Papa Bach, Engagement Take-Backs & Cowards
Posted by: Amelia McDonell-Parry
Filed in:
relationships, video
1:00PM, Tuesday March 3rd 2009
Last night’s episode of “The Bachelor,” and more specifically, the “After The Final Rose” special, hit close to home. After all, I was engaged, and then overnight my fiance decided he needed to go on a break, which was really him dumping me without saying so and looking like the bad guy, and I was never given the chance to fight for our relationship. It’s all good now, seriously. After much therapy and tears and internal reflection, I am doing just dandy and have definitely realized that our breakup was for the best. I suspect Melissa will come to realize this too, if she hasn’t already, and I’m sure everyone in her life is going to say things to her like, “Better now then after the wedding! Better now then after you have kids! Better now!” which is what everyone still says to me. And it’s true. YES, better now. But still, the fact that my ex, and Jason, made a decision that ultimately is better for the other person involved, doesn’t take away from the fact that they are selfish, immature, somewhat prickish d-bags. The fact that it’s better in the end for me, and for Melissa, is just luck and coincidence. It’s not a good deed. Neither wins a medal. End results matter, sure, but so does intent.
The main thing Melissa seemed pissed about on ATFR was that Jason completely cut off communicating his feelings to her, that he wasn’t willing to fight for what they had at all. Conspiracy theorists say that the reason was that he was never interested in being with her, period, and had intended on being with Molly regardless of his on-air decision. But if that’s not true, if he really did choose her with the best intentions, he still proved himself to be a coward by backing out of their relationship so quickly, six weeks in. Of course, this is a reality dating show, so it’s not like they knew each other for very long to begin with, but “Bachelor” contestants have said time and time again that it is possible to fall in love in that situation, because it’s so intense. What’s unfortunate is that unlike past Bachelors, Jason has a kid, who he dragged into this mess. In the last year, Ty has met three serious contenders to play his New Stepmommy—DeAnna, Melissa, and Molly—and, if my suspicion is right, tonight Papa Bach will make that official by proposing to a woman for the third time in 2008-2009. If a chick did the same, she would be called a lot of nasty names.
Relationships, no matter how they start, take work. The reason why there is so much divorce in this country is because the minute the going gets tough, too many people are quick to cut their losses and run, always in search of something more perfect. My ex felt like there was something missing between us and that’s why he ended things. I have my own opinions on that excuse, but regardless of whether he was right or not, after nearly five years, wasn’t recapturing that feeling worth fighting for? I thought it was. He didn’t. Ultimately, that fact makes him unworthy and not right for me and I’m cool with that. I’m just not going to send him a thank you card.
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Jessica Bartlett
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
Nice post, Amelia.
You know what gets me? This excuse: “Well, on that day, in that experience, I wanted to give us everything.” Um, IN THAT EXPERIENCE? As if saying that gives him a free pass to do whatever he wants beyond that point. If all of us just followed our first impulses, the world would be a nutso, crime-ridden, bizarre place. Men who take no personal responsibility for involving other people’s feelings in their arbitrary, schlong-directed choices deserve every bad word ever said about them. Especially this guy.
Amelia
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 02:04 pm: [report]
The fact that he has a kid that he’s dragged along on his immature dumb ass parade kills me.
Naneenya
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 02:24 pm: [report]
How odd it is that the most hurtful experiences usually come with the least sincere excuses… As I posted in the liveblogging section, I, too, have had my “engagement virginity” taken away. So the “After the Final Rose” episode really connected with me as well. I thought that everything Jason said was worthless and void of any true feeling. Of course, it could be because I have heard all of those words before - and at that point, it doesn’t matter what they say. It’s like they don’t understand what “engaged” means and think that it could just be turned over like they were dating.
I’m not downplaying her situation, because honestly, having your engagement broken is humiliating enough - and having it done to her on national television was awful. I’m actually a little disappointed in ABC for making light of that type of situation.
But, for her, it certainly could have been worse. I understand that no matter what, it’s an emotional situation, but they had only been together (as in engaged) for six weeks. During which, I’m sure no wedding preparations had been started. Amelia, I’m not sure of your situation, but my fiance did the “I just can’t” only 10 days before the wedding. And, while I’m still dealing with the affects of that, I understand that I am better off (yes, she will be hearing that for months to come.) I’ve heard a lot of “It could have been worse” and “Imagine what your life would have been like with him!” She will heal, and be better in the end.
This is getting long, but I think the real victim here will ultimately be Molly (and of course, Jason’s son). I know she’s probably happy that he ended up choosing her, but if he would drop Melissa so quickly after “things weren’t perfect”, how long do you think he’ll stick it out to make things work with Molly? He doesn’t seem to be mature enough to really understand what it takes to make a relationship work. So he probably wont try to make it through thick and thin with Molly. It’s like he wanted to be “chosen” during the Bachelorette, it didn’t happen, so he wanted ABC to choose for him this time around, and now he can’t make up his mind. It seems that he basically just wants to be betrothed.
:steps off soapbox:
Simosa
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 05:12 pm: [report]
But maybe Ty knew. He didn’t like Molly cause he was jealous of her. Kids are smart like that. He knew he’d never really compete with Melissa.
Angie57
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 10:00 pm: [report]
What is with guys and the take-backs? I am so sick of this. If you don’t love someone or aren’t sure 100% you should NOT propose. Don’t steal their engagement virginity. And don’t insult them by telling them they would be the “ultimate wife”. Obviously you don’t really believe that or you would not be calling off the engagement. Papa Bach sucks and the fact that he brought Ty into all of this just shows what kind of a father he really is. What a selfish coward.
lindssaurus
wrote on March 3 2009 @ 11:53 pm: [report]
He sucks! Flip floppin like that? you know life isnt a fairy tale, relationships takes work.
juliePS
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 09:19 am: [report]
I have this theory that, for a lot of people, getting engaged is the new ‘going steady.’ And that kinda pisses me off.
Rhoda
wrote on March 4 2009 @ 10:34 am: [report]
Jason is a cry baby and dosn’t know what he really wants.
Molly is as fake as they come, in fact they are both liers.
They really deserve each other.
The best thing for Melissa is for cry baby to call it off.
What a joke he is, he loved the camera’s on him as did Molly the ding bat