Poll: Is It Okay To Keep Money A Secret From Your Significant Other?

Little Lamb
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 02:29 pm: [report]

Unless the money is being used for a surprise (for the husband or wife, of course!), I think it should all be out in the open.  Secrets rarely lead to anything good. (Unless it’s a trip to Europe or a brand-new car in the driveway!)

writergirl
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]

I have a stash that amounts to $100 cash at any given time.  It makes me feel secure and I use it to cover my credit card bill or buy him somthing without him having to know how much I paid for it.  He does the bills, he’s ALWAYS going to know how much his presents cost where I don’t because I don’t see the bills when they come in.  I think he should be surprised.

But $800K plus?  That’s over the line.  Especially since I presume she wants full access to “their” money.

dudette
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 02:39 pm: [report]

I think if the other spouse had a serious gambling or drug problem that they were both trying to work through I could understand hiding the money.  Otherwise I’m a traditionalist what yours is mine when it comes to marriage (even though I’m not married!)  Keeping 800,000 a secret is just selfish, but very impressive.  That’s a hell of a house.

Tarvold
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 07:38 pm: [report]

Wait.

The bloke had a $155,000 margin call? Damn!

Looks like she was right to hide her money!

MissChaotic
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 07:47 pm: [report]

@ Tarvold, my thoughts exactly. Most people that hide substantial amounts of money from their spouses tend to have a legitimate reason.

All I’m saying is that I hope she has a prenup because I sense a divorce coming after that bout of harrassment for money…

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 07:48 pm: [report]

Translation: He was borrowing (Like it was 1929) or shorting (Like I wish I did a year ago).

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 07:56 pm: [report]

@MissChaotic: A margin call is legal thing a broker can do even though it sounds like a bookie would do it. The broker would call you up and tell you to cover your, in this case a margin, or a percentage that is needed to keep the position. In this case he was getting hit HARD. The broker was basically calling and asking for a 155K check to make up for the loss in equity of the security. Big loser.

joyy
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 08:06 pm: [report]

These poll options suck.  Being open and honest about your finances is one thing - sharing ownerships of all of your collective money is a completely different thing.  You can have her money and his money and still not have any secrets. 

@writergirl - why don’t you see your own bills?

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 08:14 pm: [report]

@writergirl: PM EarthGoddess, she will set you straight on that account. You really must find out your situation.

theoldman
wrote on April 27 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]

The BIG problem comes when it is time to file the 1040 with the IRS. Any Interest from the account must be declared and a copy of the 1099 with the account number must be attached to the return for that kind of money.  Failure to do so is tax fraud and can get the account holder sent to federal prison. The withholding of the tax info from the spouse is all the IRS has to prove to show intent to defraud.  Account holder goes to prison while the spouse is protected by the innocent spouse provisions and gets off scot free. 99 times out of a 100 the genders are reversed.  In community property states the money is half hers an half his subject to tracing rules.  In that kind of case, community property states take everything away from the spouse concealing assets.  Prenup would be useless in this case since the asset wasn’t disclosed; assets have to be itemized in the agreement.  Her lawyer has to be dumber than a fence post since she is going to have to admit under oath that she was concealing assets or take the 5th Amendment.  That makes the tax issues a lay down for the IRS, State of NY, and NYC. Between interest and penalties there won’t be any money left. There are 32,000+ people sweating bullets over hidden Swiss bank accounts at UBS that are going to be outed as a part of UBS’s cooperation agreement with the Dept of Justice.  Having a a concealed bank account is a red flag to Criminal Division of IRS saying audit me and send me to prison.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 09:53 am: [report]

@theoldman: You can probably write off the losses and take a tax break.

Lynn
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 10:59 am: [report]

I would say…if you’re not engaged or married, you don’t have to share all your finance information.

If you are engaged or married, hiding money isn’t healthy. But like someone else said, if your husband is a huge gambler or something, then yeah…I would keep info from him. You need to do what you need to do to protect yourself. It’s not ideal, but I can see how it would be necessary sometime. But if your partner gives you no reason to mistrust him with money (or if you’re not building up savings to leave him), I don’t think there’s a good reason to keep that.

Ms.Bubbles
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 01:07 pm: [report]

I think that there is a fine line inbetween what should be private and public in a relationship. My boyfriend and I aren’t engaged but we do know “generally” about each others assets. If you want to keep 100, 500, or even 1000 dollars to yourself I don’t see a problem in that. But 800k is a little ridiculous. Regardless the bank was WRONG and should have not disclosed this information(especially over the phone!!!) this could have literally been anyone at the home. I would have filed a lawsuit had the same thing happened to me…

theoldman
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 05:12 pm: [report]

@CheeeEEEse Interest and penalties on back taxes are just as deductible as gambling losses.  They aren’t LOL.  There are fools who try.

