Puckerin’ Up In Public: When PDA Isn’t Okay

AChanceAtHeaven
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]

The Waiter: “Kind Sir and Madame, our restrooms are down the hall, to the left. Otherwise, that’ll be 70% gratuity.”

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 02:37 pm: [report]

My husband often walks up behind me, leans down and kisses my neck.  We’re not talking Hoover-style, just a peck.  If my mother found that offensive, I’d stop going to my mother’s.

If my husband and I cannot say “I love you” to one another in public without offending someone, I’d say that’s their problem, not ours.  Jealousy is not attractive.

We are also very affectionate in front of our children.  I’m not talking about groping, but I think showing our children what a loving, happy marriage looks like is healthy for their future relationships.

While I agree that making-out in public is tacky, I think that showing affection moderately is a good thing.  The Puritans were wrong; their society is gone for a reason.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 02:47 pm: [report]

I agree. Full-on making out in plain view is tacky. However, there is something positive to be said about restaurants with tall booths and tablecloths. Guilty as charged.

Ginger
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:01 pm: [report]

@effing hickster Tall booths and tablecloths hide what you are doing though, so it’s ok.
Unless you’re with a group of people and they become aware that you hand has been under the table for a really long time and the person next to you looks really happy. That’s when it gets awkward.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:04 pm: [report]

@Ginger: That’s why you kick off a shoe and use your foot!

_jsw_
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:07 pm: [report]

@majicksand: You must have very long toes to be able to be able to use just one foot.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

@jsw: Little known fact.  I used to be a stripper before I was the imminently respectable CFO of a corporation.  You’d be amazed at what I can do.

LostInStars
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:11 pm: [report]

My boyfriend doesn’t even like to kiss me in public. I’m not much on PDA either, but I feel almost like he’s ashamed of me. It’s not like I want to make out in the streets, but if I want a quick smooch, I don’t see what the problem is.

Ginger
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

@majicksand I like the way you think.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:27 pm: [report]

Thanks, Ginger.  I think I scared jsw.

Ginger
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:34 pm: [report]

He’ll bounce back. Probably just sitting at his computer thinking of a way to one up you.

_jsw_
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:39 pm: [report]

No, sorry, I just needed some… alone time.

@LostInStars: He should have no problem with kissing you in public, at least as you describe. Either he has issues all by himself, or he has issues with you for some reason, but I hope he gets over them. Making out is one thing. A quick kiss is another thing entirely. If he can’t get over his problem with it, I don’t think your long term prospects are good, as it’s probably a sign of something deeper.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

Actually we’re having a hypothetical, veiled dirty conversation about my BFF on another thread.  He might explode if he had to do it on two fronts at once.

_jsw_
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]

@majicksand: Sorry, the explosion already occurred.

bumbler
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:49 pm: [report]

My husband and I are very affectionate in public but only in non-sexual ways.  We’ll kiss, hold hands, lean on each other, wrap our arms around each other and place our hands on each others’ legs while seated but it never involves tongue or swimsuit areas.  We’re also careful not to go overboard and make our companions feel left out.  No one wants to be the schmoopy couple.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 03:59 pm: [report]

@Ginger: Aw, they’re just jealous.

@magicksand and _jsw_: Erm…maybe that would work, unless you come down with a serious case of Athlete’s Crotch.

Typewriter
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:00 pm: [report]

My last boyfriend used to walk three feet ahead of me all the time and it made me feel pretty bad about myself, like he didn’t want to be seen with me. He said he didn’t even notice he was doing it.

But my current beau is VERY affectionate in public. Constant kisses and hand-holding, and yes, sometimes late at night in dimly-lit places, there are some grabs and tongues and nibbles. It keeps things interesting. I love how sexually-charged he is with me.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]

@jsw: Ewww!

@hickster:  Then you get to spread cream all over each other.  It’s all about perspective.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]

@majicksand: A cute little no-tell motel at nine o’clock? I’ll bring the Ben-Gay.

majicksand
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:18 pm: [report]

@hickster:  Aww, what a sweet offer.  I’ll have to clear it with my husband though.  I’ll get back to you—say 2052 or so?  That way I’ll stand a better chance of honoring the ‘over my dead body’ response I’m anticipating.

