21 Reasons Not To Have Sex, From A Former Prude

Posted by: Jessica Wakeman Filed in: sex
11:30AM, Wednesday September 16th 2009

Comments (34)

Confession: I once had a black belt in ways to get out of doin’ it. Until something “snapped” at age 24 and I finally enjoyed sex, I Dreaded having intercourse with a capital D. Don’t get me wrong; I was plenty sexual—I just loathed the part where a guy’s penis entered me and moved around. What was there to enjoy about something that felt like a probing gyno exam where you’re trapped in the stirrups? Lucky for me, something changed last February and I began to desire sex for pleasure, commencing a joyous slutty phase to make up for lost time. But if you’re still stuck in that dark tunnel of crappiness where I was, ages 17 to 24, trust me, I feel for you. Who’d have thunk not many guys in their early 20s would want a sexual relationship with no intercourse?

So, I read with interest the Daily Mail‘s list of the top 10 excuses women give to get out of sex, like “I’ve got to get up in the morning” and “You need a shower.” It’s a good start, but I can think of quite a few other ways ...

That hurts.
I’m on my period.
I’m dehydrated and/or my blood sugar is low.
I can’t get that horror movie we just watched out of my head and I simply couldn’t sleep with you with that image in my mind!
I have a yeast infection.
We’re out of condoms.
We’re out of lube.
I forgot to take my birth control pills a couple times this month.
I just took a shower and I don’t want to have to clean up again.
It’s too cold in here.
It’s too hot in here.
This bed is too uncomfortable.
God, that deodorant and/or cologne you’re wearing is overpowering!
I’d rather read before bed.
We should get tested for STDs first.
Your sheets are dirty.
This bed squeaks too much.
We’re too drunk right now.
Not until you get that bump on your penis checked out.
My bikini wax is growing back in.
Stop nagging me!

What other reasons have you used to get out of sex?

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Tags: reasons not to have sex, reasons women dont enjoy sex

Comments (34)

comments

hlnbabe
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]

“i don’t want to sleep with you because i don’t like you.”

tttongue_tied
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]

“No.” Straight forward, honest, and to the point! Nothing to argue with. You don’t want to because you don’t want to! And if he won’t stop whining, pull a mom move and say “Because I said so.” You don’t need a reason, in my opinion, blue balls be damned.

cymbelene
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:16 am: [report]

it’s been my experience that if you’re brave enough to use the “yeast infection” line—-there will be NO persistence on his part- trust me. Saying you have gas always works really well too.
Unless you’re married to the man, though, telling him either of these things might result in a bit of a drought for a while… be warned!

effing hickster
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:30 am: [report]

@hlnbabe: Can also be phrased as “I like you as a friend” or “I like you like a brother”.

william.paul
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:31 am: [report]

@tttongue_tied: If it’s with a guy you met at a bar, I can understand that mentality. But if you’re in a relationship with the guy, that’s a bit of a bitch move. I’m not saying you should relent and give it up, but don’t be surprised if his response next time you want something is a big “eff you”

soulja brookestuh
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]

For the sake of maintaining a healthy relationship, saying “I just don’t feel like it” usually only works if you explain WHY you don’t feel like it. I usually blame stomach problems and exhaustion.

Most guys take sex rejections personally, so throw ‘em a bone.

spanishbutterfly
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]

i use the ole “i have a headache” , that works well for me. and it got me a lil piece n quiet. he would take care of the kids n the house while i got to take a shower n got some rest : )

majicksand
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]

I told my ex-husband, “you treat me like a whore. If I’m going to be a whore, I’m going to be a ‘Rodeo Drive’ whore. You don’t make that much money.”

I endured another year and a half of that horrifying, sexless marriage (for the kids) before I threw him out.

Typewriter
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 01:00 pm: [report]

“I don’t want my/your roommate(s)/parent(s)/sibling(s)/neighbour(s) to hear us.”

“You were too rough last time and I’m still recovering.”

“I ate too much and I feel gross.”

Typically I use these with sincerity, though, not as bogus excuses. It takes a lot for me to not want to bang.

bogart4017
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 01:31 pm: [report]

Nothing good can come out of making these excuses.

writergirl
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 02:59 pm: [report]

“I’m thinking it is going to be exceedingly painful” got me out of sex last week. But in my defense, I really couldn’t imagine it NOT being painful at that time.

I don’t usually give an excuse, just a flat out reason.

mizfitz
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 04:01 pm: [report]

i don’t back out of sex. if i don’t want to sleep with someone, i don’t continue the relationship.

impoddity
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]

“Can I just give you a hj/bj instead?”

drebella
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 07:17 pm: [report]

yeah im with impoddity on the b/j thing,)but i hate giving h/j. i just explain that im too tired or i just don’t feel like it but i would be happy to please him in other ways,if above all i just don’t feel like i tell them and they should be mature enough to understand it and get over it. Of course that being said im 25, almost 26 and i always date men at least 5 years older. thats just my thing! Also once I offer the b/j as a compromise they seem pretty happy and have never turned me down on that one. I think honesty is the best policy and you should always keep it real with the one your with or there really is no reason why you should be doing it with them in the first place!

