The Difference Between A Prostitute And A Sex Therapist
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
sex
9:20AM, Tuesday October 27th 2009
Meet Mare Simone. She’s a 54-year-old woman who’s had sex with over 1,500 men for money but says she’s not a prostitute. She’s what’s called a sexual therapist, a profession that involves talk therapy and sometimes, though much more rarely, actual sexual contact with clients who have a variety of sexual dysfunctions. Here in the States, it’s considered unethical for sex therapists to have sex with their clients, and in some states it’s even illegal. The laws in England, where Simone practices, are a little fuzzier, but she insists there is nothing illegal about her practice. She says: “I earn my living by sleeping with other women’s husbands or boyfriends. But I am in no way a prostitute as sex surrogacy is legal, as long as it is done in a therapeutic and healing atmosphere.”
Simone says she has up to five sessions a day, for which she charges about $100, and they all start the same way:
“We start by chatting while I caress their hands to make them feel relaxed and confident with me. During the next few sessions I move to giving them back and shoulder massages, so the client relaxes further while talking about their problems. Following that, we do a mirror exercise. This is where the client and I will both take off our clothes and look at our bodies in the mirror. Usually, they feel very timid about their bodies and find it difficult to look at themselves. But when they realise I am not judging them, they begin to open up and feel confident. At that stage I move on to front body massages. I take over ‘down below’, showing them how they should be touching themselves. Finally, it’s time to put everything into practice. This is the stage of lovemaking, so they can learn how to control themselves and solve their sexual problems.”
Simone is proud of the work she does and says she’s found her dream job as a “sexual healer.” So, are we clear? Sex for money = prostitution. Sex for money with some hand and shoulder massages and a few mirror exercises = sexual healer. [via The Sun]
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bethlynn00
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:33 am: [report]
Um, isn’t it odd that these men have “sexual problems” with their wife or girlfriend, but have no problems performing with her? Shouldn’t that throw up a red flag somewhere? And I don’t care what she calls her self, she is in fact a prostitute…therapist don’t get involved with their clients in such a matter, it’s not very therapeutic.
TinaLish
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]
I have no words…
_jsw_
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:40 am: [report]
I am certain that the “sexual therapist” label is exploited and that men and women are using it purely as a means to legally have sex for money.
However, I strongly feel that there is a need for sexual therapy and that many individuals are/would be helped by it. We are such a prudish society that many of those with a need to learn about and to to feel better (pun somewhat intended) about themselves in a sexual sense often have no real options. It’s easy to say that they just need to find a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, but many of these people have such poor self esteem and/or poor understanding of their bodies and/or lack of dating skills/desirability that such a thing isn’t an option for them. Even if they’ve managed to enter into relationships, they still have issues that prevent them from enjoying them properly.
If the practice is abused and it’s nothing more than legal prostitution or the equivalent of a massage parlor with a happy ending, then obviously it’s not true therapy (not that I see anything wrong with sex-for-pay amongst adults).
But if these therapists truly are helping men and women to see themselves in a more positive light, to gain some self-confidence and insight into using their bodies, than they are indeed valuable. It’s a terrible thing to feel uncomfortable with your body and undesirable to others. If this women and her peers enable people to feel good - or at least better - about themselves, I applaud them.
For that matter, if prostitutes help people to feel better about themselves - as opposed to just having an orgasm for fun - then I think they are helpful too.
bittermelon
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 08:57 am: [report]
My brother and his wife divorced after a marriage of over 5 years where his wife could not and would not have sex with him. Much of it was related to her religion where she was taught to feel it was dirty. She comes from a culture where the women have just enough sex to get pregnant and provide the obligatory children, and men have sex with prostitutes the rest of the time. They went to several therapists, even a sex therapist (in the US), but nothing helped. I have a feeling she was sexually abused as a child b/c I have a hard time believing after 5 years with therapy she still couldn’t do it. Her family blamed it on my bro, who has had several healthy long-term relationships, so I’m doubtful that’s the case.
