The Five Types Of Period Panties
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
sex
8:00AM, Tuesday April 7th 2009
Every woman’s got ‘em: the panties ruined by Nature’s special, beautiful, magical gift to your ladyparts. You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove, but that still doesn’t mean you aren’t pissed your white, lacy Victoria’s Secret thong looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.
Typically, girls wear sexy underwear at all times because, even if we know no one is going to see them, we just feel better about ourselves when we know we look pretty underneath. But the three to seven days of the month when all we do is cry and eat Cherry Garcia is an exception! Whether they were formerly-cute panties sneak attacked by Aunt Flo or nasty knickers you bought just to stain, here’s the five types of period panties every woman’s got:
The Panties You Already Bled On: Maybe they were granny panties. Maybe they were the Princess Tam Tam knickers you splurged on. But regardless, those stains didn’t come out no matter how hard you tried. You keep them hidden far, far away in the darkest corner of your underwear drawer, only to see the light of day at that time of that month.
The Panties That Your Mom Put In Your Christmas Stocking That Are Too Ugly To Be Caught Dead Wearing: Mom means well; she knows her baby always needs clean underwear and socks. Perfect Christmas stocking stuffer, right? But Mom’s just a hot mess when it comes to buying appropriately-cute drawers. There’s no way you’d want a police officer or EMT—let alone someone you’re hooking up with!—to see these. And you kinda feel bad for Dad now.
The Panties With Holes In Them: How does a gal get holes in her drawers, anyway? It’s not like we have anything sharp down there! (Except for those of us with vagina dentata…evil laugh.) But sometimes, a hole rips up your boyshorts and this is God telling you that you’ve got a new pair of period panties.
The Panties Where The Elastic Waistband Is Shot: Too many cycles in the washing machine—or maybe it’s too many Cinnabuns—will shoot an elastic waistband to hell. Sure, they can be a little too baggy and uncomfortable to wear, but the sad truth is, you likely feel so bloated, you don’t even notice the elastic band is missing.
The Panties You Wore Yesterday: Gross but true: an informal poll of staffers found that some of us do wear our panties two or more days in a row when we’re on the rag. Yeah, it’s disgusting from a hygiene standpoint. But if you wear and throw away pads instead of leaky tampons, it’s not really that gross. Right? Right?!? RIGHT?!?!?!
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CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]
Twice worn anything underwear is ew.
vanya
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:16 am: [report]
Throw the pairs with the holes out.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]
I’ve got some holey ones, but I a a guy. The strangest pair of boxers I own are ones with a huge burn from the dryer on them…somehow they got stuck on the heating element and instead of being green they now have a giant orange spot.
lalaland
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:22 am: [report]
Black, I stick to black undies during that week…
(and I agree with vanya, throw out those holey undies!)
WinkyFace
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:24 am: [report]
Ew, even if you don’t shower, change your damn panties every day. Even without blood, there are still cootie critters you can’t see…
jadeycakes
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 08:45 am: [report]
Oh man…wearing the same underwear twice in a row is gross!
VsegdaOdna
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 09:02 am: [report]
Soaking bled on undies in warm water w/ oxyclean get’s the stain out. So if you accidentally start in your fav pair, as soon as you can rinse them out, fill up a bucket/bowl/etc with some warm water and oxyclean and let them soak overnight.
Humble Bee
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
“Soil Love” works well on stains. Its only a dollar at the 99cent store.
It scared me when I saw the picture of the girl with the red underwear, cause’ i’m wearing some EXACTLY like that.
Kiki T
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 09:55 am: [report]
all white panties work too. just bleach and all is fine again.
retro chic
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]
Not into hand-to-hand contact bleaching, so it’s the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” black undies (plus liners) for me. And for god’s sake, Jessica… change your underwear!
pornqueen
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
OMG #2, I was in a car accident and believe or not I was mortified because I was wearing my Aunt Flo underwear, black, granny type and was wearing a dress. The EMS was a cute guy and I told him I usually don’t wear these all the time and he just smiled and winked back and said that he’ll love to see the “good” ones. Best sex ever! After I recovered of course. So yes wear nice, sexy underwear at all times, you never know. Dirty underwear, EWWW! Seriously!
