Should This Columnist Be Fired For Giving Bad Advice?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
news
11:50AM, Friday October 16th 2009
Writer Lucinda Rosenfeld is in big-time trouble with internet commenters! The author of I’m So Happy For You writes an advice column for Double X called “Friend Or Foe” and her advice to a recent letter writer has commenters calling for her termination. So what was the dilemma and her supposedly awful advice? Let’s begin with the conundrum.
The letter writer, a woman, and her two female best friends went out for a night on the town. At one point the letter writer went to the bathroom and didn’t return, so her friends assumed she had gone home and they left too. All the woman remembers from the evening is waking up in the ER—she was told that a police officer found her passed out on the sidewalk and she had been slipped a roofie. She was able to piece together what happened during the hours she can’t remember and found out that she called her friends, “sobbing in hysterics and asking for help, they told me to go back to the club and that they would have an ambulance pick me up there.” When she was in the hospital, her mother called the friends and asked them to go be with her, but these friends refused. They only came to get her because the hospital refused to release her without someone to drive her home—they did so angrily, but only as far as her own vehicle, which she drove home alone.
“I have known these girls for more than 10 years, and had until now considered them my best friends. But I can’t help feeling as though they’d abandoned me. If I found out one of them had been taken to the hospital, I would have dropped everything and gone to be by her side. Am I expecting too much from my best friends, both of whom are mid-twentysomething professional women?”
Before we get to Rosenfeld’s advice, my initial reaction is that the letter writer is not asking for too much, that her two friends definitely did abandon her, and she should be extremely pissed off. There’s nothing in the letter that indicates whether she told her friends she was roofied (though, I think it’s safe to assume she did) or whether they apologized. If they haven’t apologized, my advice would be to drop those two bitches immediately.
As for Rosenfeld, this is what she had to say in response to “Am I expecting too much?”
“Wow, that’s a tough call. A spouse or even a boyfriend? Yes, it would be his or her duty to haul ass to said hospital at 4 a.m. But your single female friends who are already, presumably tucked in their beddy-bies? I have to admit that, if I got a call like yours (or your mother’s) in the middle of the night, I’d do what I could from home, but would be hard-pressed to jump in my car until morning.
She then says it’s unsafe for a woman to head out alone at that late hour, which is kind of ridiculous given the woman in question actually WAS in a completely unsafe situation. Also, she says that by the time the mom called the friends, she was likely out of danger. True. Was her friends’ presence at her hospital bedside necessary at that point? No. But would being with her have been the right thing to do—the kind, compassionate, and caring thing to do—after she’s just gone through a traumatic experience? Absolutely. And I would expect my friends to behave in such a manner.
Of the anger her friends seem to feel towards her for the incident, Rosenfeld explains, “Why were they so unforgiving? I’d wager a guess that they think you’re lying about the mickey, tales of which are sometimes used as a cover for irresponsible behavior. (Only you know the truth.)”
Wait, what kind of friend thinks her bestie is lying about being slipped the date rape drug? That’s the kind of thing you assume when a friend has a sordid history of tall tales, but there is nothing in the letter to support that. Still, Rosenfeld at least gets it right in saying, “If your buddies refuse to believe your account, it might be time to reexamine the friendships.” No kidding.
Double X commenters fuh-reaked about Rosenfeld’s response and have started an online petition calling for her to be fired. Many of them felt like the letter writer could have been sexually assaulted, but Rosenfeld wrote in a followup post:
“I did not think of that at the time. There is no evidence in her letter that she was a victim of a sex crime. And I believe that if she had been, or thought she had been, she would have alluded to it in the letter. All we know is that something she drank caused her to pass out. Moreover, had I believed for a second that she’d been assaulted, I would have responded in an entirely different manner.”
But is that the point? The point is that the friends should have been concerned that their pal was in a dangerous situation that could have resulted in sexual assault. At the time that she phoned them, anything could have happened. She needed their help getting out of a dangerous situation which, luckily as far as we know, did not end as badly as it could have. The friends don’t get a pass just because a worst case scenario didn’t pan out.
Still, does an advice columnist doling out advice that the majority considers completely horrendous warrant her being fired? What do you think?
[Double X]
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camille905
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]
I think she needs some new friends.
If I had gone out with my friends and didn’t return from the bathroom, they would have come to check on me. If they couldn’t find me, they would have called me. And I would do the same for them. Including driving them home from the hospital.
This is so ridiculous. And if this is the kind of advice the columnist gives out, she should find a new job.
