7 Ways Men Try To Impress Women (And Why They Don’t Work)
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
11:00AM, Friday September 18th 2009
Phil was right. Women do a lot of silly thing to impress men, most of which involve some sort of chemical substance that can be spritzed or slathered. But he was also correct that women are not alone in their misguided attempts to impress the opposite sex. Men are just as guilty—if not more so, as there’s possibly more pressure on men to impress—of doing all the wrong things to win over a date. Here are a few…
1. Stud Talk. If you spit a lot of game, we’re going to expect you to follow through with the shot. On one of my first dates with a guy, he casually mentioned having had a threesome with an ex-girlfriend. Was this supposed to make me think he was some sort of stallion, capable of satisfying not one, but two women? Likewise, dropping hints about being well-endowed only makes your inches dwindle in my eyes.
2. Money. A money clip holding a wad of Benjamins in place! Referencing a six-figure salary! Not-so-casually complaining that you really need to trade in your 2008 Porsche Speedster for a newer model. Bragging about being a high roller may work on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” but makes a regular gal feel like she’s being bought.
3. College. If you are over the age of 23 and still talking about college life as if it was the best time ever, you are not a grownup. Women don’t give a crap if you were the big man on campus in 1997, Van Wilder. Likewise, we are not impressed with constant references to the Ivy League college you attended, nor do we think it’s cool that you still use your @yale.edu email address. We get it. You are super smart and come from money. Who cares?
4. Getting Drunk. Oh wow, you can hold your liquor! Sort of. Look, I don’t date dudes that don’t drink, as a general rule, because I do drink and I would always feel like they were quietly judging me. However, I also don’t date alcoholics. Why are you trying to make yourself look like one on a first date? Share a bottle of wine with me. Save the Jaeger shots for a hot date with Courtney Love.
5. Name-Dropping. Hey, if I was Justin Timberlake’s bestie I might be tempted to brag too. But in general, bringing up the various celebrities whom you’re “friends” with comes off as really desperate and insecure. Unless I am dating you to get to Justin, in which case call him up and invite him to dinner!
6. The Ex Factor. There are so many ways talking about your ex can go wrong. Talking about what a great boyfriend you were by mentioning all the nice things you did for your last girlfriend is way too personal for a first date. Calling out an ex as being “crazy” just demonstrates exactly how you’ll describe me when we break up. Mentioning the multitude of women you have dated is, I guess, supposed to prove how desirable you are, but just makes you seem like a player.
7. Fitness/Nutrition. Remember the Sneakerhead? Dude was a gym rat and had a bizarre eating regimen that involved him eating only the kinds of food the cave people ate because, like, that’s what our bodies naturally want or something. I found all of this out between dates one and three, as I chowed down heartily on carbs in an attempt to console myself for skipping yoga class again. Guys that talk about all the working out they do only make me feel like they’re hypercritical about their bodies AND mine. His bulging muscles and zero body fat cannot make up for that.
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skywalk
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]
A warm personality, great sense of humor and ambition is all it takes for me!
amandabear
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:24 am: [report]
Number 7 is a particular annoyance to me. If you talk a lot about your gym routine I will basically feel like you’re constantly judging me. Not a turn on.
ootie
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:40 am: [report]
Talking about other girls you are/have been/want to be involved with is such a huge turn-off. My friend recently went on a second date with a guy who spent the whole time talking about past sexual and romantic experiences, including girls that “got away” that he was totally in love with. I think it was too show that he was experienced and popular with the ladies, but it instantly put him in the no-third-date category.
Another one for me is if guys try to prove how macho they are by being aggressive towards other guys (either in front of you or talking about it). I stopped seeing a guy once because he was constantly challenging other guys and telling me about fights he’d been in and how he’d kicked their ass. Eww. That was basically over before it began.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:47 am: [report]
Porsche hasn’t made a Speedster since 1965.
