The Purity Myth: How It’s Damaging Teen Girls
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
news
8:30AM, Wednesday April 22nd 2009
“There is a moral panic in America over young women’s sexuality — and it’s entirely misplaced. Girls “going wild” aren’t damaging a generation of women, the myth of sexual purity is. The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women’s perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies, and that their ability to be moral actors is absolutely dependent on their sexuality. It’s time to teach our daughters that their ability to be good people depends on their being good people, not on whether or not they’re sexually active.”—Jessica Valenti, “The Purity Myth”
I love Jessica Valenti. Can I just make that clear? The founder and editor of Feministing.com and author of Full Frontal Feminism has a new book out this month: The Purity Myth. It’s about the confusing and dangerous messages sent to women and girls about their sexuality. Namely, if a girl has sex before she’s married, she’s a whore, but those same “whores” are the ones celebrated by the mainstream media for making money and attracting men.
There are purity balls, virginity pledges, and government-subsidized abstinence-only education programs. Meanwhile, the Pussycat Dolls croon about pushing buttons and stealing boyfriends, while the “Girls Next Door” prance for an aging man-child. “So what are young women left with?” writes Valenti. “Abstinence-only education during the day and ‘Girls Gone Wild’ commercials at night! Whether it’s delivered through a virginity pledge or by a barely dressed tween pop singer writhing across the television screen, the message is the same: A woman’s worth lies in her ability — or her refusal — to be sexual.”
I can’t wait to read The Purity Myth, but in the meantime check out an excerpt on Nerve.
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cattgirl813
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:52 am: [report]
Thanks for this post. I’m going to buy this book at lunch today.
pennybadday
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
I just bought this book and cannot wait to read it!
idiotfactory
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
This is fantastic! I must get thee to a bookstore.
theattack
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 08:31 pm: [report]
Yes! This is what I’m currently reading, and I love it. I’m also very excited that this issue is being brought to public consciousness. It’s ridiculous to expect everyone to refrain from sex. Not that’s it’s ridiculous to save it, if that’s what you want to do - but it’s ridiculous for others to EXPECT you to. No one should ever have any say over your own sexuality but you.
Thanks for writing about this on The Frisky!
Backliteyes
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:28 pm: [report]
@theattack: “...but it’s ridiculous for others to EXPECT you to. No one should ever have any say over your own sexuality but you.”
Does it make a difference what other people expect? If people start running themselves based on other’s expectations, it’s over. If you think you’re going to get everyone to stop having expectations regarding the sexuality of their daughters, sons, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, etc. then you’re fooling yourself.
Also, no one does have any say over your own sexuality but you. If you’re bent on having sex before marriage or remaining a virgin for life, no one can stop you. Excepting the use of force anyway.
ClatieK
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:49 pm: [report]
Wait, I have worth that isn’t tied to my vagina and its value to men??
theattack
wrote on April 22 2009 @ 09:57 pm: [report]
Backliteyes:
I didn’t say that I think anyone should make decisions based on what others want, but I’m acknowledging that that happens. Young girls especially feel pressured to be sexy by a society that values women as sexual creatures, but also feel pressure to be “moral” by not having sex from all the adults (and probably some other friends too) in their lives. They want to be something that society accepts and values, but at the same time, they don’t want to be bad people. The media portrays women being “sexy” so much that girls come to believe that they must be overly sexy to be valued by society. At the same time, they’re told by several different people (teachers, parents, church leaders, friends’ parents, etc.) that sex is immoral, so if they had sex, they would also become immoral people. Yet at the same time, they’re also becoming aware that they are sexual creatures as their bodies are changing/have changed. They have the abilities to become sexually excited, and they want to experience sex, but they have to do it at the cost of becoming a “whore” or a “slut.” Even if no one else knew, they would still know that that’s what others would say if they knew about it. They still know that they’re “immoral.”
I’m not saying that any of this is good or acceptable. I’m saying that our society isn’t an environment that’s friendly to young girls. It puts them under extreme amounts of pressure from different directions, and they can’t be expected to be strong enough to fight against that. And why should they have to?