Sex Diary: Sports Widow In A Dry Spell
Posted by: Anonymous
Filed in:
sex
10:00AM, Monday November 9th 2009
Here’s the second Frisky “Sex Diary,” in which an anonymous person shares the details of her sex life over the course of a few days. Sometimes these entries will be racy and filled with revealing romps, while other times there will be nary a naked moment in sight. Some of these diarists will be frequent contributors. Want to share a page from your sex diary? Email diary@thefrisky.com. All entries will be anonymous.
Today we have a sports widow who is not sure her libido is going to survive football season!
OK, maybe we haven’t had sex in awhile. Still, that rude comment most definitely zips up my vag for the night.
DIARIST: Female writer in her mid-20s who lives in Brooklyn. Has been dating for three years and engaged for six months.
THURSDAY:
11:13 pm: Fiance arrives home late from work again. I’m already half-asleep under the covers. Does that stop him from developing an instant erection and amorously rubbing up against me? Nooooo. “I’m tired, sweetie,” I mumble apologetically. There’s a little bit of back and forth, with me fending him off. “I guess we’re just both too busy for sex,” he replies, sulkily. “Oh, don’t be melodramatic, we have all weekend,” I hiss. It’s cumbersome that he wants midnight nookie, but I still feel guilty for denying him, because we haven’t had sex in almost two weeks.
FRIDAY:
3:11pm: IM from fiance promising sexy-time tonight. He’s cute ... but all I can think about is how tired I am by the end of the workweek.
6:42 pm: I shower fiance in kisses when he picks me up after work. I’m feeling so guilty about what he said last night about being “too busy for sex.” I fully intend to give him a big ol’ blowjob tonight ... right after we eat dinner with his folks.
10:00 pm: D’oh! We’re at his parents’ for dinner waaay longer than we intended, so both of us are madly yawning by the time we crash in bed. No sex tonight, either.
SATURDAY:
4:30 pm: Fiance’s band plays a gig, I nap all day. My libido is still hovering below zero. When I was single, I used to masturbate on weekend afternoons all the time. What’s happening to me?
7:11pm: Dinner date! It’s so great to finally have time alone with each other. He says a cute baby at the next table is stirring his “phantom ovaries.” Or maybe he’s just so horny right now that even beh-behs remind him of sex?
9:03 pm: Fiance tells me to pick a movie to watch tonight, so I pop “Obsessed” in the DVD player. There’s a preview for the Jason Bateman/Kristen Wiig movie, “Extract,” where Bateman’s character rushes to be home from work by 8 pm every night or else his wife puts on sweat pants which mean “no sex.” Fiance cracks, “I know how he feels.” I feel a sting of hurt. OK, maybe we haven’t had sex in awhile. Still, that rude comment most definitely zips up my vag for the night.
SUNDAY:
11:14 am: We kiss and cuddle in bed all morning. He wants sex, but I still haven’t got a libido—not surprising, since last night’s comment is ringing in my head. I love a long morning snuggle, though.
2:13 pm: Fiance says he’s happy to do whatever I want to do today, but he won’t go see any movies I want to see or go to the mall. Instead, I read all day in our bedroom and he watches football. Moping.
4:52pm: I hand-wash a couple cute nighties. He loves my cute undies! And maybe having clean, sexy lingerie will put me in the mood?
9:45p.m.: I’m reading this book of essays about sex by women, and Julie Powell, author of Julia and Julia, has written about her lust for bondage/dominance/sado-masochism. (Who knew?) Oh my, that definitely gets me horny! But Fiance is watching another football game, so I go to bed alone. Rats! Still, there’s hope my long-lost libido actually exists.
MONDAY:
9:45 am: Instant Message my friend, complaining about Fiance wanting sex late at night and my guilt over my low libido. She says her husband is always asking her for sex when she’s not in the mood and she finally had to talk with him about it. She promised she would initiate sex more if he promised to kick up the romance factor, because she thought he was getting lazy.
7:02 pm: I return home from work while Fiance is cooking us dinner. “We need to talk,” I say. I tell him that his comment during the “Obsessed” previews the other night about not having enough sex, as well as his comment that we are “too busy to have sex,” are bothering me. Use “I statements” like any good therapist would suggest. I tell him I don’t like to feel guilty for not sleeping with him. My girlfriend’s script is in my head as I promise to initiate sex more, but I request that he use a little bit more discerning judgment. Fiance apologizes, wraps me in his arms, and says he doesn’t want to make me feel guilty.
7:14 pm Thank God he doesn’t care about whoever is playing Monday Night Football —it means we eat dinner together while watching “Mad Men” on DVR. Yay! More quality time together.
7:31 pm: Pause “Mad Men” and ask Fiance if he wants to hop into bed. We make love, he comes, he fondles me to orgasm with the help of my trusty vibe, and then I give him a hand job so he comes again. We cuddle until we fall asleep, absolutely blissed out. I feel closer to him emotionally than I have all week. Our dry spell is over at last—it’s like Christmas!!!
