Seven Famous Penises In History
Posted by: Susannah Breslin
Filed in:
sex
9:00AM, Sunday December 14th 2008
The penis. So well-known, yet so enigmatic. For many women, the human penis remains one of life’s eternal mysteries. When we here at The Frisky Labs aren’t sitting around talking about our vaginas, we sit around talking about men’s penises. How do they work? Why do they look like that? What is the deal? We may not have answers, but we do have a lot of questions. In the spirit of better understanding this elusive member of the male anatomy, we bring you some of the most notorious phalluses in human history.
1. John Holmes: Endowed with what may be the best-known penis of all time, John Curtis Holmes was born in Ashville, Ohio, and went on to become the adult film industry’s most famous penis-for-hire, starring in some 2,500 X-rated movies. Ultimately, a drug deal gone wrong and HIV felled this great in penis lore. While the exact size of his “little friend” may never be known, estimates range between 10 and 14 inches.
2. Napoleon Bonaparte: Sure, he ruled France, but part of Napoleon’s enduring legacy involves his penis. Rumor has it the ruler’s purportedly short ruler was posthumously removed, mummified, and stored in a box. Most recently, the New York Times reported it in the collection of a deceased Manhattan urologist.
3. John Wayne Bobbitt: While some phalli are famous for their size, Bobbitt’s one-eyed-bandit’s claim to fame is having been loped off with a knife by his soon-to-be ex-wife Lorena. After the wayward penis was located in a field, where Lorena had tossed it out the car window, surgeons reattached it. Bobbitt went on to play in the band Severed Parts and starred in “Frankenpenis.”
4. David: Quite possibly the most-viewed penis is that of David, Michelangelo’s famous sculpture of a naked young man. Created in the early 16th century, the statue stands in Florence, Italy, where thousands gather every day to contemplate David and his package.
5. Frank Sinatra: According to Hollywood gossip-mongers, Ol’ Blue Eyes had a giant-sized python in his pants. According to his valet, the crooner had to have his underpants custom-made to accommodate his girth. Supposedly actress Ava Gardner observed: “He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is c***.”
6. The Minister in “The Little Mermaid”: In the mid-nineties, a Christian group stepped forward to declare that in an early wedding scene in Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” the minister is sporting an erection. In addition, the videocassette of the film was purported to feature a golden phallus in place of a church spire. An Arkansas woman sued Disney over the incidents but dropped her suit not long after.
7. Rasputin: The Mad Monk lived a life devoted to mysticism and debauchery, and the story of what happened to his genitals after he died is equally colorful. After he was murdered, some say he was castrated. In another twist, some say it fell into the hands of a group of Russian women living in Paris who worshiped it. Finally, his daughter, it’s said, heard of its location, demanded it be returned to her, and kept it until she died. Later, the box turned up in Santa Cruz and what lay inside was a sea cucumber.
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Simcha
wrote on August 25 2008 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
if only this was a slideshow! Frank Sinatra sounds even hotter below the belt….
*daniel
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 05:14 am: [report]
Strange, I just read almost the same passage last night in “The Book of Lists” by Irving Wallace.
nancysid
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 09:27 am: [report]
What!? No Dillinger!
chris
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 10:54 am: [report]
Dillinger’s dick is just an urban legend. But…
There’s Elmo, the American penis and balls that’s been given to the penis museum in Iceland. Elmo’s large, but the interesting thing is, he has a red, white and blue tattoo on his head, and was donated by a LIVE guy from the States.
Colette
wrote on August 26 2008 @ 08:35 pm: [report]
God, I love Ava Gardner. She was such a firecracker.
I love the story about Napoleon.
Great post!
k paul blume
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 07:44 am: [report]
Never before heard about the minister in The Little Mermaid but as for the Golden Phallus on the video box, yeh—one must look for it, but it does exist.
loppy
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 07:57 am: [report]
You should look up Porfirio Rubirosa.
k paul blume
wrote on August 27 2008 @ 08:16 am: [report]
Thanks, Loppy—reminds me that we had a large pepper mill that we called Rubirosa.
Or course, presumably unlike the orginal, it was not altogether good at its job.
RayDaDog
wrote on August 28 2008 @ 06:15 pm: [report]
Why no mention of Errol Flynn, he didn’t really need a sword in those pirate movies
Catman
wrote on August 29 2008 @ 08:01 am: [report]
And no mention of the “Hollywood Three” - Milton Berle, Forrest Tucker and Roddy McDowell. Between them they had more “pipe” than BP!
