Pretty Women Can Be Hard To Be Friends With

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:48 pm: [report]

@ Jessica: Wow! She sounds a hellva lot like Erin. Shasha may have a little disorder called Borderline Personality disorder.

Basically it boils down to that they must have the attention on them at all times or else snide comments, accusations and full on blow ups occur.In some cases bodily harm will ensue so they can get attention.

I say you better with out. And she might look good on the outside (right now) but she’s rotten on the inside. Which will eventually leak through.

Erin and I’s fall out: My close friend died of leukemia and my grandma died of Alzheimer’s disease, then I rear ended a RAV-4 and totaled it with my Jeep at a stop light in the same week and all she could do was rattled on for over an hour about getting caught cheating on her husband with her lovers wife.

And she missed her lover. I shouted at her and told her to clean up her life.

3 year friendship down the drain.

You really don’t need people like that.

sadie
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:52 pm: [report]

I totally disagree with this premise. Not all hot girls are bitches. Not all plain girls are a joy to be around.

I could point to plenty of examples of plain girl friends I’ve had who were a real drag because they got pissed off at me every time we went out and boys talked to me instead of them. The same girls would criticize any guy who paid attention to me and try to talk me out of dating them. They’d also insist on locking themselves in their rooms with movies instead of going out to play because they felt they weren’t getting enough attention from men. I don’t write essays about why I won’t be friends with plain girls. I just stopped going out with particular girls who’d shown themselves to be self-pitying wet blankets.

I befriend people who are fun and happy, regardless of their looks. I have fun friends who are pretty and fun friends who are plain. I think bad behavior and looks are pretty unrelated. We can all point to people who are stereotypes of whatever their outward appearance dictates but I think they’re far from the rule.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

@ sadie- I second that. Erin was not pretty. She was average. Oddly sometimes she smelled like pee and one time she asked if she smelled and I didn’t have the heart to tell her she smelled like urine. (I know off subject) But I would have to agree there are some girls out there who are so insecure they have to control everything including their friends.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:56 pm: [report]

Take solace in the fact that she eventually live an unhappy life. Karma is a bitch and so is she. You reap what you sow.

AndThatsWhyYoureSingle
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 12:59 pm: [report]

The better question is why you befriended someone who was so self-absorbed in the first place or didn’t cut bait long before she pulled her dram queen act. Certain pretty women are used to attention so they befriend women “lesser than” so they can remain in the spotlight. But some average looking befriend and remain friends with such women to ride their coat tails, eagerly backstabbing them when the pretty girl shows her true colors. It works both ways. Since this is something that happens to you somewhat frequently, you might ask yourself why you continue to befriend these women in the first place. It’s like the woman who intentionally seduces a man with a girlfriend and then turns around and asks why “all” men cheat. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

_jsw_
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:01 pm: [report]

I don’t think that pretty women (or attractive men) are necessarily much more likely to be this way (although constantly being a center of attention certainly doesn’t make it less likely). However, I think that non-beautiful women (and men) are going to learn that they can’t get away with being this way, and so they adapt and become somewhat less obviously self-centered. But yes, beauty allows the flaw to grow into something really evil.

And Jessica, FWIW, you’re also attractive (as far as I can tell; perhaps you have a partial twin growing out of your back and a third ear on the back of your head). Luckily, though, for those around you, you didn’t turn out to be a self-centered bitch.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:03 pm: [report]

@Andthatswhyyouresingle: Because they act normal when you first meet them! They are fun and interesting and you have a good time. Rarely does anyone let you know immediately that they are psychotic with a wicked personality defect.

That’s how it always starts. Sometimes some friendships are momentary. That is true. Sometimes some women collect a group of lesser friends to make them feel better about themselves.

eclare
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:06 pm: [report]

the whole of this article isn’t sitting well with me. It just seems like a Feel-Sorry-For-Jessica, when, from her photo, isn’t bad looking at all. I think the issue lies more in the fact that she thought she NEEDED to write this. I still am not catching the point. Am I now suppose to not like pretty girls? and what is attractiveness?
Maybe I’m way off here

tabby
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:09 pm: [report]

My best friend is definitely beautiful. Not hot, although some guys call her that, and not sexy, but downright beautiful. It can be a little annoying at times in that she does tend to be the center of attention. However, I (being merely cute) am her stabilizing force. I tell her the truth and tell her when she is screwing up. I don’t play kiss-ass with her either. However, I am nice to her. If our opinions differ, I am willing to concede that she may be right and I may be wrong. I think there is an art to compromise with all of my friends, genetically blessed or not. It seems that there is an additional question here of, Would you make certain concessions to your friends who aren’t beautiful that you would not make for your beautiful ones? Not that anyone should put up with being treated badly, just that some people like to punish pretty people for being pretty and call it being morally/intellectually/ethically superior.

thehighandlow
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

This reminds me of the episodes of 30 Rock when Jon Hamm guest starred. You know, when Liz Lemon realized that he lived in “the Bubble”.

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]

@MsPriss I don’t necessarily this happens because of insecurity.  I think it happens because of unchecked privilege. I think people who have certain privileges by virtue of what they were born with (whether it’s beauty or wealth or wonderful parents or whatever) sometimes don’t realize how taking for granted the good things those privileges afford them affects their behavior. That’s just my theory.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:17 pm: [report]

Jessica, I usually really dig your articles, but I agree with eclare, this one bothers me.  Is it because these girls were pretty that they were difficult?  Or was it just coincidence?  I know plenty of plain or unattractive women whose insecurities made it difficult to maintain friendships. I suspect that some pretty women think its unnecessary to develop strong characters when they can slide by on looks alone; however, I have met very few people who fit into this category.
I’ve also found that women who are considered pretty find it harder to find friends because other women are intimidated by them.  I know I am sometimes intimidated by women who are drop-dead gorgeous, but once I start talking to them I realize they are mad cool.  I also have girlfriends who say they were intimidated by me, and now nothing can keep us apart.
Lets try not to judge women for their looks, whether they are considered beautiful or not.

spatula
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]

I agree with @sadie on the following points:
-Total disagreement with the premise of this article. It seems a MAJOR stretch to me to take your personal experiences with two (seemingly) complete crazy people who just HAPPENED to be physically attractive, and translate that into ‘pretty girls are hard to be friends with because they have to have everything their own way’...Uh, what?!
-secondly, I also “befriend people who are fun and happy, regardless of their looks”. I just find it EXTREMELY hard to believe that there is any significant correlation between physical attractiveness and the negative personality traits described in this article.

joyy
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:24 pm: [report]

Sounds like she just wants validation for not going the extra mile to keep certain friendships afloat.  Cutting your losses with insane bitches is totally needed in some situations, and some insane bitches *are* model-pretty.  But this smacks of passive-aggressive attention seeking re: “I used to get made fun of because I wasn’t the prettiest so now I’m extra special because I’m the only person with a backbone who doesn’t need pretty people just because they’re pretty.  Aren’t I right?”  Snore.

