The Most Annoying Facebook Personalities
Posted by: Gillian Telling
Filed in:
entertainment
1:30PM, Thursday August 20th 2009
We think Brandon Griggs pretty much nailed it in this awesome article for CNN about the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers. My personal most-hated Facebooker? The ugly picture poster. (Come on girl, you know full well that I look like Jay Leno in that pic so why did you tag it for all the world to see?) In fact, we think there are way more than 12 annoying Facebook personalities. See if you agree with us.
1. The Lyricist: “How does it feel? To be on your own? Like a complete unknown?” Yeah yeah yeah, you listen to music. That is not unique. If you can’t come up with an original witty status update, please don’t substitute song lyrics for one. I know people who do this. All. Day. Long. For these updates, I give a line from my favorite Erasure song: “I love to hate you.”
2. The Onionator: The Onion is a pretty funny fake newspaper, but the Onionators are Facebookers who constantly link to Onion headlines with the status update: “This made me laugh.” Perhaps this is trying to stress that you, yourself are quite witty and really “get” the Onion. It speaks to you, because you are also sarcastic and snarky! Well, I’ve got news for you. The Onion makes everyone laugh.
3. The Self-Deprecating Bragger: I know someone who is always boasting about their accomplishments via updates, but tries to disguise it in the form of being modest. When I read things like, “I can’t believe a lazy girl like me got up at 5:30 to go to run 10 miles!” or “Seriously, they want a goof like me to be the new team leader?? With a raise to boot?!” I want to barf. Maybe because I never get up and go to the gym or get picked to be team leader.
4. The “Really?” Guy: “Really, Glen Beck? Really?” “Really, Town Hall protesters? A Glock strapped to your leg? REALLY?” Amy Poehler and Seth Myers covered this. It’s old. Stop it.
5. The ‘FAIL’ Guy: See above. “Baskin Robbins out of bubblegum ice cream FAIL.” The only case in which this line is acceptable is if you were talking about an exam on which you did poorly. “Didn’t study for the history pop quiz FAIL.”
6. The Not-Actually-Funny LOL’er: LOL is really getting abused. When I’m actually laughing out loud at something, I now have to write “Literally Lol’ing.” Because some fools use it constantly, even when nothing remotely funny is being said. “Is it sad that I just drank a magnum by myself because I just found out I have Hep-C LOL.” “Does anyone want to go out tonight, I’m bored and lonely LOL.” Sad statements followed by LOL are really sad.
7. The Political News Regurgitator: I know where I stand politically. So stop posting links to “Death Panels and Other Lies About Health Care Reform” articles. First of all, I’ve already seen it 20 times. Secondly, just because you posted it doesn’t make you more politically active or aware than the rest of us and I think that you think it does.
8. The Bride-to-Be: “OMG ten more days!!” “Can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow.” “Gotta make it to the gym again, need awesome arms for wedding dress.” Come on, there are bitter spinsters on this thing! The only post I’d be interested in reading about regarding someone’s upcoming nuptials is this: “Anyone have any advice on what he expects on the wedding night?”
How about you? Who or what drives you crazy?
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writergirl
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:37 pm: [report]
There’s a guy on my friend’s list who posts sex status updates. It’s kind of a shocker to log on and see something about masturbation on your news feed.
tigerstripe
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:41 pm: [report]
People are way to sensitive about being tagged in Facebook photos. I’m sure nobody besides you thought you looked like Jay Leno.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]
What about the people that are actually too old for Facebook?
joyy
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]
I’m going to have to agree with #8. I am VERY happy for friends who are getting married, don’t get me wrong. But when nothing but wedding/hubby stuff gets posted, it paints a sad, sad picture that she has nothing else in her life but the upcoming wedding, whether that’s actually true or not.
skywalk
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
I don’t think I’m any of them but I have friends just like all of them.
Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]
I have one to add. “The We-booker.” I.e. “We’re headed to the grocery store to pick up our favorite variety of heirloom tomatoes to make a summer salad for a potluck we’re attending tonight.” Do you, as a couple, have a joint Facebook account? Stop it.
FloraPoste
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]
OK, what about people with babies? People who constantly update about the baby and what the baby did and what a lovely day they had with the baby, who by the way is cuter and smarter than anyone else’s baby ever.
