Recession Romance: When Women Bring Home The Bacon

nemesis1
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

Here’s some advice for women who don’t like having to support the household and pay the bills because their husbands or boyfriends are out of work. SUCK IT UP!! You wanted equality, you got it. Quit whining.

All too often, when women say they want ‘equality,’ what they really mean is that they want ‘equality’ when it’s convenient for them. This means that women want equal access to jobs and pay, but they still want men to foot the bills. Sorry. Game over. Men are starting to wake up and say, “Ok lady, you wanted the big job? You got it. Now ante up.”

The reality is that women want careers, but they do not expect to be FORCED to work, like men have for centuries. And as women realize this, they’re hemming and hawing about it. For these women, I suggest the following: saddle up, get to work, and put a sock in it - just like men have been doing for ages!

C’mon girls, you’re tough. You’re empowered. Right? Or is only tough and empowered when you want to be?

Here’s how the reccesion is affecting romance: there are lots of men out of work, and since men pay for the mating ritual and the majority of women refuse to do so, there’s LESS ROMANCE. Period.

The only advice an honest woman can give to another woman in romance these days is: if you want to keep dating at the economic level you’re used to dating in, you have to pay. Either that, or date cheaper. Otherwise, have fun being alone.

I posted an ad on a dating site. My add stated that I have two concert tickets, and that I was looking for a woman who wanted to go. I offered to spot the tickets, and requested that the woman pick up dinner afterwards at a reasonable (meaning cheap and fun) restaurant. I specifically stated that I was just looking to have a good time, low-key, no expectations, and we could take it from there. I also posted my picture - and I’m not hard to look at.

So here I am, offering equality and fun on a dating site. You think I got any takers? Nope. Not a single one. Want to know why? Because most women feel entitled and expect to be wined and dined by men. Most women looked at my add and said, “What a cheapskate!” The reality is that most women expect to be ‘paid for.’ And it doesn’t matter what the man looks like.

There’s a name for that profession.

BTW - I have plenty of money to bring a woman wherever she’d want to go. But I’ve been around the block more than a few times, and I know that women who REQUIRE that I treat them to fancy dinners and clubs and pay for it are worthless gold-diggers. Been there and done that. I like women of substance and integrity. And apart from my single internet non-experience, I have no trouble finding them, since I have the balls to stand up for what I believe in. Real women respect that. Little girls expect to be whined and dined and whinge when no one’s able to do it for them.

That’s what this whole ‘trouble with romance these days’ thing is all about. WHINING. Plain and simple.

Back to my internet experience. I went to the concert with a buddy instead, and we had a great time. That particular buddy was down on his luck at the time, so I spotted him the whole evening. What a joy to be able to bring a friend out of the dumps in tough times. Much, much better than shelling out for some shallow chick who thinks men owe her something.

As far as supporting households; there are of course women who have no problem knowing that they have to work in order to support a household when their men are down on their luck. From the experience of most men, however, these women are rare. And if the media is any indication, the mass of women are in a real tizzy right now.

The bottom line is that the huge majority of women will never, EVER respect men who do not support their households economically. Likewise, most men really don’t care what a woman does, as long as she’s fairly attractive, nice, and is good wife and mother material. That’s biology, it’s the way we’re wired, and it will take at least another hundred years to change it. By then, the traditional family of ‘man, woman and kids’ (regardless of who works and who doesn’t) will have changed so drastically that it will have devolved into an anachronism, thanks to the cultural marxists who are bent on destroying the family.

I await well-considered responses that do not resort to the usual accuations of my being a jerk, a geek, or a homosexual. I don’t really expect any. It’s more like I’m here to tell people the truth - whether they like it or not.

Meanwhile, here’s a way for the girls here to find out if they’re really empowered and liberated. Ask a man out on a date this week, and when the dinner check comes, pay it.

Any takers? Didn’t think so.

joyy
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 03:54 pm: [report]

@nemisis - do you realize how many of us have spend entire relationships footing the bill?  Asking a girl who will get one of your concert tix (for free) to pick up dinner to even it out is reasonable, btw.  But you’re missing the point of the article, which is clearly stated “But on the other hand, relationships can suffer when one source of income is lost and power dynamics shift.”

These quotes are about women who *aren’t* complaining about having to work or pull their weight (and more, when times get tough) - they DID “suck it up” and the comments reflect how the *relationship dynamic* has changed since the men lost employment.  Relationships evolve as life does!  And navigating those changes isn’t always the easiest thing to do, hence the article.