@thehighandlow - I was so hoping this was going there, except 30 Rock was actually entertaining!

william.paul
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:33 pm: [report]

@Jessica are you trying to say that you think pretty girls are more likely to be narcissistic?

Humble Bee
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:33 pm: [report]

I agree with Cheeeseee.
I have a friend who thinks she’s the most gorgeous girl ever, but isn’t the nicest. I don’t care how she is to others, as long as she treats me with respect. Karma will later catch up with her, and she will get what she deserves. That’s why I don’t wish the worse for her, or try to correct her behavior either, she’s an adult that can make her own decisions. People always tell my I’m pretty, beautiful, etc. and I do feel that way on the inside, but I feel stupid saying it out loud. It just sounds retarted and conceited. I used to get made fun of a lot for having a flat chest, unibrow, mustache, you name it, I was considered ugly. I now laugh at my old school pictures. Until high school when I got an eyebrow wax,grew boobs, and finally got some confidence which is really what I think makes a person pretty.

raqueleza
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:34 pm: [report]

Eh, I think this article is slightly off-base. I’ve had lots of fall outs with friends that mirror the situations described above, and I’m prettier than them (yeah, I’m going there). I’ve also lost guys to girls less attractive than I am, but have also charmed my way into places and out of trouble (plus a few drinks there and there—but really, who hasn’t?). All that involved so much more than looks.

What does pretty even mean? Jessica, you ARE pretty. Do you mean your friends were super thin and modely? But big girls with gorgeous faces are categorized as “pretty” too (though I can guarantee those in the latter category are hardly catered to by our society). I feel like in the real, non-fashion/beauty industry worlds, looks play a far smaller role than we think.

_jsw_
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:41 pm: [report]

@spatula: Of course there’s a correlation between physical attractiveness and the negative personality traits described in this article, or, more specifically, the ability to express those negative traits and still have friends. Beauty, wealth, power, and fame all allow people to get away more easily with actions that others cannot pass off. The point of the article wasn’t that beautiful women are all self-centered bitches, it’s that self-centered bitches who are also beautiful can more easily get away with it.

I completely agree with that thesis. The more attractive, the wealthier, the more powerful, and the more famous someone is, the more they will be able to attract sycophants and groupies and so on regardless of their personality.

Maybe I’m misinterpreting Jessica’s post, but I don’t think it was to whine about herself. I think it was to show that she’s known self-centered women who were also beautiful and who got away with it (kept other friends, etc.) because of that privilege of having been born beautiful.

Sadly, there are a lot of people who remain friends (second-class friends, but friends) of such people purely because it allows them to be near the beauty, wealth, power, and/or fame in the hope that some of the benefits will rub off on them.

Along the same lines, being the leader of a country doesn’t make you a psychopathic murderer. But… being a psychopathic murderer who is also the leader of a country allows you to get away with it much easier while still being adored by a decently large percentage of your country’s population.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:43 pm: [report]

@Jessica: I’ll give you a tip. A black eye or a bruised cheek goes a long way to opening their eyes (If closing them in swelling is the eventual outcome). Ask Nikki for some tips.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

@Jessica: I can see what you mean by that. But I am not sure if it is a pretty girl thing or not. Still think it’s just being spoiled and rude.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:44 pm: [report]

@JSW: that makes sense.  Jessica, please tell me this is what you mean.  Because, in that sense, I do agree with you.

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:48 pm: [report]

@JSW

(and @brandyalexander)

Yes, you’ve understood my point completely. Thanks!

spatula
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 01:58 pm: [report]

@jsw: I never said she was whining about herself, simply that in my OPINION, her logic was flawed. Ad fwiw, upon my second reading of the article, I still think so.

I agree with @brandyalexander in that the way you re-worded it makes sense. (the fact that attractive females are able to more easily get away with #&@$% behavior, as opposed to said attractiveness being the REASON for their #&@$% behavior) but I don’t think that’s what Jessica was saying. From what I got out of the article, it seems she was saying that these negative traits ARE MORE PREVALENT in attractive girls, or even that they have these personalities BECAUSE they are attractive. Which I disagree with entirely. Just my thoughts.

Steph9668
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:06 pm: [report]

Huh… I had a problem with a girl that was similar to the Sasha story.. and she was pretty but I didn’t associate her prettiness with her actions at the time. I just thought it was because she was a bit nuts… and for some reason never satisfied with what she already had.

(Also, I am kinda thankful that I was teased in school as well. Not great for the self-esteem but good for the reasons mentioned in the beginning of the article.)

Still, I don’t really see it as a pretty/not pretty issue. Some people are jerks, for whatever reason… and there are many, many reasons… and some people are not.

Riley
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]

This whole thing looks like a pity party to me.  Some of the nicest and most unselfish women I know qualify as pretty women. 

Fairly bitter outlook on attractive women.  It is a toss up as to which person I’d rather be around, the self-entitled or the self-loathing.  I’ll take neither.

ootie
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:19 pm: [report]

There are a million things that can make a girl bitchy.  Some people are bitchy because they’re conceited.  Some people are bitchy because they’re insecure. I don’t really buy that pretty women are, in general, bitchier people, although they might get away with it more.

bumbler
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:21 pm: [report]

I would say that it has more to do with how much importance is placed on being attractive or attracting the opposite sex in their early life.  Based on the reactions of people around me I’m fairly attractive.  I’m comfortable with how I look and try to be well groomed but beyond that I couldn’t care less.  How we looked was never important in my family or school as a child.  I used to tell my mother I didn’t have to brush my hair because Diane Fossey didn’t brush hers and the gorillas didn’t care (I wanted to be a zoologist).  And that kind of mentality flew at my school, no one cared if I wore a rainbow striped shirt with fish print shorts because I could come up with fun recess games and out race anyone in my grade.  I see girls who are both attractive and not who were raised to believe that looking good is important and they are the ones with this I can get away with anything mentality because I’m young and a girl.  Those who are beautiful have had more reinforcement that they can get away with it which leads to a more domineering personality, those who are not as traditionally beautiful become more and more risque or outrageous to try and attract all the attention they can.  It’s a sad situation for them and the only solution would be a full on change in society to value women for more than their looks.  Sadly as a cynic I don’t see this happening any time soon.  It seems to get worse every day.

vtgirl1993
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]

Like everything else in life, it all depends on the person and how he/she was raised. Three of my closest female friends are absolute knockouts and they are all some of the sweetest women you will ever meet. Maybe it’s because they all blossomed late in life and weren’t technically beautiful since childhood. They had some hard knocks early on, so they learned as children to treat everyone well…as most of us are.

