Seven Things I Learned About Men From Working At Maxim
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
guys
10:00AM, Monday March 30th 2009
Earlier today, we posted an essay by former Maxim editor Keith Blanchard in which he listed the nine things he learned about women from working at the magazine. I worked at Maxim, and I learned a few things, too—about men, that is. Most of my lessons were gained from working with a predominantly male staff. In the editorial department, I was one of two or three females over the course of two-and-a-half years. Here are seven things that have stayed with me ...
1. All men are nerds.
When I first went to work at Maxim, I was nervous. I was convinced the staff would be a crew of former frat boys who would make sexist remarks and never respect me. While that was certainly true of a few (you know who you are), what I found was that most of the guys, behind all that frat boy humor and the fart jokes, were intelligent, goofy, often badly dressed nerds. My favorite kind of people! They liked “Star Trek” reruns, Backstreet Boys ballads, Lonesome Dove, and reality TV. They were like me—only with penises!
2. Guys don’t kiss and tell nearly as much as women do.
One of the guys I worked with – I’ll call him “The Velvet Wolf” – was quite the ladies man. He fit the stereotype of the sporty, womanizing jock. He was always dating and presumably always hooking up, but never once, despite the efforts of everyone in our office to find out the juicy details of his escapades, he never gave up the deets. The same discretion cannot be said for anyone at The Frisky. Did I mention I totally got laid this weekend? Schwing!
3. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, grosses out guys.
A favorite viral video around the office featured a man having sex with a horse. The horse had such rough sex with the man, the man died. The video was shot in the dark, so you couldn’t see much, but the SOUND of the video was so repulsive and frightening, it still haunts me. That’s why I wasn’t phased when I saw “2 Girls 1 Cup” or “Cum Omelette.” Thanks to the influence of the men I worked with at Maxim, nothing grosses me out anymore either.
4. Men love dares.
Dare a guy to do something, anything, and he will do it. In my time at Maxim, I witnessed guys: eat a piece of bread in under a minute (fail), drink a gallon of milk in an hour (fail), eat 50 Cadbury cream eggs (fail), wear women’s tennis outfits to a staff meeting (success!), set off fireworks on top of the building, showering Sixth Avenues in sparkles (done!).
5. Men love pranks even more.
Some of the better pranks I witnessed and/or heard about:
I was never pranked and it always made me a little sad. Despite kick-starting their prankster ways in kindergarten by playing jokes on girls, men don’t enjoy pranking women nearly as much as they enjoy pranking each other. Also, men find it very, very, very lame if the victim of a prank gets mad.
6. Guys do not understand your wardrobe.
One of my favorite outfits was a wrap dress that was a little too short for me, so I wore it over tight jeans and tucked into high-heeled boots. The girls I worked with LOVED this outfit. The men, one in particular, hated it. HATED it. I have never understood why. Also on their list of hateful female clothing: culottes, pointy-toed shoes, and trapeze dresses.
7. Men make great friends.
Not to be a total sap, but some of my greatest friends in the world are men, and a few of them I met while working at Maxim. During my breakup, they provided as much support as my girlfriends did. Best of all, I knew they would be down to clock my ex, should they ever run into him. By the way, our lovely Mind Of Man is a former Maxim man, as are a few of the Guys On Our IM. And haven’t you learned so much about men from them, too?
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thegr8brownie
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 10:21 am: [report]
its hard to prank girls! With girls there is a thin line between funny and maybe what some might call rude. The problem is guys can’t see the line and the people who call it rude are women.
TheSavage
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
Having worked at an all-boy mag once, I can say this is all totally true! Love it.
Kiki T
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]
sounds like the cast of jackass—which happens to be one of my favorite shows
bogart4017
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 11:05 am: [report]
Sounds like eeverything i would expect from working at a place like that. I’ve read the mag and always assumed they were “living it” so to speak…
hawaiianpeach
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 11:16 am: [report]
I LOVE IT! Sounds like a great experience. Men are interesting creatures and lack the ‘bite back bitchiness’ (well,most) that we are famous for. Number seven is true all day long…men are great friends and they don’t judge your outfits but they may envision you without them on.
Kiri Anne
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]
I would MUCH rather work with men than woman. I would also much rather have a man for a boss.
Yellow
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 04:53 pm: [report]
I work in a male dominated office, and I get pranked all the time. But maybe it has something to do with the fact that I started it all. Also, if you have the numbers of the guys who did the 50 Cadbury Creme Egg challenge, please pass them on. Cadbury Creme Eggs are my love in life, and I think any man that likes them enough to attempt 50 might just be my soulmate.