*Lee*
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]
Wow, they just left her? The friends sound like cold bitches.
I don’t know about firing her. I mean, she’s an advice columnist, not God. If you don’t like her advice, don’t read her, there’s all kinds of stuff I wouldn’t bother with because I think it’s useless, I really think people are giving her too much credence.
joyy
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]
Depends on what her contract or comp plan looks like. Is there any part of her agreement with her employer that allows (or requires) them to take action based on consumer input?
hlnbabe
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:00 am: [report]
I don’t think that the columnist should be fire, but I feel bad for her and her relationships with other people if that’s the advice she is doling out.
If they are your two best friends, as indicated by the author, they shouldn’t have even left the bar assuming she’d gone home. Drop their behinds.
n75nva
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
The first thing that caught my attention in the letter was that after she did not return from the bathroom her “friends” thought she went home and didn’t bother to look for her and they left the club.
What kind of person leave the club without knowing for certain that their friend is safely on their way home? Although the rest of the letter goes on to explain exactly what kind of person. The same kind of person who will get angry when their friend is in the hospital and asks them for help. The same kind of friend who will drive the girl to her car and make her DRIVE home after drinking and being drugged.
I honestly think that this woman should drop those “friends” too. These women obviously don’t care about her AT ALL! If you can’t trust your friends to make sure you get home ok when you go out, then how can you trust them with anything else?
C.Munro
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
I think a true friend will keep an eye on your drink when you leave the table, for one thing.
n75nva
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:07 am: [report]
Oh and the columnist advice sucks. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s done the same sort of thing to a friend.
coriannen
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:10 am: [report]
I wouldn’t call those women friends. Friends take care of each other regardless of the situation. They arrived at the club together, they should have been concerned when they weren’t leaving together.
I dunno that the columnist should be fired on the basis of one incident, but i’d be curious to see what other advice she dishes and see if it’s any better.
sweetsdjc
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
I think that yes, she should dump her friends. If a friend called me in a panic like that? I’d be out of the door in a flash. No questions asked, except “where are you”?
Also…I’m surprised the Rosenfeld responded the way she did. The thing about roofies? She wouldnt have known if she had been raped or assaulted. She pieced together SOME things, but not all. For instance, where was she when her friends thought she had left???? I dont know about her resigning or being fired, but I think she needs to think things out a little more in the future.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
Extenuating circumstances cannot be conveyed by writing. I expect that there is more.
GreenAura
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
Kind of off topic: How do you let your drink go unsupervised? I always thought it was unwritten law that you do not ever let your drink out of your hand. Knowing the world we live in, thats just irresponsible.
as for the topic @ hand: it wasn’t terrible that the so-called friends complained about going to the hospital. It was terrible that they left her at the club w/o checking to see if she truly did leave or not. They majorly screwed up there. Isn’t it girl code that you always take head counts before leaving? At least in my circle it is! Bad friends, bad advise. But no need to fire the columnist.
Raugiel
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
I can say one thing: that’s one columnist I’d never take advice from. Perhaps that makes her unqualified to be an advice columnist.
Kiki T
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]
Was she roofied writing that response???
cattgirl813
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
Has this columnist given advice as seemingly cold and reckless as this before? If she has, then yes it’s time for her to go. If not, then she needs to be on some sort of monitoring or probationary period. Her advice to this woman on its face seems to blame the victim for what she went through and validate the victim’s “friends” for being unconcerned at best and hostile to the woman in a frightening situation at worst. Was there any detail or history given in the letter that was edited out at the time of publishing that would clarify the columnist’s advice? If there was, then there should be some sort of follow-up to explain her answer. If there isn’t, we’re back to a probationary period. Whatever the case, I would think the publication should seriously consider assigning the author to a new beat. Advice is not her strong suit. I do hope the letter writer is well, pursuing some sort of legal action or therapy, no longer associating with those two women who clearly aren’t friend material, and reading better advice columnists.
lawyrgrl
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
Isn’t one of the points of having friends with you while you are at clubs the protection that they give you? Having someone to watch your back is one of the cardinal rules of safety. These women should be ashamed of themselves!
As far as the columnist, the market will decide her fate but I am hoping her career arc is on the downward path.
moonblossom
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:25 am: [report]
That columnist shouldn’t be fired for this incident. She should be fired because she is clearly not qualified or capable of giving advice.
