Porn Is Good for Relationships

tweakerbell
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 01:35 pm: [report]

i am no prude, but when it comes to my relationship, porn has been nothing but toxic, bringing me damn close to ending things. i am working, so i don’t have time to elaborate at the moment, but yeah, i kind of call #&@$% on this writer’s oversimplified message. he/she obviously has only a very superficial understanding of this issue.

ashsass24
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 04:03 pm: [report]

I disagree tweakerbell, I love porn, my boyfriend loves porn, we go to porn stores together all the time, this writer gets it…I definitely think it’s great in our relationship!  I guess it all depends on the dynamics of the relationship!

irish
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 04:55 pm: [report]

Disagree that porn is good for relationships.
Erotica can be, but 99% of porn is not erotic, just bad. ‘Bad’ is pretty generally not good for much.

haggith
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 08:27 pm: [report]

i’m actually having problems with my partner because of porn… and i agree with irish.

Secret Story Time
wrote on November 1 2009 @ 10:23 pm: [report]

I think it’s true, it kinda makes it automatic to do what they are doing on screen.  But you have to be brave! (smile)

Secretia

sunrise
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 02:17 am: [report]

it really depends on what sort of porn you are watching and what context you watch it in. if you watch porn with people who make you feel ugly by comparison, doing things you don’t wanna do, then yeah i bet it won’t make your relationship better. but if you go search for something, anything (doesn’t have to be a hardcore video) that gets you hot and show it to your guy to suggest watching together, it could definitely get you both a bit riled up. there is such vast array or erotic material out in the world that i think it’s almost impossible to not find something you both like.

what about videos of people masturbating, a la beautiful agony or something? (sorry, i know i’ve talked about them before, but i find them hotter than most of the real porn out there!) watching a video of someone getting it on by themselves can be just as hot as two (or more) people doing it, and leaves out any possibly objectionable power dynamics.

esmee
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 08:07 am: [report]

I would disagree with the assertion that porn is good for relationships. My own feeling is that its fairly damaging and undermining of the sexual intimacy that should be between two people. OR a symptom that the sexual intimacy in a relationship has gone awry which can be a symptom of an even larger problem in the relationship.

And the fact that porn is damaging is backed up by research. Its cited in this blog post on Psychology Today.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-bytes/200910/passion-is-energizing

Recent research (reported in 2008 by sex therapist Wendy Maltz and couples’ counselor Larry Maltz) revealed that the regular use of pornography has the potential to significantly undermine passion in a relationship.

Bertram
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:02 am: [report]

I agree with Sunrise on this, the right ‘porn’ with the right people could add a lot to a relationship. The blanket statement that it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ for a relationship is just too broad. Porn covers everything from Red Shoe Diaries to 2 Girls, 1 Cup. Finding something you both like or showing something to a partner that gets you excited can broaden your relationship just as trying anything new in the bedroom could. If porn is a problem in a relationship it has to be just one of many other problems. There is couple and women friendly porn available, it just isn’t the mainstream of what everyone sees. If you like something erotic why not share it with the person you are intimate with?

SouthOC
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:04 am: [report]

Women may be checking it out to see what all the fuss is about, but will never be drawn to porn the way men are.  Men are wired differently, and are more sexually stimulated visually (as opposed to women being stimulated through intimacy and touch).

I think it’s demeaning to women, and eventually leads men down a dangerous path of fantasy and loneliness.

EastCoastMale
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 10:14 am: [report]

I agree with the overall statement made by Bertram and disagree with the statements of most of the remaining posts respectfully. In my opinion, it has a lot to do with context and italicizing the statement that women will never be as drawn to it the way men are is a viewpoint rather than a fact because there is no way of knowing that it applies to all females or males. A good point was raised in that, if porn is such a large issue in some relationships, I would think that it has underpinnings of other issues that are present and reactions within the relationship are taking all of those into account. Just as with most things in life, there is a time and place and also moderation would seem to make a big difference with regard to this issue.

bumbler
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 11:57 am: [report]