(And then when they sense you’re avoiding Facebook because you can’t stand to hear one more thing about the baby, they email you six (LARGE) pictures of what the baby did in daycare that day. I’m not even making this up.)
AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
and this is exactly the reason why I only use Twitter.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:04 pm: [report]
@msPriss: That’s like admitting you push children down rather than just taking their candy.
Lola
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]
some of the ones I see more and more frequently is not so much the FAIL but the FML… example: my sister thought it was cool to shave my head while I was asleep FML
ootie
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
The Facebook friends that annoy me the most are the ones who post status updates that are BEGGING for compliments. I had to unfriend one girl because I was so tired of seeing “Katie wishes she was pretty” or “Katie has a horrible body” with a looong line of comments saying “you’re crazy, you’re so gorg!!”
I have another Facebook friend who, on a daily basis, posts statuses about how annoying it is when guys hit on her. Like “ugh, guy on the street, telling me my ass is amazing isn’t going to get you anywhere”. It annoys the crap out of me, it seems so attention hungry.
gillybeans
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
@Lola What does that mean? @FloraPoste have you seen STFU Parents blog?
Eholmes
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:11 pm: [report]
The eLover. “My boyfriend is the greatest guy in the world,” or “I’m so in love.” This is inevitably followed by a post on their signifigant others wall that reads to the effect of: “I love you, baby! [insert obnoxious Rascal Flatts lyrics]
Gag me. These are likely the couples that go to dinner just to sit across the table and text each other. Please. Stop polluting my news feed with your melodramatic love jargon.
sadie
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:12 pm: [report]
@FloraPoste http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/
I have a friend who posts her child’s age in weeks every few days. “I can’t believe baby is 4 weeks old today!” or “Baby is already 5 weeks old! That went by so fast!” Yes we get it, we are all a week older. I swear I am going to start posting my cats’ ages in weeks one of these days.
sadie
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
@Eholmes There is a site for that too! http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com/
Humble Bee
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:14 pm: [report]
How about the faker?
I have a friend who just loves to lie to make herself look lovable or likeable, i guess… but she’ll come to my house and ask why I are you watching that stupid soccer game? Then she’ll go to the next room w. my mom just to avoid the game. BUT then updates “wooo soccer game! Mexico vs. U.S, Scooooore baby! (As if she likes soccer)
so that everyone can agree with her and think she’s awesome! like ya!
It’s sooo annoying. Why can’t people just be themselves!!!
I don’t give a flying f*ck if people don’t like me….
I Go To 11
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:28 pm: [report]
I am so over #7! I have friends that do this, and they are always right-wingers basically regurgitating whatever Rush Limbaugh says and taking FOX News pundits’ words as gospel. I have one friend from high school that does this on a daily basis, and goes even further by a) posting stupid political cartoons and b) posting random quotes from historical figures on how conservativism is the best way to do things, blah blah blah. It makes my liberal brain hurt. Plus, he’ll send me cause requests for things I disagree with (like 2 times in 1 day he sent me requests for anti-gun control causes). I’m like, “Does the fact that my political affiliation on my profile is set to Green Party not tip you off that most of the stuff you’re sending me is against a majority of what I stand for?” Another former coworker of mine is fond of posting his “commentary” on how Obama is akin to Hitler (even calls him Fuhrer Obama on a semi-regular basis.) I’m all for to each his own, but people like that need to find a way to get their points across a bit more respectfully, IMO.
I had to shut off status updates from this girl I went to high school with because she would always post stuff like, “Off to work, can’t wait to be done and go home to my sexy hubby! BABY, I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!” And I mean this was in EVERY. SINGLE. POST. I know she’s a newlywed and all, but come on, you HAVE to have something else to say!
I’m slightly guilty about #9, but it’s not something I do regularly. My wedding is in less than 2 months, and I get lots people asking, “How’s the wedding planning coming?” So it’s just easier to post it for those who are interested, and if you’re not interested you can skip over it.
joyy
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]
I think the worst eLove on my list is the girl who actually writes things like “I lubba you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BUBBY MUAH” as her status updates. He’s deployed, so I get that she misses him (I’ve done LDR to the tune of opposite ends of the earth as well), but I really have to wonder about people who use baby talk in a public setting.
LostInStars
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 01:59 pm: [report]
The people who try to write deep and mysterious status updates, “The rain is falling and no one can stop it. The rain is my soooooul!” those kinds of people, anyone else have that?
