Unbelievable New Inventions In The Works

The Future Is Here: Doctors Allow Us To Telepathically Control Electronics, Get Skinny Sans Effort

Posted by: Olivia Allin Filed in: news
3:00PM, Saturday September 5th 2009

It often seems like the future is never coming. I mean where are our hover boards and why haven’t Dippin’ Dots caught on yet? But scientists are coming up with some super-futuristic solutions that will be improving our lives way sooner than you’d think. Within the next decade, we could all be skinny, telepathic, and have the ability to fly! OK, so I lied about the last one, but who needs to fly when we’ll be able to turn on the TV with our brains and lose weight from the comfort of our own couches?

Doctor Jon Spratley (who happens to be a hot 28-year-old genius) from England is developing a telepathy chip that will let a person control computers, televisions, and light switches with their brain power. Yes, we use our brains to control these things already, but this time it will be hands-free. The sensor will be placed on the brain’s surface and use electrical activity of nerve cells to wirelessly contact a receiver on the skull which will be able to operate electronics, guide electric wheelchairs, and move a computer cursor. Though the chips haven’t been tested on humans yet, trials on brain slices (eww) have been promising and now Spratley is seeking funding to begin human trials. [DailyMail]

Sure, this chip has been created to help people who can’t move their limbs, but it’s only a matter of time before everyone has to have one.

I’ve been gradually letting myself go over the past four years, convinced that by the time I’m morbidly obese there will be a miracle drug to help me. That or someone will fall in love with me for my “good personality.” But now it looks like doctors may have found the key to jump-starting our metabolisms without changing our diets or exercising. The discovery centers around a gene known as IKKE which controls metabolism, and, when it is taken out, allows the subject (in this case mice) to stay skinny even while consuming a lard-based diet. Removing the gene also prevents bad diet-related liver problems and appears to protect against diabetes. Doctors in the study hope to produce a drug within the next decade, but apparently a drug of this type could make the body more vulnerable to infection. So I guess healthy food and exercise it is? [Daily Mail]

Looks like we’ll be saved from becoming “Wall-E” people just in time for us to move to outer space!

comments

majicksand
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 02:18 pm: [report]

Not getting a brain chip, thanks. I’ll walk across the room to turn on the light thereby eliminating the need for diet drugs as well. Yay! Well, y’know, unless I’m turning on the kitchen light, so I can raid the fridge. Hmmm?

raqueleza
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]

He IS hot!

tigerstripe
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]

He’s not that hot. warm.

retro chic
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 05:27 pm: [report]

[Crossed arms and tapping toes] I’m still waiting for my Jet Pack I was promised as a kid. hmh.

Telepathy with hardware. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? No onboard trans/recvr chips for me. When we can actually download thoughts into actions, say, to do laundry – that’s when I will be truly impressed.

melissaann
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 08:30 pm: [report]

Olivia, I like your sense of humor as well as your taste in hot nerd men. Please stay away from my boyfriend.

Ghirardelli
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]

He’s doesn’t seem attractive to me—neither do these two new concepts. Putting a chip on your brain? That could have some SERIOUS side-effects! And Jesus Christ, I really wish our culture wouldn’t be so obsessed with our body image! Isn’t it enough to just be healthy and normal? But no, now they’re in the process of creating a drug where you can sit on your ass all day and lose five pounds. A hundred years from now I really hope people are still moving!

lawyrgrl
wrote on September 6 2009 @ 06:18 am: [report]

@retro chic I also distinctly remember being promised a jet pack. And a flying car. And a house that maintains itself at my voice command. Harrumph!