The only woman complaining in these comments is #4 - and she’s not complaining that the bf isn’t bringing in money, she’s complaining that he isn’t helping out around the house, despite the disparity in their available free time - which sounds pretty valid to me.

Sounds like you’re bitter, possibly for good reason.  But as I said at the beginning, TONS of us have picked up the tab for almost entire relationships, so saying the bulk of women won’t pay up is #&@$%.  Maybe you need to raise your standards or hop into new social circles.  Either way, projecting your own bitterness onto the entire female half of the human race is pretty lame.

And I happen to be one of those women who antes up when the going gets tough.  I loaned my bf money several times (~$1k) when things got tight due to being without work during the first few months of starting his own business.

Glam
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 04:05 pm: [report]

@Nemesis Awww, poor thing. You’ll get a job soon. And then you won’t have to ask your significant other for an allowance, and someone will actually care about what you have to say. Remember, the first step to landing a job is an attitude adjustment, which you are definitely in need of.

retro chic
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 04:07 pm: [report]

Whoa. Take heart, the Recession will effect how we earn and provide, forcing some adjustments, but it’s not going to hit the Anthropology Reset Button any time soon.

At least the homosexuals I know like to cook and clean before they go out with their friends.

par3
wrote on February 27 2009 @ 04:33 pm: [report]

so what about this? my fiance is an athlete and i have my own business. we live in my apt and i pay basically everything but when he can he gives everything to help US. he’s not an athlete that trained and went to school- no- he’s ONLY an athlete at a pro level but in his sport its hard to come by a regular paycheck. i’m trying to help him create a business using his skills but right now with this recession- working out and sports are on the back burner.

So what about his fellow colleagues and friends who laugh at him behind his back and joke that he has a mangina, that i’m his ‘sugarmomma’ and every time has new stuff on they ask if ‘the boss’ bought it for him. what do you think about that?
I’m a sugarmomma? He’s a pussy-whipped pansy? wtf? when there is ‘equality’ then when a man lets the women help him out- he gets bashed and walks around with a limp ego? sorry but this is a realistic example and something that really bothers me and i face ridicule every day. he gets so frustrated at times he refuses to let me help bc he knows he’ll get a verbal berating from his idiotic peers. what now? nemisis what do you have to say?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 02:24 am: [report]

Ok, hormones have dominated this discussion long enough. I can under stand Nemesis’ point of view, as I am a highly jaded, sex starved, not bad to look at, intelligent male as well. This article is about the paradigm shift of the working world which was dominated by men at the top which has been for a better word, decapitated. I share Nemesis’ views on courtship and what is culturally accepted male behavior, and believe more of a compromise is in order in the times ahead. However bickering about what was is futile, why not try to change was is and what can be. The future is yours.

nemesis1
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 07:54 am: [report]

par3:

Mmmm . . . nice to live with those double standards, isn’t it? Goes to show you that despite all the wretched psycho-babble and sensitivity workshops, things are still the same.

What do I have to say? Nothing. You’ve said it already.

Dianna T
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 10:19 am: [report]

As women, we are taught from birth a man is suppose to be a provider and be able to take care of things.  If that was happening and all of a sudden stops, we feel like the rug has been pulled from underneth us.  I grew up with both parents and even though my mom worked, my dad was still the main provider and took care of things.  I don’t see anything wrong with wanting that in a your mate.

nemesis1
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

Dianna T :

Yours is a reasonable response, but you miss the point -that many women adhere to this traditional veiwpoint only when it’s convenient for them. Then, five minutes later, they denigrate the traditional notion that goes along with it - that if men are providers, women are caregivers and nurturers and belong at home.

Following your reasoning, I see nothing wrong with wanting a woman who stays home and takes care of the house and kids while I go to work and earn a living. Unfortunately, feminism has derided that notion for the past fifty years -to the point where most women positively sneer at the idea of being stay at home mothers. At the same time, feminism tells us that men are brutes and that women are the natural cargivers.  So then, women are losers if they stay at home and take care of the kids. But women are more fit for caregiving, and . . .

Huh?

On the other hand, nothing has changed for men. We still have to go to work, whereas women have had the options of working full time, getting married and working part time, being stay at home wives or mothers, having kids and working part time, etc, etc. Work for most women is opttional. Work for men is mandatory.

So then, women have options. Men have options too: work or jail. Men don’t mind this really. We never have. But when women start whining because the chips are down, you can’t blame us for wanting them to shut the hell up. And any man who has a set of cojones will have no problem telling a woman to do so.