Lynn
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]
None of these fit me. I mean, being on my period bites. Why make it worse with nasty panties? I can’t think of a better way to feel like crap. If any of my underwear ever gets a hole or a rip or whatever, it goes in the trash. You don’t have to wear fancy expensive underwear during your period, but you can at least drop the $3 or whatever that it costs to get a new pair at Target!
I have some simple but cute black panties I wear. Any leaks are undetectable. And black is always cute. I also swear my OnGossamer’s Luxury Liners - they’re super comfy and I love them all the time, but especially during my period (which is what they were designed for). They have this extra moisture-wicking fabric in the crotch just in case you have any tampon leaks (it’s def. not a pad substitute though, just an extra backup!) and that fabric is black so again, no stains.
TMMiller
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 12:08 pm: [report]
Honestly, if we can put a guy on the moon, I’m sure we can make under-drawers that are comfortable for somedays, bloody somedays, look nice and resist staining. I hope Lynn is on to something. Either way, the knickers industry has really been resting on its laurels since they made the g-string non-whorish. Get off your asses and excite us, Playtex.
Erin G
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 12:47 pm: [report]
Man I love being on the Pill. No bloody undies for me!
wolfjinx25
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]
I don’t have any of those types of panties since I’m on the pill. lol However, all you need to do if blood stains on it, soak panties in cold water then throw them in the wash - stains gone.
Yellow
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 04:54 pm: [report]
So last year, I got an IUD and experienced a couple months of completely random spotting. I have an entirely new underwear collection now, but thanks to the great bleed out of 2008, I’ve got some some of the cutest period undies since I ruined my faves then
Also, pornqueen, fantastic story!
Tamara
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 05:22 pm: [report]
I have an IUD as well and damn if I didn’t bleed like I was hemorrhaging at first, it’s slowed a bit but it’s still bad. I’ve learned to wear only black panties on those fun filled days, which isn’t much of a switch because all my panties are pretty much black anyway.
Pornqueen, I’ve always had a fear of that happening to me, but best sex ever? Can’t knock that.
manga
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 06:27 pm: [report]
“You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove”
what a strange slang filled statement.
Sofjna
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 11:08 pm: [report]
Again, I love being on the pill and not suffering through my period every month. I do agree with Lynn though- just buy some new cute cheap ones. Why keep gross panties around? Ya know you’re gonna forget one day and wear them when you don’t have your period and get caught in ‘em.
retro chic
wrote on April 7 2009 @ 11:59 pm: [report]
God, I miss working in a larger office—sharing tips and gross secrets with the girls… Must be quite a party when everyone’s a-cyclin’ over there. Judging by the hot men’s ass and beej posts a couple weeks ago, sounds about right for oral, rag, breast, ripping skanks, and tear-jerker DVD bits now.
hereshestands
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 04:51 am: [report]
EW! Who wears undies twice. Yuck. And you should chuck out your undies when they get holes. I wear my slightly older undies at that lovely time of the month. Always buying new undies though. Periods suck. Haha.
Katrina
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 06:19 am: [report]
As soon as I find out my nice undies are ruined, I soak them in cold water since it gets most of the stains out, the sooner the better. Luckily, the one pair that this seems to happen to the most is my Victoria’s Secret maroon cheekies.
stephoney22
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
I love this article for two reasons: 1)I love underwear and spend entirely too much money buying the things, and 2)I am totally comfortable talking about my period in public. Katrina-I always soak mine in cold H20 as well, a dap of soap does the trick. And people, wearing undies a couple days in a row is FINE, especially if you’re on the rag and have been using pads. Get those sticks out of your prissy asses.
Lynn
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 02:02 pm: [report]
I have never heard of anyone wearing panties two days in a row until I read this article. I still saw ew.
stormygirl
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
I used to have all of those period panties, and after I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago I happily threw all of those panties in the garbage since I didn’t need them anymore. But please, please, for God’s sake, PLEASE change your underwear. Don’t wear them two, three days in a row. that’s just plain nasty!
develange
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]
Though white underwear looks good, I don’t know why it’s still so popular. Mine always got…gross. And stained. I seemed to always get my period on the ONE day I wore that precious pair of white undies.
