Take It From Him: What Men Think When Losing Their Virginity
Posted by: Phil Dotree
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Thursday November 12th 2009
Many women aren’t aware that just as there are emotional stages of acceptance of death, there are emotional stages of acceptance of sex. When men lose their virginity, they experience a remarkably similar set of emotions.
Here’s a look at the various stages that men go through when losing their virginity, drawing on my own terribly awkward experience.
1. Confusion. I remember thinking, Is this really happening to me? Now, I’d planned this all out with my sweetheart, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I was going to wake up in the middle of the world’s cruelest wet dream. I kept pinching myself, which, in retrospect, probably wasn’t very attractive or romantic.
2. Anxiety. Most guys immediately think about the risks of sex: pregnancy, STDs, angry parents and withering disappointment. I took all of these into account my first time, and decided to wear two condoms, just to be safe. Hey, high school health class was only in its second semester. As a result, I didn’t feel anything below the waist, but that didn’t stop it from being magical ... if magical means “awkward and disturbing,” of course. I felt extremely anxious the entire time. I’d say butterflies were in my stomach, but that seems a bit of a tame expression. It was more like dragonflies in my scrotum.
3. Unreasonable pride. I was very worried about finishing early, so I kept a digital alarm clock close to the bed and I was constantly doing the math. Past about the 10-minute mark, I was joyous. I felt like a king. Some sort of sexual king. On top of the world. Some kind of sexual world.
Yes, I said to myself, I am a man and I am able to reliably perform sexual intercourse with a woman.
“What?” she said.
“Nothing,” I said and continued to bring the pleasure train.
4. Embarrassment. About 50 minutes in, I realized that I wasn’t the silver love god I’d envisioned, and that I had no future in the realm of hardcore pornography. I was actually unable to finish, probably because I was wearing more plastic than a fat kid in a bad Power Rangers costume. And, truth be told, I was unable to do much more than, er, keep at it, trying in vain to feel something. At some point she got up and went to the bathroom. I’m not sure that I noticed.
Eventually it was over, and we lay together in post-coital bliss for several minutes until I hurried her home before my parents got back. Then, I lay in bed, no longer a virgin, my pasty, acne-covered face glistening with the sweat of hard work barely accomplished. I thought of what this would mean for my girlfriend and me, as well as how awesome it was going to be to masturbate to an actual sexual memory, and how I’d casually let it slip to my friends at the next Dungeons and Dragons tournament.
It was a beautiful, romantic night, one that I will never forget, no matter how hard I try to drink it from my memory.
Got a good virginity story? Hey, who doesn’t, right? Share it below.
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EastCoastMale
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:09 am: [report]
umm yea. If it is a joke article I didn’t find it that funny and if it was not, ...yea.
Namaste
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
I liked this story! It’s always nice to read a positive, albeit awkward, losing-virginity story!
Mine is similarly awkward. We purchased condoms at a sex shop (because for some reason we didn’t think about buying them at a drug store), and planned it out for one night, in his father’s basement, and apparently his father knew full well what was going on that night, and congratulated him in the morning. Super. However, I consider myself lucky to have had my first time with someone I cared about, was able to plan it out, and have a positive first experience! I wonder if he went through the same various stages as this writer…
Savvy
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
I freaked out, started to cry and dumped my boyfriend =/
Joey Daytona
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:45 am: [report]
My mom worked at the local library and gave me a spare key one time so I could drop off some donated books, so I made a dupe of the key. Good thing I did cuz after the high school musical cast party I had no where to go and dragged a young lovely aspiring actress to the library employee lounge for a session which turned into her (a predatory older-by-one-year girl) taking my virginity not so willingly… looking back it was great, the next day hungover and feeling guilty was another thing… walk fo shame to the school bus stop? LOL!
