Sex & The Show-Me State: The Arrival
Posted by: Emily Farris
Filed in:
relationships
11:00AM, Tuesday February 3rd 2009
I am not used to being pursued by men. This is not to say it’s never happened, but the eight and a half years I lived in New York can best be described as an incredibly long dry spell interrupted by too many bad first dates, as many one-night stands, and one seriously flawed serious relationship.
While I know some of the fault lies in my refusal to date actors, bad spellers, or men who work in finance, my sister and I joke that in New York I was fat and average, but in Kansas City I’m hot. Not that there aren’t plenty of attractive women in the Midwest, but New York is a city full of models, actresses, and hundreds of thousands of women who look like models and actresses. Going out in New York in our size-10 jeans, my sister and I concluded after her first visit, was like going to a gay bar anywhere else in the country.
The first thing I noticed when exploring my new neighborhood was that while fewer men populated the sidewalks, the ones who did weren’t fixated on their BlackBerries or doing whatever they could to avoid eye contact. No, they were smiling. At me.
I often dreamed of moving to a far-away land full of single, available manly men. And after too many Saturday nights stuck at home with “Men in Trees” on demand and endless bottles of red wine, I actually looked into moving to Alaska. New York writer chick moves to the Middle of Nowhere and has her choice of bearded men, I thought, I can do that! I didn’t, figuring an extended case of the winter blues in the 49th State might be worse than trying to wrangle the attention of skinny hipster boys in Brooklyn. But when I finally decided to move to a quieter and cheaper city for the mental and physical space to write, it did not escape me that my entire dating game was about to change.
The first thing I noticed when exploring my new neighborhood was that while fewer men populated the sidewalks, the ones who did weren’t fixated on their BlackBerries or doing whatever they could to avoid eye contact. No, they were smiling. At me.
I don’t know if it was the confidence those smiles instilled or the fact that I’m comparatively “hot” in the Midwest, but within a week of my arrival in Missouri I was being pursued. An old friend had invited me to happy hour with her co-workers and 20 minutes after she dropped me off at my apartment, she called to say that the quiet guy who had been sitting across the table had already asked her for my number. I laughed it off at the time; we’d barely spoken a word to each other, let alone made any eye contact. The next day, he tried again. By his third attempt to get my digits, I told my friend he could have them.
Happy Hour was Friday. At 10:30 on Sunday morning my phone rang. I don’t know that anybody but credit card collectors had called me that early on the weekend in years. But the guy from across the table was on the phone, asking me out.
Beginner’s luck or the beginning of lots of sex in the Show-Me State? Only time will tell.
[Photo: iStockphoto]
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sophie19
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 11:29 am: [report]
I like it. But you didn’t mention that while the women of the midwest aren’t as attractive, neither are the men.
og217
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]
As a New Yorker, I agree with the post and the first response. It’s very difficult to date and generally feel good when everywhere you go, there are 6 foot tall fashion models who then turn out to be attorneys with a love of rock climbing and S&M;. I always considered myself to be pretty and in good shape, but it’s just so easy to get lost in the crowd, especially if you’re just “average.” Also, I think that it is actually statistically true that there are a lot more straigh females than straight males in NYC. And they know it. So they act like they are some endangered species, hiding out, using evasive tactics and spreading their seed.
Emilie
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 01:46 pm: [report]
i live in missouri. :(
Arty
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]
A transplant from the midwest to the DC area I feel similar to the midwesterners. All the women here are quite skinny and super-professional with impeccable pantsuits. When I go home my mom says, “You shouldn’t wear the necklace AND the earrings! You’re not in DC!” Here, jeans are only for staying in, and sneakers are only for fitness purposes.
elthrilla
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 06:34 pm: [report]
I’ve lived in KC and new york, and I don’t think it has anything to do with your looks, but that it is easier to meet people in the midwest as they are often friendlier than those on either coast. You are no ‘hotter’ than before, you’re just around people who are more outgoing and not so self obsessed. You even say that the people smiled at you and weren’t staring into their blackberries and THAT is the difference.
Oh and just so you know, KCMO was actually voted the worst city for singles about 3 or 4 years back, so it’s funny that you bring up Men in Trees, but I hope you have good luck in my old stomping ground!
Trixie Firecracker
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 10:09 pm: [report]
Here’s the singles map: http://creativeclass.com/whos_your_city/maps/FIG_13.1_The_Singles_Map.gif
It supposedly came from an issue of National Geographic but I am not entirely sure of that. Truth be told, there are indeed many more single women in the NYC area than there are single men and the reverse in LA. But my burning question is why such a geographical divide? My friend’s theory is that single women tend to congregate where there is stable employment, single men tend to congregate where there are more “work opportunities,” stable or not.
kate_mi
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 10:15 pm: [report]
Okay, so I’m an ex-midwestern girl now living in Boston and I had to throw in my two cents.
First of all, the first comment to this post is exactly what drives me crazy about the East Coast. It’s not that people in the Midwest are less attractive, it’s just that out here in Boston (and New York) it seems like a perpetual sorority. Take two steps out of the city into a small town or suburb anywhere in the country and you’ll find the same thing as you do in the Midwest.
Out here it’s a different culture with different expectations—elthrilla is right—people don’t walk down the street fixated on their Blackberries in the Midwest, and that’s the difference.
Quite frankly, I’m not going to walk around in stilettos if it’s snowing outside just to impress guys at the bar. I like to get dressed up just as much as the next girl, but there’s a point when I draw the line.
And really, no matter what region you’re from, let’s face it—being self-absorbed just isn’t attractive, period.
SummerLane
wrote on February 3 2009 @ 10:30 pm: [report]
Ditto kate_mi as good as heels can make a butt look, it’s not sexy if you are walking through a foot of snow and falling on ice while you’re wearing your heels. I’m fairly sure that my confident stride is hotter than me teetering on heels this time of year!
There are some girls in the office building where I work that dress like they are going clubbing every day, and although at the bar they would look great, they get weird looks from guys and girls alike during working hours. Here in Nebraska no one cares where your shoes are from, if your dress is from Target, or if your purse is a knock off. 
namarada
wrote on February 4 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
I have not been to NYC but know people who lived there for a short time. They said its a lonely city. I lived in LA for a couple of years and it was hard to find decent guys. Unless you are a Playboy model or along that line, you will be lost in the shuffle. LA is all about appearances and money. I would imagine NYC shares that similarity with LA.
Nan
wrote on February 7 2009 @ 11:49 am: [report]
I’ve lived in St. Louis almost my whole life—where are these guys you are meeting?? haha.