Rihanna, Chris Brown, & Forgiveness: Can She? Should She? And Is It Too Soon?
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
celebs
11:00AM, Monday March 2nd 2009
Ever since the news broke that Rihanna had (allegedly) been beaten by her boyfriend Chris Brown, I’ve been saying that there would be no way she would take him back, even if she wanted to. After all, this is a woman in the public eye, who’s extremely popular with young women and girls. She’s also always seemed to be comfortable and okay with being a role model, unlike, say, Britney Spears, who never seemed to like the influence she had, or was expected to have, over her fans. As it became clearer that this incident did in fact happen and wasn’t just a rumor, I was even more convinced that she couldn’t and wouldn’t get back together with Brown—but part of me did wonder how I, and her fans, and just everyone, would respond if she did. So when I read that Rihanna and Brown were holed up at Diddy’s estate in Miami, and were supposedly reconciling, I thought two things:
1. Who does Diddy think he is? Dr. Phil?
2. WTF?!
I have never been in the position where I have been hit by another person, let alone a significant other. I like to think I never will be, and if I was, I wouldn’t stand for it and I would leave. That said, you never know what you would do in another person’s shoes. Love can be a very powerful thing, and just because someone does something awful to you, doesn’t mean your deepest feelings for them change. But the heart is often stupid, which is why it’s often better to listen to logic. What’s illogical and disturbing to me is how quickly Rihanna took Brown back.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing. But people who do wrong should have to earn forgiveness. Has Chris? Many people, I’m sure, don’t think he should be forgiven, that she should never take him back. That once is enough and that it’s never just once anyway. Couple that with the fact that she’s a public figure with many young women and girls who look up to her, and the ease with which she appears to have come to this decision has far reaching repercussions. Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced violence in a dating relationship and females ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of any age group. When a young woman sees that someone they respect is being hit by her boyfriend and then takes them back (or never ends things with them in the first place), does the likelihood that they would do the same thing in that situation increase? Does Rihanna have an obligation to think of how her actions in her personal life may affect the lives of her fans?
The Chicago Tribune interviewed teens about the Rihanna and Chris Brown incident and found that many of them, including many of the girls, blamed Rihanna for what went down, and also acted as if violence in teen relationships is normal and acceptable. That is horrifying to me. I get that we don’t have all the pieces ot the puzzle of what went on between Rihanna and Rihanna and Brown. We have no idea what their relationship was like, in general, and whether she was abusive to him as well. Those things do matter, in a way, but they are by no means an excuse for what he did. If this was a huge, horrible mistake that will never happen again, if he has promised that, and she has chosen to believe him, I hope that they’re both right, and they are able to move on with this. But they both clearly need help getting there—two weeks and a siesta in Miami are hardly evidence of therapy these two need. And I really hope teens who are reading about this aren’t taking notes.
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WinkyFace
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 11:23 am: [report]
I feel like this a horrible move on her part, and not just because she is in the public eye. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere good. But, she is still pretty young and will hopefully learn from this mistake, and I pray she never gets hurt in that way again. Imagine what her fans would do to Chris Brown if she did! He’s already getting death threats as it is.
As for placing the blame on Rihanna… that’s just absurd. It’s like blaming a girl for getting raped because she was flirty and had to much to drink. Eff that.
SterlingSilver36
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 11:59 am: [report]
Not surprised..its the cycle of violence in a relationship.
I think that if she were not in the public eye should would have gotten back together with him a lot sooner.
like seriously a LOT sooner.
The only thing is..I wish she would consider the fact that she is a role model to so many. I wish that would influence her decision.
Maybe thats why she never came out with a straight forward statement saying anything about the violence, even if it wasnt specific about Brown, she didnt say ANYTHING about D.V not being okay.
yasminzar
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 12:33 pm: [report]
this whole story is making me furious. i REALLY hope its not true and they havent reconciled. what kind of message is she sending to all the battered women out there?
