Product Review: The Sqweel Gets The Job Done, Loudly
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
sex
10:10AM, Monday October 19th 2009
Ask and ye shall receive! A few weeks ago, I posted about the Sqweel, a 10-tongued sex toy that promised to blow my mother-effing mind, and wished that someone would get it for me for Christmas. A few days later, one arrived at my desk. The timing was perfect, as this weekend was rainy and cold in New York, so indoor activities were already on the menu. Did the Sqweel live up to my expectations? Find out, after the jump.
First, the construction. For those who were concerned the twirling 10-tongue action would, um, burn or blister the clitoris, have no fear. The soft and rubbery tongues are totally gentle on the nether-regions. However, if you’re sensitive, the Sqweel does have three speed settings, though I found HIGH to be the way to go. (FYI, the wheel o’ tongues can be removed from the device for cleaning.)
The Sqweel works well. I was, uh, done in two minutes flat, and in terms of orgasm strength, allow me to get a little cerebral. You know how orgasms during oral sex feel a little different than, say, orgasms during sex or with a vibrator? I think it has to do with the kind of pressure. Anyhow, an orgasm with the Sqweel feels more like one you have during oral sex, which I guess makes sense considering the tongues are trying to mimic the oral sex experience.
With all that being said the Sqweel is LOUD. Really, if your neighbors overhead, they might think you were making whip cream from scratch, or drilling holes, or playing with a remote control car. It’s kind of distracting, especially if you’re someone who likes to masturbate on the down-low.
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Isabela Laval
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:19 am: [report]
So your neighbour will either hear screams of ecstasy or the whirring of a Kitchen-Aid mixer, mixing up something delicious. Either way, they’ll be J-E-A-L-O-U-S!
Lolafalona
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
Ummmmm….Yowza! Sign me up. Putting that on the top of my XMas list.
heythere
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]
So buying one.
Perceptible
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]
Perhaps these should be the next “Gift for Gab” giveaway… (hint, hint)
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:42 am: [report]
Apparently Amelia is a Procrasturbater. Welcome to the group.
hotmom71
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]
Does anyone know where this can be purchased?
hops09
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]
That thing is gross.
OutOfLine
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:16 am: [report]
I love this website so much <3
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:27 am: [report]
That thing looks painful—I’m relieved it’s quite the opposite. I kept thinking of getting my clit caught in a fan. Yikes.
C.Munro
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]
I looks like something straight out of one of those weird Monty Python animation sequences.
bethlynn00
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:35 am: [report]
Thanks for telling us how loud it is, I have very thin walls, I already can’t imagine what my neighbors hear coming from my apt some nights…
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:41 am: [report]
Amelia, at least with your neighbors you can say with a straight face that you’re into DIY projects.
resullins
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:44 am: [report]
@Retro: Ha! I agree, I spend a lot of time doing projects in the house, and the SO is a mechanic, so they’d probably never notice a little extra noise! I want one!
AbbyGirl
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 11:35 am: [report]
Wonder if the bf will be offended if I put this on my xmas list…
cattgirl813
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 11:43 am: [report]
@AbbyGirl: LOL! Kind of puts a new twist on that old Christmas classic. “Santa baby, just slip a Sqweel under the tree for me….”
develange
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 11:54 am: [report]
@ HitOrMissJudy - heh, I agree. Clit caught in a fan!
Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 12:03 pm: [report]
@HitOrMissJudy I should have mentioned that if you are rocking long pubes, BEWARE!
Riley
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 12:07 pm: [report]
Amelia, you just ruined the mental image I had from reading this article…
Lilypie
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]
Seriously, HitOrMissJudy - All I can think about when looking at this is my lady bits getting caught in a fan blade. Ow.
kellieann
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]
I don’t think this toy stands a chance against the real thing.
majicksand
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]
@Amelia: Just remember that if Harrie does send you a few of those as prizes, it was my idea.
The suggestion alone should net me one, right?
wild-ting
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 06:25 pm: [report]
Thank you for your dedication to your readers and testing this one out for us.
revivedlady
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 06:52 pm: [report]
OO I hope they sell them in Canada
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 07:41 pm: [report]
Send me one and I’ll mod it for you to make it quiet. I’ll also add infinitely variable speed to make sure you’re not quiet.
Just don’t send me the one you’ve already used. Because, well, there’d be all that time spent selling it on ebay (ultimately to CheeeeEEEEse), buying a new one, waiting for it to come (bud dum dum tshhh), and so on.
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:01 pm: [report]
Not so much into the toys, but with a cup of water, it could double as a sweet, wistful reminder of our dog lapping from her waterbowl when we’re traveling.
:¬P
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:05 pm: [report]
@retro chic: Your dog makes motor noises when she drinks? Interesting….
PS Sorry to have been away. I’ll be on more now.
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:46 pm: [report]
No, you already said you’re taking care of any motor sounds. And, if you rig The Lapper with The Clapper for launch on late-night infomercials you’d be set for life – and make millions of b!tches happy.
ps: yeah, what happened there,
up to no goodbeing of service no doubt…_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:48 pm: [report]
I think the “C-lapper” is an excellent idea. I see it being a problem, though, for women who smack their own asses when… feeling that way.
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 09:57 pm: [report]
No worries… like Amelia said… this is DIY all the way.
cali_candy
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:09 pm: [report]
hm, intriguing…do you need to add some lube or does it feel ok as is?
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:12 pm: [report]
@cali_candy: I’d think you’d want to use some lube.
That led me to thinking… if you’d use this on a stuck of butter, it’d be great for applying it to corn on the cob.
draymond
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:16 pm: [report]
I wasn’t initially expecting the comment about the noise, Vibrators are naturally noisy because, well, they are vibrating! I guess what is happening here is that the pinwheel o’ pleasure is acting like a fan in a tunnel.
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]
@draymond: I’m guessing it’s just cheap plastic gearing. A decent in-hub motor would fix all of that. I’m waiting for Amelia to send me one.
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:22 pm: [report]
^^You’re supplying the corn I suppose. Been good so far.
and
^^^Aaaha, yes, there would have to be a override switch in that case.
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:27 pm: [report]
@retro chic: I’m a midwestern boy. The corn’s inherent.
Amelia McDonell-Parry
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:31 pm: [report]
@cali_candy Personally, I felt no need for lube, but if you’re. you know, dry, you could easily apply it. Seriously aside from the utterly obnoxious sound, it is really quite lovely. Maybe I should make a mp3 file for you guys to hear, so you get the gist of the loudness….
_jsw_
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:35 pm: [report]
@Amelia: If you’re going to do so, you might want to also record something of “commonly knowable” volume, like a coffee grinder or something, so we’ll have a point of reference. Otherwise, it’ll be hard to tell just how loud it is.
retro chic
wrote on October 19 2009 @ 10:45 pm: [report]
Somehow, I think just the words: coffee grinder (or the like), will suffice, thank you so much, both of you!
^^ OK then. Prepare to pone-y up.
Harrie@lovehoney
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 02:50 am: [report]
@Amelia Yay your Sqweel arrived! I’m so pleased you enjoyed it, and in just 2 minutes! When there’s a job to do, the Sqweel gets it done!
Harrie,
LoveHoney Blogger
Secret Story Time
wrote on October 20 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]
“Dear Santa”, she squealed, “Bring me one of the squeallies for Christmas!”
I want my present to come early.
_jsw_
wrote on October 21 2009 @ 09:13 am: [report]
@Secret Story Time: And I think it wants the same for you.