Relationship Conundrum: When His Career Comes “First”
Posted by: Annika Harris | Filed in: Relationships
12:00PM, Tuesday July 22nd 2008
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Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a dilemma…My boyfriend has a career. OK, so you’re probably grumbling to yourself, “I can think of at least 10 things worst than that.” But did I tell you it’s a music career?
Yes, my guy is one of a few trying to change the direction of hip hop, so we never have to hear crap like “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” ever again. I’m really proud of him for fighting this uphill battle, but I can’t help feeling a little jealous or disappointed when his career comes before me, like when he deejays EVERY Friday night.
Case in point, last week he had to prepare for a show in Toronto, where one of his artists would perform and he would deejay. This understandably meant hours of practice. I had no problem with that because I wanted both of them to be as prepared as possible. Now, here’s the problem. Since he would be out of town for the weekend, we decided to spend more time together during the week. So last Tuesday, it’s 10 o’clock and I’m still waiting for my guy to tell me the artist has left, so I could come over. I get his call and I’m told they should be done “sometime after 11.” Since that was a vague time, I was told I’d get another call “sometime after 11.” Well guess what, that second call never came! Instead, I got a text message saying he was sorry, but practice is taking longer than he thought it would. So, by 12:30, which was after I had packed an overnight bag, I was sleeping in my bed alone.
The next morning, I was pissed, not at him, but at life. And I kept asking, “Why did the cosmos mess up my chances of seeing my boyfriend when I wanted to?” Sounds a little selfish, huh? Well, I agree I am being selfish, which is something as an only child I pride myself on not being.
I mean, if he didn’t have a job/career or dreams or ambition, I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. And logically thinking any progress or goals he achieves now will only benefit me and us in the future. Well that’s if we end up married, but a girl can hope, can’t she? So I guess the lesson here is that life has disappointments. Or, “the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
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Elle
wrote on July 22 2008: [report]
Eh...I dated a DJ once. It didn’t work out. He was so absorbed in his music that our relationship became all about him and me going with him to gigs, watching him practice, hanging out with his music friends, etc etc. It became mind numbing after a while so I had to call it off and find someone who I had more common ground with. I think if you’re into as much as he is then it’s great, but generally these guys just end up being that guy that’s just “a little too old to be at the club” while you’ll be having a fabulous life somewhere else (if you choose to).
Budlight Lime Gal
wrote on July 23 2008: [report]
I’m a RN/PS so my boyfriend is kinda use to waiting on me or canceling plans when I get called into work. Works out since he is a fireman so we both get it.
Annika Harris
wrote on July 23 2008: [report]
@Elle I’ve dated that type of DJ before and it was horrible, but I should have mentioned that my present guy does have a 9 to 5 and two successful businesses. He enjoys the production side of music more than the deejaying, so hopefully he’ll continue in that direction. Thanks for the advice, though.
Tara
wrote on July 30 2008: [report]
Sounds like he should have made the call before you went to sleep, but wanted not to wake you once he knew that you would probably be sleeping. I would say just let him know to call next time whenever he finds that he might be letting you down; even the most exacting of collaborators can wait for a 5-10 minute phone call.