Typical Nice Guy idiots will sit there and nod empathetically while women whine about their recession-era dating troubles. Then the Nice Guys will get angry when the women blow them off to hook up with Bad Boys. Nothing changes, really, except that maybe more Nice Guys will wise up. Doesn’t seem likely, though. We all have our roles.

joyy
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 01:04 pm: [report]

@nemisis - are you pulling typical neandrathal behavior by choosing to ignore people who make sense and point out when you’re wrong?  The article ISN’T about women whining about having to bring home the bacon and provide when their men are unemployed, they’re commenting on how the power dynamic changes and thus affects the relationship. 

It sounds like you’re the one whining about not being able to stay home and not work - why not be a trailblazer stay at home dad?  Tons, not all, but plenty of families have this arrangement at least at some point, and whether or not a woman works is much less of an option these days - do you not know that we’re in a recession with skyrocketing unemployement?

Men have options too, the only difference is their ego usually gets in the way of them exploring them.  Seems like the only thing that doesn’t change is your bitterness and unwillingness to listen to others.

raqueleza
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 04:23 pm: [report]

Those jeans look great on the model in the picture. Just throwin’ that out there.

retro chic
wrote on February 28 2009 @ 05:38 pm: [report]

Gosh darn it… where’s a headstone icon when you need one?
____________________

      - R I P -

  “1-SI-SEMEN”**

  the dark stroker
____________________

**...OMG, I wonder if that’s one of those acronyms read backwards like:
“(1)-(S)ub-(I)nferior-(SEMEN)” donor?

Erin G
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 10:26 am: [report]

Nemesis and others:

I don’t give a hoot about those girls that are dead weight in relationships. I am not paying for their injustice towards men by supporting some deadbeat boyfriend myself.

I used to support two deadbeats in a row. My relationships were my OWN and have no relation to a “paradigm shift” or “equality”, thank you. My relationships were independent onto themselves and had nothing to do with the rest of the world.

resullins
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 12:57 pm: [report]

@ nemisis:

You’re generalizing in a HUGE way here! I have NEVER been supported by a man, not even my father. My boyfriend just got laid off and I’m helping him in every way I can, with out bitching. Not all women were out there begging for ‘equality,’ as you paint us as doing. Some of us were born knowing we were equal and never thinking anything different.

My boyfriend and I go out to dinner sometimes, and we alternate picking up the tab… I am the primary breadwinner, and no one has a problem with that.

Pull your head out of your ass and stop lumping everyone in the same group!

Catline1
wrote on March 2 2009 @ 07:29 pm: [report]

For all you saying that #4 sounds whiny or stupid, what do you think the situation would be if it were reversed?  If your man worked all day and all you did was watch soap operas, leaving the house a mess, not cooking any meal, not cleaning his laundry, how fast do you think you’d end up on the curb?  And I do agree that she shouldn’t have ASKED him to help out, if he respected her, she shouldn’t have to ask.

Although I think this is a great article, I would love to see an article with advice on how to handle all those situations.  My boyfriend was laid off over a year ago.  I’ve offered to be the “breadwinner” and take care of everything while he tries to find a new job, but his ego is hurting.  It helps to hear that I’m not the only person in this situation, but how about the author gives us some insights on how to handle these situations??

And I’d suggest giving Nemesis a break.  He’s obviously just had some bad experiences that have scarred him and thinks now every girl is the same.  It’s too bad, because when he meets the non-golddigger, he won’t give her the respect she deserves and she’ll leave him.  I feel bad for him.

Erin G
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

@ Catline: All your points are good ones, esp. the last one. That’s why stereotypes exist, I believe

mayfieldga
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]

This problem will become much worse in the future.

While both boys and girls begin life equal, they are then raised from birth to be different.  The boys are treated not by accident to increasingly more aggressive styles to make them tough.  They are not given as much mental, emotional, social support for fear of coddling them. Most importantly and not by accident but by intent, they are increasingly given love, honor, and respect, the essentials of self-worth, based on measures of achievement, power, status, etc.  This makes boys and later men much more competitive (by design) for this makes them try much harder in order to achieve those feelings of self-worth from peers and society. Those boys or men who do not measure up in some way will not only receive less honor and respect but will receive more aggression from society.  In the information age, all of those areas have led to a large decrease in academic learning and in turn ability to compete in the information age.  Women are surging ahead.

Since girls and later women are not supposed to be strong this allows for much mental, emotional, social support from an early age along with much love honor and respect simply for being girls.  In the information age, this support not only allows girls to mature faster but to do better in academics. This support continues through adulthood and now is showing up in economic advantages for women.