So I do believe that sex therapists can be legit and helpful. And like everything else, I’ll bet it’s also abused and used as a loophole for prostitution. Hell, that’s why my mother forbade me from being a massage therapist.
Pookie
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:08 am: [report]
@_jsw_ I couldn’t have said it any better.
MuchoMacho
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:09 am: [report]
she looks way more prostitue than therapist…
Perceptible
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]
Or maybe she could just teach the wives and girlfriends how to do the things these men seem to need in order to be comfortable enough to have a healthy sex life. Why does she need to be so “hands on” herself? (Pun intended.) The idea itself seems legit, if not a little newage-y. But she crosses the line with sexual contact and could probably charge the same amount as a hands-off therapist and include the significant other.
bumbler
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:34 am: [report]
The thing that makes me nervous is the frequency with which people become emotionally attached to their therapists in a traditional therapy setting. Does this woman have the expertise to recognize someone with more severe mental issues and how to handle that situation should it arise? It’s a tough line to walk.
hlnbabe
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:38 am: [report]
@perceptible: dead on. it wouldn’t be so bizarre, except the wives and girlfriends do not appear to be a part of the process.
also, what’s her accreditation? she likes to have sex? i mean, a lot of sexual hang ups don’t go away as simply as she’s describing them. in which case, an actual psychiatrist or psychologist should be involved to possibly uncover any underlying emotional issues, etc.
if she has no psychology training and she doesn’t involve the other women in these men’s relationships, she’s a prostitute.
also, does she helps lesbians???? i bet not…
_jsw_
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 09:49 am: [report]
Even in standard couples therapy, there are many instances where one or both of the members of the couple is/are advised to seek individual therapy first or in addition.
If someone is in a relationship and is having difficulties, then, yes, sure, often bringing that person along would help, but just as often it would prevent the therapy from succeeding. I’m sure the same is at least as true if not even more so with sex therapy.
And the need for hands-on should be self-explanatory. Often the patients need to know that someone else is willing and interested in touching them and/or that touching can be pleasurable and/or that touching does need to cause guilt or fear.
retro chic
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]
Sex therapy or surrogacy: It’s not about sex. It’s about being able to connect with another human being (and yourself).
Sexual fulfillment is everyone’s birthright. It is, imo, a medical necessity. It’s been proven time and again people live longer, healthier lives if they’re fulfilled, or at least, functional, sexually with those they connect with intimately.
Medically, our country only throws pills, creams or devices at sexual dysfunction. Sad because this is something that needs to be dealt with organically and wholistically with other therapies (talk, couple’s, group). Until it’s recognized in the DSM and is insurable, the only 30 licensed ones in the US will become extinct (was much bigger in decades past).
Sex therapy as it is, is relegated to unlicensed pros whose reputations depend only on referral and are not working with other primary therapists (like the one in the article). But it’s a start…
One thing… I find that some men get stuck on technique and body fitness, which can be wonderful, but are completely stunted when it comes to truly sharing and being in the moment. It’s the intimacy that should be strived for, not all the mechanical and superficial body things. Love your body, love yourself and expect more for yourselves out of life, no matter what…
DakaRose
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
So let’s be clear…
Sitting around talking about sex problems (traditional therapy) is somehow supposed to help fix those problems? I don’t think so.
The attitude that sexual problems are best dealt with by discussion seems to be a reflection of a societal prejudice that sex is somehow “bad.” What if that is one of the primary problems in and of itself?
We treat phobias by exposing the patient to the object of their fears in small doses; why don’t we deal with sexual issues similarly?
Quite often sexual issues are intricately tied to societal shaming attitudes, power plays by elders and body image. How can we imagine that loving sexual touch is not the most powerful way to come to grips with such issues?
Here’s the difference between a sexual healer and a prostitute for those that would lump them together:
* A prostitute does a specific sexual act or acts, requested by a man, in exchange for money. Quite often, this is something a spouse WON’T do. (The agenda is set by the man, as a way of obtaining what they cannot acquire in their relationships).
