Stop Trying to Make Scrunchies Happen, American Apparel
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
style
9:45AM, Wednesday June 3rd 2009
We’ve kept silent while Dov Charney has screwed around with fashion.
We put up with the pervy advertisements.
We put up with Charney masturbating in front of a Jane reporter.
We put up with his numerous sexual harassment lawsuits.
We put up with messing with our main mensch, Woody Allen.
But we’re not going to take it anymore—the scrunchies must be stopped.
Did American Apparel really need so many kinds of scrunchies? Gold lamé scrunchies. Flourescent scrunchies. Nautical scrunchies. One would have been more than enough, but 407 different kinds of scrunchies is just bratty.
And scrunchies are not a “throwback to every girl’s favorite ‘80s accessory.” You’re bastardizing the ‘80s, is what you’re doing. We only wore fluorescent scrunchies in 1989 because our mom bought our hair accessories for us then. From TJ Maxx. In the surburbs. And our moms are not cool.
Epic FAIL, Dov Charney.
It is resolved: anyone over the age of 7 caught wearing this demon hair accessory, you’re going straight to Look At This Bleeping Hipster without any dinner, young lady.
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Perceptible
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 09:52 am: [report]
Ditto!
Kiki T
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]
I am proud to say I never owned or ever allowed such nastiness to ever come near the radius of my head.
...but argh, I can already see all those poorly dressed losers trying to make this happen…sad.
Annika
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 09:54 am: [report]
That also goes for anyone wearing a mini backpack. Get a purse!
SassySexpert
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 10:08 am: [report]
Just yesterday, I saw an elderly coworker wearing a bright purple scrunchie and I wondered why, 20 years later, she’s holding on to such an atrocious accessory….Who knew she may have just purchased it at American Apparel???
I agree, this is not ok. I think every look in the 80s except spandex shorts with tied to the side t-shirts and enormous shoulder pads were more attractive than scrunchies!!
Oh, and Annika, please don’t even remind people those things - “mini backpacks” - exist….
AgentBeryllium
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]
However… you forget they actually make a great make shift c0ck r1ng!
Kiki T
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
no way—sorry, a scrunchie near a cock is even more atrocious than one on a real head. talk about drought conditions, my poonanny would develop dandruff if that were ever to be a sight I would have to lay my eyes on.
retro chic
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 10:17 am: [report]
Ew. If Charney’s that hands-on of a businessman, then he must test market his own product first, as in, which one of those scrunchies was a masturbation aid. So, no thanks to any of his AA sh*t.
Perceptible
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 10:33 am: [report]
As someone who was a teenager all throughout the great fashion faux pas that was the 80s, even I am appalled at the thought of these things making a come back. (Comfort and convenience, not withstanding.) I’m almost embarrassed to admit to the size of the scrunchie collection I owned. Back then you had to have scrunchies in every color to match whatever hideous, shoulder padded, oversized, neon outfit you put on that day. We even (shudder) made our own! Fashion aside, I still have very fond memories of being a teenager in the 80s. (And I still miss my oversized, acid washed jean jacket that was oh-so-comfy.)
Erin G
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]
No lie, I found a maroon, VELVET scrunchie in my car a few months ago. I knew what friend it came from. I instantly called her to tell her we were no longer friends.
writergirl
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
Why, oh why, would someone think these are a good idea? Scrunchies belong where they currently are—in the garbage heap.
angelspinning
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
Actually, I really like using scrunchies to put my hair up at the gym, when I’m washing my face, or if it’s really hot and I’m lounging around the house. Other things pull my hair out, but these are much more gentle on your hair when you need it out of your face.
lilrockgoddess4u
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]
I use scrunchies to pull my hair up, not the big 80’s one but a simple small black one. They cause less breakage than an elastic band does.
Backliteyes
wrote on June 3 2009 @ 03:25 pm: [report]
I know another good use for scrunchies: Many girls with curly hair use scrunchies to put their hair in a super high pony tail on their heads to protect their curls while they sleep to avoid frizz and flatness. Scrunchies work much better for this than any other kind of hair band.
puck
wrote on June 4 2009 @ 07:17 pm: [report]
Christ. I have a box full of these because both my mother AND my mother-in-law think they’re still current. *siiigh*
sam04
wrote on June 4 2009 @ 08:24 pm: [report]
Well, I think I was the queen of scrunchies when I was a kid. My Mom had her own business sewing custom clothes for kids. ALL of my clothes were made by her. And I swear I had a matching scrunchie for every single piece of clothing she ever made me. Yeah.
She also liked to dress my three sisters and I in coordinating outfits. There’s a thirteen year difference between my oldest and youngest sisters, though. We looked like the Von Trapp family.
loveitlala
wrote on June 6 2009 @ 06:22 pm: [report]
Just wait… Gossip Girl made the headband a number one trend and next season they will bring the scrunchie back. I think it’s about that time… just wait!