@Bertram I disagree with the idea that if porn is a problem in a relationship than it has to be a function of a dysfunctional relationship.  Some people have porn addictions which are not the responsibility of their partner any more than any other addiction.  Other issues with porn and the industry abound.  One partner can be legitimately opposed to the porn industry, it’s portrayal of women, it’s fetishization of pre-pubescent looks, and on and on.  If you and your partner enjoy watching porn and it helps your sex life that’s great.  If you don’t like porn and don’t care to be with someone who watches it, that’s great too.

tweakerbell
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:10 pm: [report]

if i tried to show my guy something like beautiful agony he look at me like i was some kind of idiot. to quote him directly, “everybody knows that chicks mostly get off by pleasuring dudes. why are you so selfish?”.
that said, i would agree that the porn problem is definitely correlated with other underlying issues, but in my case it is more of a cause than a symptom. i have to confess, me and my guy are presently in that really excruciating relationship stage where its obviously not working but still too emotionally charged to let it go.

Bertram
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 12:15 pm: [report]

@bumbler
Certainly people and/or a couple can find no use for porn in their lives for a whole range of reasons. That is perfectly fine.
As to my comment about porn being just one of many other problems in a relationship. I need to clarify that in most cases it is probably just one of many problems. Yes if one partner has a porn addiction that is a problem that one person has and not the fault of the other person. If my partner were to look on my computer and find that I have some porn in a file or find my porn stash in the closest and get upset with me that is different. Could be trust issues, insecurity, intimacy issues, etc. If you have porn that you use as a masturbatory aid how is that a problem?

Queen Frostine
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 01:29 pm: [report]

The key, in ANY situation, is moderation. Whether it’s spice in your soup, alcohol, ice cream sundaes, shopping, television or porn. Keep things in a healthy proportion to your life and it can be fun. But too much of anything will always lead to problems.

sunrise
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]

@ tweakerbell: see that’s a whole other issue than just watching porn. Why does he think all women get off by pleasing men, and that for a women to enjoy masturbating for herself is selfish? That shows an incorrect view of women’s sexuality overall on his point, and maybe he needs to be taught what things are really like? Also, what’s the point in being with a partner who doesn’t view your sexual feelings as being as important as their own? That sounds pretty selfish on his part, in my opinion.

stephoney22
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 03:14 pm: [report]

@esmee. great way to put it!  Sorry but this article had zero substance.  I am NOT ok with porn in my relationship…and I used to watch it weekly before I was with my boyfriend.  I don’t even like him buying mags with half-naked lame actresses on them.  I’m really cute so it’s not like I feel ugly in comparison, I just want our intimacy to be OURS.  I had trouble at the beginning of our relationship because it was hard for met to stop watching it at first, but I realized that I if I really wanted him to only have eyes for me, that I couldn’t do it either.  We’ve both seen porn, it’s not like we can’t imagine it when we want to.  And since I stopped I haven’t searched for it again.  For me it’s an issue of integrity.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on November 2 2009 @ 08:02 pm: [report]

Ok, a few things, tweakerbell’s BF sounds like a douche who needs teaching about what it means have any sort of pleasure.

My porn use is for me. I am a collector and most of the things I download I don’t even watch, some of the other stuff I masturbate to and then file it away never to be seen again. Also I think I’m a better self lover….

zhounder
wrote on November 3 2009 @ 04:35 am: [report]

I am so disturbed by some of the comments I registered just to reply. (chances are i will be back alot though)

Porn can be good for a relationship, but it can be bad too.  My Ex-wife thought I was a porn addict, yet my girlfriend now watches more porn than I do.

The difference is communication (ain’t it always). My gf and I discuss what we watch, we watch it for many reasons too. Sometimes we watch it because we are just horny, sometimes to get us in the mood, sometimes because we are bored.

We don’t watch it every day (well, I don’t) but we do enjoy it fairly often.  Its a good release from reality. 

Speaking of reality, Tweakerbell, your BF isn’t in it. Sure women get off on pleasing their partners, so do men! At least this one does. He needs to look at why he is in a relationship. Does he want a Mommy to take care of him and a little nooky with it?  If so, let him go, your emotions will be all the better for it.  Get a guy that gets off on pleasing you, then please him back.

sweetheart
wrote on November 5 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

definately depends on your communication and how in-sync you are with each other in your relationship…  it’s intimate.  my man and i sometimes watch it together while we get each other off to it… i feel like we connect..