Same goes for guys. I’m a woman who qualifies as “pretty” on a good day, but I’ve dated several very attractive men. I’ve always found it interesting that other men never looked at me and said “What the hell is he doing with her?!?” Only women ever seem to ask such annoying and hurtful questions.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:30 pm: [report]

Well put, Bumbler.

writergirl
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]

I ‘ll agree pretty women can get away with rude behavior more easily.  I don’t know why, maybe because people aren’t really paying attention to what they are doing to be concerned about their behavior.  Or because they’ve learned to be manipulative in the process.

The worst is though the woman who WAS pretty—and coasted by life based on her looks—and now those looks are starting to fade.  THAT woman is a complete mess and just makes life miserable for everyone around her.  Because she doesn’t know how to survive any other way and her looks are no longer allowing her the lee-way she had with her behavior.

bumbler
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

@brandy Thank you

By the way, I do brush my hair these days.

bogart4017
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:44 pm: [report]

Women can be so cruel to each other. Jessica, if thats you in the picture, if you lived in the town i lived in you would never have to worry about being alone. You’d probably have to change your phone # if not your address!

LostInStars
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:46 pm: [report]

I’m picking up what you’re laying down, Jessica. This of course, isn’t the case with all beautiful women, but unfortunately there’s this whole holier than thou attitude just because a woman his hot.

I have a friend who isn’t terribly attractive, or ugly, for that matter, and guys compliment her ceaselessly, and that’s given her a perceived, “I’m better than you, look at all the attention I’m getting!” attitude.

I think they think they can get away with crap behavior because they’re, “Like soooo hawt.” not so much that they have crappy behavior because they’re good looking, but it can definitely give a girl an attitude.

lawyrgrl
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 02:56 pm: [report]

I agree that there is a breed of pretty women who never had to develop a good personality.  They were always pretty and so could coast by just on that.  There is another though that was very unattractive in early life and got picked on mercilessly but then became pretty.  They now have both the looks AND the personality/empathy that makes them nice to have around.

AgentBeryllium
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:02 pm: [report]

But what about the pretty girl who wasn’t pretty then became pretty and turned mean as an act of revenge?

Also I would have to add a side note: All the pretty girls I knew.. they were all nuts and had very messed up lives.

EmStar234
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:13 pm: [report]

i can’t say i agree with this piece ... i’ve been on both sides, not classifying as classically pretty until probably a handful of years ago when i came into my own. Since we’re all making generalizations here, I’ll put my 2 cents in. I think pretty girls are actually EASIER to be friends with. Albeit faker. Unattractive gals I’d say put up a tougher barrier to break through with their cynicism that pretty girls can’t possibly GASP! actually be genuine people. It’s a catch 22 really. I will say that i think girls in GENERAL are hard to be friends with, more so if you’re pretty. I can say this since i’ve moved to new cities by myself twice now. Girls aren’t very interested in embracing new people whereas guys (duh) are. Then the girls that won’t invite you to hang out see you with the boys that will invite you and label you as “the guys girl” when really? no, i’m def. a girl’s girl but none of the girls will give me a dang chance! behave ladies, we’re all on the same side

Queen Frostine
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:30 pm: [report]

*Catty* women can be hard to be friends with.

There, fixed it for ya.

ThatWeirdGamerChick
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:46 pm: [report]

Considering that about 90% of my friends are guys, I may not be one to talk, but attractive girls have never been nice to me. Occasionally, one will be decent in a private situation, but it seems like “pretty” girls don’t want to be seen with “ugly” ones in public, or admit they’re friends with one. One woman I know was friends with me from 4th grade, but in high school, when she decided that she was pretty, refused to acknowledge me in public. She still can’t understand why it upset me, and insists that we’re still friends.
Obviously, after enough of those types of situations, I avoid attractive women altogether. I find it easier to be friends with men, since they generally don’t care what I look like and are just all-around more nice. I love being “one of the guys”!
Maybe, as women grow older, they’ll realize how truly unimportant all of this is. One can hope, eh?

*sam*
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]

hmm… like a few others, I’m not sure if I agree with the general assumption.. I’m more of a “guys girl” and therefore have really only had 2 genuinely close girlfriends in my life, and FTR, are both more attractive than I (I’m ‘cute’ while they’re ‘hot’). The first, Heather, has been my bff since the 6th grade. She’s sweet, empathetic, intelligent, crazy fun, and just an all-around good person. The other, Summer, well, she for the most part, is a bitch. She’s very condescending and assumes that her views on, well, everything are right and if you don’t agree with her, you’re an idiot (she’s also become one of those miserable, end-of-the-world conspiracy believers. you know, the one’s that think 9/11 was a gov’t conspiracy and agrees with the ‘birthers’ )... therefore, I don’t really think their looks have had anything to do with it… more like just general personality differences.

though, I will say that I have noticed this trend more in guys… IDK how they are towards their friends, but I’ve noticed on far too many occasions that the classically good-looking guys tend to be douche bags when it comes to the ‘average’ looking girl. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve overheard a ‘good looking’ guy say that he would *never* date a ‘fatty’ (i.e., anyone who weighed more than 110lbs, 5 of which being designated to her chest/ass) *shrugs* then again, these guys are the same ones that sport pink popped-collar polos and Ed Hardy tees…

develange
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 04:16 pm: [report]

I think it’s about people who are used to getting their way, and like it that way. This may or may not depend on prettiness. I’ve met douchy girls who were gorgeous and not so gorgeous. I feel that often, really pretty girls are used to getting their way with guys, at least in middle school and high school.