ARealGuy4Ever
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 08:15 pm: [report]

In a relationship honesty is always the best way to go. Sometimes we just want a physical connection to feel close to you and curling up in front of the TV or in bed can be fine.

If it’s been longer then normal between rolls in the hay it may be a good idea to figure out why your not in the mood and talk to us. If we know what the real cause is our minds don’t go to dark places and think somethings wrong when it’s not.

Oh ya, and if it’s just a short term thing use what ever excuse you think is best. Obviously it’s best not to hurt people but if he’s being pushy he asked for it.

soulshine
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 06:30 am: [report]

Honesty, shmonesty.. listen girls - we are in a new day and age here, this ain’t your momma’s rule book we play by anymore..
Sometimes you just gotta get yours and not worry about him

spatula
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 08:29 am: [report]

uh, i usually want it.

Gingee
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 08:54 am: [report]

“No.”

“I am not having sex because that is my preference.”

RbMc
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 09:22 am: [report]

“I’m on my period” cause that’s the only time i don’t want it…

jackofhearts
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 10:54 am: [report]

@spatula

Thank goodness! I was thinking I was a freak here…

I have never said no to sex with my BF..been going out nearly three years now. We don’t live together and my sex drive is higher than his, so I want whenever we’re alone in a room (or a park.. swimming pool… elevator… cupboard) and he is usually the one saying no!

kevinh
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 11:14 am: [report]

Why make an excuse?

Just tell him you’ll make it up to him tomorrow and then tease him all day with hot txt messages/emails/phone calls etc. Etc.

You might get yourself so worked up you’ll give him a double dose

ootie
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 01:05 pm: [report]

My boyfriend and I usually get horny at different times of day; I want it more at night and he wants it more in the morning. He’s way more likely to say no than I am because he’s tired, where I’m more likely to say “okay, but you’re really gonna have to warm me up, because I’m not horny”.

bigred
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 03:15 pm: [report]

my GF likes it at night too, I am more of a morning Man if you have to visit http://mpreviews.com

Black Iris
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 03:59 pm: [report]

I think the really interesting question is what changed for you last Feb.? Why did PIV intercourse start to feel good to you?

mikeyellenlee
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 08:43 pm: [report]

My boyfriend is the one that gives me excuses, I always want to do it.

whatshesays
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 11:15 pm: [report]

i agree with BlackIris. It kind of reminds me of that scene in Kinsey where he talks about how a lot of women don’t get off to straight up penetration. and, bigred, wtf?

vegan_eskimo
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 02:37 am: [report]

“I’m having a fat day” Dun Dun Dun!!!

stvancer
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 07:10 pm: [report]

Several of these are terrible because they have rebuttals.

I will list the rebuttals as if we have been dating for a long time and she just said this, I realize that in sentence form, these can be read super creepily, so please cut me some slack:

Also, I realize you can use multiple, one after another, but two excuses that are lies, will wind up with you two never having a relationship again unless the guy is super desperate. I know, I would just forget about it after getting that far and being rejected twice.

1. That Hurts -> “What can I do to make it feel bettter” or “tell me what you like/turns you on/etc…” (not answering this just makes you a LAME lay. She who is silent in bed will be referred to as a ‘board’ by the guy to his friends.

3. I’m dehydrated and/or my blood sugar is low. -> “I’ll get you some water /or do you need candy or do i need to take you to the ER or something, I am not diabetic, so I don’t know?” both are caring responses.

6. We’re out of condoms. ->“I’ll go get some condoms/my roommate has some/here is one I have with me because I care about both of our health” (yeah then when he says that, especially the 3rd one, what do you do)?

7. We’re out of lube. -> “You don’t naturally lubricate (you must be a tranny)” or “ok I wasn’t planning on the backdoor anyway” seriously, a crappy response, and also a serious issue if it really is needed and you are a ‘straight’ woman in her early 20’s

9. I just took a shower and I don’t want to have to clean up again.-> “we can shower together afterward, it will be sexy”

10. It’s too cold in here -> “Ok, let me warm you up”

12. This bed is too uncomfortable -> “Ok lets try the floor/standing/desk/fridge/roommate’s bed/sofa/chair…”

16. Your sheets are dirty. -> Guy changes the sheets. Most people have more than one set, with one always being clean.

I could go on, but really, these are bad. There are some good ones. What you need is an excuse that will make him desire having sex less at that moment, without desiring you less. “I am on my period” is perfect. Not only is that gross, but also means that you are healthy enough to have a child which is in a guys natural instincts to be attracted to overall. Saying you feel like you might throw up also works, because nobody likes being puked on. I could have written a better article.

Iammina
wrote on September 20 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]

I am married now but when I was single I never dated anyone I did’t feel attracted to. I never let it get that far except once and after a few kisses I knew I had to get away from this guy; “this just isn’t working for me and left. When in doubt take your own car and meet them some place safe.

babylaceface
wrote on September 21 2009 @ 12:00 am: [report]

i always want it. even when im on my period. doesnt gross him out at all and i still get mine. (im a VERY light bleeder tho, wouldnt recomend this for someone that would make a huge mess lol)
I think i’ve only ever said no to my boyfriend once and that was when i was practically dying sick and we were with my parents haha