MelKnit
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
I was 17 and it was Senior skip day. It was a rainy afternoon at my high school boyfriend’s dad’s hunting cabin out in the boonies. There were stuffed and mounted animals on all four walls staring at me. My boyfriend was so nervous he couldn’t stay hard. Took three tries but eventually it happened. Glad I loved him or else it would’ve been really awful.
SouthOC
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:12 pm: [report]
For me it was magical. It was at my parent’s house with my girlfriend. For me, the paradigm shift of “going home frustrated” to “woo hoo” was amazing.
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 12:22 pm: [report]
awkward. drunk sex. no condom. came inside her w/o “asking permission”... didnt know any better. walk of shame afterwards. then about halfway back to my dorm i was like ‘wait. i just frucked. WALK WITH PRIDE!’ end of story.
ooi0katzy0ioo
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]
LOL @MuchoMacho
Mine sucked. Thought he loved me. It hurt. No climax…damn!
ot2b2009
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
Just getting started with my boyfriend was incredibly awkward. I remember that I kept saying “Birds can do it! Bees can do it! Why can’t we do it?!?” In the end, though, we figured it out and, for two virgins, it wasn’t too terribly bad.
SCRMOM
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 01:54 pm: [report]
@SouthOC:
That was my experience also - right guy, right time.
C.Munro
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
“Wait, I made such a big deal over this?”
Riley
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
“Well that didn’t last long. Now, how the hell do I get out of here?”
SCRMOM
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
@C.Munro: It’s interesting to know that your indifference to sex started with the very first time. Your comments about your views on personal relationships and sex baffle me at times.
xifeng882
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:23 pm: [report]
“I’m bored. Is he done yet?”
C.Munro
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
@SCRMOM: They baffle me too, sometimes. I think it’s the dichotomy between my incessant Scorpio sex-drive and my cynical, hyper-intellectual nature. My body craves sex like a junkie craves heroin, but my mind tells me it’s all ridiculous and pointless anyway. And part of me tries to have a healthy attitude about it all.
In other words, I’m a screwed-up mess, just like everyone else.
SCRMOM
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 02:37 pm: [report]
@C.Munro:
You’re over-thinking it.
VsegdaOdna
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]
For once, I have to agree with C.Munro…but only the first post. I started late, 23, and at that point was just ready to be done with it and felt the guy I was with wasnt with me just for sex. Afterwards, that’s exactly what I thought. “That’s sex? Really? People make a big deal out of that?”. It was painful the first two times, then boring the other few. Turns out, it was just him as things have imprved significantly since. Helped explain why at 28 he had been left by 3 serious girlfriends for other dudes.
hamsterinapiano
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 05:54 pm: [report]
Three things:
1. Dungeons and dragons is not a game where there is a winner and a loser. Thus there are rarely, if ever, D&D tournaments, and the ones that do happen aren’t really tournaments, per se.
2. It’d be damn hard to keep hard for 50 minutes with no feeling down there. Especially since I imagine two condoms would be rather tight and might end hurting.
3. It’d be even more difficult to keep pumping for 50 minutes straight, especially as an acne-covered pasty-faced D&D nerd. She’d have to be on top for at least part of that or he’d roll over out of exhaustion.
Thus I judge this story to be fake, and am rather offended by it.
verynervous
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 06:08 pm: [report]
totally off topic, i’m sorry - the popular stages of grief used to intro this article are not necessarily real. i was relieved when i found out and i like to mention it when it comes up. you can wiki it for more.
Buhri
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 06:56 pm: [report]
I wish I could remember it better,I wasn’t drunk, it’s just not something I found something to be very memorable. It was awkward, and painful. I did the deed with my current bf in his room while his mom was downstairs watching a movie.