TUESDAY:
7:04 pm: I arrive home to an empty apartment, a sink full of dishes, an unmade bed, and a huge pile of laundry. Annoyed that Fiance did not attack any of these chores when he was at home all day. Make the bed and wash the dishes myself, pissed off.
7:35 pm Pop a DVD of “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl,” Season One, into the DVD player. Belle’s thigh-high stockings catch my interest. And her high heels. And her bouncy hair. And her pouty lips. Seriously contemplate masturbating, but decide to hold out for my guy.
10:12 pm: Oops. Fall asleep by myself in bed. Fiance returns home from his band’s gig in the middle of the night. Another day bites the dust.
WEDNESDAY:
7:30 am: Wake up snuggled in Fiance’s arms. I love the way his smooth, cool skin feels on chilly mornings and the way I feel so warm and safe in his embrace. I’m totally still in the mood from “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl” last night, so we make out for half an hour, but can’t go any farther. I have to get to work!
8:06 am: Fiance begs me to “take the morning off” so we can stay in bed and fool around more. I’d like to, but I don’t think my boss is keen on my missing work so I can have an orgasm. It feels good to be desired, though!
7:07 pm: Come home to an empty apartment. The sink is full of dishes and there’s wet bath towels on our unmade bed. He knows that I hate wet towels on the bed. Seriously considering texting Fiance about WTF is up with the sloppy apartment. Decide on a whim, instead, to de-escalate the situation and just forget about it. I really don’t feel like arguing. I hang up the wet towel and slip on one of those cute nighties that I washed on Sunday, throwing on a cardigan to keep warm.
7:22 pm: Fiance arrives home thrilled that I’m wearing cute PJs. We kiss and he fondles my boobs a bit. Within 15 minutes, though, we’re bickering about how what I was planning to make for dinner is unhealthy. He makes (a healthy) dinner instead and washes all the dishes. I sulk about bickering, which I hate.
7:59 pm: After (an admittedly delicious) dinner, I ask if he wants to watch an episode of “Secret Diary of a Call Girl” with me, as I’m quite sure it’ll put me in the mood! He says there’s an important Phillies game on tonight. “I’m a baseball widow,” I whine. “Only for October!” He insists. Well, I tried, didn’t I?
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PFG-SCR
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 10:23 am: [report]
If this is what your sex life is like now, I can’t imagine what it will be like in another 10 years.
Savvy
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 10:31 am: [report]
This actually makes me feel good about being single.
QTKT
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
If I came home to an apartment like that everyday knowing my fiance could have done something about it, you bet I would tell him to shape-up. I am not his maid, I’m not someone to have sex with whenever he likes, etc - I am his partner and he had better start making a effort to grow up!
KClay
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]
This is pathetic! Relationships are about give and take, and take some compromises. Having sex even when you are “tired” or “bickering” is part of being in a relationship where you love the other person and want them to be happy. If everyone waited until the perfect mood struck both partners, most people would never get any!
cooldad
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 03:59 pm: [report]
This is depressing. When I was in my 20’s & had been living with my gf for 3 years, we had sex at least once/day & often 3x. Been together over 20 years & have kids & we do not have sex ‘pauses’ of 2 weeks. If she’s not in the mood so often, something else is the matter. Also, I’m sloppy & don’t typically make a bed, but leaving a wet towel on the bed - that’s lame.
GudrunBrangwen
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
“If everyone waited until the perfect mood struck both partners, most people would never get any!” Srsly. You have time to make out for half an hour, or cuddle “all morning,” but don’t have time for a quickie? If you have time alone together, why make so many excuses about “not having time for sex”? Even if you’re not feeling especially aroused, I would think it’d be fun to substitute 15 minutes of sex for 15 minutes of cuddling. It will help you reconnect, & get your libido going for later. Or just have him jerk off on your ass, like I do when I’m tired.
Also, what do these dirty dishes have to do with anything? Cleaning the apartment is a separate issue, not payment for sex.
IrishErin
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 04:10 pm: [report]
Parts of this definitely made me feel better about the recent lack of sexy times in my nearly 4 year long relationship. We’ve both just been SO exhausted as of late. But we finally discussed and have improved on the “one person tries to fondle the other at midnight while the more tired one fends them off” method. More afternoon delight. More pre-work morning quickies. It takes effort to balance two busy lives and maintain a good level of physicality. But we don’t live together, so thankfully I don’t deal with fights about wet towels and meals and that #&@$%. If that were also part of the equation, I think it would be “sit down” time.
Tarvold
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 04:58 pm: [report]
She’s lucky to have him. If it was me, I would have called off the engagement. I don’t see how she brings value to the relationship.
QTKT
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 05:01 pm: [report]
“Also, what do these dirty dishes have to do with anything? Cleaning the apartment is a separate issue, not payment for sex.”
I’m not certain it is always a separate issue. In past relationships where I feel I’ve been taken for granted it definitely affected what happened in the bedroom. Intimacy isn’t only about what happens when people are naked, it’s all encompassing. If one partner feels like they are putting more work into the relationship (and having a nice space to share is included), the balance is off and usually leads to resentment.
I’ve had personal experience with a guy like this and even though I thought we would be together forever, it ended. Now, I’ve found a relationship that is not this way (and what goes down in the bedroom is so much better, coincidence, maybe…).