What a horrendous story. The woman should drop those see-you-next-Tuesday “friends” of hers and grow a back bone. Those women are the worst kind of vermin. Shame shame shame…on the columnist and the “friends”
H. Blue
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
I’m not sure the columnist should be fired, but she does sound like the same kind of bitch as the one the advice-seeker is calling her “friends.” They seem selfish and self-absorbed. How the hell could she NOT think about the fact that being given a date-rape drug the woman was possibly in danger of, or had been through, a sexual assault?? And one can’t assume that, just because she didn’t mention it, that wasn’t part of the story. Like someone else on here said, if you don’t like her crappy advice, don’t read her crappy column, but her questionable character doesn’t warrant being fired.
Real friends look out for eachother. It makes me sad that the person who wrote the letter even had to ask what she should do.
smh
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:33 am: [report]
Was her advice horribly wrong headed and misguided - yes but she is an advice columnist. The only qualification and or requirement for this job is that she have an opinion and be able to express it.
Just because she expressed an opinion that does not ring solid or sensible in the minds, hearts, eyes and ears of her readers does not warrant firing - it means more liners for the cat box or birdcage or a mouse clicking to the next item.
Firing her is not necessary anyone that gives advice or opinions this odd is not destined for a long term career. In this case her advice is freely given to the readers - opinions are freely available because everyone has one. Advice is worth what you pay for it.
Hopefully the person who wrote in will see that with ‘friends like these she does not need enemies’ and trust her instincts with regard to losing these selfish, self serving, self centered ‘friends’. Even if the person has a history of bad behavior or you suspect they are being less than forthright, none of which is not indicated, a friend will in a situation such as this give a friend the benefit of the doubt - take the time to make sure the person is okay and deal with the bad behavior later.
Friends do not just leave without checking on a friends well being. Had they done that they would have been at the hospital with her not at home when Mom called. Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt and have each others back - even if they end the friendship at some point.
pragmatryst
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:42 am: [report]
@joyy: “Depends on what her contract or comp plan looks like.”
I second that notion. Ms. Rosenfeld is responsible to her employer for her job performance and as an internet columnist job #1 is most likely increasing readership as judged by her ability to generate page views. Establishing a loyal fan base is one way to do that and alienating your fan base with questionable advice works against that goal. On the other hand, controversy generates exposure and the potential to attract new readers so the occasional misstep may actually work in her favor. For all we know her boss may have told her to purposely chum the waters to see what would happen, in which case mission accomplished.
peacock
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
Maybe I’m being overly-critical of the letter-writer, or maybe I have too much faith in people I consider my friends do to something like those “friends” did. I don’t think best friends don’t just assume you get up to go to the bathroom and don’t come back, unless the writer did just leave on her own a lot in the past.
Also- A police officer found her passed out on the sidewalk and let her go? HUGE liability for the police department to just let someone go like that. I don’t know about cops where she is from, but where I live (in a decent sized city) no officer would find a young girl passed out on a side walk and just let her walk away. They would either take her in and let her sober up, make someone come get her, or take her to the hospital. It just doesn’t seem to make sense for her to call her friends after an officer found her and ask them to take her to the hospital.
I also think the letter-writer’s even having to write in to ask if her friends was wrong either shows that she has ALWAYS had horrible friends, or that she feels like maybe her friends had reason to act the way they did.
Alison Wonderland
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
I agree with Cheese. There has to be more to the story. The letter writer may have left out details to enhance her apparent innocence in the situation. Maybe she’s just bounced without telling anyone before. Maybe she consistently is the friend who drinks too much whom the other friends have to drag home. I’ve been there, you get tired of it. Leaving her in the hospital overnight would have been a good way to send the message that she needs to get her sh*t straight.
Then again we, nor Ms. Rosenfeld, should just be assuming these things. But at the same time, aren’t advice columns much like horoscopes? (No offense Wendy or Kiki.) You sort of have to take them with a grain of salt because there’s really no way anyone but the person asking for advice can know the entire situation.
Bee Mee
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
There was more to the story…
http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/response-friend-or-foe-letter-writer
workerbee
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 12:05 pm: [report]
My take: I’ve been left before and have left a friend before. I either got suuuuper drunk or had something put in my drink but I got discombobulated at a football game once, called my friend crying because I couldn’t figure out where I was and how to get back to her and she blew me off. Later she told me she was upset at me for acting a bit too flirty with her ex (after she was dating someone else) so she didn’t want to get me. Luckily, my boyfriend at the time told me to get in a cab and get to his place STAT so nothing happened to me.
