Polyamory Gets A Guidebook
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
relationships
2:30PM, Wednesday July 9th 2008
Shortbus, Swingtown, Kinsey, the media does a great job of making polyamory seem sexy. After all, who doesn’t want to get the most bang for their buck? Open relationships sound good in theory, are they really in practice? While most of us seem to have a hard enough time wrangling one man, could we juggle two or three or four? After a couple of seasons of polygamy portrayed in Big Love, we’ve all got curiosities, questions and secret desires. And thankfully Jenny Block has got public answers. A bisexual author, suburban wife and mother, Block has just written what is considered by the polyamorous community to be a ground-breaking autobiographical book Open: Love, Sex, and Life In An Open Marriage. Ms. Block loves her husband and their daughter, but she longed for more sex and wanted some of it to be with women. So, she and her husband decided to boldly go polyamorous and then talk about their experiences. Man, that sounds so healthy and slutty, a rare-ish combination. What’s their secret?! Guess there’s only one way to find out—make Open your required summer reading. [Huffington Post]
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Jenny Block
wrote on July 22 2008 @ 03:09 pm: [report]
Hi-
Thank you so much for this mention on your blog. I really appreciate it! I look forward to following your future postings.
Best,
Jenny Block
Author of “Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage”
Radagast
wrote on August 5 2008 @ 09:08 am: [report]
It is funny how everyone “on the outside” of polyamory seems to see it as some kind of sex fest. They don’t seem to view two people finding themselves in love and becoming a couple an orgy of carnal lust, but add one person and it becomes synonymous with wanton and unbridled sex. Kinda wish it were in some ways. While having more people in a relationship complicates things and, assuming the participants wish it to survive, requires much more communication, it’s not a lot different than being in a relationship with one other person.
Love is infinite. I know, having been in a relationship with ex-bf and ex-gf (triad). We didn’t seem to follow the poly mantra of communicate, communicate, communicate and the relationship imploded. I’m now in a loving relationship with two wonderful women.
I’ve been involved with one, two, and three other people at one time. I don’t think the amount of sex involved was any greater, but the amount of love was.
One additional aspect of multi-person relationships, not felt in binary relationships, is compersion. Look it up.
atlgirl
wrote on August 5 2008 @ 11:39 am: [report]
@radagast: As someone who is “on the outside,” I think the reason for the sex fest notion is because I’d say most people view the addition of a “third” as something that happens further along in what was previously a couple. So, sure, the sex is probably going to be wilder (a la “newlywed sex”), and you have more potential partners within your relationship. And within our culture of marriage, it’s hard to get one’s head around the notion that there can be several “the one’s” simultaneously. Not judging just explaining. I would be curious to know how many polyamorous triads, quads, etc. persist through many years, children, etc. Again, not judging, just curious. Also, what’s the diff after a point between this and an open relationship, if it’s all about the love?
Radagast
wrote on August 5 2008 @ 03:05 pm: [report]
@atlgirl:
From my reading, many quads, vees, and triads last as long as dyads. The vee with Lord and Lady Mountbatten and Nehru lasted for many, many years. The vee Voltaire was in lasted for over 20, until his lover died. The womans widow and Voltaire remained friends for the rest of their lives. I’ve known of a number of vees, triads and quads who are into their ten and twenty years together.
A Norwegien study showed that the relationship geometry is less important than the people involved and the same type people that would be in long-term binary relationships are the same ones that are in long-term poly relationships.
hth