The Top Six Excuses For Getting Out Of Sex
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
sex
12:30PM, Friday August 22nd 2008
Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. Whether he’s a handsome stranger you don’t want to lead to the promise land or your boyfriend trying to gorge on girlfriend pie, here’s how to just say “Later lover.”
Sterilization Screw-Up A simple birth control slip up could cause penis pandemonium. No dude wants to accidentally make a baby just because he wants to make sweet love. So, just say you forgot to take the pill and would rather not risk it right now. He’ll probably thank you for protecting both of you!
Surfing the Crimson Wave This one’s a classic. He will have fart competitions, eat anything off the floor, and wear the same pair of underwear day after day, yet nothing grosses a guy out quite like a little blood. Say it’s V-Day #1—which is probably even bloodier sounding to dudes than the historic D-Day.
Morning Meeting In this case, the expression “the early bird catches the worm” doesn’t apply. But if you have a place to be at the butt crack of dawn, no one’s going to want your alarm waking them up too.
Full House You can’t take him home because you already have guests staying over from out of town. Especially if they’re family—mom, dad, or kids bunking up at your place, anyone would want to avoid that much awkward interaction.
Buddy Up, Man Down A friend in need is a friend indeed! And, oh no, you just got a text from your best friend! S/he needs back up and you just got called in for reinforcement. It makes you look like a good person, but you’re actually just being a good liar.
Paging Dr. White Lie Sure, a headache sounds bad, but strep throat sounds worse—if you’re bold enough to blame it on a UTI or a yeast infection, even better. Anything that requires medical attention, but can be cured simply with antibiotics, makes for the perfect excuse.
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lilo
wrote on August 22 2008 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
I have actually gone to the length of using a tampon when Aunt Rose was NOT in town to get out of having sex. That’s desperation.
michael
wrote on August 22 2008 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
little heads up ladies, those first two excuses will cause your guy to ask for oral instead. So I hope you have an excuse for that too.
Croutons
wrote on August 22 2008 @ 02:15 pm: [report]
@michael - yes, “mouth cancer” works nicely.
Texas24
wrote on August 25 2008 @ 09:16 am: [report]
I have tried using all kinds of excuses before and guess what, they still try to find an excuse to do it. I now wish I was having to fend someone off. It would be nice!
Ana Kefr
wrote on August 25 2008 @ 10:57 pm: [report]
who ever said a girl being on her period works is lying…personally i dont mind at all. ill drop on my knees and stuff my face in for all its worth. who really cares???
Reena
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
I agree that the period bit doesn’t always work… my bf will do it on my period, ESPECIALLY if he’s super horny. He just puts a towel under me and puts on a condom!
However, you COULD say- to get out of oral- that your gag reflex is really sensitive during your period…
deanna
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. There’s nothing wrong with not being in the mood once in a while, so just say that. No one should have to try to worm his/her way out of sex, or feel pressured enough to do so. One should just say “no thanks” and let that be the end of it. Duh.
Jocey
wrote on August 30 2008 @ 09:46 pm: [report]
Right on, Deanna. Any guy who would require a reason other than “I’m not up for it right now” isn’t someone I’d want to sleep with anyway.
noyfb
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 11:12 am: [report]
LMFAO at this article And the responses ! How about “I’m bloated and feel like a cranky-pms-bitch” ?? That usually works, and you’ll probably get the house to yourself for a few hours
Morgan
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 01:47 pm: [report]
How about, “I really don’t want to tonight; take a rain check?”
OMG!!! Honesty! What a concept… <sigh>
Ya know, I never understand how people complain about a lack of honesty in relationships, and then in the next breath, offer helpful suggestions on how to lie like a rug to one’s SO. Is it just me or is that kind of hypocritical?
Morgan
Dan
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
As a guy I totally agree with those who state that a woman has a right to say “No, not tonight” without having to give any excuse other than that. Any guy who respects a woman will not force the issue. Now I’m not saying that the guy shouldn’t try to seduce or attempt a mutual sexual relationship but there are times when the woman just doesn’t want sex and that’s her right!