* A sexual healer conducts instructional sessions, sometimes spoken, sometimes energetic, sometimes with non-sexual touch, sometimes with sexual touch and fairly rarely with actual sex, with the specific objective of awakening, healing and empowering a man or a woman in an area where they are disempowered, wounded and not present, namely their own sexuality. Quite often, the client’s spouse is involved, since the aim is to bring the client into full expression of their sexuality with their partner rather than to compensate for a lack.
To lump this together with prostitution is to commit a gross generalization, on the order of insisting that people and animals are identical simply because they both breathe. (Never mind the other differences they are minor! My camp counselor said so.)
BKsweetheart
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]
I can see where this could be considered sex therapy and not just prostituion.. because think about it.. Ladies have you ever been with a man that was just utterly CLUELESS as to what to do, how to touch you, etc. and if you have, most likely you high tailed it out of there and couldn’t be bothered. But you gotta think, that has probably happened to that guy more times that he can count and has no idea why. Or maybe he does know why but doesn’t know how to fix it. It takes a truly loving and patient woman to teach a grown man how to have sex all over again. And even if she is willing, maybe she does it in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable and he feels insulted, self conscious or emasculated - making him even less likely to want to open up and admit his insecurities about himself and/or his body. So I could understand why a sex therapist could be useful but I don’t understand why she needs to actual have sex with the person. I could see maybe touching and massaging and coaching the actual couple on how to touch each other but I think this is going too far. It’s not about Americans being uptight or prudish, it’s just a little unorthodox - especially in the confines of a marriage, I wouldn’t want my husband sleeping with another woman.
And I just had a thought - it can’t be all for the pleasure on her behalf because most of the guys probably suck (no pun intended) cause that’s why they’re there in the first place.
pragmatryst
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]
“The Difference Between A Prostitute And A Sex Therapist”
A sex therapist helps people explore the full potential of their human capacity for orgasmic bliss. A prostitute trades 40 hours of her (or his) time every week for some cash and a crappy HMO plan.
bogart4017
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 02:00 pm: [report]
I can just picture the average American joe trying to explain to his wife why he has to go to this “sex therapist”. I have a feeling there would be a lot of furniture moving in that house that night.
tubbyhumptydance
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 03:33 pm: [report]
Really, any sexual contact can be highly therapeutic. This is especially true of men with confidence issues and issues with severe sexual repression.
Many legitimate procedures can be abused, this does not mean we outlaw them.
NomChompsky
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]
People, it’s very simple:
Buying a woman dinner and nice things so that she’ll have sex with you is entirely legal.
Paying a woman to have sex with you is illegal.
Paying a woman to have sex with you on camera and then distributing copies of it for profit is entirely legal.
Gosh golly, I don’t see why anybody is confused. It’s a perfectly straightforward and logical law.
dana marie
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]
one thing im not hearing is the sacred, tantric aspect… sex as a path to God… we tend to dualize things… good vs. bad… right vs. wrong… therapist vs. prostitute when really, there are many levels and shades…
what really determines healing in any session is the ability of the therapist to be completely present. heard, seen, felt, and accepted people become healed people… it will happen naturally…
clear intention and total presence create miracles!
majicksand
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]
I can understand couples having therapy sessions individually in addition to together. This woman appears to be working exclusively with the men though. That doesn’t seem like an attempt to mend intimacy issues within the relationship to me.
DakaRose
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 12:17 pm: [report]
That’s part of how she is misrepresented.
I know her personally and know for a fact she works with women and couples as well as men.
And then there’s just the simple fact that many men are averse to taking Tantra classes and would rather learn in private, and often women are more inclined to realize the value of pursuing Tantra as a spiritual practice and lifestyle.
majicksand
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 04:24 pm: [report]
@DakaRose: Thanks for the inside info. Knowing that she works with women and couples makes her work sound much more legitimate.
Psych2010
wrote on October 28 2009 @ 05:42 pm: [report]
Did anyone miss that she calls herself a “therapist” and makes no mention of any license as a psychologist, marriage family therapist, or social worker. That’s because what she is doing is not therapy, it’s sex for money. Sex therapy can be done without having sex with the therapist, making it healthier for everyone involved. This is just my two cents as someone who works in the field. The last thing we need is people coming to therapy expecting to sleep with their therapist or thinking it is acceptable for that to take place in professional therapy.
