The Rules To Landing A Man
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Monday November 10th 2008
If I had a dime for how many times I’ve heard another woman whine about how she “needs to find a man,” I’d have enough change in my purse to buy a pair of slouchy new Frye boots and a ticket to Barcelona for the holidays. (Seriously, doesn’t that sound like a nice place to spend Christmas day?) But I don’t have a dime for every whine, and since I’m getting kind of tired of listening to it all, I’m going to tell you exactly how to land a man, so we can finally talk about more important things, like whether I should cut my hair like Katie Holmes. Forget that monkey business about not ever calling a guy, and follow the real rules after the jump.
Get a Life: Just like women, men want someone who’s got it going on. And what’s more attractive than a person who has an exciting and interesting life, full of great friends, hobbies, a fulfilling job, fun classes, travel, and culture-packed weekends? Maybe you’ve been in the dating pool for a while, or maybe you’re about to dip your toe back in after a bit of a hiatus. Whatever your current status, I implore you to do yourself a favor, and do not even think about taking the plunge until you have at least three things planned every week, outside of work, television, and dating. (And that should continue even after you land yourself a significant other!) Three things. Obsessively reading your horoscope online does not count.
Make Eye Contact, Smile, and Wave: One of the easiest things you can do to land a date is to make eye contact with a guy you find attractive. See a cutie on the subway on your way home from work? Look at him! Look at him long enough to hold his gaze and then…? Smile! You’d be amazed at how well this simple tactic works. It works because guys want to meet girls, too! But bless their hearts, they’re scared of us most of the time, so give them a little encouragement — that’s all they need — some eye contact, a smile… Even a little finger wave if you’re feeling brazen. Trust me, if they’re even the slightest bit attractive to you, they’ll do the rest of the work.
Cultivate an Air of Mystery: Okay, so you’ve landed yourself a date with hot train guy. You’re out having a good time, and you like him so much, he’s really cute, and, oh my God, that smile, and you really want him to like you, and… Just shut up. The best thing you can do is shut the eff up. Limit your compliments to two at the most, and resist the urge to go on and on about yourself. I know you want him to like you, but I promise, if he’s attracted to you and you can manage to stay quiet long enough for him to get a word in edgewise, you’ll go out again. Besides, if you tell him everything about yourself on the first date, what will you talk about on the second?
Date More Than One Person: So you’ve gone on a few dates with Mr. Irresistible. You really like him. He seems to like you. Things are moving along really well. Great! Now, go get yourself a date with someone else. Anyone else. Quickly! The very worst thing you can do now is put all your eggs in one basket. (Not this early on, anyway.) Remind yourself you’re still desirable, that you’re a catch, that you don’t have to settle, that this isn’t the only fish in the sea. You never know — you might actually have more fun with someone else that you do with train guy, but you’ve gotten so wrapped up in the possibility of finally finding a boyfriend, you haven’t given yourself a chance to find out. Eventually, when you’ve gotten to know each other better and your connection is based on more than initial attraction and the desire for a relationship, you can decide if you want to be exclusive. You’ll know you’re ready for that when you can articulate at least 10 good reasons why you want to date only this guy and no one else. Fear of loneliness does not count!
Be Picky: This is tricky because I just told you to go out with anyone, right? But that’s only when you already have someone you’re seeing and are interested in. If you aren’t seeing anyone and haven’t had a date in a little while, be picky. Desperation smells bad and will undoubtedly turn off all prime candidates. If you start going out with people just to go out with people, you’ll quickly inherit that telltale stench, the smell that warns prospects that you are hard up and should be avoided. What to do if you’re in a dry spell, and you’re getting antsy and nervous that maybe you’ll never meet anyone again, and there’s nothing worse than being single and sitting around, and what are you supposed to do with all that time on your hands? Go back to the beginning and get a life. If you do that, the rest will take care of itself.
TheFrisky.com is part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Digital Network
Texas24
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 10:55 am: [report]
Wow, I could have used this advice last month when after the endless “search” for a man, I found one, only to put my eggs in one basket and then get dumped. I guess I made myself look desperate?
ThatNerdyGuy
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 11:52 am: [report]
Seriously… A few months ago I asked a date what her hobbies were outside of work, and she said she didn’t have any, aside from drinking.
That was the first and last one of those!
Blueclover56
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 12:33 pm: [report]
I actually just ended thing with a guy because his only interest was watching t.v. outside of work. If you don’t have any passions in life then what do you have?
Rocker
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
Very sound advice….never think about giving up your life for a man…he will only see you as pathetic….
cheating, anyone?
wrote on November 10 2008 @ 08:10 pm: [report]
this ‘date more than one person’ sounds quite a bit like cheating to me. i am a 20 year old heterosexual male and everyone i’ve dated would agree that you should only date ONE person at a time. just because it’s the 21st century doesn’t make it okay to be a tramp. the age of information shouldn’t permit multitasking with people’s hearts.
Tracy
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 11:17 am: [report]
@ cheating, anyone? -
Dating around keeps your head clear so you don’t get too caught up with one person and have something to compare them to. It’s only multi-tasking with people’s hearts if you are being secretive about it, otherwise its just getting out there and getting to know people - no harm in that.
Now if you are trying to date other people after deciding you *are* going to be exclusive with someone, then it would definately constitute as cheating.
Run41
wrote on November 18 2008 @ 07:33 pm: [report]
Dating more than one person is a dangerous game to play with anyone you think might be worthwhile. A woman tried this with me just about a week ago. It failed…spectacularly. I didn’t think it was cute…or provocative…or coy. It was coquettishly trampy (am I being too intellectual?) and frustrating. Seriously, if you (being the woman) get any idea that a guy’s into you, letting him see you sit on everyone’s lap or hug every guy that you know makes him think, “Wow…is she that close to that many men? She must not be choosy at all…which doesn’t say much about me.” Taking a number is not sexy…at all…ever.
Build your stock by showing your worthwhile through acts of intelligence and romantic regard…not by being shared by all. And playing like your not as interested as you are fools no one. Guys DO see through it. Women with low self-esteem do this to make themselves feel more desired. Most of us are just willing to put up with it for sex. Sadly, for my recent interest, I am not. Not now…not ever.
hmila
wrote on January 29 2009 @ 06:12 pm: [report]
I am wondering when someone should tell the person they are going out with that they are seeing other people too. Because I was seeing someone who acted like he was so in to me. He would call all the time, text, bring me gifts, lunch to work etc. Then about a month and a half later we are messing around and I got up to use the bathroom and I found condom wrappers in his trash. I knew they were not from when we had been intimate. So I went back and sat down and asked “are you seeing someone else”? He said kinda. I couldn’t believe it! He said if you would have asked 4 days ago what’s going on with us then we could have avoided this. He was like we never talked about being exclusive. I had a hard time understanding this because I thought we had been seeing each other way too long to even ask that question. We saw each other very often and we did things that boyfriends and girlfriends did.
Any Thoughts so I can avoid this again?
moonshine
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
@hmila - the best way to protect yourself in the future is to not allow anyone access to the temple that is your body until they have proven themselves worthy. Give yourself time - set high standards (has values, goals for himself, is kind to children & puppies) and keep them. Make a guy wait until after you are exclusive. If he is unwilling to be exclusive with you, then he does not deserve to have you.
moonshine
wrote on August 14 2009 @ 01:45 pm: [report]
@hmila - I forgot to add that it is completely acceptable to ask a guy straight out, “where is this going between us?” If he’s dodgy about this, he’s not a keeper, sorry.