The Top Unsexiest Beautiful People
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
celebs
8:50AM, Tuesday July 14th 2009
After compiling a list last month of the 20 sexiest ugly people, the editors at Nerve have just published a list of the 20 unsexiest beautiful people — “a shapely gang of cold fish for whom beauty is, sadly, only skin-deep.” The list includes the obvious names you’d expect to see on a list of people whose traditional good looks do nothing to spark even tinge of sexual charisma: Tom Cruise, Gwyneth Paltrow, and ousted Miss California Carrie Prejean, as well as a few debatable choices like Reese Witherspoon, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck (I’m sure there are quite a few right-wingers who find her sex appeal downright magnetic). As thorough as the list is, I couldn’t help but notice some glaring absences of pretty obvious names. After the jump, my pick for ten more of the world’s unsexiest beautiful people.
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1. Sarah Palin Lipstick or not, the woman is pretty vile. |
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2. Jessica Simpson Even in her "chubby" days, the woman's still beautiful, but like an ornate wedding cake, I bet she'd taste a lot cardboard. |
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3. Chris Brown No explanation necessary, right? |
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4. Lindsay Lohan Oh, Lindsay — we hardly knew ye. Even Russell Brand reportedly rejected her and that man will sleep with anything! |
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5. Christian Bale He had such potential, didn't he? I remember watching him years and years ago in "Empire of the Sun" and thinking he was a cutie back then, but after a series of PR catastrophes, including the much-publicized on-set tirade that hit the internet earlier this year, the guy's got about as much inner beauty as a lab frog. |
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6. Will Smith Something terrible happened after Will Smith took off his crown as the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Maybe it was his [UPDATE] seemingly fake marriage to Jada, or his suspicious friendship with Tom Cruise, or his inconsistent movie roles. Maybe it's simply that he's become one of the biggest douchebags in Hollywood, and though his paycheck has grown, his star — and sex appeal — has definitely fallen. |
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7. Jennifer Love Hewitt Much like Jennifer Aniston, this Jennifer's air of desperation, string of broken relationships, and [UPDATE] embracing the tabloids when they're calling her SKINNY is a major turn-off. |
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8. Renee Zellweger The woman perpetually looks like she simultaneously sucking on a lemon and nursing an allergic reaction to air. [UPDATE] Can they please make a "Bridget Jones 3"? We liked her so much better when she was goofy and had some meat on her bones. |
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9. Mario Lopez Dimples and muscles aside, this guy's got NOTHING going on. And his constant self-satisfaction is about as tolerable as four chili cheese dogs in a row. Why is he still on TV? |
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10. Kate Hudson I once had the "privilege" of waiting on this bimbo during my short stint as a barista. She was loud, self-obsessed, danced around the cafe for 15 minutes, acted surprised when she was asked to pay for her order, didn't tip, and left a big mess. |
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Honorable Mention: Ryan Seacrest He seems like a genuinely nice guy, and certainly a hard worker deserving of his success, so I wouldn't say he doesn't have redeeming qualities or that his beauty is just skin-deep, but sexual charisma? Nada, nothing, not even an ounce. |
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lilo
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
This list is so dead on. Mario, Ryan, Kate, Meh!
ChoJinn
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 09:33 am: [report]
Heterosexual male here. Wow. Is Thefrisky starting a new “pissed off” column? Sarah Palin, not indisputably beautiful, is vile? A bit strong. Any red-blooded man would do all sorts of things to Ms. Simpson, and J.L. Hewitt. Lohan is sexy, though in a slutty way, as is Hudson. The fact that this article has a serious problem with Will Smith, easily the least-offensive and universally liked entertainers of the last 25 years, whom you never hear about doing anything even regrettable, is hilarious.
Here’s a poorly-made ASCII flower for the author, please cheer up:
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GreenAura
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 09:40 am: [report]
I am also confused as to why Will Smith is on here. There was a story on MSN (maybe last year?) about the most well-liked entertainers and the top 3 were Tom Hanks, Will Smith and Tom Cruise (shocker!!), and that was based on their peers opinions. I don’t know of anything controversial about Will Smith other than his friendship to Tom Cruise (which is hardly controversial at all). Maybe replace Will with John Edwards? Afterall, cheating on your cancer-stricken wife doesn’t exactly boost your sex appeal, no matter how good looking you are.
wonder_bread
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 09:57 am: [report]
yeah u guys are just so off based with will smaith srry that was not a good reason to add him to the list his fame and sex appeal is still high in my book.
he’s become one of the biggest douchebags in Hollywood”...harsh much?? there are no real grounds for suck hostility towards him… im so disappointed in the frisky there are worse celebs out there much worse
Annika Harris
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 09:58 am: [report]
I agree about Will Smith. His friendship with Tom Cruise and school that teaches Scientology have me thinking he’s a closet Scientologist, and I wonder why he’s faking the funk—probably because he knows fans will think differently about him. After how deplorable he treated the first Aunt Viv on “The Fresh Prince,” I’m sure he’s a bit of a hypocrite who can’t stand to have anyone dancing on his set.
bumbler
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]
I don’t follow Will Smith enough to really understand his inclusion on the list. He always seems pleasant and intelligent in what I’ve seen but there could very well be stories of backstage drama that I have never heard. I would include Mel Gibson on the list as well.