Kiki T
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
She might think she can be the exception to the rule and good luck to her, but no doubt, this isn’t the last we’ll hear of a mysterious beat down involving Chris and RiRi.
sexbunni23
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
rihanna crazy he beat the snot outta her.he beat her so bad she couldnt even open her eyes for the pics 4 evidence, i could never do wat she did take him bakno matter how in love with him i may b if another man ever put his hands on me again i wouldnt just leave i would #&@$% kill his ass putting his hands on me like that. actually id prolly kill him. n idc how much hedid 2 get in good with me wat he bought me or wat eva. she crazy wat kinda message is she sending 2 all her fans in bad relationships her fans in abusive relationships if he buys u an i pod touch and gold and diamonds get back with him so wat if u n ur face is beat upat least you have nice things. i dnt think so i hope she loses fansfor this cuz dats wat she gets
doridori
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]
I feel like it’s Bobby and Whitney all over again… except for the whole Crack is Whack thing.
Literal Lee
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
Agree with SterlingSilver36. This is the typical pattern for an abusive relationship. I’d like to think someone like Rihanna - with so much going for her - would have enough self-respect to realize she can’t return to anyone who treated her like that. But I guess she’s convinced herself this was a one-time mistake. Not only is she young but she’s a performer and they tend to go with their passion rather than common sense. It WILL send a bad message to women who may see this as untamed love rather than violence.
ammy
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 04:35 pm: [report]
Regardless of her status as a “public figure/role model” MANY women choose to stay in a relationship that’s gone physical or violent, for many reasons. Unfortunately, we don’t even know the extent of what is happening between them at Diddy’s “pad”. I’m sure, being that Rihanna seems to be a kind person, that she doesn’t want to completely ruin Chris Brown’s life through a domestic incident turned media feeding frenzy. Let’s just wait to see what turns up before we all start labeling the situation as a bad example for other people. She’s not taking a stance against anyone, and it is strictly her business. What Chris Brown did is wrong on SO many levels and my personal hope for Rihanna is that she realizes/understands that NO one should put her in this type of situation, EVER. And, that she’ll move on. And, I hope that her family encourages her to do the same.
jc101
wrote on March 5 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
I shared this elsewhere, but i still think the fact that she is still with him is crazy!!! She should turn the tables on him! I found this game where you play as her and beat up Chris lol it’s called Rihanna’s Revenge… http://www.joinkers.com/headline/rihannasrevenge/
debra2012
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 06:45 am: [report]
The statement, “If a man hits you once, he will hit you again” is no different from, “All black people are lazy.” They are both stereotypes. Oprah’s statement, among other things, disregards the unique character traits of the individuals involved, the history of the subject relationships, and the specifics of one-off incidents, some of which may even mitigate the crime.
debra2012
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 06:45 am: [report]
We get our statistics from the reported incidents, most of which we can reasonably believe escalated out of control. What about the countless one-off incidents that are never reported and resolved at home or with effective intervention? I believe Oprah’s statement refers to “crazy men who oppress women and beat them severely and repeatedly.” That’s at the extreme end of the spectrum. What about the husband who slaps his wife after she sucker punches him, should she destroy her family of, say four?
debra2012
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 06:46 am: [report]
If for whatever reasons, Rihanna believes the pros outweigh the cons in her relationship, and Rihanna is happy with Chris Brown, we must respect her decision. I agree that Rihanna should have given Chris six (6) months or more to think about what he did, and insisted that he attend counseling during this time as a precondition to reconciliation. However, I also believe that Rihanna should attend counseling for some of the same reasons Chris should attend counseling. Remember, based on what we know, she struck first. Let’s be constructive and non-discriminatory.
debra2012
wrote on March 16 2009 @ 06:58 am: [report]
I don’t believe remarks about any group of people should be generalized, certainly not comments about domestic violence incidents, the details of which vary from crazy men who oppress women and beat them severely and repeatedly to women who behave recklessly and are slapped once by their men. Stereotypes (generalizations) are never acceptable. In any event, none of us should play the part of a marriage counselor. We should direct our friends with marital or relationship problems to people who are trained, qualified, and objective. For these reasons, I absolutely disagree with Oprah’s generalization that a repeat offence is all but certain in every case.