The Top 10 Online Profile Types Not To Date
#1 The Guy With The Lengthy List Of Requirements
I’m looking for a girl who:
- Has been with less than 10 partners.
- Has never had a one night stand.
- Has never done drugs. If you drink one or two drinks when you go out that is okay and if you are in the process of quitting smoking that is okay as well.
- Who’s parents are together rather than divorced.
- Who has good relations with both her parents.
- Has no tattoos or piercings.
- The majority of her friends are females. I don’t go out with women who have mostly guy friends.
- Knows how to cook.
- Takes care of herself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
- Is slender or athletic in body type.
- Has had no history of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
- Does not get drunk.
- Does not get drunk and party. Partying while sober is okay though.
- Prefers coffee shops, the outdoors, and bookstores or hanging out during the day to hitting the bars or clubs at night.
- Is not religious, but has good moral values.
- Is intelligent and can hold her own in a conversation.
- Is affectionate.
- Does not date around or multiple people at once.
- Meets all of the above requirements. No exceptions
[via Kia Matthews]
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laura
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 11:53 am: [report]
ha! so many gems.
Perceptible
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]
Two words: So sad.
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:00 pm: [report]
Okay, #11 is a giant eww. My favorite horrible profile requirement are the 40+ guys who are only looking for a woman between 18 and 24. Oh, and “no fatties.” Live the dream, gramps. (And as an older lady, I can say “gramps” with impunity.)
becktasm
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:23 pm: [report]
Amelia! You forgot the sex perverts! I spent many a month on OKC, and you being such an attractive young lady, I am sure you are getting more than your fair share of “hey baby ur HOT!1! love 2 get to no u better.
” messages, from guys whose profiles say under Six Thing You Couldn’t Live Without, “Ummm lol beer, sex, porn, video games, boobs, and sex lol”
One time I had a 79 year old man tell me he wanted a threesome with him and his wife. FYI, I was 18 at the time. OH, and I had a another guy tell me at MOST I was 120 pounds. Guys, I’m 6’1”. I’m flattered when people call me thin, but please stay away from calling me emaciated. I could go on and on. However, all wasn’t for naught, since I did meet my current boyfriend on there, and he’s handsome and charming and intelligent and funny and tall and omg so awesome and I love him. We’re going long and going strong. Thank you, interblags! Forge on, Amelia!
Good times on the OKC. Good times.
shannac02
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:29 pm: [report]
#12, the guy who has the tagline: Honest, Driven, and Old-Fashioned…
And he turns out to be a registered sex offender with 3 counts of 2nd degree rape. AWESOME! What is he? HONESTly DRIVEN to rape in an OLD-FASHIONED way? I’m confused…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:32 pm: [report]
@Amelia: WTF. Going in I was all like “This is gonna be great, I’m not going to fit one of these stereotypes” then # f*cking 7. WTF!
subpar
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 12:55 pm: [report]
@Amelia
#2 always shows up in my matches. Longer blonde hair, brooding face? Guys like that parade around their disposable incomes and then wonder why they always seem to date golddiggers.
firefly
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 07:37 pm: [report]
omg, #11. Ouch!
saysay
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 07:46 pm: [report]
I don’t have with a virgin… I have a problem that with a guy who says “tough poop” that’s unforgivable.
Backliteyes
wrote on May 6 2009 @ 08:54 pm: [report]
I’m so, so glad I haven’t had to venture into online dating yet.
GAgirlinNYC
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]
Oh my gosh, Amelia, that is hilarious!
retro chic
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 09:12 am: [report]
Yikes! Those profiles for real? A split vote of Ughhh and Haha. Mister Lister and Poop Dudie trump.
Alas, I am succumbing to the online arena. *((sigh))* A lot has changed in the five years when I was dating then. I think I’m going to have friends do the screening and sorting, this is too funny and weird!
jadeycakes
wrote on May 7 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]
Hahahaha, this was too funny!
shannac02
wrote on May 19 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]
Check this SH*T out!!!!
I got this one today… The headline is: White trash and Smokers need not apply
WARNING: Please don’t message me telling me that I am hot, good-looking, or that I have beautiful eyes. I don’t need those types of messages and find that the people that send them are incredibly superficial.
I’m new to Oklahoma and so far I like it here. I have noticed that the women in Oklahoma get pregnant/married/divorced at a very young age which is kinda freaking me out on here. LOL! Must be a Baptist and/or a “White Trash” thing! haha!
Don’t know what to say really other than I am pretty normal guy, well educated (got all of my degrees at Purdue…so yes, I am a BOILERMAKER! YEA!!!), good job, family oriented, and pretty much into a lot of different things.
Also, I only date girls who I believe or ‘compatible’ with me. Please don’t contact me if you are covered with tattoos, you smoke, or if you are on the heavy side. I think it’s PATHETIC that women over the age of 30 are doing stupid things like getting tattoos and trying to ‘look young’ and acting like a 20 year old by going clubing all the time. YOUR TIME HAS PASSED! ACT YOUR AGE AND GROW UP! Sorry to sound kinda mean, but I don’t want to waste your time or mine.
I work a pretty standard 9-5 job as an engineer in the OK oil industry. My profession is pretty fun because I get to travel out of the country a lot on special projects and I have gotten to meet some cool people like T. Boone Pickens and Saudi royalty (though I wasn’t impressed with the Saudi royals! HAHA!)
What a gem!