Scrabble
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 07:17 pm: [report]
Awkward, painless, less than 30 seconds (also his first time), I cried without really knowing why. I guess it was the right time but not the right guy - he was pretty boring.
cooldad
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 08:33 pm: [report]
so relieved. One night stand which turned into a multi year fwb. She told me she was a virgin too although she later fessed up that she wasn’t (so at least one of us knew what we were doing)
ReallyRosie
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 09:39 pm: [report]
Mine was right out of a bad movie. I was 19, loosen by beer at lunchtime (not drunk though, never been drunk) and being hit on by 40 year old married guy in my college class who was the first one to treat me as a woman, not just the smart girl in class. Went to local Days Inn, it was July and the air conditioner was broken in the room. He was sweaty, overweight and bald. I was cute. It was over before I knew it because I really didn’t feel much (he was NOT any type of creative or kind lover) and all I could think was “well, I’m ruined now.”
crimson
wrote on November 12 2009 @ 11:58 pm: [report]
Mine was great. Kind of how you would imagine it to be. But with lots of alcohol. I was 15, on holiday with my parents. It was on a beach, in the Caribbean, with a really nice guy who was very into making sure I was ok and satisfying my needs. Very unlike the boyfriend I actually had waiting for me at home!!
It was great. Just wish I hadn’t been so drunk.
lareinedeslames
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 03:29 am: [report]
I really sort of ‘threw away’ my virginity…
I suppose it sort of fits my personality quite well that the first time I had sex, I was (knowingly) revenge sex for someone. He was an ex from high school, and his girlfriend had cheated on him. At one point (after our breakup but before leaving college) I had joked to him that I wanted to just sort of get the whole ‘losing virginity’ thing over with. He asked me if I still felt that way. So we had sex a bunch of times during winter break, and I broke it off with him shortly after spring term started.
Apparently, I was pretty unforgettable, because four years later, he still propositions me for sex almost every time we talk.
TinaLish
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 10:15 am: [report]
My first time was the biggest mistake of my life. It was neither romantic, or with someone I cared about. Just an outright stupid decision, major stupid decision.
If I could, I’d totally go back and have a do over. I’d erase that horrible memory and keep my innocence a little longer.
That’s my problem I’m always so damn impatient. Grr…
What I did take away from that experience was that if you don’t have any emotional connection to someone, it’ll never be anything more than just-sex. If you do have that connection, it makes the experience all the more magical.
Hindsight really is 20/20.
bogart4017
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 01:25 pm: [report]
Luckily my first experience wasnt tramatizing but it had all the possibilites of having consequences reminiscent of a mid-70s ABC movie of the week.
Suffice it to say the lady was older, married and very interested in the teen in the tight jeans and red Pontiac Sunbird. We were able to take our time because i had the afternoon off, i had an empty bachelors pad thanks to a friends older brother, and her husband was in jail.
I was always confused about being inadequate because afterwards she cried but wouldnt say what was wrong. I decided to go for less experienced women after that. It was years before i learned what that crying was about.
cataclysmicdiva
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]
Mine sucked..the first two or three times..didn’t really get much accomplished because it hurt too damn bad..not to mention the age difference…I was 16..he was 24..and his ass should have known better than to mess with someone that age!! Now I’m 24 and my little cousin is 16 - and I’d probably kill a guy now if he tried to do the same thing to her! Also, he cheated on me shortly after..caught him actually in bed with some dirty whore. Needless to say—huge mistake.
draymond
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]
The circumstances: Second year at college, met a little more than amonth earlier, already in love, both virgins, had the dorm room all to myself for the weekend because the roomate was away, narrow bottom bunk bed, couldn’t actually break through until we tried it again the next morning, no real walk of shame because both of our dorm rooms exited directly to the outside so I could walk her home.
Thoughts Afterward: Yippe! Congratulations! That was it! That was it? Was that it? Was that all of it? I love her but it wasn’t that great of a time. And what is she thinking about it now? I can’t dare ask, but most likely not good. Not good at all. Will she be thinking that somebody, anybody, else would be better? Have I lost her?
Follow Up: The next few times were also not very good but soon turned around. I think the real turning point was the first time I performed oral sex on her. She looked at me afterward like I was some sort of love god and I felt like I was one too.
ooi0katzy0ioo
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 06:02 pm: [report]
@sunara_rayne
damn that sounds like MY story!! I was 17 he was 24. The rest you basically spelled out… I really wish I could erase that…I was stupid, naive, and I thought I was in love.
