Should He Tell His Father He Slept With His Stepmother?

SummerLane
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:14 am: [report]

OMG, I think this step mom should be arrested for sexual assault on a child!  How old were they when this started? This guy should not be held responsible by his father for this. Clearly she was the adult in the situation and should have known better than sleeping with her STEPSON.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:32 am: [report]

Agreed, she should be locked up in my opinion. We all know if it was a 32yo man and a 17yo girl that he would be registered and locked up. I say no, dont tell your father, the dad now knows shes a skank and bond between father and son can weather the spiteful release that only incriminates herself as being a cheating hizzo. =)

og217
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:34 am: [report]

I think he should not say anything to his father.  I know people say it’s best to confess, but I have yet to see anyone who’s been wronged so terribly decide that the noble confessor is deserving of special consideration because he blabbed.  His father will be right in beating him bloody and when sufficiently cooled off, disowning him. And I think this applies regardless if this affair started at 15 or at 20 years of age.  This little brat knew exactly what he was doing and is a vile piece of garbage, who deserves to be shamed and abandoned. What he should do is let the skank know that her plan to out them will backfire during the divorce and that she needs to back off and concede financially because otherwise he will out HER as a cheat, a pervert, a child molester and a revolting whore.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:37 am: [report]

agreed about her but I dont think the son deserves to be beat or disowned, it was her doing. Would you say beat a 15yo girl who was basically molested by a 30yo man?!?

vanya
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]

Well, 17 years old is above the age of consent in most states.  So, I’m not sure if she could be arrested for sexual assault on a child. 

He should tell his dad.  It’s better the dad hear it from him, than from the soon-to-be ex-wife.  And it doesn’t allow the stepmom to manipulate him with that information anymore.

vanya
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:43 am: [report]

“We all know if it was a 32yo man and a 17yo girl that he would be registered and locked up.”

Actually, he probably wouldn’t.  If the 17 year old girl agrees that it is consensual, there wouldn’t be any grounds on which to lock him up.  Statuatory rape laws wouldn’t apply to someone over the age of consent (which is 16 or 17 in most states) and rape/molestation wouldn’t apply for someone who says they consented.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]

Well I was speaking out of my knowledge from the state that I live in, which is VA, and the legal age is not 16 or 17 but 18, so it would be a case where he or she was locked up. Guess it depends on what state but here they would throw either person in jail because statuatory rape laws do apply in this case in my state. I dont think he should tell the father, at that age and her being the more “mature” of the two, the father and son will both see her as a cheating skank anyways when she outs him and I dont think it will have the desired effect she is looking for.

vanya
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 09:07 am: [report]

I did the same thing, ECM - in my state the age of consent is 16.  I grew up in Canada, and the age of consent is 16 in all provinces.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 09:15 am: [report]

Oh , I guess I did jump the gun a little in assuming it was in the same country as I am reading the article in. Even then not all states are 18 I realize but I believe about 10 or so are.

DancerNinja
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]

I agree that he shouldn’t say anything. If she is trying to extort money and spills this story, it will make her sound like a skank and desperate for leverage. And doubtful that it will reach her goal, I can’t imagine that after hearing that the dad will give in to her demands, nor would a judge look on her case more favorably. If the son spills it, well, I think he’s effed anyways, but that b*&%$ needs to be put in her place.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]

agreed dancer, thats kinda what I was thinking. Either way, she shes either a goldigger or skank when she spills her little secret. Father and son will see her for what she truly is, I wont say the saying but you might guess what it is. =)

jazzyj
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 09:59 am: [report]

Wow. I don’t see any point in telling the dad. He will be the kid’s father for the rest of his life, and putting this affair between them will only alienate the son and father. Instead, should the step mom bring it up herself, sonny boy should pull a Monica Lewinsky and deny it. If there is a blue dress, he can always say it was used in a private moment. As for the money in the divorce, well, that’s a price to pay for keeping a son around. Maybe dad is the kind of man who would forgive his son because he believes men are not in control of their penises, but is that a risk worth taking when you are talking about losing a parent before he is actually dead?