The time I left my friend we were fighting for much of the night, I went to the bathroom and returned to find her gone. I had a habit of disappearing for a short time when I leave to the bathroom, but I always returned, and she was always at or very near where I left her—and I usually returned with drinks. I called quite a few times trying to locate her before leaving a message that I was walking the few blocks back to my apt. I assumed she ditched me and wasn’t answering my calls. Shortly after I arrived home, she came to my place. She was angry that I left, even throwing a shoe at me. We made up within 5 mins though.
Both of those girls are still among my best friends. Sometimes we do stupid stuff, not thinking correctly in the heat of the moment. Doesn’t mean they’re bad friends overall.
luke15chick
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 12:18 pm: [report]
Many people who write advice colomnists are genuinely seeking help and are very vulnerable. It appalls me that the advice writer seemed to have no concern for the letter writer’s safety and claimed that if she were her friend she would be upset that the letter writer was in danger and not come help her. If people can’t rely on their friends of ten years to help them in times of need, then who can they rely on?
retro chic
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 12:20 pm: [report]
Pragmatryst said:
:sigh: Yes, we see so much of that these days, don’t we.
That said, Rosenfeld, is proof-positive a woman can be a DB too, and…
Yes, Cheese, you’re right: The letter-writer’s TMI is NEI for us.
Humble Bee
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
@Workerbee, I got left behind once too! I too went with my 2 best friends, and another older girl who was friends with one of the girls (so I didnt know her well). One of my besties started puking in the bathroom and just couldn’t stop, so I was helping her (while I’m freaking drunk out of my mind too) The 2 other girls are in the bar, when I come out the restroom my best friend barfed ALL over the bar floor! So the older chick looks at me and she’s like, damn you can hang! Look at your friends, they can’t even stand up still. ( I say she #&@$%*ing jinxed it) because I stepped outside and just felt like puking my face off, I started throwing up on the sidewalk and next thing I know, I see the older chick taking my friend into a car and taking off! I was like wtf! We all came together bitch! So I frantically start looking for my other best friend, and I’m stuck in this crowd of people trying to get into the bar and none of them are my friend, so I’m really freaking out! I’m alone and I’ve lost my other friend who was drunker!. So I call my dad. lol. I remember just slurring so bad, I couldn’t think straight, I didn’t even know what street I was on, and it felt like my mom and dad got there in 2 minutes. I ran across the street and hugged my dad, I was like sorry dad, I’m such an idiot. NOW problem #2, where’s my friend?? I stay in the car while my mom& dad are looking for her, it’s saturday night in Hollywood, do you know how many people are dressed in hoochie club attire??? Finally my mom finds her curled under a car trying to stay warm, with a puddle of puke on the side! I was really angry at my friend for leaving us, but she called the next day at 7 asking if we were alright and she was so sorry, she too was drunk and just followed the other chick. I forever hate that girl! but forgave my besties because they were just as drunk, I just consider myself a lucky drunk. (sorry for the long ass story)lol. As for the columnist, shame on that bitch, that was just a ruthless answer. Maybe she doesn’t have such great friends, we should just feel sorry for her then.
pragmatryst
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:13 pm: [report]
@retro chic: “:sigh: Yes, we see so much of that these days, don’t we.”
Ha, ha. Why yes. Yes we do. The scary thing is I’m not always certain it’s intentional.
cattgirl813
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
Just went back and read the full response to Ms. Rosenfield’s advice from the letter writer. Thanks for the link, Bee Mee. Here it is again for anyone who may have missed it:
http://www.doublex.com/blog/xxfactor/response-friend-or-foe-letter-writer
The writer’s “friends” left her because she danced with a guy one of them was crushing on. Not only is that appalingly cold, it’s juvenile and petty. Ms. Rosenfield’s advice was an additional slap in the face. If a friend is out with someone who seems to be drunk, the right thing to do is get that friend home or make sure that friend is not left alone. The wrong thing to do is to simply leave the friend behind, refuse to go to the hospital to see about them, and blame the victim for being victimized. I’m so glad this writer checked Ms. Rosenfield on her callousness and has cut those so-called “friends” out of her life. Now she can move on and begin to heal.
Claireific
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 01:20 pm: [report]
I think the big problem in Rosenfeld’s response, aside from the awful interpretation of what it means to be a good friend, is the anti-feminist notion that only women who are married or coupled and thus protected by a big strong man should ever expect this kind of middle-of-the-night rescue. So if you’re a single woman, you’re SOL. Double X is, ostensibly, all about the modern, intelligent, strong woman, and even though several commenters brought this point up, neither Rosenfeld or any other Double X representative has addressed it.