MuchoMacho
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 05:16 pm: [report]
you haters have all had dry spells and weeks like these where no one wants to do anything and you both get home too late to fool around… “what will it be like in 10 years?” im sure itll be like this some weeks, and some weeks itll be mind-blowing sex 7 out of 7 nights…
QTKT
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 05:16 pm: [report]
That being said, I’m not totally on the side of the writer either. Withholding sex bc your guy said something stupid is not cool. Talk about it instead of letting it fester. It sounds like both of the players are being passive aggressive - making rude comments, choosing sports/tv over your partner, withholding sex and all around not communicating.
Yes, people get tired and stressed, but you make the time for your partner. It sounds like they are on very different schedules making it that much harder, but there are ways to deal with it. Take a nap when you get home so you might actually be awake when your guy gets home; or, wake up early for work to fit in some sexy time. During times of stress and not a lot of sleep, sex actually helps* (*personal experience, not scientific).
PFG-SCR
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]
@MuchoMacho: My comment was related more about her attitude and behavior with respect to sex. See GudrunBrangwen’s comment and QTKT’s last comment.
draymond
wrote on November 9 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]
I sympathize with the dry spell, but on the other hand I’ve been married for thirty years, not engaged for six months.
Being loving is a choice. Sometimes you have to choose that you are going to work past one awkward comment during a movie. Sometimes making an effort to wake up when your boyfriend comes home late from a gig is a choice. Deciding to watch the game with him rather than sitting in a different room reading a book and moping is a choice.
Also standing up for your feelings without being passive agressive about them is a choice. And forgiving is a choice. So telling him that he goofed again by leaving the towels lying around again and forgiving him when he picks them up rather than playing the put-upon one and enacting an intimacy penalty as punishment is a choice.
And it is a choice to get creative and fun. So perhaps play a game where he takes his team and you take the other team and any time there is a penalty on your team you have to do an appropriate sexy thing. So what would be the appropriate thing for ‘backfield in motion’, ‘illegal procedure’, ‘offside’, ‘holding’, ‘pass interference’, and so forth. Then whoever’s team wins gets to decide where and how you will get it on afterward. Baseball is even easier since there are already pretty well defined slang for first base, second base, third base and home run.
sparklestar
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
This has got to be the lamest thing I have ever read. Fair enough, you don’t have enough time but there is NO COMMUNICATION AT ALL here. It even says “decide not to address the situation” regarding the sloppy apartment.
If I came home to a messy apartment and my boyfriend was demanding sex then I wouldn’t have a libido either!
Urgh, if this is what your life is like NOW when you are both young then imagine the disaster it’s going to be in 5-10 years time. Wow. You both need to do some serious evaluating of yourselves before you can get married knowing this is a commitment you are willing to make for the rest of your lives.
kevinh
wrote on November 10 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]
one more reason i avoid sports on television unless im already at a bar.
justme234
wrote on November 13 2009 @ 04:19 am: [report]
He should not marry this woman. I’ll bet she expects complete fidelity but she’s not willing to make any real effort to please him. Doing the dishes etc. IS a separate issue; besides, let’s see, weeks of avoiding and refusing sex compared to one day of not doing dishes. This will not end well.
ulostme
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 10:39 am: [report]
wow!! no offense, but you’re pretty boring. it’s not like you have kids or anything….have a little fun. even if you lay on your back the whole time, he’ll appreciate the effort.
delovely
wrote on November 16 2009 @ 11:04 am: [report]
@Draymond - I just copied and pasted a lot of your comment into my “Quotes” folder, a place for words of wisdom. Great comment.
BaltimoreTXD
wrote on November 17 2009 @ 12:31 pm: [report]
I, and 99% of men, would inevitably end up cheating on this woman.
wonderfultonight
wrote on December 2 2009 @ 06:03 pm: [report]
What a sad couple. It doesn’t sound like either of them is willing to make loving choices, but most of the comments seem directed toward the woman and her changing her attitude - definitely yes, but the guy should, too. Leaving a wet towel on the bed - yuck- and she should have mentioned it, but not decided she wasn’t in the mood for sex. He is not doing his part toward building a good relationship, either. Sounds like he is almost deliberately doing things he knows annoys her. In the end, I don’t think this couple is going to be happy together for long.
My SO is exhausted sometimes and so am I. If we don’t have sexy time, we always have at least a quickie, (often a bit longer, too), in the a.m. (It seems a lot of guys like morning sex.)
I have my days when something has happened at work or I am really tired, but he knows just how to relax me and it usually ends up in having enjoyable sex. I in turn, usually give him a full body massage and/or we often take a bath together when he is feeling very tired. It is relaxing and then we often feel we want to be more intimate and have even a short sweet session of sex. It doesn’t always have to last an hour.
Fortunately, we both love sports, so that doesn’t become an issue with us. Even if she sat with him and read (difficult) or listened to her ipod, at least they would be together and who knows what half-time could lead to?
@Draymond - wonderful comment. No wonder you have been married for 30 years.
@BaltimoreTXD I’ll bet he is already cheating on her.