C.Munro
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 01:44 am: [report]
It’s not that I think there’s anything wrong with what these people do, but frankly I’d give up sex altogether before consulting one of them.
onewriter
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 02:41 am: [report]
@majicsand absolutely. if it was legit, the partners would be involved….and the “sex” wouldn’t come for many sessions.
DakaRose
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 05:09 am: [report]
@C.Munro:
You have given voice to exactly what I hear many women complain about…“Where have all the good men gone?”
It makes my point perfectly.
I got so sick and tired of the nonsense that happens around sexual relationships that I “retired” for more than a decade. Fortunately, I listened to the advice of a friend and took an Ipsalu Tantra class. It was an eye-opener.
I learned that sex is far more than plumbing, and with practice, the sexual energy can be harnessed for spiritual advancement. I also learned to recognize the nonsense surrounding sexual relationships for what it was. I became adept at my own sexuality like a musician would learn how to play an instrument well.
Then a number of interesting things happened, almost all at once:
I learned ejaculatory mastery and spinal orgasm.
My neediness in relationships went away.
I learned to separate love and sex.
I became ultra-clear about the difference between women that truly liked or loved me vs those that wanted something from me, and to fire the latter from my life.
I became a very good lover and ceased to care about whether or not I was good in bed.
I got on with my life’s purpose.
Such is the path of someone who seriously studies Tantra. I learned mainly by way of workshops and personal practice, and later by applying what I learned within relationship.
I was proactive. I consider myself lucky that I woke up out of the dead-end I was in and tried something new.
I have to say that most people aren’t, and particularly most men. They would prefer visit a Sexual Healer for a quick fix rather than undertake the spiritual path of a Tantric practitioner. More’s the pity.
However, I believe that Ms. Simone provides a crucial transitional stepping stone for people to awaken to the world of Tantra. She endures the moralistic pronouncements of the as-yet-unawakened to do what many consider to be the holy work of bringing others to the realization that rather than being at opposite ends of a continuum, Sex and God one.
There are forces at work in the world that would keep people from realizing this. I believe that Ms. Simone is doing the work of consciousness-raising and liberation as crucial as the work of the Civil Rights movement. The fact that she does it in the bedroom puts her on the front lines.
I would advocate the Tantric path to any who are interested. It is not easy, but very rewarding. I am less concerned about how people get started, but only that they start, whether by way of home study, weekend intensives or sexual healers.
jc23602
wrote on October 29 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]
Ok… My lying, cheating, loser, and soon to be ex got caught with a prostitute…who he claims she is a sex therapist…and when I kicked him out…he moved in with the prostitute/sex therapist. Maybe because he is a cop and wants to pretend what he is doing is perfectly legal…if you are above the law…and uh…btw, if she really were a certified sex therapist, why doesn’t she take Blue Cross? Just wondering how and where does one go to school to become a prostitute/sex therapist? There may be a fine line and in my case it is blue…black and blue….but when he told me the prostitute, I mean sex therapist, told him the only solution was for him to abstain from all sexual activity with me…in fact the only way he could stop the online porn addiction and masturbating was if he moved out of our home…and into hers! OMFG! He thought I was upset! NO WAY! I was overjoyed! Good riddance, 20 years of loneliness, cleaning up after his messes, his ability to lie, cheat and steal…and wear a badge and gun everyday…Oh I am thankful for the prostitute/sex therapist, unlike the last few affairs, this one was not the Sunday school teacher or the next door neighbor with the plumbing problems…This one was by far my savior! I am learning everyday to Thank God for bringing them together, she lies about what she does for a living AND she will “legally cheat” on him daily…now that is instant karma! Hurray for the PROSTITUTE SEX THERAPISTS…and for ALIMONY! My sex life is back on track too…she was awesome!
onewriter
wrote on October 30 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]
wow…I hope you can get over your anger soon.