Siobhán
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 09:25 am: [report]
Aahhhh…. the cock! One of my favourite subjects! Thanks for the post!
k paul blume
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 09:33 am: [report]
Indeed, Siobhan—it is the only consistently interesting part of the male!
...some, obviously, more interesting than others.
Will
wrote on August 31 2008 @ 11:29 am: [report]
Rudy Vallentino was reported to have an extra large cock too.
UPPER DECK
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 03:37 am: [report]
*chuckles* You’re kidding right?! LEX STEELE…JACK NAPIER…MR. MARCUS & MANDINGO are roaming this planet alive,well & stabbing mercilessly. Any ONE of those guys would put any of the guys on this list in the minor leagues.(except Holmes)
UPPER DECK
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 03:39 am: [report]
Almost forgot: SEAN MICHAELS
Chris
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 04:33 pm: [report]
Someone needs to start a thread where everyone can post some PHOTOS of what you’re talking about!
Too bad a hairy, stinky nasty man usually comes attached to a big penis and balls. Now, if someone could just figure out a way of cloning and growing the big ones, without any guys attached… Unless, you want to attach his credit cards and bank accounts!
k paul blume
wrote on September 1 2008 @ 04:48 pm: [report]
here, at least, is a picture of Rasputin’s pickled
...pickle:
http://www.m-why.com/images/IMGP2531penis.JPG
Alexandra had some issues.
yuck
Chris
wrote on September 3 2008 @ 05:56 pm: [report]
It’s an interesting penis, with such a taper! Look how small the head is, compared to the thickness of the base of his shaft.
The thing is actually very well preserved, considering the age and the liquid (alcohol or formaldehyde).
Elmo, the American penis donated to the Penis Museum in Iceland, is being preserved by plastination. Way better.
A big penis and big balls always look so much better without a man attached, don’t you think?
depresed
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 08:53 am: [report]
what!? why didnt you show a pic of all of thier penises
k paul blume
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 10:14 am: [report]
I could only find the one—the others just didn’t stand out.
maddam J
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
What happened to Wilt Chamberlain and Maddona claims that weirdo DENNIS ROHDMAN is hung like a tree in a hurricane.OOH YEAH they say, Pamela Anderson’s ex Tommy LEE is no slacker either. I’d like to see what the ROCK is worken with myself, can he really put the smack-down?
Catman
wrote on September 4 2008 @ 01:01 pm: [report]
Check out the Pam Anderson/ Tommy Lee tape for verification of Tommy’s equipment - there aren’t many people who can steer a boat without using their hands!!
Mike, Storms
wrote on September 6 2008 @ 06:09 am: [report]
V3ry articl because i want to translate to my language.
Tom
wrote on September 6 2008 @ 01:26 pm: [report]
I gave my penis, Elmo, to the Iceland Penis Museum. We haven’t done the surgery yet. Elmo and his balls and bag are big and they are being plastinated before they are put on display. They are making a movie of the project, so everyone will be able to see Elmo The Penis before, during, and after being cut off and put on display in the museum.
After all that is done, Elmo The Penis probably will be right up there with the already famous penises
k paul blume
wrote on September 8 2008 @ 05:03 am: [report]
Dunno if any of you guys have glommed this yet, but this specimen will just continue to get bigger and bigger.
50 foot women, take note!
http://media.tumblr.com/FwRVByjKkdlm0cdjghErOxBT_500.jpg
k paul blume
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 04:37 am: [report]
I think maybe the aforementioned 50 foot woman keeps this in her side table, originally from Mise en Abyme :
http://data.tumblr.com/DHdgLWWNgg5ccsam55nXRhP8o1_400.jpg
Michael
wrote on November 11 2008 @ 07:17 am: [report]
question for the ladies: better to be long or thick?
suzybabies
wrote on December 15 2008 @ 12:49 pm: [report]
wow napoleons dick is somewhere in manhatten. thats crazy!!!
check out the top ten worst condom ideas at
studyandscore.blogspot.com
AndroidBoy420
wrote on December 20 2008 @ 08:46 pm: [report]
Hey Chris! Why don’t you shut up and eat a bowl of Dicks? Hamburgers, that is. Dick’s Hamburgers. Stop by and get some the next time you’re in Seattle. Then STFU.