Frederica Bimble
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:57 am: [report]
I agree with the (a) talking about all the sex you’ve had with other women and (b) the aggressive behaviour. Both are pointless. Interestingly - after having taken the time for the man to get to know me a bit - his talking about lots of sex WITH protection for his own and past partner’s bodies WAS a turn-on. It was because he was secure and protective of himself that it helped me to relax because I have self-respect and always use a condom. Sure, I’ve had LOTS of sex with LOTS of different partners but what does that matter to the next guy? What matters is: “Did I respect my body by making sure I didn’t put myself in a position to catch a - sometimes even life threatening - sexually transmitted disease?”
The men I’ve met who behave like I’ve behaved are very, very attractive. Experienced sexually? Check. Able to be grown up enough not to pass herpes, HIV, etc. onto his current partner, ie; me? Check. The sky’s the limit!
It’s the ones who have had one or two partners and didn’t use protection with strangers who I worry about more than the ones who’ve “gotten around” but have enough sense to use a condom.
Any man “bragging” to a stranger about his sexual experience / abilities is a loser, mind. What’s the point? The man is pretty much saying that he is only good for one night of POSSIBLY good, maybe ok, sex.
betty123
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
I also hate when guys correct you and try to sound all smart about cars and stuff to impress you.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 11:19 am: [report]
I hate when women get mad at me correcting other women on the subject of cars while not trying to impress them.
angiecakes
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]
#6 - the ex’s. I hate hearing about other girls! That just makes me explicitly aware that I’m probably not that special when you start doing the same “sweet/romantic” things for me. I’ll just be comparing all the things you do to what you did for them. ugh…just let me believe I’m the most special thing in the world and we’ll both be happy, thanks.
_jsw_
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 11:41 am: [report]
I seem to pretty much embody the antithesis of this list.
If it’s accurate, I suppose I should prepare for an onslaught of attention. Or I could just continue to comment on here.
betty123
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 11:46 am: [report]
I hate when a guys response to your joke makes you uncertain as to whether he got the joke.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
Yo betty123, Ima let you finish, but this chick on the internet is not getting my jokes.
betty123
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]
LOL! It looks like my inability to understand dry humor similar to my own when in written form has brought out CheeeeEEEEse’s true identity! I didn’t know Kanye was a Frisky fan.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 12:16 pm: [report]
I couldn’t see the humor if I tried. These silly slatted glasses make seeing stuff hard.
lkb2544
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 12:46 pm: [report]
Men should NEVER tell a woman about his sexual past unless specifically asked. Even then, maybe not. I recently found out that my serious boyfriend had a threesome in his “younger” days, and I nearly had a panic attacking thinking about him with these women. !!!!
effing hickster
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 01:08 pm: [report]
#3 is a good one, but that brainiac stuff also happens in school, not only after you graduate.
Nothing beats having light party conversation with a neurotic post-grad film student or having your behavior ham-handedly misinterpreted by a freshman who’s planning on majoring in psychology.
Undergrad Film Student = LOTR! ZOMG!
Neurotic Post-Grad Film Student = The Viewmaster Conundrum: How 3D Technology Enables the Gaze in Post-Modern Cinema.
majicksand
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 01:38 pm: [report]
Really guys, no bragging about sexual prowess, dick size, or money. I actually had a guy tell me all about how he made a million dollars last year. I asked him if he was planning on giving it to me. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me no. I responded with, “then why should I care?”
bumbler
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 01:40 pm: [report]
I see a lot of #3 and I loathe it. I love talking about interesting and intelligent topics but if I have to listen to another 26 yo talk about how the saddest day of his life was when he received an alumni package from his uni I’m going to scream.
bumbler
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]
At least thank God I don’t have to hear Big-Man-On-Campus stories I guess. When your university has 40,000 undergrads and Tim Tebow attends your chances of being a star are slim.
nonenone
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 05:31 pm: [report]
2 3 and 7 work for me, i don’t know bout u guys
raqueleza
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 10:34 pm: [report]
I wish guys would quit wearing so much cologne to impress the ladies. And Axe if they’re older than 17. It’s a proven fact that men are less sensitive to smell than women, but I could’ve told you that by the number of guys who seem to have bathed in their Aqua Di Gio before hopping on the train for the morning commute.
Really, the sexiest scent on a man is fabric softener. Or fresh sweat. I’m not picky.
melissaann
wrote on September 19 2009 @ 09:04 am: [report]
Along with #7, hitting on girls at the gym. Please. Never attempt.