Today, the combined real effect of wives earning more; the media blitz against men in various ways (again, since Males are supposed to be strong that allows more types of aggression); and the very real problem with Males unable to compete and earn a living in the information age; is all working together to create some very hostile Males who are now losing big time, feelings of self-worth (love, honor, and respect) from society.  Many Males may either lose the ability to escape to the local bar or get a quick drug fix.  Also many hardworking, though industrial age Males who have not read the handwriting on the wall that the information age is becoming the more so the only game in town to earn a living are finding themselves helpless in supporting their families and now feel they are failures as men and deserving of more abuse from society. This then leads to more accumulated psychological suffering, lack of reflection time, and depleted feelings of self-worth.  This is making many, even formerly good hearted Males susceptible to a catharsis of violence.  Usually this will be taken out on those closest to them in their lives.  My learning theory offers hope in this area.  Thank goodness it shows a sociological solution and a permanent genetic problem.  It will go to all on request.  .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 05:05 pm: [report]

@mayfieldga: That was by far the most clinical thing I have read on The Frisky, congratulations are in order.

mayfieldga
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 05:59 pm: [report]

Wow; thanks.  I have been trying for many years to get my learning theory out without success, a paper that spells out two large cognitive tools for all of us.  One of the applications was the Male Crisis.  The complete paper will go to all on request. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 1 2009 @ 06:11 pm: [report]

Be it that I agree with what was said, it is by no means a magic bullet. I do not fit your model.

mayfieldga
wrote on April 2 2009 @ 03:19 am: [report]

The Male Crisis is but one application of my learning theory.  That Crisis while affecting many boys and later men does not affect all boys and men, especially more middle to upper class boys who are provided much more knowledge, support, and other essentials from peers.  There is though even a drop in middle class Males in this area. 

My learning theory, that deals with cognitive tools to improve thinking, learning, motivation, and mental/emotional health, does fit everyone’s model or its tools can be applied to everyone’s life to continually improve in those areas.  That theory that has not been presented here, will go to all on request.  My theory redefines average stress as layers of mental frictions of which all of us can then make use of. Also the use of pace and intensity in approaching mental work can be seen more correctly or more dynamically in terms of changing pace and intensity to a more reflective position or slowing for newer mental work.

These tools have applications for improving thinking, learning, and motivation for all. As those layers of mental frictions accumulate to some limit they can also create psychological suffering that can lead to many forms of escape, from drug/alcohol abuse to violence and suicide.  My theory provides a way to more permanently reduce layers of mental frictions to improve both learning and mental/emotional health.

As for the Male Crisis, the extra aggression given Males and more mental/emotional neglect creates higher layers of mental frictions and much less mental/emotional/social skills and supports verses Females who are provided much more of those things along with more protection and so greater stability.  Since middle and upper class boys do not have this problem nearly as much, we can then see how environmental treatment is creating problems even to affecting muscle tension that is affecting handwriting in boys adversely.  The higher average stress in boys due to more neglect and more aggression creates also higher muscle tension that hurts dexterity and so hurts handwriting in Males.  The idea of trying hard and other tension beliefs in Males (created from more aggression and neglect) also exacerbates the problem for increasing muscle tension and so hurting handwriting and motivation to write.  There are many applications for my learning theory, again, not presented here in these replies.  It will go to all on request. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Donnie
wrote on June 1 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

Can we please go back to what this article is written about?  Its the dynamic change that occurs when the woman is the sole or majority breadwinner.  My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and have always BOTH worked and held jobs with similar salaries.  My husband has been largely unemployed for the last two years, and I have seen him change from a ‘normal’ and ‘good’ guy who was a great conversationalist into an unhappy, morose, vanilla guy who has no opinion on anything, doesn’t care about much of anything, and only wants to sit in front of the computer or TV.  He is a brilliant, funny person and he’s devolved into this “thing” with seemingly no joy in his life!  Help, guys - put yourself in our shoes
- guys, what’s he feeling?
- girls, how do you handle this?

I don’t care about equality - I just want my man back.

mayfieldga
wrote on June 1 2009 @ 04:04 pm: [report]

Can we please go back to what this article is written about?  Its the dynamic change that occurs when the woman is the sole or majority breadwinner. 

from mayfieldga - Yes, society, the media, and all of your and his peers are also at work with various forms of condemnation for Males who do not have sufficient money, power, status, or imaage.  He is becoming more entrenched in his depression.  You see, for Males, they have no support system, only more abuse from society. 