Amelia
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 05:45 pm: [report]
@Yellow The sad part was that we collected a pot of money for the winner to get but neither competition made it. They both were puking around Creme Egg #24. I, as a kind woman, wanted to give the money to the person who got the CLOSEST to 50, because I felt bad they ate all those creme eggs for nothing, but all the guys said that wasn’t the agreement so no way. Another thing I learned about men—it doesn’t matter how bad they made feel, a dare is a dare, a bet is a bet.
Also, I always wanted to have an iceberg lettuce eating content so I could actually participate in one of these food dares, cause I was not going to gain 15 lbs for any of those fools.
retro chic
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 06:01 pm: [report]
Worked for one of those kind of mags. What do you mean fart JOKES? These serious lads always articulated the deadly air of authenticity in all competitive office pursuits.
eden
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 07:21 pm: [report]
My best prank was covering my housemates room entirely with newspaper - everything, floor, ceiling, furniture, stuff on her desk. We reserved Page 3 for weeks and put all the naked chicks on her bed. Then we papered her door shut. Brilliant. Also, dry crackers is a better dare than bread. Its impossible!
Kiri Anne
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 07:32 pm: [report]
@ retro chic: So you worked with my brother?!
retro chic
wrote on March 30 2009 @ 08:21 pm: [report]
@ Kiri Anne: So it would seem. Actually, they’re all brothers in that cause, aren’t they?!
demi-angel
wrote on March 31 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]
#7 is absolutely true. i love my girl friends, but it’s so much fun to mess with my guy friends with out having to worry about hurting they’re feelings and they’re sometimes a lot more forgiving about stuff too.
one thing i find funny is their protectiveness. when i started going out with this guy i met online all my girl friends instantly asked me questions of what he was like(basically deciding if they thought he was good enough for me) on the flip side, without missing a beat just about every one of my guy friends said they’d kill or beat him up if he ever hurt me, which was sweet(even if slightly misguided) and funny because i couldn’t imagine any of them actually doing anything of the sort(kind of like imagining a teddy bear trying to be a grizzly)
DancerNinja
wrote on March 31 2009 @ 10:11 pm: [report]
Being one of three (at most) girls on a college judo team was a very similar experience. Except we beat up on each other, got drunk every weekend, road trips to out of state tournaments, etc. Nothing shocks me anymore, and I tend to be more crude than the guys I’ve since met in the working world.
EastCoastMale
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 09:08 am: [report]
I will just take this as a playful list that doesnt blanket men in general with its statements. =)
EnlightenMe
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 01:12 am: [report]
^EastCoastMale hit the nail on the head, again…
Some of these things are true, most are not. We like to have fun, don’t get me wrong, but don’t forget that you worked at MAXIM, it’s not like you worked with the most normal of guys…
rsonnack
wrote on April 3 2009 @ 09:54 pm: [report]
I love wearing dresses and I also really like wearing skinny jeans under them in the wintertime. I think the reason guys don’t like this look is because they probably don’t understand having extra cloth where it’s not necessary, as in “Why would you cover up your ass TWICE??” Plus, they probably can’t stop thinking about how sexy you’d look in the dress WITHOUT the jeans on heh heh.
greenmona011
wrote on April 15 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]
Aww, i wish i had your job @ maxim, i’m a receptionist @ a fashion company & bluntly its nothing but girls here, I mean the company it’s own my men, thank god. but other than that it’s pure drama, luckily i stay clear, i’m in the front w/ busy accountants, & i don’t mess w/ the girls in production, its brutal =/ ...my best friend is a guy, i feel i can count on him on anything, more than girlfriends, sad but true.
PS
wrote on April 29 2009 @ 01:39 pm: [report]
oh man. I can’t believe I didn’t find this article til now. I work in a trade room with 25 “gentlemen.” I’ll never recover from some of the things I’ve seen or some of the prank phone calls… Neal Ubitch? Wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Arsenic
wrote on May 3 2009 @ 11:26 am: [report]
@eden
Not true! I can tell you definitely that its possible - I once ate 20 saltines in less than a minute WITH NO WATER. The trick is to eat something really bitter beforehand - it stimulates saliva production and lets you get them down faster. I only wish I had put some money on it.
angelspinning
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 04:27 pm: [report]
agree about the pointy shoes!
BlueVibe
wrote on July 24 2009 @ 07:45 am: [report]
I’m with men on pointy shoes and trapeze dresses. Ugh!
Seriously, though—I do much better when there are at least some men in the workplace. I made sure I was on a coed floor in the dorms in college because I knew I would hate an all-girl floor (my friend was on an all-girl floor and, yes, she hated it). I had similar jobs at two different companies; one was almost entirely women and one was mostly women, but less-girly women, and had at least a few more men. The one with less-girly women and more men was a vastly better work environment. The all-woman one was like Middle School Clique Hell.