CarSexGirls
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 08:49 pm: [report]
Ah, yes, that wonderful first time…Terri and I had been dating for a few weeks in our senior year of high school. Her parents were moving out of one house, into another. She arranged with her parents to let her spend the night in the old house “one last time”. Her parents knew what she was up to, though, and made her keep her 2 year younger sister there%
grendel
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 09:27 pm: [report]
@hamsterinapiano: OK, I may not have much firsthand knowledge about sex, and my dry spells may last the better part of a decade, but I DO know D&D and attended a number of
geek olymicsgaming conventions during my misspent youth. Under the conditions of tournament play it’s completely possible to have winners and losers, since the game is much more focused under those circumstances. You should also never underestimate the reservoir of sexual energy contained in the average role playing game dweeb, which could easily allow an hour-long romp. Double-bagged or not. I judge this story to be true and found it to have a very familiar feel.whatshesays
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 09:44 pm: [report]
Near the end of my senior year of high school, I just decided I wanted to. I loved my boyfriend and he loved me, and we had a discussion that satisfied any possible consequences. (We broke up a year later in college, but this was one of my fondest memories.)
It wasn’t an orgasmic event for me (it was for him) because it was painful, but it didn’t matter because I felt comfortable.
Jitterbugs232
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]
Mine was on my past birthday in may turning 21. I will always remember my 21st birthday
And I wanted to wait for someone who I cared about. Didn’t hurt as much as everyone said it was going to be and I have no regrets
R
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 10:28 am: [report]
my boyfriend called be by his ex’s name within the first 5 seconds. then i cried for 30 minutes…
BabydollNash21
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]
For me…it was great!
He was 21 and i was 16…it was stupid to trust him but it was one of those spontaneous things
i expected him to leave and like never talk to me again
but here we are 4 years later and engaged!!!!
it was a fun crazy night we had sex twice in my aunts bedroom…it was kind of awkward untill we really started getting into it then it was like totally amazing!!!!
HeartInvestigator
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]
My boyfriend asked me if it felt good, I said “No, my hands are shaking to much to focus”. He immediately stopped everything to pout and told me he regretted doing it, which made me cry. Somehow I ended up consoling his bruised ego. WTF? We broke up a month later.
meredith806
wrote on November 14 2009 @ 10:49 pm: [report]
awkward? yes. I was freaking out thinking it was going to hurt while he was fumbling for the condom. So I believe I looked pretty paralyzed for the first couple minutes. But it didn’t hurt a bit, (thank you horse back riding) so I got over it. And thankfully it was with someone I really cared about. Definitely don’t regret it, not a bit.
Miss Mia
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 01:20 am: [report]
He was really considerate, sweet and experienced(10 years my senior). I was nervous. Thinking: omg, this is happening…I feel that…oh my god whats going on…that was good…
dsedwards12
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 06:50 am: [report]
I remember thinking that I was the coolest dude on the planet. I thought I was the first out of my group of buds to have sex. Turns out they just didn’t broadcast their exploits like I did.
Dave The Rave
wrote on November 15 2009 @ 07:34 am: [report]
I have never had “real” sex, but I remember the first time I hit paydirt, as it were. I was in my very late 20’s.
I was bike riding and as I went past someone, she yelled what I thought was my name, so I turned around and went back. She was saying - “Hey, Babe!” instead of “Hey, Dave!”. When I got there, she came over and started stroking me thru my tight bike shorts. I got hard, was throbbing and managed to get away before losing it.
As soon as I got back to my apartment, I stripped and went to the bathroom. As soon as I started stroking my manhood and thinking of what she did…...
BOOM!!!!!
It was like a bomb went off inside of me.
So, looking back, I am quite sure that if we would have had sex, I would not have been able to control my inner urges and it would have been the worst experience in my life, since I would have “done it” for all the wrong reasons.