My husband and I have been married for 17 years, and have always BOTH worked and held jobs with similar salaries.  My husband has been largely unemployed for the last two years, and I have seen him change from a ‘normal’ and ‘good’ guy who was a great conversationalist into an unhappy, morose, vanilla guy who has no opinion on anything, doesn’t care about much of anything, and only wants to sit in front of the computer or TV.

That is classic depression and feelings of hopelessness.  I know; I have been there.

He is a brilliant, funny person and he’s devolved into this “thing” with seemingly no joy in his life!  Help, guys - put yourself in our shoes
- guys, what’s he feeling?

Again, he is feeling hopeless.  As the person on Dr. Phil felt as his wife was mistakingly reflectin the support society gives her upon her husband. This going around to many males and will only get worse for Males until Males fall behind so collectively so that collectively they may begin to take apart those beautiful but fragile sand castles women are now calling their society.

- girls, how do you handle this?
I don’t care about equality - I just want my man back.

It wont happen in this system for society only knows more abuse toward Males who appear weak in some say.  I am afraid many sincere women are so totally of the page when it comes to understanding this they may never look over and recognize how society’s indulgence in everyday life: from kind, nice words at the store, doctor’s office, work, restaurants and such, even toward poor women they received from infancy is something totally opposite of the Male and your husband has received from day one.  Yes, in today’s world, indulgence is a great for women; it has put them on top, while the confrontations toward Males and yes, your husband will only get worse if they are perceived vulnerable in some way.  That is the story of the Male in today’s world.

There is a hope for a new system that a loving God does have in store for all of us.  We are living in the last days and many of these things are supposed to occur temporarily.  Article on grand hope will go to all on request.

Mike I
wrote on June 1 2009 @ 09:52 pm: [report]

This is a serious problem ladies.  I regularly see what is happening with Donnie and her man - to many men.  It has caught up with me as well. MayfieldGa has it going on except she hasn’t hit the nail on the head yet. HE is a man. HE is wired as a man. Men are blowing their heads off and women don’t understand or get why he is doing it.  Did anyone see the movie “the castle”?  Anyway.

It isn’t just about pride or honor.  His wife or gf could stay home and do nothing - not even take out the trash if it was overflowing - and more than likely if she takes care of herself by spending his money going to the gym, store and nail salon he doesn’t even care.  Imagine that! I know married women that won’t give up their regular hair, nails and pedicures and they are in foreclosure.  Why? Why can’t women think like men for two seconds. Genetics? Society? 

Now, you ask us to choose between taking care of babies or sticking our boots in a stinky sewer; most men now opt for taking care of babies.  Honestly, the only things I can’t do as a man is 1) bear children and 2) breastfeed.  But, who cares bc neither one is important any longer.  Women have babies w/o knowing the guy (that wasn’t a man’s idea) and the other you can find a supplier on the internet.  Geez our society is screwed up.

Look. The reality of it all is we don’t have what we use to do best.  For the majority of men, it was war or work (this does not include the executive man who was few and far between in numbers). Men like to labor. We are built to labor - not type or sit with a headset on talking to someone on the other line.  Sure, we will sit in front of the tv and ignore everything else around us racing or blowing stuff up, until we’ve had enough to shoot some hoops, head to the boys room, snack and go back to the same crappy computer game.  Fact is, we like to sweat. We were born to sweat.

Yet, with inventions, machinery, efficiencies, larger corporations with billions to trillions of $$$, men don’t need to be men as we have robots and 3rd world labor camps doing what we use to love to do.  Our jobs are like the orchards and farms - becoming non-existent. 

War isn’t for women unless you are in a office environment. Take the rules away, and she just got dumped off the rooftop.  We don’t build anything anymore. Millions of men only new one thing ladies, and you belittle it.  We knew how to create and work hard and then someone said for one reason or another, that we can’t anymore because of some law, regulation, stock, board or shareholder, environmental, neighbor, noise, lawsuit, rule or crap like that which shut it down.

For me, I’m a consultant (making nothing) and vulnerable to the free world because I don’t have a skill any longer - just words for others to feed on.  When I lost my job, I couldn’t seem to JUSTIFY a lower paying job. I’m not happy you ladies are stressed, smoking, working two jobs or more, drinking, on every medication imaginable and not living as long as you use to.  Nope, ladies of past generations like your Grandmother or Mom did what they had to do and so did the men.  Just now, his job is gone unless you want him to work at Taco Bell.  For her, anything goes as she would sell her soul.  But, isn’t that what started the conversation.  He won’t.