@ChoJinn some men require a personality or even half a brain to be attracted to a woman. I would imagine sex with Jessica Simpson would be akin to doing it with a blow up doll. Although you may be less surprised if the blow up doll said something intelligible.
AnonyMISS
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
i don’t think will smith is sexy either. i’m not sure if it’s the bi-sexual rumors, the scientology, or what but he just doesn’t “do it” for me.
@ annika
what happened with the first aunt viv? i always hated how all of a sudden they replaced her character and moved along with the show as if no one would notice that the new aunt viv looked NOTHING like the old one. i always liked the old aunt viv better.
VannaMarie
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]
It took me a moment to process this list after I read the article. How has this concept not occurred to me before? Even the people I thought I might dispute, ended up agreeing with!
Couldn’t be more right on with Ryan Seacrest!! How can someone who has all the features to be attractive, yet, despite all efforts,I cannot bring myself to feel any sort of sexual, primal attraction to? I have never heard anyone I know say that they are attracted to him either! There has to be some reason that women’s bodies reject him?!?! Maybe he is not human…
ChoJinn
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
@Bumbler: Some people also think that by watching reality television and reading US Weekly that they know celebrities to the point where such judgment can be levied. I’m not one of those people, thankfully.
Physically, J.S. is JUST fine, and - let’s get speculative - should we someday go out on a date, I am quite confident she would be pleasant enough to not-compromise whatever physical capital she is bringing to the table. There are far, far less-sexy celebrities out there, and her inclusion in this list reeks of some latent jealousy. I can imagine the author (and many other women), deep down, whining “she’s so dumb! the only thing she has is her looks! I’m smarter than she is! why don’t guys fawn over me like they do her! oh wait, never mind!”
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
@bumbler Mel Gibson is a great one!
amylou
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
you’re right on with kate hudson. i was an extra in her movie bride wars and she was a total brat every time i saw her. she even had someone there to tie her goddam shoes.
GreenAura
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:37 am: [report]
@ ChoJinn: Many woman - hell, many people in general - dismiss Jessica as ‘dumb’, but IMO, she is actually quite smart (or is smart enough to surround herself with smart people) because she always manages to make herself somewhat relevant. Just when you think her star has faded BAM, she gains weight, drops it, says something totally asinine, her man dumps her and now she is the top celeb story of the day. Dumb? Not at all. Whether she is a PR disaster or not, she has built an empire and probably every person in the US knows her name. Besides, she is drop dead gorgeous and I don’t doubt that many people would love to get her alone in a room with some soft lighting and mood music.
powplz
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]
What’s with the JL Hewitt one? Are we really judging people by their relationship misfires? If non-famous people were being judged so harshly for failed relationships, there’d be a comment string a mile long talking about how that’s a pretty flimsy scale for judging “inner beauty.”
bumbler
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:43 am: [report]
@ChoJinn I love the “You’re all just jealous” gem that men feel the need to throw out there. Is it possible that some women actually value intelligence over appearance and wouldn’t trade places with her for all the shallow, fawning men in the world? Sorry but men who considers her looks more important than her mind or personality or at least not as important aren’t worthy of me. I have no interest in provoking the attentions of such shallow and one-dimensional men and when they do turn their attentions on me I am quick to inform them that they don’t measure up. Many women are looking for an equal and a man like that could never be one.
As for knowing her personality, any woman who would state that it is good for women to act ditzy and helpless because men like that sort of thing deserves whatever judgment is put on her.
I Go To 11
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 10:58 am: [report]
Seeing Christian Bale on here makes me sad. I’ve had a thing for him for the longest time, and part of his appeal was that he stayed out of the tabloids and basically kept to himself. However, now it looks like that’s not necessarily the case anymore. I still like his work as an actor, though, and I still like to look at him, but I’m a little disappointed at his recent behavior outside of his work.
What’s the deal with Will Smith? Did I miss something? I’d heard that part of the reason for the first Aunt Viv leaving was because she started exhibiting diva-like behavior on the set, but of course that’s speculative. I always thought Will Smith was supposed to be a nice guy in real life, at least that was my impression.
silvergurl
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
i definitely have to agree about mel gibson. ugh! he’s gorgeous but thanks to all the off-his-rocker madness, he could be #1. poor will smith; i like him. but yeah, tom cruise is a nut.
bogart4017
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]
You know how certain women or men look dirty and you wouldnt want to go anywhere near them? L. Lohan is one of them. Sorry—no matter what she puts on it looks like she needs a shower.