I remember one of my friends (perhaps one of the prettiest girls in the school)would get all bent out of shape whenever guys stopped giving her so much attention and began to realize that other girls existed aside from her.

I didn’t take this article as an assumption or saying all pretty girls are bitches…in fact, I think Jessica was talking more about DROP DEAD GORGEOUS model-esque girls, though again, not saying that all drop dead gorgeous people are selfish #&@$%. But being pretty or attractive and ridiculously beautiful are not the same thing, and people do treat you differently.

karmakaze
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 05:06 pm: [report]

I think that these people do feel they have some kind of an advantage over people and therefore are more “entitled” to everything and everyone else. I’ve had the same issue where there would be absolutely gorgeous girls who would for some reason befriend me and then just dump me at the drop of a hat for no reason other than because they wanted to.

I don’t think it’s a bad article at all and I think it hits really close to home with quite a few people. It’s something that I think most of us unfortunately have had to deal with.

Jenn27549
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 10:19 pm: [report]

You try to explain it as “unchecked privilege” but that doesn’t always come from exceedingly good looks or the fact that you came from money, either.  I’ve personally found way more unattractive girls that are rude and selfish b/c they are always used to being on the defensive and will take any excuse to knock the pretty girls.  Especially by saying they have it easier.  Have you ever worked in an office of mostly overweight, older females and been the thin, young, pretty one?  Let me tell you that is NOT EASY.  And its pretty hard to claim mistreatment and be taken seriously when the complaint is they make fun of you for being thin.  But I’ve never been treated so badly in my life. 

Coming from money isn’t always a walk in the park, either.  Particularly when you just want a normal life and to be taken seriously for the work you do and your own personal accomplishments.  I had to get a system down for dealing with people who want my family to “pull strings” for them, or who want to take advantage of our affluence.  That was particularly hard when dating.

I’m very shy, and never appreciated any extra attention based on my looks.  I stopped wearing contacts in college, and still to this day wear my glasses b/c I always feel like they give me something to hide behind.

SummertimeFirefly
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 10:20 pm: [report]

I’d argue that this article might pass off as one side of a coin, but there is definitely another. As one of these “pretty girls” (not trying to be conceited, but it’s the topic), I have always found it difficult to make and maintain friendships with average women (am I even allowed to talk about this).  Face it, men might be nicer to pretty women (sometimes), but pretty women go through hell with girlfriends (or rather, girl-foes).

When you fit into some constructed standard of beauty you also become subject to everyone else’s gaze and constructed expectations. Plain girls (and many men) expect pretty women to be bitchy, they expect them to be entitled, they expect them to fiend for male attention, they expect them to want to always be the center of the universe. Plain women expect that you already think you are better than them - when its probably the furthest thing from the truth. My experience is that average women are often very cold and mistrusting from the go, even when I go out of the way to be friendly and personable, I’m assuming because of what they think I am thinking.

The problem with beauty is that others project traits on to you or attribute unrelated traits to beauty when, many a time, one’s level of attractiveness has nothing to do with one’s behavior. Much like what you have done with your former friends. A demise of a friendship usually takes two and I would advise that you look at the assumptions that you may have brought with you, and how they may attributed to your failed friendships.

staceface
wrote on August 24 2009 @ 10:56 pm: [report]

@Jessica:  I completely feel you here.  I am on the pretty side of average, thus have been “the pretty one” in some groups of friends, and “the plain one” in other groups.  (It’s all about perspective, like many things in life).

As “the pretty one,” I’ve had friends actually say things like, “I’m so lucky you’re my friend,” or “I can’t believe you’re friends with me.”  This is, of course, completely ridiculous, and I’ve ended up not being friends with those girls because they’re insecure and often needy as friends.  I am not interested in constantly being complimented or having a friend whose self-esteem is so low that she can’t believe we’re friends because she thinks I’m pretty.  So wrong.

On the other hand, I’ve definitely been friends with really hot girls, and there’s ABSOLUTELY a sense of entitlement that average looking people (myself included) don’t have. 

I know this isn’t about a girl, but I do have a story about a guy I worked with who was SO gorgeous.  (I think the *beautiful person* thing applies to both genders, if someone’s hot enough).  I was a bartender and he was a server in this fancy restaurant (and he has since moved on to be in movies, and be very successful).  When I first met him, I was so blown away by his looks because he was truly beautiful.  I was super nice to him, and nervous every time he approached the bar.  Over the course of months working together, he would constantly do things like leave his tables’ dirty dishes on the bar for me to take care of, instead of taking them to the kitchen like every other server.  He’d also always try to charm his way into getting his drinks first, or getting me to run things to his tables, even when I was swamped.  It took me a while, but I eventually realized he was doing this to everyone around him, because he was so gorgeous that he could get away with it, and had been getting away with that crap his whole life.  As a less-hot person, my needs/job/respect didn’t matter to him. 

This entitled attitude is not universal amongst pretty people, I’m sure, but there’s a ton of psychological research that shows that pretty people (even pretty kids) are treated better.  Besides, everyone deserves to have mutual respect and support in a friendship, and if looks are too much of an issue for that to happen, it’s probably not a great friendship anyways.

Coral
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 12:33 am: [report]

I’m not trying to sound conceited, but many of my friends consider me the gorgeous one out of all of them and at times, I sense jealousy. But if I even dare to point out that I am sometimes annoyed when guys keep hitting on me or asking me out (I’m in a long-term relationship), my friends roll their eyes and basically tell me to suck it because I am pretty and that’s what I get. I do understand both point of views on this article though. A woman who is beautiful, tall, seductive, powerful is typically more intimidating than one who is not. I haven’t always felt beautiful, and self-love and learning to accept one’s beauty does not come overnight for anyone. Often times, with beauty, comes confidence—and confidence can be intimidating, cocky, and selfish at times. I definitely think some pretty women are hard to be friends with, but I think it’s more a reflection of their personality, rather than looks. And there are plainer looking women who are also hard to be friends with—and it’s not just about a ‘sour’ attitude, it’s also more about personality. I really don’t care what my friends look like—I prefer to surround myself with people who will accept me, love me, and be there for me. And I will do the same. And then of course, there are those ‘friends’ who do not treat you as nicely, and in my opinion, it’s just best to take the high road and forget about it. But it’s a hard thing to pinpoint pretty women and say that that is the reason why some of them can be hard to be friends with. Although just like the dating world, I feel that many people do not feel comfortable or accepted when hanging out with people who are not of their caliber in terms of looks—which I think is quite stupid anyways.

fallonthecity
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 12:41 am: [report]

You had a great point going here, Jessica, but I felt like the article sort of sputtered about the time you brought out the anecdotes… they didn’t really help make your point, other than those models were b*tches.