NeelyOhara
wrote on April 8 2009 @ 07:40 pm: [report]
@stephoney22: i’m with you on the undie buying. I have entire loads of laundry dedicated to my underwear (I can go months w/out doing laundry, if i want). But seriously when you are using pads (you know the cottony things that go from the front crack to the back, they cover almost all your knickers) you really don’t need to change them everyday. the pad is the barrier, so it’s like wearing your favorite hoodie a couple days in a row (assuming you wear deoderant and shirts as well).
Weeble
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 04:21 pm: [report]
Wearing undies two days in a row is disgusting, and doubly so when you’ve got your period. Yuk!
That being said, I have this weird thing where I always buy sexy, but cheap panties just for my period. If I leak or get blood on them, I throw them away. I don’t even try to salvage them.
rsonnack
wrote on April 10 2009 @ 08:18 pm: [report]
I wear undies 2 days in a row when I’m using pads! I won’t be afraid to admit it because I know it’s not gross, even though everyone says so. I have the pads that cover everything anyways, and I change the pads often…
grapefruitdiet
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 04:46 pm: [report]
bahaha. and I thought I was the only one with those yucky old granny panties buried way under all my other undies..
and does anyone but me get the “vagina dentata” bit?
if you don’t, please youtube the trailer for the movie Teeth. It’s utterly hilarious, though probably not the best amusement for the faint hearted.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 05:28 pm: [report]
@grapefruitdiet: Vagina Dentata is not a new concept. Here is a good summation along with a funny picture: http://www.goddesscafe.com/yoni/dentata.html
And here is some sick #&@$% from a medical doctor about the subject: http://www.healthcentral.com/drdean/408/13198.html
mavsqueen2010
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 05:33 pm: [report]
i’ve figured out why i have not gotten laid: i only own these types of underwear. Sad but true
flowerlover
wrote on April 11 2009 @ 07:39 pm: [report]
So the way I avoid period in the panties ...
I only wear black or dark colored underwear during that time. So much easier that way.
http://www.yumeblush.com
lmseagle
wrote on April 13 2009 @ 06:08 pm: [report]
I also got an IUD last year after my third child, but unlike the others on here, I was blessed with about three months of light three day periods and then nothing. So, that said, I do still have some of the undies listed (I love my boy shorts) but not for the same purpose, just to be wearing something comfortable.
ceiu
wrote on April 23 2009 @ 08:52 pm: [report]
Ladies,
Wear your holey panties to bed. Once you are both worked up, look you lover in the eye and something like, “Rip them off of me and _____ me.” You can fill in the blank. Very exciting for some men. And it gives you an excellent reason to throw them away later.
lindssaurus
wrote on April 26 2009 @ 07:35 pm: [report]
i cant buy cheap panties. wearing cute panties is what makes me a girl. but the ones i ruin ...i admit it i use as my period panties. but never wearing them 2-3 days straight nasty #&@$% right there.
Meeeee
wrote on May 3 2009 @ 08:01 pm: [report]
I bought some cute RED cotton panties and thongs with lace trim. It’s my way of broadcasting to my honey that it’s that time of month. It doesn’t ever bother him, thank goodness, but at least he’s got advance warning, so I don’t feel bad. And I get the cotton I need, I just can’t go with any funky blends when I’m on my period!
lehuani
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 11:32 am: [report]
Totally agree with wearing panties twice on your period if you are wearing pads. Though they have to pass the smell test. If they don’t then change them. Do whatever you must to get through this feminine fact of life. Next is menopause. And this won’t even be an issue….there will be other ones. Like not enough lubrication! I do not look forward to that!
Queen Frostine
wrote on July 14 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]
I keep a stash of black cotton panties from Victorias Secret, full coverage (aka, granny) in a size bigger than I normally wear. I’ve got a very light flow, so I wear liners and I sometimes wear the period panties twice, but ONLY if they pass the sniff test.