Oliveira
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 11:44 am: [report]
Mel Gibson: oh dear, yes. That one is sorely missing here.
Interesting tidbit about Will Smith (allegedly): http://www.kennethinthe212.com/2008/08/in-box.html
Lynn
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
I’m really confused about Will Smith too. I’ve heard the Scientology rumors, but nothing else about him puts me off. His marriage has always seemed one of the most genuine in Hollywood, and he carries himself and his fame well. I’d do him.
BlueVibe
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
I vote for Matthew McConaughey, and I’d vote for Gwyneth Paltrow except that, mercifully, she’s been out of the public eye for awhile now. What a pair of mindless twits. If you can’t even give a decent interview on “Jay Leno,” you’ve really got nothing going on.
VannaMarie
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 01:32 pm: [report]
True true, Bogart. Well said! Hahaha…
writergirl
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 04:25 am: [report]
Ryan Secrest is not nice. I remember seeing him on the Red Carpet a few years ago and he TOTALLY ripped into his co-hose Julianna (is that ner name?) now Mrs. Rancik, because she stood next to him and was taller than he was. He ripped her a new one—while the camera was going—and she goes, “Oh, right, it is in your contract that I can’t stand next to you because you’ll appear short.” I about peed myself laughing.
I don’t understand Will Smith, either. I’d substitute Mel Gibson for Smith.
And Bridget Jones 3 is coming out. Renee is about to start gaining weight. I read the article yesterday.
Cait85
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 05:19 am: [report]
Off base with Will Smith, definitely! My friend is a waiter a fancy NYC restaurant and had the pleasure of waiting on Will, Jada, and the kids a couple years ago. He’s got a “love ‘em and hate ‘em” list of customers and Will/Jada are on the top of the “love ‘em” list because they were kind, engaging, funny, great with the kids, and overtipped big time!
dlc910
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 03:40 pm: [report]
I’m a woman, and I admit that the women on the list are odd choices. Not brilliant (Simpson) or not terribly nice/likeable (Hudson, Lohan, Love Hewitt) do not equal unsexy.
always
wrote on July 16 2009 @ 06:51 pm: [report]
Where is Nicole Kidman on this list?
cadyms
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
Will Smith seems like one of the few genuinely good guys out there actor-wise. There’s never any garbage in the tabloids about his attitude or crazy behavior or sleeping around on his wife. If he’s considering converting to Scientology, I’d feel more empathy than anger - cults are good at getting their claws into people, that’s what they’re designed to do.
As to Jessica Simpson, my bf says she’s just never done it for him - too cookie cutter perfect, and he likes something unique or different to spark his interest. But all the interviews I’ve read say she is a genuinely nice, good hearted person, even if not likely to uncover a new principle of quantum mechanics.
johns hopkins kranti
wrote on July 17 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
Agree with this list for the most part (esp. Palin and Hudson), but not so sure about Will Smith! Great job, though, because some people simply don’t deserve to be beautiful!!
crimsonletter
wrote on July 20 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]
Christian Bale? No way! That man oozes sexuality.
Also, I think having Renee Zellweger on there is a mistake! She’s unique looking, but still sexy.
fifi
wrote on July 21 2009 @ 10:06 pm: [report]
I loved Kate Hudson in “Almost Famous”, but now I think I understand why she fit the role perfectly. It’s the same ditz. I’ve also been sensing some serious alcoholism.
QTGirl
wrote on July 22 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]
I don’t think Will should be on that list at all! HE is super sexy! Even the relationship with his wife is super sexy!
Aunt Viv was ranting about some mess that happened years ago BEFORE Will Smith was “Will Smith.” It sounded like she was blaming him for things that would have been far beyond his control at the time. Viv failed to recognize that she was not the star of the show - it was a Will Smith vehicle. Why was she trying to drive?
If he’s a Scientologist, then so what? The Smiths talk so openly about their sex lives, why would Scientology be so different?
foxxxyrae
wrote on July 23 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
I pretty much agree with most of this list…except for the whole Jennifer Love Hewitt thing. I’m happy Tom Cruise is on here because I never found him to be all that attractive and then with the whole scientology thing happened and now he’s repulsive to me. But I could say anything about any of the people on this list minus JLH
greenbird321
wrote on July 27 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]
Sarah Palin? “Vile”?
a little out of her league in the election, and not that bright…but the use of the word ‘vile’ to describe her speaks volumes about the character of the author of this article.