Or one of my friends, she mistakes that area for the blog I guess, because it’s like, “Today I went to work and had the meanest lady EVAR come in. And then I went and hung out with my best friend and then I…”
It’s like, honestly, two people on your friends list might genuinely care, everyone else already forgot who you are.
writergirl
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 02:01 pm: [report]
@LostinStars—my brother does that. I’m constantly commenting with “Dude. Freaking learn to speak English.”
sklut
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]
There’s a guy on my friend list who is guily of 5 of the 8 types. I want to punch him in the face.
airie53
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 02:17 pm: [report]
The ones that get me the most are the people who post a vague comment like: “...is about ready to quit life…i’m just done….”
But then there is no follow up.
WHY on earth post something like that but not explain it? And there are ten comments under it asking whats wrong. You need all the attention you can get, huh?
FloraPoste
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
OMG, you guys…thanks so much for the link to http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/. How could I have endured so many baby pics for so long without knowing this existed? You people are truly life savers.
mamawick
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 03:29 pm: [report]
The over-punctuators. Really????????????? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! You get it.
Jenn27549
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 03:33 pm: [report]
I like the people who post the contentious political stuff then get really angry when the comments thread turns ugly. Then don’t start that ish.
EarthGoddess
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
I don’t mind the marrieds and the parents, but then again I am both and I enjoy sharing those details with those on my friends list. Facebook asks “What’s on your mind?” right on the top of the homepage, and usually my family’s on my mind, so that’s what I post about. The way I see it, if someone doesn’t like it, they can hide my status updates.
Also, I linked to the CNN article on FB today ... about 10 friends commented right way listing ways in which they were guilty of some of this stuff.
*sam*
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 04:56 pm: [report]
ooo, how bout this one: the friend that posts a different long-winded religious sermon/quote-thingy EVERY DAY. I swear, if I see another “blah blah blah, John 16:18” I’m going to burn a Bible. no, really, I will.
vaiaster
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:41 pm: [report]
sorry, but when i was engaged to be married, i felt it was fabulous and important to post everything relating to my fiance’ and upcoming wedding!
the reason: everyone in high school, because i chose not to date anyone at the time, assumed i was a lesbian. so i wanted to shove it back in their faces and state, “who knew that the woman everyone assumed was gay in high school, would one day grow up and marry a MAN?!”
vaiaster
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]
“...and wasn’t a LESBIAN?”
Hmm…“maybe we should’ve asked before we just assumed,” they would think to themselves!
sklut
wrote on August 20 2009 @ 08:50 pm: [report]
What about the people with Macs that love to take an ungodly amount of pictures with all those stupid effects. It’s like Ohhh look it looks like she’s kissing herself! How awesome…
MissChaotic
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 12:40 am: [report]
The constant “I’m so bored” status updates.
Chebs
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 07:34 am: [report]
@*sam* - I’m with you. If you’re religious, more power to you, but seriously, FB =/= pulpit. Save it for church.
I think the parents/marriage isn’t that bad, as long as it’s not every hour or something like that. “Whoo, got my dress today! Pics soon!” is fine by itself. “Whoo got my dress!” followed by “OMG I need shoes now!” an hour later, followed by “I need a corset to look good in this thing” an hour later, followed by “Who wants to be my workout buddy?” an hour later is too much.
The other one that gets me is the Quiz-Taker. A quiz result published to your feed once a day is ok, but spamming your feed with 10 quizzes a day is bad. If you want to take that many, fine, but there’s no need to publish every single one.
TotallyRidiculous
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 08:32 am: [report]
@Sam, I’ll do you one better/similar: I have a friend on facebook who starts every single status with “Loves Jesus and…” for example: “loves Jesus and is going to the store to pick up some peas.”
Or how about the “world traveler” type? “OMG wish I was back in Prague so much, such an amazing place.” or “Gotta try Sushi in Tokyo. Amazing. Favorite city in the world.”
Stitchpunk
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]
I have to say that I’m guilty of #1 quite often. :/ I stumble across really amazing lines every once in while and I have to post them and link the video, haha >.<
Sorry for being a nuisance, fb.
Typewriter
wrote on August 21 2009 @ 02:33 pm: [report]
Obnoxious and self-obsessed aspiring musicians, comedians, actors, etc.