Ginger
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:21 pm: [report]

@Bumbler My roommate for half of last year was half of a schmoopy couple. And the dorm rooms were small (as in, our beds were three feet apart). There were nights when I thought that them making out might be better than listening to them baby talk to each other.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:31 pm: [report]

SCHMOOPY!

bumbler
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]

@ Ginger You have my sympathies, the Schmoopy Couple is the bane of gag reflexes everywhere.

Ginger
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 04:37 pm: [report]

@Bumbler Yeah. Especially when I’m writing a finals paper about the dysfunctional relationship a character in some play was in.

magenta generation
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 06:16 pm: [report]

I’m all for PDA and romantic crap, majicksand you sound like you have a great relationship, that’s wonderful! Hope to be in the “great relationship/marriage club one day soon. 
That being said, as I get older I really appreciate subtle gestures: touches, kisses, whispers and such.

e.g.,There is a scene in Scorsese’s “Age of Innocence” where Daniel Day Lewis pulls of Michelle Pfeiffer’s leather glove ( movie is set in the Victorian period) and sensually strokes her hand. The build up to that scene and inevitable kiss between them was “crazy sexy” to me!  They basically spend the rest of the movie yearning for one another. I know, it’s just a movie! 

I have done “extreme PDA” like making out really hard @ a movie theater and in front of the student union building on campus (yes, I’ve done this with my ex). 

Yet, I’ve matured ( somewhat, hehe), I like smoldering, sensual build up or silly as it may be, delayed gratification instead of just quickie moments and being engulfed in flames on the spot.  So, no judgment on people who do it- I just look the other way. I’m not saying I won’t show any PDA in my next relationship but I would put some limits on it, or maybe not… you never know, variety being the spice of life and whatever.

Taurwen
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 07:37 pm: [report]

I was recently talking to a boy about this, we were headed to a party and as soon as we got out of my house he said “We should make out at the bus stop.” I laughed at him thinking he was joking and he continued “I’m just being efficient, if all we’ll be doing there is standing around anyway, might as well be making out.”
I told him that although it was late enough that there probably wouldn’t be anyone at the bus stop, the fact that it was on a busy street meant there were plenty of motorists who probably wouldn’t like to sit at a red light and see something like that. He told me he thought it was silly that people seemed so disturbed by PDAs. I didn’t really know what to say, I agree with him personally, but I wouldn’t want to make anyone else in public uncomfortable, so it’s why I avoid ... well… making out in public.

We just caught the bus, so there was no standing around either way, which was probably a good thing lol

tigerstripe
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 08:16 pm: [report]

I’m guilty of the sad PDA at the airport, saying goodbye to my long distance boyfriend.  Don’t judge me!  I swear it never happens except for then.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 08:47 pm: [report]

C’mon, the airport is fair game if you’re saying goodbye. Same goes with the bus stop. They even have special lanes for goodbye kisses at some bus depots in Austin, Texas.

I would say the difference is when you have a captive audience who can’t just walk away from the situation, such as a restaurant or theater.

Knitter79
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 09:21 pm: [report]

Being affectionate in public (holding hands, kisses, hugs, etc) is different from foreplay or sex in public.  Dark corners or loud bars are fair game, but no one should be getting it on at a restaurant in broad daylight.

Sofjna
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]

One of the places I worked there was a couple in the restaurant making out, all over each other.  Later that night I went out with the kitchen staff after work, and that same couple was at the lounge still all over each other, I’m surprised they weren’t screwing on the couch- they were only a step or so away from it.  Two of the cooks went over and sat on chairs right by them and just stared at them until the couple realized and gave them pissed off looks.  They wanted to put on a show, but weren’t too happy with having an audience.

effing hickster
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:12 pm: [report]

Hmmm…what about people who “literally” love their cars? Or that guy who was making love to the sex dolls in the Publix parking lot? Does it count if they’re not real humans? I’d like to see Miss Manners tackle that one.

neongh0st
wrote on September 12 2009 @ 11:32 pm: [report]

Rawr, I’m a cuddle monster. You guys must be a different breed, though, cause none of my stories involve restaurants, and that seems to be the venue of choice for the above PDAs.

