a friend whose conservative culture required her to preserve her virginity until marriage, and she had to marry a man she’d known only a few months because she was nearing her “expiration date” of 25.  He gave her an STD on their wedding night. She’s now dead from it.

Penthesilea
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 05:33 pm: [report]

Perhaps I should say, “had a friend”—it’s only been a couple months since she died from AIDS, and I’m still upset and furiously angry at the conservatism which both created her illness, prevented her from getting it detected early, and then condemned her for seeking treatment for it.

shanka
wrote on April 14 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]

@ nemesis1: i absolutely agree with just about everything you’ve said…it wasn’t my intention to demonize male sexuality (i, myself, am an admitted horndog…) and i can certainly see, given the majority of comments of women who frequent this site, how it sounds like i did. i’m fully aware that it takes 2 to tango, as the saying goes. i love the point you made about teenage pregnancy…let’s let them have all the freedom in the world to make the decision about sex but make it easy for them to shirk parenting responsibility. i can hear the gasps now…every female in my family, except me, had at least one child before 18 and the majority receive welfare and don’t work (hey, i know what it’s like to need a handout, so i’m not dissing needing help, but sh*t, i’m using mine to go to school! lol) so please save any argument you might have against that cause i know that situation intimately.

323Felicity
wrote on September 29 2009 @ 12:55 am: [report]

did anyone else think the dad looked a little like bruce campbell? lol. the girls in the video were really cute, they must have had a super difficult time keeping the boys away. lol. but seriously, nemesis1, not every school teaches about birth control. the school i went to, the sex-ed teacher basically told us that condoms wouldn’t prevent pregnancy. at all. which is completely stupid when that is the only thing to keep safe from stds.
of course there is nothing wrong with being a virgin and i give props to anyone who manages to stay that way until marriage. but marrying someone you barely know just so that you can have sex with them isn’t right. and not kissing or holding hands with someone you’re going to marry is really really creepy and strange. but i guess they were to busy spending all of that 3 months “getting to know each other.”
plus that purity ball speech by the girls? i couldn’t imagine saying that sort of thing to my dad. and my dad is pretty awesome, seeing as how he is the one who raised me by himself. but i would never leave my virginity up to him and i didn’t. that sounds like a throwback to when women were seen as property and given to the husband by the father. :(