I think it’s surely true that being what our culture would call *really beautiful* puts you in a place of privilege, and, like most privileges, you may not really notice it’s there until someone less privileged calls you out on it.  Of course there will be those who take advantage of this privilege, purposefully or not, and there will be those who challenge it.

Also, what _jsw_ said.

og217
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 03:18 am: [report]

I’ve personally experienced waaaay more negative situations with unattractive women.  My good-looking friends never tried to hit on my boyfriends or create problems at work.  But everytime I made friends with some homely chubby girl, there she’d be, sharpening knives behind my back.  Then if she failed to break up a relationship with her negativity, or turn someone else against me, she’d blame me because of course she can’t be the mean and bad one - its got to be the pretty girl thats mean to the ugly one, not the other way around.  In my experience, the unattractive women, especially single, unattractive women over 28 (as in, desperate to get married as everyone else seems to pair off) that are the meanest, nastiest, backstabbing people around.  At this point, I pretty much only seek out attractive girls to be friends with - they are happier, have more going on, and I don’t have to feel like I’m constantly bragging if I mention any bit of good news.

Frederica Bimble
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 07:51 am: [report]

We see what we want to see in people.  It is easy to forget that the “grass isn’t always greener.”

og217:  I agree.  I think people assume that “pretty people” must have it so “easy” but this isn’t true.  Everyone and that is, every single person on this Earth has some form of “handicap” (for lack of a better word) and we all have gifts as well. 

I can speak from experience that when I went to school, I was bullied relentlessly and called such things as “pizza face,” “space cadet” “dog” and others I’ve managed to forget.  I didn’t have a moment’s peace until I got a bit older and the doctor sorted out the acne and the braces came off, etc. etc.  I went from being a “social leper” to (and I’m not kidding) being stopped in traffic by men who had to tell me I was “beautiful.”  I was already pretty messed up by all the abuse and I am so very aware that we are only carrying around these bodies and they aren’t actually “us.”  Also, I noticed that women would ignore me or grab their mediocre “boyfriends” when I was around, instead of, being real and maybe, just maybe, getting to know me.  I had no friends in school and “being pretty” doesn’t give you an advantage in that case.  I can’t speak for those who’ve had it like that for all their life but I can tell you that my friends who are drop-dead gorgeous are just as socially awkward and insecure as the next person. 

So, the next time you see a “beautiful” person, try to remember that you can’t project all your neuroses onto others because each and every one of us is different, regardless of whether you like that fact or not.

Also, it sounds like the author has a chip on her shoulder.  She expects “pretty or beautiful” women to be nasty so that is what she gets in life.  I find the article childish, self-indulgent and embarrassing.

I was trying to figure out if I’m “too old” or rather, too experienced for this site and I think the answer is “yes” to that. 

I found the whole article quite repulsive, indeed and it is tedious that people are going through the same old tired cycles and perpetuating the same old myths.  I am so glad that I have confidence as a woman and don’t need to tear others down because they’re “pretty.” 

I think the author needs to work on herself and her attitude to others.  All you have to do is insert the word “ugly” where the word beautiful is found in the article and you have the essence of what is being said.

Jenn27549
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 08:07 am: [report]

@Fallonthecity: I agree…the stories in the article fail to link the actions of the “pretty girls” to some sort of feeling of entitlement b/c they were pretty.  They just sounded plain crazy, and that comes in all shapes and sizes!

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 08:29 am: [report]

@Frederika: Well put.  And don’t worry, you are not “too old” for this site.  Though I don’t know how old you are, I suspect a lot of us are nearing or over thirty.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:01 am: [report]

I’d also like to point out that the people you see as pretty may not see themselves that way, and likely grew up with insecurities and demons that drove them to their physical perfection.  A lot of girls feel like they have to spend unthinkable time and money for the perfect body, hair, clothes, complexion, or they will be unlovable and alone. 

It was this very thing that drove me to an eating disorder.  I wish I had some female friends who would have tried to take care of me and nourish me during that time.  At 5’7” and 105 lbs., and all I ever got was back-handed compliments and rude gossip, never a soft female shoulder to cry on.

Its easy to get depressed and beaten-down by the constant sexual objectifcation that people burden pretty girls with.  Today I wore glasses and no makeup because I woke up late.  And still, on my walk to work, someone shouted , “I love that sexy librarian look.”  Lots of guys want to screw me, but few of them want to get to know me as a real friend before a potential lover.

I don’t consider myself supermodel gorgeous, but I get catcalls all day long.  I can look forward to at least ten more before I get home.  Some men get REALLY angry when I don’t respond.  I have had total strangers stalk me.
Some days I dream about buying a burqa. 

I think it is perfectly awful for anyone to assume a pretty girl is a spoiled bitch and then deny her female friendships when she may need them most.

_jsw_
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:21 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: As you and others have pointed out, the assumption that beautiful people are bitches/#&@$%/arrogant/spoiled is a very improper and very often wrong one to make. I agree that there’s a certain burden that’s carried by someone who is very attractive - they’re objectified by everyone. While I don’t think anyone wants to be unattractive, and I’d argue that, in general, “ugly” people have it worse than “beautiful” people overall, certainly there is pain in being seen as only your outside. One of the plusses to online interaction such as this, in fact, is that we’re all seen as we’d like to be seen, and no one can make assumptions based purely on our looks - well, except to some extent the bloggers whose pictures are accessible here.

In fact, an article discussion such a topic would probably yield some very insightful comments.

However, again, I don’t think the intention of the article was to complain that beautiful people are any more <insert negative adjective(s) of your choice> than others. I think it was simply to say that <insert negative adjective(s) of your choice> people who are also beautiful are more able to get away with it. And because they do get away with it, people begin to assume that all beautiful people are that way, when of course they aren’t.

Such stereotyping isn’t limited to the beautiful. How do you think a group of Muslims traveling on a plane must feel - and how do you think their fellow passengers perceive them - all because of the despicable acts of a very tiny group of people who call themselves Muslim?