Out of curiosity, how far do you think is too far at a concert/show?

effing hickster
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 12:04 am: [report]

How far is too far at a concert/show?
The same rule as sports events; when you unexpectedly find yourself on camera.

_jsw_
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 12:23 am: [report]

@neongh0st: It would depend on the concert or show. “Dora the Explorer Live” would suggest different boundaries than an Amy Winehouse venue.

bearclover
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 07:01 am: [report]

Public affection, or lack thereof, was one of the first niggling worries I had about my very recently ex-bf.  He wouldn’t even hold my hand or let me “take his arm”. 

After 16 years of marriage (closer to two decades if you count the pre-marriage dating time) I felt I had fallen into a time warp and come out the other side where dating behaviours had changed.  Reflexively, I’d slip my arm through his when we walked in public.  His reaction was to stop dead in his tracks and tell me that I was “impeding his movement”.

When I was young, we had a horse that would come along just fine, saddled and bridled, until you tried to sit the saddle and get him to do anything.  That horse just did not want to do any work or be ridden and had learned to stand immobile and splay-legged as soon as someone tried to mount him.

In the future, if a man behaves that way with me, I’ll turn him back out to pasture and just assume he too doesn’t want to be ridden.

effing hickster
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 11:49 am: [report]

All I ask is that couples don’t start talking like Will Farrell and Rachel Dratch’s intellectual tag-team, calling each other “Lovah” all the time. Ick.

angel001717
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 01:33 pm: [report]

aaahhhh. one thing i LOVED about my ex- he couldnt resist kissing me in public or other affectionate things. it was GREAT. not only was he not ashamed of me but he wanted it known that we were together LIKE THAT. (this was my first relationship ever. im sure i will get less enthusiastic for PDAs in the future once the novelty has worn off

writergirl
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 03:37 pm: [report]

I only got admonished once for PDA.  I was dating a guy who was a Leuitenant in the army and he had his dress uniform on and I took his hand while we were walking.  That is an apparent “no-no” in the Army handbook—at least while they are in uniform. 

Kissing used to feel really weird if we were with my husband’s employees.  A few times we’d all be out at a bar, I’d be leaving earlier than my husband for whatever reason and he’d kiss me good bye.

Then I realized we were the absolute only couple who did that.  The others just said “bye” and now all of them are divorced.  Once I realized that, I got over being uncomfortable.

retro chic
wrote on September 13 2009 @ 04:02 pm: [report]

Does f-ing just off a trail in a public park at the beach count? Is it public if no one’s there looking? j/k*

I don’t let things like PDA bother me, I just look away if I want. In fact, I’d prefer to have images of *that* in my brain, than most of the harsher alternatives out there.

*not

effing hickster
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 02:34 am: [report]

@retro chic: I’m guilty of the “outdoorsy” romp myself, but for us, it was a place well, well off the beaten path. I would think that would be okay.
However, if you’re just off the main trail at the beach, not okay. But who am I to say? I’ve also come dangerously close to doing that once, but we managed to hold off until we found a hotel.

Oh, those poor animals at the zoo, who have to do it in front of everyone. How embarrassing.

majicksand
wrote on September 14 2009 @ 08:17 am: [report]

My ex husband and I did it in the woods once when he was working on the tow boats.  He was only in port for an hour, and everyone knew what we snuck off for, but I didn’t care.

happy1
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 02:55 pm: [report]

Okay….Im not so proud of this but at a neighborhood holiday gathering I invited a guy I’d dated just a couple times. (I was 2 years divorced and the first post divorce date). We each had a couple glasses of wine when he pulled me to him and gave me a full on lip lock..tongue and all….I must say it took me by surprise, but next thing I knew I was engaging and had totally forgotten where I was…lets just say it was sooo good, and sooo bad. I was ashamed to show my face in the neighborhood for some time following.

Sometimes you just got up in the moment…I am typically pretty reserved.