They update their statuses constantly, telling me where to go to see their show, what the crowd was like last night, linking me to reviews, and insisting that by not showing up, I am missing the greatest show in the whole world. I don’t mind knowing what’s going on around town, and I like supporting my friends… that is, as long as it’s a show I actually want to go to. But these people talk about nothing else. Hell, I get up on stage, too, but the show starts when the curtain goes up and it stops when the crowd leaves! I don’t feel the need to update my status from backstage with Facebook mobile to say “Show’s going great, act II in a few mins!” Ugh.
Countess Mariska
wrote on August 22 2009 @ 09:14 am: [report]
Oh God, I know every last one of these archetypes. Last year I rejected the unwelcome romantic advances of a strange Serbian guy and for the next freaking month he was updating his status three times a day with lyrics from gloomy and depressing Serbian folk songs. A guy I currently have a bit of a crush on is a total and complete Onionator/news-politics poster—which keeps it a totally non-serious crush, frankly! FAIL and overuse of LOL are of course so common as to be almost un-noticeable.
I’m guilty of the “wish I was back in Prague” kind of thing, but only for, literally, Prague. :( (*homesick Czech goes and cries now!*)
What about the “revealer of intensely private and personal moments who then gets mad when people talk about it”? I know one of those. She told me, in a late-night beer-fueled gossip session, what she yells when she comes. The next day I see she had posted that exact phrase as her status update. I commented “oh please don’t tell anyone what this means.” Her angry email sent a few hours later? “Have some decency! (name of ex who she’s still obsessed with) can read this!”
Isista
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 03:57 am: [report]
The only ones that bother me are some of my friends updating their status’ ALL DAY LONG. I try not to go over 2 updates a day, because honestly, only I and a select group of people care about how my day goes. Political and religious status’ can be annoying, but I simple hide the posts. I have bigger things to annoy me than what people do on facebook.
Isista
wrote on August 23 2009 @ 03:59 am: [report]
Oh, I’m an idiot, there is another type that bothers me. I have a friend who is constantly upset, and he always posts very emo, “woe is me, my life sucks” status’. It’s really hard to feel sorry for someone who just won’t shut up on facebook about how much his life sucks. Or they are about his ex who he won’t get over. I’m sorry, those types of things really shouldn’t be publicly shared.
Jill
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 11:38 am: [report]
@ Lola and @Eholmes:
You said EXACTLY what I was going to say. I’m so tired of hearing FML after the most meaningless thing. “Out of milk, couldn’t have cereal…FML!”
And the thing that makes me want to strangle people is the constant “Hanging with my boy! LOVE YOU HONEY!” and “best boyfriend ever, Can’t live without you baby!” and “babyyyyyy you’re the best! Great day with my boyyyy” I had a friend who every single status (updated daily) for several weeks was that kind of babble.
UGH.
Jill
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 11:48 am: [report]
@airie53:
Yes I agree! The fishers are the worst. I’m so tired of vague begging for attention statuses. If you want someone to ask why your upset just say it!
papayalily
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 12:48 am: [report]
@Jill @Lola @Eholmes Yes! Stop with the FML. The actual FML sight is really funny, but I have to want to go there. However, no milk is not a FML. My daddy keeps coming into my room for late-night “grown-up cuddling” sessions is an FML, but most people don’t post that online (I hope). And if you happen to have severe depression and a lack of milk feels like an FML, annoying your entire support group with mundane FB/Twitter updates is not going to help you.
papayalily
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 12:54 am: [report]
1. The “FAIL"booker: aside from my personal issues with the term (both grammatical and philosophical) it annoys the sh*t out of me.
2. The obsessed fan who is constantly updating you on some little-known celeb you don’t care about. If I wanted to know about their concert dates, auctions, causes, and thoughts after getting a latte, I’d follow them myself.
3. The grad student who must use proper grammar and spelling on a regular basis for school papers, but insists bad spelling and grammar for updates. It’s not like you forgot how to use the English language in the 20 minutes since you finished writing that last paper!
4. The LOLspeaker: If it’s not related to a cute animal update, do not speak LOLspeak.
5. Textspeak that doesn’t actually shorten things. Moar for more, lulz for lol… You aren’t saving any characters! There is no reason to do that.
CJ1432
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 01:26 am: [report]
For all of the above reasons, this is why I’m probably the only person in America under the age of 30 that does not have a facebook page.