The Relationship Novice: When To Go Dutch
Posted by: Lindsay Goldenberg
Filed in:
relationships
9:00AM, Friday May 16th 2008
Pesky money. It ALWAYS seems to be an issue in life. If it wasn’t, I can guarantee you I would quit my day job. I’d pack up my bags, hop on my free flight to Paris, (because in this fantasy world, money doesn’t exist), and spend my days roaming the streets for cheese and wine. Since this clearly is not the case, I sit all day in a 5 x 5 cubicle staring at gross aluminum lights until 5 pm rolls around. (This sounds pretty depressing when I type it out. Truth be told…it is.)
Some women seem to think that “dating” a guy means they’ve got a free meal ticket. For every breakfast/lunch/dinner date, these girls think the guy should always pay…and keep paying.
I hate to burst your bubble, but every gal should pull her own weight after awhile. After all…your date doesn’t work to make sure you get fed (not unless he’s a farmer and you’re a pig…in which case he does want to fatten you up).
So when should you stop spending your food allowance on clothes and start pitching in? Here’s a few rules to live by for matters of the heart AND stomach:
1. You should ALWAYS offer to pay your share…even on the first date. Even if the reach for your wallet isn’t sincere, make the effort. This guy is your date…not Daddy Warbucks.
2. If you’ve been out on 4 or 5 dates and your new boy toy has paid every time, offer to make him dinner. If you don’t know how to cook, offer to order in or take HIM someplace fun. He’ll appreciate the reciprocation, and won’t be left wondering if you’re just dating him for the free calamari.
3. Once you and your man have decided to be in a committed relationship, you should start assuming you’re going to split the bill. If he makes tons more money than you, work a plan out where he pays 70%, you pay 30%, or vice versa if you’re the cash cow in the relationship.
While these are good rules of etiquette to follow in a relationship, it doesn’t mean chivalry should die. Every so often you and your boyfriend should take each other out to dinner and pick up the tab, even after you’ve decided to “go dutch.” If that doesn’t happen…well, that’s a whole new column.
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theothergyllenhaal
wrote on May 16 2008 @ 11:24 am: [report]
As a guy, this is nice to hear. I’ll likely pay anyways, but I really do appreciate when a woman makes the effort. Not sure I quite agree with number 3, though. I’ve always felt that once you’re in a relationship, sharing the bill should be a bit more organic than whipping out a calculator to find out what 30% is. I’m more of an, “I’ll get this one, you get the next” guy.
Amelia
wrote on May 16 2008 @ 11:33 am: [report]
I don’t think you need to whip out the calculator either—splitting down the middle or swapping who pays is a good, easy solution.
LovesIt
wrote on May 16 2008 @ 11:44 am: [report]
It’s pretty easy to do the 70/30 split without pulling out a calculator… if he makes significantly more money, then he should volunteer to pay for the more expensive bills (e.g. the bar tab) and you should pay for the cheaper ones (e.g. parking for the bar or the movie tickets, etc).
Of course, I’m speaking as a poor graduate student and not under the assumption that he *should* or *would* be making more
atlgirl
wrote on May 19 2008 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
I agree with LovesIt. It’s nice to trade off, especially if one person makes more money. However, I think the guy should always pay on the first date—even if the girl asks him out. Call me old-fashioned on that one.
LovesIt
wrote on May 19 2008 @ 02:11 pm: [report]
I definitely agree. I’ll do the reach-out like I’m going to pay my half, but I expect him to be a gentleman and cover the bill, preferably for the first few dates.
Kiki T
wrote on May 19 2008 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
Modern times calls for modern measures. Equal pay = equality.
LovesIt
wrote on May 19 2008 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
But we don’t have equal pay… there’s still a gap. Plus, I think we’re mostly referring to differences in salary based upon having very different jobs (e.g. grad student dating a lawyer).
gillybeans
wrote on May 22 2008 @ 01:07 pm: [report]
Yeah, first date, he should pay, though I will always, always offer. (Most have taken me up on it actually). It’s just sexier.