I am still virgin - no ‘real’ sex, but some feel that if you play with yourself and “come”, you are no longer a virgin at all.
With all the STD’s going around, I will more than likely stay away from it. The Cialis ads make it seem like older folks can still “get it”, but not me.
stiffinp
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]
For me it almost happened on a warm, rainy February night in CNY (yes, warm and rainy, not zero and snow!). Making out and humping heavily in the car when another car stops nearby…and turns on the #&@$% SPOTLIGHT!!
So much for that idea…
The passion gone, I had to wait another night.
Colinboudreaux
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
I remember thinking, “this isn’t so great” and “it’s about time” ...
timmack
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 02:44 am: [report]
If you like a little flair, I’ve got pictures and musical videos to go along with the story. (LOL) Cruising
Yodar Critch
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
Honestly?
Disappointment. I had read about it, fantasized about it, lied to my friends about it, and looked forward to it. When it was all over, I could only think to myself, “This is it? So what’s the big deal?” It felt good, but frankly not worth the hype.
Being intimate with the woman was much more satisfying than the sex.
T1G3R
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]
My first time sounds like something out of a movie, and sometimes even I can’t believe it’s true! I was 18, and it was my second summer working at a summer camp in WI. Half of the staff is international, and I’d been falling for this guy from England all summer, and we were really into each other. On the fourth of July, I lost my virginity to him in the woods, and it was amazing! He liked to say that “this year, on the fourth of July, England invaded America”.
CJ1432
wrote on November 21 2009 @ 07:42 pm: [report]
Mine was at a high school graduation party. I was buzzed on keg beer and decided it was time to do it with the bf. I told him I needed to talk to him and we walked out to my car. We got in to that ‘ol 91 Grand Am and I just attacked him. In the middle of the hot and steamy make-out session I asked if he had a condom. I’ll never forget the look of shock/joy/fear that crossed his face. He didn’t have one so he ran back to the party to get one from a friend. When he got back we tried to go at it. A lot of fumbling and adjusting various body parts in that back seat. It was awkward but we were laughing and making the best of it. I remember Backstreet Boy’s “I want it that way” was playing on the stereo (hey it was high school!)....and then…Dun dun dun….his friends who he asked the condom for had come outside and they started shaking the car and pounding on the windows. My bf managed to get his pants halfway up and jumped out of the car to yell at them. Then the dog, a big ass golden retriever, jumped right in the backseat on top of me. All I covering me was my bf’s t-shirt. My bf dragged the dog out of the car while I was screaming from it licking/ scratching me while his friends roared with laughter. I now hate that Backstreet Boys song.
meredith806
wrote on November 21 2009 @ 08:39 pm: [report]
omg CJ that sounds traumatizing. Eep.
testrake
wrote on November 27 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]
I’m gonna have sex, I’m gonna have sex, I’m having sex, oops…I had sex
nenaestrella89
wrote on December 3 2009 @ 11:25 pm: [report]
my first time was with my wonderful husband. I waited all through highschool and part of my college for this because I wanted it to be very special. I was only 19 at the time and was very afraid. lol I never even really kissed a guy or anything before this so I was very inexperienced. It was wonderful though. Very magical just like people say, and I’m so happy that is was with my husband, I couldn’t ask for anything better. =]
Dutch Guy
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 05:38 pm: [report]
My first time was with my ex-wife at 23, having passed up plenty of opportunities due to my religious up-bringing. After dating for 8 months and slowly rounding the bases, we found ourselves alone in her apartment making out on her living room floor. I managed to get both of us naked from the waist down and started to poke around her very moist, also virgin opening. I got in with no resistance and managed to poke around for 15 mins or so in the missionary position. In spite of the fact that I’m quite big and I was inside her at least six inches, she didn’t realize that she had lost her virginity until I told her, at which point she got really mad. That didn’t stop her from repeating the fun the following weekend and several more times before I married her two months later. I regret not having sex with some of the girls I was close to in college because this left me vulnerable to making a hasty marriage decsion when I finally got to feel all that naked skin against mine. All the personality issues that were sending me red flags later came back to haunt me.
