SexReally Tries (& Fails) To Explain Why Nice Guys Finish Last

I Go To 11
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 01:51 pm: [report]

This is BS. I think I’m actually paraphrasing “Waiting…”  when I say that I believe it’s girls—not women—who like bad boys. After dating one “bad boy” after the next (and marrying, then divorcing, one), I finally wised up and realized I’d had it with irresponsible jerks and deserved better. I’m repulsed by that so-called “swagger” and “confidence”. I’m with you, Jessica; I’m happily engaged to a nice guy, so where’s our representation? IMO, nice guys always win out in the end.

bbpickles
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

This is a good way to make all guys act like #&@$%!  Great!

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

Good point, @bbpickles. Memo To Men: Some women actually like nice guys!

Raugiel
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 03:24 pm: [report]

It is possible to have a nice guy with real confidence, instead of the bad boy “confidence” that is really a mask for insecurity. Don’t settle for less! Nice guys with confidence are out there!

Guys, think you’re too nice? Try finding some real confidence in your awesomeness, and see how many more ladies start to see your awesomeness too!

stormygirl
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 03:42 pm: [report]

I am married to a nice guy. One of the main things that attracted me to my husband was the fact that he was a gentleman that knew a nd still knows how to treat a woman the way a woman should be treated,with love, caring and respect. Most of my friends are men, and they are all nice guys. I do NOT like men who are a**holes. I’ve dealt with a few a**holes in the past, and they pissed me off so bad, all I wanted to do was punch them in the face. Nice guys always win with me.

joyy
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 03:48 pm: [report]

My ex was such a ‘bad boy’ douchebag that I decided to not tolerate anything similar ever again.  I did end up turning down dates with/going on very awkward, unsuccessful dates with other nice guys afterward - but those never worked out because neither of those guys and I were a good fit for each other. 

My bf (of 3.5 years) is very much the nice guy, and I thoroughly approve.

Kate134
wrote on June 30 2009 @ 11:05 pm: [report]

There is a difference between a ‘nice’ guy and a creepily doormat-like guy. On a first date a nice guy compliments your eyes, holds the door open for you, offers to pay for the date but when you insist on paying for yourself lets you, and walks you back to your car possibly to swoop in for a goodnight kiss.

creepy doormat guy came to the date with a bouquet of flowers (ok sweet on its own), constantly reminded you of how lucky he is to have gotten a date with you and how beautiful you are, and insists on paying even when you expressly say you only do double-dutch first dates.

I love nice guys, who treat me fairly, respect me and are also assertive for themselves. It would be really obnoxious dating a man who constantly treats you like a stone goddess.
Been there done that, ‘good guys’ often have the good guys finish last complex too.

hereshestands
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 12:01 am: [report]

@Kate134 Well said!

mountain_laurel1183
wrote on July 1 2009 @ 05:45 am: [report]

I completely agree with Kate134! Some “nice” guys are just creepy! And too, some nice guys are simply incredibly boring. Or they’re nice, but they have no idea how to put on deo or take a shower or keep their homes at any basic level of clean. Some nice guys aren’t nice, they just seem nice on the surface, like my ex husband. And some guys that seem a bit rough around the edges are incredibly nice, like the guy I’m with now.

BlueVibe
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]

My dad is a nice guy (happily married 33 years), my brother is a nice guy (happily married 3 years), I just started seeing a nice guy, and I have lots of friends who are nice guys (mostly taken.  Sorry, girls).  The thing is, none of them are hung up on their “niceness” and they are all nice without being doormats.

I like a guy who is nice for its own sake, not nice because he can use it as a way to feel maligned by the world and sorry for himself.

Any woman who’s looking for a man who makes her feel “lower in some way” needs to stop dating and get her head examined!

demi-angel
wrote on July 2 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]

maybe nice guys finish last because they’re looking for THE girl instead of racing to find any girl to skrew, does no one remember the tortise and the hare?

fifi
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 09:30 pm: [report]

Maybe we can have a better definition of “nice”? On the extreme end, there are the doormats. But we can also use it to describe guys who respect and appreciate you, who are kindhearted, who have “morals”, but who still have a strong personality. If they finish last, it’s because they probably look for QUALITY, not QUANTITY. It only means girls end up with them for LIFE, meaning they’re still the winners.

_jsw_
wrote on July 5 2009 @ 10:06 pm: [report]

I think that it helps, at the beginning, to not feel as though you completely “have” the other person. It’s good to be at least a _little_ nervous about whether they’ll call/answer or ask for/accept a date. I’m not talking about playing games, but I do think that if you meet someone and you just _know_ that they’ll call and _know_ they’ll want to go out with you and _know_ they’ll worship the ground you walk on, then it takes away a lot of the allure (except in those perfect found-my-soulmate situations, which happen maybe once every year somewhere in the world).

And so I think the “nice guys finish last” thing, even for non-doormats, often comes from such men being too predictably “yours” too soon. And then, later, when you’re tired of #&@$% _never_ being “yours”, the nice guys seem more appealing. We all want what we can’t have. And sometimes, that makes what we _can_ have seem less appealing than it really is.