@Liongirl 1989 a lawsuit under these circumstances merely increases your probability of getting audited and you are going to get questions from the banks’ attorneys that can and will be used against you elsewhere and you don’t have Miranda protection in a civil suit.  You refuse to answer, then you are in contempt of court and can be sent to jail (no guarantees one way or the other) at worst or have your lawsuit dismissed.  Getting mad isn’t the best way to get even. Report the problem to the FDIC, let them nail the bank for criminal/civil penalties and they can order the dismissal or disciplinary action against the employee or the bosses. 

These two are so toxic and so stupid they deserve each other.

writergirl
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 05:56 pm: [report]

@joyy….

Sorry, that wasn’t clear.  I do see my own personal bills.  I don’t see our joint credit card bills.  He takes care of the household bills and the joint credit cards—I take care of my CCs.  He also has his own personal credit cards which I don’t see.

Both of us however, know what is on eachother’s card.  We don’t keep secrets.  So if he has to pay his personal credit card, he tells me and I do the same. 

@Cheese—I think you want me to PM earthgoddess because it appears I don’t have a handle on our finances.  I do.  I have a complete handle and know our financial picture at any given time.  I may not see the bills, but I know he’s not lying and I can track the payments easily from all our accounts.

The $100 is really more of a throwback to how I was raised.  All the women in my family had a “stash” growing up. Its more of an “in case” thing.  So I just did the same when my husband started traveling a lot and my son was a baby.  I always had access to money that way and it made me feel secure.

Came in handy when the CC company thought his credit card had been stolen and they froze the acct. while he was in Japan.  This of course was the same day my mother left the diaper bag in the shopping cart—my wallet in it—and I had to put a freeze on the checking account.  So the $100 got me through the weekend until everything was straightened out on Monday.

writergirl
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]

Oh, forgot to mention that we made specific financial agreements, if you will, when we got engaged. As part of that, cash was agreed to be “free” or “mad” money—our own to do with what we pleased.  Each of us has a specifically budgeted cash amount we are allotted each week.  If either of us takes more than the budgeted amount, we tell the other person.

The “stash” I have is money shoved in an envelope that comes from that cash allotment.  Lets say I take $60 for the week, sometimes—not all the time—I’ll stick $10 to $20 in a drawer.

CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 06:40 pm: [report]

@writergirl: Well that is good then.

@theoldman: I couldn’t tell if you were being sarcastic or not, so: http://www.bankrate.com/brm/itax/edit/news/stories/20001025a.asp

Average Dude
wrote on April 28 2009 @ 06:49 pm: [report]

I think we’re all forgetting the fundamental question here.  If she didn’t trust her husband with her finances why is she still with him?  After all, isn’t trust a fundamental requirement of any relationship?

Rosiegirl
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]

@Tarvold, yeah man!!  A margin call is having to cover money you didn’t have to buy stocks with in the first place.  It’s a type of “cash advance” and it’s gambling.  Not at the track, but it’s still gambling.

@ Everybody: This woman probably knows he has a gambling problem and stashed the money away so he wouldn’t blow it, as reinforced by him sticking his hand out for 155K after he found out about the money.  And anyway, despite her hiding the money, somebody explain to me why it is her problem to cover his margin call.  He got himself into that mess.  Oh, and by all reports, she didn’t know that he had gone 155K into debt, either, until he hounded her for the money.  So who’s hiding monetary activities from whom??  He’s despicable!

@theoldguy: You don’t know what you’re talking about.  Privacy laws do indeed cover the release of information concerning financial information to any person not listed as an account holder.  It doesn’t matter that he’s her husband.  The husband is not listed on that account and never was, so the bank is liable for damages (although I’m not sure how much), and probably fines and penalties, too, since it probably will be found that the bank violated the law.  With regard to the IRS, my bet is that since she is a small business owner (dentist), she files her business taxes and pays like the rest of us, including on that money, but probably on a separate tax return from her husband, which she is legally allowed to do as he is not part of her practice.  I noticed that she kept her maiden name.  It looks like they might routinely keep their finances separate, and the hubby only got his panties in a bunch because a) he was surprised she had amassed THAT much money, and b) he wanted it so he could blow it like he had all of his money.  Then where would they be?