Chelle
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 10:12 am: [report]

I don’t think he should tell his father. It will just destroy their relationship all because the stepmother took advantage of him at a young age. The frontal lobe (the part of the brain responsible for judgement calls and decision making) isn’t fully developed until the age of 25. If he had been older, he might not have done it so he isn’t necessarily a rotten person just because of that. If she does tell his dad, he can always just say she’s lying. I think his dad would be more likely to believe his son over a cheating manipulative skank.

vanya
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 10:46 am: [report]

Who is to say that dad will believe him if he lies (again) and says he didn’t have an affair with her?

I’ve known at least few women whose husbands never believed them when they swore up & down they weren’t having affairs (they weren’t), and I’ve known more than a few girls who were sexually abused by fathers/stepfathers, whose mothers flat-out accused them of lying when they tried to enlist their mother’s aid to stop the abuse.

Maybe the dad has suspected as much, maybe others have told him about it, or warned him that there was something “funny” between those two, but he’s brushed it off all this time. 

If he lies to his dad (again) and says he didn’t have an affair with her and it comes out in court proceedings that he did, that won’t be an ideal situation, will it?.  The son would have to perjure himself under oath to continue the lie, which could have some serious consequences when the lie is revealed (jail time?).  Or deal with the emotional consequences of having lied to his dad again, and having that lie publicly revealed. 

I wonder if the dad would rather be told the truth, or be lied to repeatedly; or have that lie revealed publicly, in a courtroom setting?

On the other hand, maybe the dad already knows.  It wasn’t a one-time thing, it went on for at least 5 years based on the info given in the letter, so maybe he already knows.

Chelle
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 11:11 am: [report]

@Vanya-Good point. Hopefully the stepmother will realize that to bring this up in court would only work against her case. If she has any kind of lawyer, they would never let her bring that up.

Perceptible
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 12:21 pm: [report]

Good lordy. Is nothing sacred? This is sick. The father should know. Why would he want a relationship with either of these crazys?

Humble Bee
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 12:26 pm: [report]

DENY DENY DENY.
I don’t think he sholuld say anything. Even if she DOES say something,  I’m sure she has no proof. He should just act like, “dad, c’mon, you know she’s a lying whore” I’M POSITIVE the dad won’t believe her anyway. UNLESS he open his big mouth. She sounds like a skank anyway, and now she’s trying to squeeze money outta’ him. Shame on her, some people have no dignity or respect for themselves. I can’t believe she actually threatened the poor boy, he was so young, I feel like she kind of brainwashed him, 17 yr olds are very easily influenced.

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 12:50 pm: [report]

Yea I agree if the sons repeatedly lies and denies it, it may cause issues further down the line or in some legal way. I am advocating just letting her bring it up herself, she will cement her place as a molesting skank, the financial payday she was looking for will be taken out from under her and the son will understand his own flesh and blood being seduced by someone who is already a ho by breaking up the marriage for yet another male. Dont deny it , let her say it, dad and son live happily ever after and she goes about her slutty ways.

vanya
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]

The Slate article says it’s a “vicious” divorce, so I’m sure the court is already involved.  Being proactive and coming clean first could benefit the son, and also the dad.  If the dad’s lawyer is made aware that she is blackmailing the son for financial gain, that can be used as an indicator of her character in court.
If he doesn’t say anything and denies it when it’s brought up, there is the potential for her & her lawyer to spin it so that she’s the victim.  Lots of 17-year-old guys are close to full grown (both my brothers were over 6’3” and around 200 pounds at that age, muscular from sports) and she may claim he overpowered her, threatened her, she was too frightened to resist, yada yada yada.. rather than cop to being a willing partner.

Opposing lawyers don’t like to be surprised in court with things like that.  They like to be prepared and come out swinging first.

As far as no proof? We can’t say she didn’t videotape him with, or without, his knowledge.  Maybe he wrote her letters she kept?  Or left incriminating phone messages?  Or maybe he told a buddy, and she knows it?

Humble Bee
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]

yup Vanya,
we don’t know that she might have some proof of the “affair”, after all, it was going on for 5 years!
If she visited him at college, people must have seen her…

EastCoastMale
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]

who knows..

Erin G
wrote on January 16 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

@ECM
“agreed about her but I dont think the son deserves to be beat or disowned, it was her doing. Would you say beat a 15yo girl who was basically molested by a 30yo man?!?”