Stereotypes are bad, but they all begin for a reason. Sometimes, it’s because one group wants to demean or dehumanize another, and so they create and promote negative stereotypes to accomplish that. Other times, subsets of a group behave a certain way, and the whole group gets stuck with the stereotype, even though the behavior isn’t specific - or endemic -  to that group at all (dumb blondes, bitchy pretty women, miserly Jews, redneck Southerners, hick farmers, and so on).

But the article was more about how people in power (of some sort) can use that to get away with behavior that others cannot and how that power therefore enables the behavior. I don’t think the intention was to imply that all beautiful people are arrogant or that all beautiful people are any adjective (well, besides “beautiful”).

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:30 am: [report]

@JSW:  I agree with what you are saying about stereotypes, but I did feel like Jessica’s article was saying that pretty women are almost always difficult to befriend, where she says,
“But when a normal-looking woman like me befriends someone who is model-pretty, there’s trouble,” and the article’s title makes me think this as well.  Though, Jessica, I do agree with you in your comment on JSW’s comment, about pretty people sometimes being able to get away with it more.
Looks do make for interesting conversation, especially on a blog like this where we take each others’ wildly vague physical descriptions somewhat as fact.    ahahaaa I would love to post my picture on here although it would blow the anonymity that affords me some of my more perverse comments!

_jsw_
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:41 am: [report]

@brandyalexander: I agree that the article did come across as you said, even though it was later clarified (or perhaps refined) by Jessica’s comment. Of course, had it simply said “sometimes beautiful people can get away with things non-beautiful people can’t,” it probably would have gone comment-less aside from, perhaps, some throw-away comment from me, Riley, CheEEEeeeEeEEeeeeEeEse, etc. As it stands, it’s developed a decent number of comments and good discussion and so, in that respect, it was a successful article.

There are a few people on here who know how I looked 20 years ago because I shared link to a video clip from then. But my appearance now also remains a mystery, although for no particularly good reason. Still, as much as the anonymity makes some comments easier, it’d be nice to put a face on everyone’s comments. Well, not everyone‘s.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:48 am: [report]

I kind of look like that vampire face.  Kidding.  Sort of.

_jsw_
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]

That’s OK. I kind of look like this guy ->

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 09:56 am: [report]

aaahaaaaaaaaaaaahaha!

_jsw_
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:05 am: [report]

And that is why I don’t show my face around here.

brandyalexander
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:06 am: [report]

lol… i think we’ve totally dismantled this thread now.  high five.

_jsw_
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:11 am: [report]

High five indeed. We were lucky that the emoticons just so happened to look like us.

ootie
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:25 am: [report]

The more I read, the more I think a lot of this is really shallow (not the people, the discussion). The idea of classifying people into completely arbitrary, subjective categories and then discussing which one have better personalities is a little immature.  I’m pretty sure that everyone that is posting, and everyone that everyone is posting about, is attractive to some people and not attractive to others. To assume that people that you personally classify as uglier than you are being bitchy because they’re jealous, or people that you personally classify as prettier than you are bitchy because they feel they’re better than you, is a little presumptuous. They might not have the exact same view of your respective appearances as you do, and they might not be thinking about how you look at all.

bjoontheupside
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 10:29 am: [report]

I really don’t think it has a lot to do with how pretty one is. For me, it’s always been about butting heads with other girls personalities. I’ve had multiple friendships fail on me since grade school. Sure some could be classified as pretty, while others could be labeled in other ways. For the longest time I considered these failing friendships to be my fault because I’m of the mindset like Jessica to not be an ass-kisser and stand up for myself. I’ve learned through experience that being an ass-kisser toward friends is much worse and overall, still leads to a failed friendship. The most recent falling out, (if you want to call it that) I’ve had with a friend has made me realize that it’s not necessarily me. I know I’m a great friend. I no longer doubt that due to past experiences. I always knew I wanted my friendship with Jennie more than she did. She and I actually met each other through my ex-husband and her boyfriend. We never really became friends though until after my divorce. While she did initiate our friendship by contacting me through e-mails, then phone calls. It became obvious quickly that she was basically wanting to know my side of the story between my ex and I. I was honestly OK with it because at the time, I had no one else to talk to about it. Then from there the friendship became more about her and her needs. It was odd because in a lot of ways, I became like her mentor or something because every problem she had she shared it with me and actually listened to my advice. She even confessed once that she did this because of how well I handled my own problems, which of course was nice to hear. Our friendship to me, seemed to be growing, but once her drama was cleared up she started avoiding my phone calls, e-mails, etc., claiming that she was “terribly busy”. When I did finally reach her, it got to the point where she wouldn’t return my calls until after I’d leave three messages over the course of a three week period. When we would get together and hang out, at first I joked about her avoiding my calls, then once I realized it was becoming a pattern with her to behave this way, I confronted her about it. She always laughed it off like it was nothing, but would apologize about it, (I never really felt like she was sorry). After dealing with this for a little over a year, it occurred to me that maybe I should stop calling and leaving more than one message. This didn’t help the friendship, but by then I had grown tired of putting all the work into it anyway. Eventually, I moved to another state for a little while and ironically enough, she began contacting me again. When I moved back to home-base though, she ignored me all over again. Luckily, I was prepared for this and thus don’t consider it a real loss.

robs383
wrote on August 25 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]

I find that a lot of overweight, average, or just plain unattractive girls are snide, mean, rude, defensive and automatically hate me because god forbid I was born looking the way I do.  There will always be these dynamics in the world between different groups.  C’est la vie.  This article was utterly pointless, an insecures shining moment of justification for a world that doesn’t treat her how she wants to be treated.

PinkRanger
wrote on August 26 2009 @ 11:24 am: [report]

robs383: I don’t like to judge people for belonging to certain categories, but do you ever think there could be other reasons these girls were cruel to you besides jealousy? I agree if the point you are trying to make is that difficult people come in a shapes and sizes, but I really don’t like the way you make assumptions about Jessica’s personal experiences like that.