BeholdAUnicorn
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 10:44 pm: [report]
I totally agree with number 6. Just as reminisencing about an ex tenderly during a date is weird, trashtalking old partners is also a warning sign (unless someone’s ex was downright abusive, in which case trashtalking is justifiable, I think). I know several women who keep trashing their exes in conversation and freaking out when their exes find new girlfriends—even if they were the ones who initiated the break-ups in the first place. I really don’t understand anyone, men or women, who feel that as soon as you dump someone, they need to fasten on a chastity belt with your name on it across their genitals.
Kristyn
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 01:05 am: [report]
I really don’t see the problem with number three. I guess there’s a difference between bragging too much and reminiscing, but it seems with the way its worded that number three is shooting down any guy who talks about his life in college. And the small penises comment doesn’t really make a lot of sense to me? Because they graduated from a good school, they have a small dick?
MuchoMacho
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 04:06 pm: [report]
i dont want to talk about any of the sex ive ever had with a new girl… im not interested in the wieners shes seen, why would she be interested in what mine has been up to? the penis size brag made me lol… guys feel the same way. always figured girls did too.
DancerNinja
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 10:39 pm: [report]
#7 - I would worry if a guy never actually mentioned a gym or sports participation. But I also follow the paleo-diet, so that would be awesome to me.
kad
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]
Same for men in some ways.
Trying to drop names that make you ‘almost famous’ on a regular basis happened with one GF a few years ago. She tried to claim association with royalty. I never told her I have the papers proving I would be considered a Count.
The EX-routine is particularly annoying. Maybe it’s just me, but it is something of a comedown when a GF keeps mentioning EX’s. And then she expects me to feel amorous.
“What Mark did…”, “When I was with Mark….” ——it drove me nuts and then she wondered why we never had sex. Once I asked her if he was so special, why wasn’t she still with him?
Same goes for being friends with EX’s. I am not. Personal preference. Please don’t provide me with your personal US magazine every day of our lives. I am not interested. Get over it already. Every woman that I have met does this. I don’t care who #&@$% you in the past. If I want to imagine porn, I can go rent it.
I know that last bit seemed crude, but most guys don’t want to imagine their love banging some other guy, not even by accident. Don’t bring the EX up. Ever.
majicksand
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 01:55 pm: [report]
@kad: I am friends with several of my exes. There is no longer anything between any of us romantically nor do I wish there to be. We are friends. That leaves me in a quandry regarding your comment. Am I expected to ditch people I’ve known for years simply because, at some point in the past, we were intimate? On the other hand, should I continue these friendships without mentioning them to my SO and risk having him think I have something to hide?
Seems I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Regardless of our history, these men are my friends. If I keep them around, I’m risking my relationship. If I dump them just because I have a new man, I’m not a very good friend.
In my case, this is purely hypothetical as my husband knows and accepts my friends just as I do his—male or female, former lover or not. I’m just curious what you think since I can see where yours might be a common feeling. How would you handle the situation if you found out your SO is still friends with an ex? How would you expect her to handle it?
kad
wrote on October 6 2009 @ 05:13 pm: [report]
@majicksand
That’s the quandary my GF faces in a way….I would never belittle the good times or the friendships she has gained over the years. It seems to be a delicate balance.
I am learning to relax about such things, but it still rankles a bit when she mentions an EX. I know it isn’t fair, and I shouldn’t feel threatened. The problem is with up here (points at head) and down there (points at heaven) <snicker>.
Patience is learned I suppose, but at the same time, discretion is warranted. A woman who walks in to my life with all of her past fully active is likely to notice when I get a little cool to the touch.
I’m not sure if you understand that I’m of 2 minds about this, or that I’m trying to be more than an ape about it, or that you understand how difficult it is to see my woman in another man’s arms, even if that isn’t what she meant by casually bringing up an EX….
The EX thing should be handled delicately. All of us have Ex’s. Not all of us want to know about them.