I disagree with this. It was not just HER doing. This wasn’t one sided, he needs to own up to it if he decides to spill.

Also, no WAY is this like a 15 year old girl with a 30 year old man. A 15 year old girl is NOTHING like a 17 year old girl and certainly NOTHING like a 17 year old boy.

grace
wrote on January 17 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]

The stepmother is not a good woman.  She did not keep her vows to the father. 

The son was wrong in allowing an affair to take place out of respect to his father.

The stepmother was doubly wrong in trying to hide the affair with the son from the father by threatening the son.  What sort of true mother/stepmom would ever think of putting her child in this sort of terrible decision-making position?

If the father questions the son about the affair, he should be truthful. 

All parties still have a chance to turn their lives around if only they would each answer privately to God and make amends for their mistakes through sincere repentance.

What angers me the most is that the son should have had the chance to find a woman his own age to love and respect and have that love and respect in return.  in this situation, that has been damaged perhaps permanently.

Lauralicious
wrote on January 18 2009 @ 08:44 am: [report]

Um, sell the story to soap opera writers and then take the money and run far, far away?

itsa
wrote on January 19 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]

Your dad will always love you / forgive you. Tell him…save your dad money…he might even get more if you have any proof of the affair.

He will be mad for a bit, but this is someone your father already loathes…it will only help separate them and bring you his “victimized” son closer…

It is a win-win…provide proof and get him a cheaper divorce lol…he’ll love ya for it!

itsa
wrote on January 19 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]

oh and goto him FIRST and confess…don’t wait.  Man up!

Houdini
wrote on January 20 2009 @ 06:50 am: [report]

Tell the stepmother to do what ever she wants to. And remind her that if she thinks she’s not getting enough now from dad, wait till he lowers the figure because of the son/stepmother infidelity story that she’s telling dear ole dad.

And if she does spill the beans, just deny it, dad doesn’t have to be hurt.

hawaiianpeach
wrote on January 22 2009 @ 02:41 am: [report]

Tell the stepmom you have video and threatened to show the dad if she keeps on…also say you are going to make her ass an internet porn star and post it online

Houdini
wrote on January 22 2009 @ 04:09 am: [report]

hawaiianpeach; There’s no power in that. If the stepmom says go for it, then what? Amd if you made her a porn star she’d have the money, so that could well be her call card, (as in poker.)

benglish320
wrote on January 22 2009 @ 07:27 pm: [report]

Fess up.  Honesty is the best policy, especially in a dire situation such as this.  Ask your parents who they love more, each other or you, their child.  They will always say you.  If I told my father that the reason he was getting divorced was because of me and the stepmom, would he be furious?  Damn straight he would.  Hell, I would be out of my mind.  But I would be more pissed at the stepmom.  She was the older, more mature person in the situation and she should have known better than to pursue a relationship with him.  The fact that she’s now trying to blackmail him with a situation which is mostly her fault anyway would make me way angrier.  I could and would forgive my son in this situation, but I could never forgive the stepmom. 

I say tell Dad the truth and then go to the cops.  Bust her in the act and send her ass to prison for extortion.

CuteCora
wrote on February 12 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]

I think that certain situations require certain methods. In such a situation , I’m not sure if the son should say anything, at this point in the game it could be more daminging and hurtful. I do beleve that honesty in the best policy, however givin this case, im not sure what to say. So let;s take the dad, obviously his 1st marriage was a failure, obviouslt his 2nd was to and this was ended due to cheating, so I think @ this point the dad might have some anger, trust and well loyalty issues with women. So therfore he only has limited people in his life left that he can trust, turn to ad rely on, more than likly the son fits this role. Think about this, if someone can pull the wool over your eyes for that long, will you not feel even more betrayed,more angry etc than had you have found out immediatly. Sometimes some things are better left un-said and sometimes to save somebody the complete humilation and embarassment it’s better that way. In this situation only the son knows his father well enough to to know if tellling him the truth would send him in a downward lapse! This news might make dad go INSANE, go POSTAL, hate his son forever etc etc, only the son can really know what he should or should not do.. let him slee on that~

CuteCora
wrote on February 12 2009 @ 10:42 am: [report]

sleep on that…lol