Sami
wrote on August 26 2009 @ 08:50 pm: [report]

I have the classic german cutey face and when I lose wight and get in shape I put the pretty little jerks to shame, but noone likes me because I won’t treat you better just because you are pretty and know the difference betewwn designer and retail jeans(I have no clue what the difference is except maybe the price and I am a girl) in high school I was the girl everyone hated for no reason(I was athletic, smart, funny, pretty, maybe a little short but still I was very nice), the pretty girls treated me like dirt and joked about me behind my back to thier friends and called me names and poked fun at my height and weight because they could; I had low self confidence because of the whole being barely 5 foot already but they made it so much worse I actually went temporarily borderline suicidal.  But not all pretty girls are mean and the ones that are ironically are either not all that smart or have issues with thier looks because that is all they have, so they project thier problems on other people and make thier friends do everything they say without question or else because they feel insecure about themselves and need constant adoration; they end up getting hurt eventually or they end up not being able to deal with college and drop out and end up at the McDonalds flipping burgers for the rest of thier lives unless they win a modeling gig.  I am kind of neutral on this subject but I can tell you that 90% of the pretty girls in my town ar as dumb as a stump so it makes them easier to deal with, just ask one of them what H2O is and they say a brand of water or something stupid like that; I find it intersting that 85% of the girls at my college that are beautiful end up whininh about every class they take(including music appreciation) claiming it is too hard or that there is too much homework and then end up getting a C or lower and whine about it and blame everyone but themselves.  Talk about self-centered the college girls make the high school girls look smarter and nicer than they were by a huge margin, but then abain beauty is only skin deep and being pretty doesn’t mean you are smart as well; just some info no offense intended…

soulshine
wrote on August 27 2009 @ 07:30 am: [report]

I am a rather pretty lady, I don’t boast about it, but I know I got the good jeans. Anyway - I have very few girl friends, but it is not because I’m bossy or like things a certain way, I was raised by and around all men my whole life, infact, I had only one female in my life growing up, a cousin 5 years older.. So I feel that the reason I can’t stand girls is because I was never subjected to them, and the only girls I was ever friends with spread nasty rumors about me in elementary school that stayed with me until high school. I always seemed to gravitate towards the male species because they are so much more simple and drama-free. So, I do not find it true that all beautiful girls are bitches, though most people look at me and assume im a bitch, then are suprisingly taken back when they realize im a down to earth girl.
i pride myself on it, because we are few and far between.

ladyphotog12
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]

I’m afraid I disagree with this story, purely on terms of being a blanket generalization.  Being Friends with Bitches Can Be Hard- should have been the title.  I’m not an unattractive girl… although I used to be in high school.  I didn’t hit puberty until right before I graduated and literally had one of the “popular” guys at my school stop mid-walk and exclaim: “You’re funny looking!” 

On the other side of this, I have aged really well, thanks to my mother’s genes.  I’m 39 and regularly shock people with this knowledge.  I also have crazy fast metabolism and can eat a cheeseburger at midnight with no effect. 

I say this to clarify I’ve been on both sides of the beauty spectrum.  And I have a LOT of female friends.  From really beautfiful to maybe plain but pretty.  (I rarely see ugly in anyone, unless their actions dictate it.) 

I have lost friends after going out with them… when I have dressed up to go out, and have encountered (much to my sadness) an up-and-down appraisal of my appearance followed by an obvious look of insecurity.  And then I’d heard from them less and less… no matter HOW much we laughed and enjoyed each other’s company.  I have also had my fair share of women who went after my men because of lord only knows what reason.  That comes from who they are and how they feel about themselves… every time. I don’t remain friends with them because they’re not safe to love.

But I have, on way too many occasions, seen the up-and-down glance of a women who was obviously comparing-and-despairing and it has made me feel badly.  When dressing to spend time with a new female friend, I’ve had anxiety over what to wear so she wouldn’t think I was trying to upstage her in any way, because I really liked her and hoped she’d become a friend.  I’ve dimmed my light many times when I was in my twenties so as to not rock the boat.  It’s ridiculous.

We should be allowed to be who we are, and surround ourselves with people, men and women, who support that.  When I realized that, somewhere around 30 or so, I stood by it, dressed the way I wanted and found myself more and more accompanied through life by people with self-confidence no matter what their external attractiveness appeared to be.  In fact, they are all GORGEOUS as a result of their confidence alone!

It’s not about looks with my girlfriends and I, in the end.  It’s about trust, integrity, laughter, support, kindness, respect and having a really really good time.

In the end - I think to stereotype beauties or plain-janes is doing a disservice to the story over all.  It’s really about who a person is, what their values are and how courageous they are to stand by them.  And to the women who’s friendships I’ve lost because they felt intimidated - that’s all on you.  I usually still feel like the ugly duckling I was in high school… so if you see me as a threat.. I don’t know what to tell you, except go do something to love yourself immediately.  And surround yourself with kind people who are supportive.

Jayne
wrote on August 31 2009 @ 03:57 pm: [report]

I agree with Sadie and JSW.

QueenMaeve
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 08:27 pm: [report]

The people who disagree with this article, in my opinion, just don’t get it. Jessica is not necessarily saying that ALL attractive girls behave badly, just that some of them become so used to their “beauty power” that they expect others to bow down to them.
And I’ve definitely met a few like this. My former best friend of three years stopped all contact with me, instantly, when I invited her out with me and a mutual friend. Her response? “How DARE you? Have you forgotten that I was the one who introduced you two???” Basically she thought I had “stolen” her friend. Kinda pathetic. My point is that this girl was used to being automatically the MOST popular person, based purely on the fact that she was beautiful. She then went on some kind of mission to turn our mutual friends against me, and in most cases, was successful. Why? Cos her looks gave her this kind of social power, where some people just want to be accepted by her and so will do anything to stay in her circle.
The reason I’m so sure that her inflated sense of self-importance is directly linked to her looks is that when we first became friends, she was quite plain. Over time she gradually became prettier, took more interest in make-up, fashion etc. And her ego got bigger in direct relation to her physical improvements.

I totally get what the author is saying and believe me, it’s true.

PS My new best friend is the sweetest, funniest, most interesting person I’ve met in a very long time. She’s also the best-looking girl I know. Some girls keep their feet on the ground, others with less self-awareness, can’t.

sweetglitter
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 01:01 am: [report]

I COMPLETELY understand what the poster is talking about….

I’ve always been told I was an extremely attractive girl, but I never relied on it and as a result of growing up very poor I learned how to value myself based on other things…I’ve been told I have a wicked sense of humor : D

Nevertheless, I can’t tell you how many random encounters I’ve had with jealous women:

I had a couple of girls run up to me yank a fist full of my hair and run off yelling “see! I knew it was a weave!” (as if this validated them some how to know I had put braid extensions in, its not like it was a secret)

I’ve had STRANGERS give me evil and dirty looks in stores for no reason…to the point where I learned to ignore it until my boyfriend started pointed it out to me like “Dang, do you know that girl? She’s hating on you hard.”