Also suggesting, not-so-subtly, that her story of being drugged was actually just a tale used to cover an embarrassing night of overindulging is no different than telling a rape victim, “Sweetie, there there now. Are you sure you just don’t regret a consensual act in the light of day? Be reasonable now.”
It’s disgraceful that this came from a “feminist blog”.
bogart4017
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]
I knew someone that passed out in a pizz hut bathroom and wound up arrested for weed possession. This could have been avoided if the six “friends” he went out with had bothered to check on him.Thank God i didnt go with them that night—-they looked too coked out to leave the living room.
As far as advice—who deems advice bad? I’m guessing it would be the columnist’s boss. So would Dear Abby or Ann Landers have been fired each time some reader disagreed with advice offered?
bethlynn00
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]
I don’t think she should be fired. She did her job and gave her opinion of the situation, maybe not everyone would agree with it, but she response to the information that she got from the writer and gave her opinion. Ultimately, the writer still needs to make their own decisions as to what the outcome will be. Honestly my response would have been “Seriously, you don’t know what to do? Then you deserve friends like that and I wish you the best.” Harsh, but advice columns are not meant to substitute as professional, non-biased help. And I disagree that Rosenfeld stating that maybe the friends thought she was lying about it was insensitive, she does not know the friends, that could have been a thought that they had and bring that up isn’t cruel or anti anything, it’s just reality that two people who would leave you at a hospital, might think you made up a story about getting drugged.
I would also add that women in their mid-twenties sometimes do stupid #&@$%, which includes assuming that their friends will make it home safe, especially after a night of drinking. How many times have we heard about girls going missing after she was left alone in a bar or something, this is not an uncommon scenario, unfortunately, and it’s not uncommon that women get mad at each other for silly things (like dancing with a crush) at various ages. Women are not perfect, we make mistakes, we have times of petty and bitchiness and sometimes they do have unfortunate consequences. Will it ever stop something similar from happening again? No. I know there have been times were I’ve left friends at a bar, because I was tired or meeting up with a guy or was ready to leave, or where my friend disappeared in a bar and I left and just called the next day, I mean sometimes when you’re out, you’re not constantly on-guard to those things.
SunflowerEyes
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 02:18 pm: [report]
As someone who went looking for her friend after she went to the bathroom and didn’t return, only to find some creepy guy cornering her, I think it’s imperative to have your friend’s back whenever you go out…
However, I don’t think the columnist should be fired. Yes, it was in poor taste and poor judgment but advice columns are all about opinions…
Lexington
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
If I have a friend in the hospital, asking me to come pick her/him up, I go, no questions asked, no matter what.
But I would not have, also no matter what, left my friend alone in a dangerous situation, like a bar, without checking to see she was taken care of first. I definitely would not have assumed she’d just left without telling me- in fact, since I am pretty much paranoid when it comes to personal safety, I would have assumed she was in trouble the minute that I looked for her to come back from the restroom and couldn’t find her. These girls and the advice columnist are sociopathic in their lack of empathy for their friend, and I’m on the team ‘get this woman a new job, now’. It’s hard enough when people who don’t know you think you just got wasted or whatever- but when your close friends deny that these things have happened- well, my best friend got roofied once and I’m still pretty angry with the other friend who didn’t believe her.
wild-ting
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 06:21 pm: [report]
I don’t think Rosenfeld should be fired for being an insensitive self-centered bad girlfriend based on her statements of how SHE would have reacted, nor should she be fired for giving that bad advice.
Something is not right about this story though. Why would two long-time friends not come check on you in the ladies’ room if that is where you said you were going and they knew this?
Even more strange is their unwillingness to help their friend get home from the hospital. YES…hospital. She wasn’t calling to be picked up from 7-11, but a hospital. And mom called too!
Either the two miserable friends slipped her the roofie or the letter writer has a reputation for wandering off and being in strange predicaments. The behavior of the friends is abnormal. This story is abnormal. Something is amiss.
Oh and girlfiend (if this tale is true)...drop those biatches fast!
adamjs
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 09:33 pm: [report]
Firstly: Agreed the advice columnist came across a bit harsh, but it is the standard advice columnist schtick - try and make the person see the other side of the story by partly defending the perpetrators of the issue. It would really depend on her terms of employment as to whether or not she should be fired, in any case, a first written warning would be the first point of action in most work place problems.