HW
wrote on September 3 2008 @ 04:57 am: [report]
What on earth? This is pretty dumb. Just say no!!
noyfb
wrote on September 5 2008 @ 06:05 am: [report]
Sometimes he will ‘sweat’ the other person or pressure/pout if he doesn’t get his way. The easiest way to avoid a tantrum, hurt feelings, frustration, irritability is to lie. I don’t do this frequently, actually only a couple of times—until I learned that if you can train your partner to help out around the house (ie: relieve some of the load/stress) then I’m much more apt to ‘be in the mood’.
caz
wrote on September 11 2008 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
why dnt u just tell em to #&@$% off n say im not in the #&@$% mood xD works best
Mae
wrote on September 30 2008 @ 08:55 pm: [report]
Why, oh why, would you turn down sex? I promise I’m not an addict but I don’t think I ever have, even when I actually HAD strep throat.
noyfb
wrote on October 1 2008 @ 05:33 am: [report]
Why turn down sex? Umm….well, I can only speak for myself. I have a lower sex-drive than my partner I suppose. And stress gets me ‘not in the mood’. Also, some other reasons might be a larger-than-average age difference, night-person vs morning person, whether or not the couple lives together, etc.
ManlyTrash
wrote on October 5 2008 @ 09:10 pm: [report]
GALS - Stop lying about why you aren’t in the mood. Men may be slow but they’re not stupid and will eventually put 2 and 2 together. This behavior will only cause more sexual frustration for the both of you. If his sexual needs are not being met at home he WILL find it somewhere else. Talk to him about it and come to some compromise if his sex drive is more than yours.
GUYS - Learn self control and except that she is only saying no right then and not that she will never have sex with you again. Take Rosie Palm out on a date and switch hands if you have to. When she does day no, don’t wine, pout, beg or get angry. That just proves to her that you’re immature and un-caring. As above, talk to her about a compromise or setting aside some weekly quiet time for the both of you but DON’T expect sex! This will be a good time for you to bond with her and prove that you care about her and not just the sex! Most women love with their hearts and once you have her heart you should have her mind AND body.
ME - How I got here; GF has said no every time I’ve approached her on this subject for almost 2 years. The last time we made love she said I needed to ask more often. I said “You always turn me down”, “so I don’t ask anymore”. We had about 5 days recently were the power was out and on one of those days I approached her in the evening, we didn’t have much to do since it was dark. She said no. I have tried to do all the things above that I mentioned and more but to no avail in coming to a compromise. I still love her but this issue ticks me off more than I’d like it to.
So I googled “women excuses sex” as I wanted to see what others were saying. I also had an idea about starting a website to collect excuses and ratings to find the most commonly used excuse for both Women and Men. If this has been done already let me know.
Good luck to all of you!
noyfb
wrote on October 6 2008 @ 05:50 am: [report]
i dunno, maybe it’d help to rearrange the bedroom, and/or get new sheets/curtains/different color/whatever. Just a change of scenery (?) Or if ya have a 2nd bedroom, switch the bedrooms so that it’s a completly new room. And/or buy some kink stuff to spice it up. Doesn’t have to be anything drastic, maybe switch from ribbed condoms to studded, or whatever. Or those little flavored lube packets. etc….just an idea.
nikki
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 12:50 am: [report]
Why turn down sex? use sex toys to spice up your sex life
EmmaFace
wrote on December 23 2009 @ 07:10 pm: [report]
To me, making up an excuse to avoid sex is like faking an orgasm. It’s asinine. Like others have said, there is nothing wrong with saying no or not being in the mood, and a respectful man will understand. If you feel these excuses need to be made on a regular basis (which some people apparently do, else this article wouldn’t have been written), there’s obviously a bigger problem there. Sex is a necessary part of a healthy relationship, and if there’s a sudden lack of sexual attraction or sudden loss of libido, it shouldn’t be covered up with excuses, it should be discussed openly otherwise it will never be solved. How can you communicate your needs to your significant other if you lie and never let them know what your needs really are?