Cheers Magick.
majicksand
wrote on October 7 2009 @ 07:39 am: [report]
@Kad: Thank you for your honesty. I can understand why you (or anyone) might be uncomfortable. I have one ex that my husband raised an eyebrow over. He said I get “a look” when I talk about him. My solution was to detail for my husband all the ways this guy was a crappy boyfriend and why I would never go out with him again. I told my husband that while this man is my friend and there will always be a place in my heart for him, but we would never again be lovers under any circumstances. I also explained that there are two reasons I talk about my friend and our occasional conversations.
1. I want my husband to be a part of and involved in everything in my life.
2. I never want my husband to think I have something to hide. There is nothing in my life he can’t know.
Though my husband is always around during these conversations, he rarely knows what’s being said unless I tell him as my friend and I generally chat online. He felt a lot better once I explained that sharing the goofy anecdotes was really for him.
It also helped when I explained that it had bothered me a little when I found out that his most recent ex had been calling and emailing and he hadn’t told me. For him, it was a non-issue, more of a nuisance than anything, so he didn’t say anything. I found out when I happened to be standing next to him when she called. He looked at the caller-id and said, “her again. I don’t want to deal with her right now.” I asked what he meant, and he told me. He wasn’t hiding it; he just wasn’t wasting the braincells it would take to mention it. I wasn’t angry, but I wasn’t happy to find out it had been going on for months, and I knew nothing about it.
Once we realized each other’s perspective, all was good.
symone
wrote on December 3 2009 @ 07:52 pm: [report]
1, 2, and 6 are spot on. I don’t really care about your sexual endeavors, nor do I want to think of them every time I look at you. One guy I had a fling with described his romance in detail with a person I knew—horrifying, and it didn’t get much farther than that between us. Couldn’t even stand to look at her….
I couldn’t agree more with 2. I don’t like the idea of being “bought” per se.
Exes are a no-no during anytime of the relationship. I agree with kad when he says he doesn’t befriend his exes. Neither do I and I don’t understand why its so common for women to do it (and men too). I guess it’s different when you have known that person for years, and just to be fair, it is a little off-putting to say that you wont talk to them just because you were romantic in that sense, but as pride being one of my vices, I couldn’t care how many years we’ve known each other. If we break up, then there’s no need to talk. If you’re going to take our relationship to the next level only to realize that this isn’t going to work, well then I have a big problem seeing how we will be able to return to being just friends when deeper feelings were involved, and now, potentially harmed. Why would my ex still feel like he needed to be friends with me if he couldn’t handle being my lover, for any reason? That fact just doesn’t go away, and even if its years later and the both of us have moved on, there is still no point in reuniting (or if there, is, I am admittedly blind to it). It doesn’t work for me…never has, never will, and I don’t intend on that changing. I realize my view on this is a touch on the unfair, but I do my best to soften this fact about me by keeping my exes just that, exes (as opposed to anything else), and keeping my current relationship free of that knowledge or drama. I would hope my S/O could do the same.
Singularity
wrote on January 29 2010 @ 01:50 am: [report]
Yes, I agree most of those would be really stupid moves, and generally get the response they deserved.
#4 is quite interesting though. I never before quite realised why so many people get so uncomfortable around me in certain situations, just because I don’t drink. I think that I get it now…
that_girl29
wrote on January 29 2010 @ 09:49 am: [report]
I would also add to the list ‘kissing and telling’. Seriously, what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom (no matter how freaky). No matter how much you want to tell your guy friends-keep it to yourself.
apearson
wrote on January 29 2010 @ 11:11 am: [report]
OH NO! As correct as those 7 ways are, I just realized that my ex did half of them! ~Slap to the head~ UGH I think I just found out that I attract idiots! ~ Must find really good shrink ~!
onewriter
wrote on January 30 2010 @ 10:49 am: [report]
haha! well apearson, you can fix what you can see…hope is not lost
MsTriste
wrote on January 31 2010 @ 01:10 pm: [report]
A guy doing any one of those things would make me walk away immediately.
camelo27
wrote on January 31 2010 @ 09:26 pm: [report]
I know this is a tiny little detail that’s not really important, but I think it’s sad that people who drink feel like they could never date someone who doesn’t drink because they are afraid of being judged.