So sly
wrote on December 17 2009 @ 05:51 pm: [report]
My experience was bittersweet. I had just celebrated my 22nd birthday with lots of drinking, skinny dipping and birthday debauchery. I was ready to lose it and decided to do it with a sexy male friend who had been shamelessly hitting on me since we first met a couple years earlier.
At first it was a ton of awkwardness, hungover early morning fumbling, and nerves, but once things really got going it was amazing. No pain, either. It felt like riding a horse, with the electrical impulses of our muscles in sync. A few times when I thought about it afterwards, I felt it again, shuddering as waves of warmth coursed across my whole body.
From then on it was downhill with this guy. Besides being horny we had nothing in common. For a while we were FWB but the sex never was that great so I ended it. I found out that he had a girlfriend all along (and possibly other women on the side). So I didn’t feel bad… even when he kept calling me and I had to change my number and move.
cig17
wrote on December 22 2009 @ 05:10 am: [report]
Sounds like most people had a bad experience. Can’t say the same for me.
My boyfriend and I were camping with friends, but made up our own tent once I told him about the “big decision”. It was freezing cold, really painful (I felt it for the next three days), and my boyfriend went slowly. We must have spent about two hours in our tent, honest to God. He was only a year older than me, too, but had some experience.
My friends ended up barging in on us and seeing us both naked, then running around the tent making Indian war whoops while my boyfriend chased them around naked and I giggled under the covers. He came back in and hopped under the blankets and stuck his cold hands and feet on me, and I remember shrieking and laughing and kissing him all over. It was a perfect and wonderful experience, and I was filled with some of the most painfully intense emotions I’ve ever felt in my life.
I would have married that boy, that‘s how perfect I thought things were. Reality was a much harsher experience, but the time surrounding this was like a fairy tale, and it’s probably one of the sweetest moments I’ve had so far.
I was 17.
vergeofsomething
wrote on December 23 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]
I was 27 and it was with the only man I had ever really fallen in love with. He turned out to have a really small penis (which still hurt) and a sudden dismount when I started getting “too into it”. Apparently he thought I was possessed or physically ill, because I was “moving around too much and making weird noises”. Disappointing doesn’t even cover it. He rolled over and fell asleep and I cried for a really long time.
Well… yep… that was it. Unless you count the horrible guy that I randomly kissed for the first time (well, my first kiss) when I was 26 who tried to date-rape me but only made it about an inch in before I made him stop.
ohkay
wrote on January 29 2010 @ 06:47 pm: [report]
@TinaLish: I agree with you!
My first time wasn’t anything like the movies. In fact, I didn’t even like him. It was a really stupid decision based on how my friends were doing it and my best friend had lost hers. I have my good days and bad. I try to block it out. I found out later that he was cheating on me and blah blah. I regret loosing it so young (17). But life is life, unfortunately.
To cope I always reflect on the memory that I beat him up (for a lot of reasons) I mean full on psycho beat the crap out of him. It always makes me feel good.
watercolor26
wrote on February 1 2010 @ 07:44 pm: [report]
My experience was a good one and I have no regrets. I was 19 and with my boyfriend of four and a half years. We’d talked about it for more than a week trying to deal with our original agreement to wait until we were married and it ended up being a spur of the moment decision anyway. It happened “accidentally” which translates into we wanted to and were fully prepared to but didn’t want to admit it. Both of us were first-timers but we knew one another so well it was still a fantastic experience. He was very considerate of my needs (I had previously been terrified of the potential pain) and it didn’t hurt at all.
After it was all over with, we shared a midnight snack and came to the same conclusions: “why did we wait so long?” and “we should do that again”.
We’re still together and sex has added a wonderful new dimension to our relationship.