Sorry, I agree with the woman - she has to protect herself.

retro chic
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 02:09 pm: [report]

Gawd, this reminds me of (yes, I know, another movie ref) Doloris Claiborne. Doloris went to the bank to retrieve the $$$ from her individual account w/ her funds, only to find that her alcky ne’er do well of a husband cleaned out the account following an alert call from the bank manager. Like for D, it raised the next question, “Would the manager have made the same call if it were the other way around?” I doubt it.

Until we know the whole personal story and arrangements, it’s hard to say where any line is crossed, moves or disappears.

jess_martsan
wrote on April 30 2009 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

to oldman—it hasnt been established whether she was reproting it to the IRS or not? So its quite ignorant for you to splur all these unnecessary facts! In additon, she is obvioulsy a smart woman so likely it was reported to the IRS and let’s not forget there is joint and seperate filing?? Hello! use your head!

The bank #&@$% up so now its time to pay up! This wman has the right to do w her $$$ what ever she pleases! after allt hat is why she works for! She likely contribues to the household and likely decided to keep a stash on the side bcz it is obvious he is not good w handling $$. The fact he alienated and harrased her until to the point she had to give him the $$$ in order to bring piece into the household, tells you this man is a complete loser! that coudltn get himself out of his own financial mess!

smithandjane
wrote on July 6 2009 @ 09:08 pm: [report]

One other thing that everyone, including Chase Bank, forgot about when it comes to the law.

While married, a woman (or man, for that matter) is allowed to choose to keep her (his, in the case of a man) inheritance separate from the marital assets, and as long as it is not donated or contributed in some way to the marriage it REMAINS sole and separate property, EVEN IN A COMMUNITY PROPERTY STATE.  And yes, that’s EVEN IF received AFTER marriage.

We don’t have enough details here in this situation to know if that is the case here or not.  And the truth is, neither did Chase Bank when they decided to disclose to someone OUTSIDE the relationship they had with the account holder of the $800,000 the existence of this amount of money.

Either way, Chase has blown it big time…not only in regards to THIS customer, but also in the case of many others as well.  While they were seeking to get more business by extending their relationship with this customer they have instead managed to drive AWAY many others in ADDITION to this woman, who I am quite sure has found something to do with the money OUTSIDE of Chase Bank.  I know that I, for one, will NEVER trust Chase Bank with ANY amount beyond nominal minimums required for day-to-day operations of my household now that I have heard about this.

As for the margin call, the only time someone is required to meet a margin call is when the position they are holding has moved against them.  But in order to obtain investments using a margin in the first place, one has to borrow money in order to purchase an investment one cannot afford to buy for cash outright.  In other words, it is taking a risk.  And in some cases the risk of a margin account is higher than it is when sitting down at the blackjack table in a casino!  At least in a casino if you do not like the results you are getting you are free to scoop up your remaining chips and leave immediately.  Try to get out of a market that is locked due to rapid movement (such as a market locked limit up or down, in the case of trading commodities)!  In that case you CANNOT just scoop up what’s left and exit the marketplace.

Vx24
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 05:44 am: [report]

It is time to enter the 22nd century of financial life.  We are not longer a agrarian community but an financial and technical one.  Everyone should have a private bank account no shared by anyone.  She has every right to sue and every right to better legal advice and for the people to end community property.shared property etc. and divorce reform.
Your money is yours my money is mine.  I never share my financial with anyone but the IRS as it should be.  I do believe in the first dollar tax rule (tax the dollar once and subsequent interest or increase is non taxable)

turtlebrat
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 07:40 pm: [report]

The Oldman, what a bunch of nonsense you have posted.  You sound like you know a lot, but really know nothing. 

An account filled with stocks that are never sold and do not pay dividends would never produce any kind of income that would be need to be reported on any tax return.  The spouse would never find out.  She could have even put it in an entity with its own tax ID#, so it would not show up in a search of her social security number.

Take Berkshire Hathaway, Warren Buffett’s company.  Buffett is the richest man on the planet if not Bill Gates.  Since Berkshire has never paid a dividend and Buffett is leaving it all to charity when he dies;  his entire $40-$50 Billion of wealth has never incurred a penny of income tax, ever, and will not incur a penny of death taxes when he leaves this earth.

That is why Buffet is rick and your clueless.

orangekw
wrote on July 7 2009 @ 08:19 pm: [report]

Spellcheck stop working? Lost your credibility there bud!