Agreed with most of the above comments - they should never have left her on her own in the first place: one-in-all-in; one-out-all-out.
stupid question: how were the drunken friends which at this time of night were probably passed out or still stumbling around inebriated meant to make their way safely to the hospital?
Once left behind by drunken friends - you’re pretty much screwed because they can never get back to you safely without endangering themselves.
LilMissSunshine
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 12:08 am: [report]
My big issue is with the assault issue. Does being drugged not constitute an assault? Being slipped a roofie leaves you completely powerless more so than being punched etc. But yet we don’t know if the victim was assaulted. Really? What we don’t know is if she was raped or sexually assaulted in addition to being assaulted by being drugged.
Also in one of the comments someone got confused with the story. The woman woke up in a hospital to find out that a police officer found her passed out and that’s how she got to the hospital. She vaguely remembers calling her friends when she was drugged and confused. And trying to get her friends to help her. A police officer did not find her and then let her go.
LilMissSunshine
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 12:10 am: [report]
Uh-oh didn’t finish my comment.
But with the above information I would highly suspect her friends of slipping her the roofie. Maybe it was their idea of revenge for her dancing with their crush. Anyway I say drop the friends.
CJ1432
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 12:41 am: [report]
After reading the writers response, what irritates me the most is that these “friends” seem to be oblivious to the writer’s state and more concerned that she was flirting with an ex. If they were such good friends you would think that maybe these women would have figured out that the writer was not acting in her normal behavior and either, 1. called her out on it if it was upsetting, or 2. realized that something might have been wrong and take her home. Either way, if my friend called me from the hospital and told me she’d been roofied, even if she had been flirting with my ex, I would have been there in a flash. She would have been forgiven for her behavior after discovering the root of it. Also, her safety is going to come before whoever she flirted with. What happened to “chicks before d**ks?” Sounds like these friends are just people that suck.
Freya
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 04:38 pm: [report]
I think the only problem with the friends here was that they left her in the club - but not being there at the hospital? I’ve been dropped off at the front door of the local ER by my parents and left to walk/crawl/stumble/otherwise drag myself in there, LOL. Also, if you want a ride home from the hospital, WHY would you be asking your friends who were drinking and partying only hours before? That’s definitely not a *safe* ride home…
Although, I do agree with the author that roofies != sexual assualts. I’m pretty sure that I was roofied back at a high school dance (all I had was Mountain Dew, and I’m told that cannot cause unconsciousness) but I’m also very sure that I wasn’t sexually assualted because I woke up on my own couch in front of a Star Trek marathon on TV. Later, I learned that one of my friends had noticed I wasn’t feeling well, offered to lend me his cell phone to call my mom, and then drove me home when I couldn’t reach her. My mom, as it turned out, had to take my little brother to the ER and took her cell phone with her, but then had to turn it off when she was in the hospital. So, when she came home very late, she assumed I had come home and decided to watch TV before bedtime as per my usual routine - to this day my parents still don’t know that all happened, they’d probably want to kill me and at least ground me for life and never let me out of their sight again.
ashsass24
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 04:01 pm: [report]
There is absolutely no way in hell I would leave a friend, alone, at a bar!
And as for seemingly not caring about the writer being in the hospital-time to drop them! I once stayed up ALL night and made well over 100 phone calls to get my roommate out of jail for a DUI on a holiday weekend, I sure as hell would have been at the hospital with her if that were the case.
I can understand if they’re BAC is above the legal limit not wanting to drive to the ER, but there are other means of transportation and the writer should have never just been dropped off at her car to drive home alone. A good friend would have stayed with her as long as she needed them.
If you’ve never been “roofied” you just don’t know how terrible the entire ordeal can be.
AshleyMarie
wrote on October 22 2009 @ 02:10 pm: [report]
I think the issue of firing her will work itself out without any need for interference—it’s simple supply-and-demand: after reading this piece of advice, it remains to be seen if others will write to her with their problems. If no one writes, she has no job. End of story.
PassTheDutchie
wrote on October 27 2009 @ 03:55 pm: [report]
Among other qualifications, a true friend will come get you out of jail or the hospital any time or place it is physically possible…regardless of if they were tucked if for ‘beddy bye’ or not.
As for the advice giver, she should be fired if it negatively affected readership in a significant or lasting way…not outright because of the actual ‘advice’.