I’ve also had syncophantic friends who later turned around and stabbed me in the back as soon they got close enough to me to find a weakness.

I COMPLETELY know what poster is talking about because I get the MOST problems with other attractive women who think I might “de-throne” them somehow or take all the male attention away from them even though I am not even interested.

Seriously, I was became roommates with this girl who was very beautiful but EXTREMELY narcisstic and was used to guys throwing themselves at her, but when we became came roommates she became paranoid of me stealing some of her shine (even though I had been dating one guy the whole time we lived together).

So she started doing passive aggressive things to undermine me, like telling them my parents were drug addicts, and “accidentally” pushing me, or spilling drinks on me at the club. If my boyfriend came over she would wear lowcut dresses and “forget” to wear a bra (she has DDs). Her boyfriend’s best friend slept over all the time, but when I asked her about it she said he was just a “good friend” and was like “her brother”.
Not to mention she was a pathological liar and greatly exaggerated all her “accomplishments” so that if I ever said I did something, she’s ALREADY done it TWICE. 

One day I finally confronted her on all her BS and she denied all of it.  Then she went on the warpath and called the landlord (which happened to be her grandmother) and tried to have me evicted, took all of her forks and knives and cups and put them in her room so I couldn’t use them, tracked mud on the carpet, put locks on her bedroom door,and PISSED in my ORANGE JUICE.

SHE PISSED IN MY ORANGE JUICE. SERIOUSLY.

In addition, her boyfriend found out about her cheating on him, and she got angry he dumped her so called the police and said he hit her, and he got arrested.

I think that they get used to living in their little bubble of entitlement and self delusion that anyone that threatens that becomes the enemy. Look up Narcisstic Personality Disorder, and for extreme cases, Sociopathic behavior.

I’m so glad that someone else can verbalize this experience. It can make you crazy if you start to realize what a snake someone is, and people around you refuse to believe it. I’m at the point where I just don’t trust other women, period. I have 2 women friends who I trust, and I don’t think I’ll be making anymore, its too painful.

Sami
wrote on September 7 2009 @ 07:59 pm: [report]

@sweetglitter
Ditto on everything you said, the one time in High School that I looked better than the Popular girls my locker was broken into and alot of my stuff was stolen( All of it was returned except the money the took from my purse that was meant to pay for my lunch, it is a very good thing I was friends with most of the people in the High School office or else I would never have gotten my stuff back) and the worst part was I knew who the were because I heard them bragging about it in the lunchline following the locker break in; I mean it took me yrs to get in shape and look amazing and these popular girls purge(I had seen them do it in the bathroom on multiple occasions)and are skinny all the time and for some reason got petrified that I would outpace them or something that they broke into my locker.  I have had some friends that were pretty but most of them later turned on me, the others still hung out with me but they didn’t do it as often as the used too; my opinion on Beautiful girls is most of them are egotistical, paranoid, empty flower pots for brains, brats and the will do ANTHING to keep thier social status.  It is kinda funny if you think about it because for most of them thier looks are thier only asset and if they lose them they have nothing else, I mean I go to college and just the other day this fake blonde complained “My calculus teacher gives out too much homework” when this particular college actually gives out less homework than most High Schools; and the worst kind of pretty girls are the clones if you know what I mean….

Southern Girl
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 11:55 am: [report]

For the most part, I think this is true. Although, I’m a former model and I don’t behave like that. Even plain-average looking girls sometimes have that entitlement complex. A lot of girls have this attitude, regardless of their appearance. I’ve lost tons of friends over the years because either they really didn’t care in the first place or it was their way or the highway. I really just think it’s a problem with most girls in general, blowing off plans at the last minute, insisting on doing what they want to do or not doing anything, expecting the other person to maintain the relationship, never making any effort.It’s become acceptable to be a narcissist in our culture. It’s really very, very sad.

lovekitten
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 04:36 pm: [report]

I’m sorry, but this article completely generalizes “pretty women” and it’s completely offensive. Who’s to even say they are the “pretty” crowd to begin with?

If a woman has this type of personality, it is not because of looks, rather it is simply their character. That being said, I have had the complete opposite experience. I am given dirty looks when I go out or when a guy talks to me. I have been told “Oh great, you’re going? Why bother, you’re going to get all the guys.” This type of behavior is just as hurtful no matter what you look like.

HappyDude
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 07:57 pm: [report]

Eh. There’s some truth to the whole idea that plain women are more interesting than pretty women, but for every truth there are exceptions. One of the sweetest women I’ve ever known was also a stunner; it was as if no one had ever been mean to her in her life, and she was just genuinely nice and kind to everyone around her. I’ve known “plain” women that were as bad or worse than the examples cited in the article. Hotties hardly hold a monopoly on pushiness and bossiness.

Perhaps pretty women are less likely to have learned how to compromise, especially if their parents didn’t make a strong effort to teach them. Still, looks aside, all young women can be hard to be friends with. Some people have bad conflict resolution skills, especially when young.

Titi
wrote on September 28 2009 @ 08:48 pm: [report]

I disagree with this article entirely, wholly, thoroughly, 100%.

It sounds like the ladies that you’ve had these bad experiences with have just been #&@$% people who also happen to be beautiful.
Correlation does not equal causation. #&@$% people are #&@$% people, regardless of their physical appearance.

All the ladies in my close circle of friends are significantly above average-looking, easily 9s and 10s. They are the most kind, thoughtful, caring, loyal, loving, friends anyone could ever have. None are in the least bit shallow, vapid, or twatty. They have been there for me, as I have been for them, as if we were family.

My best friend since the age of 3 is indescribably, unbelievably perfect-looking—a tall, statuesque, ridiculously well-built blonde with gorgeous blue eyes and an impeccable fashion sense. She is also an engineer and quite possibly a genius. Additionally, she is the most amazing best friend I could ever ask for. She is not, nor has she ever been, difficult to be friends with (we’ve been friends for 25 years—she is my heart, my sister.)

What I’m saying is: you’re making a gross generalization, a false blanket statement, and equating correlation with causation. It’s #&@$%.