The Nookie Know-It-All: Party Sex

“My boyfriend and I feel the need to have sex at most apartment/house parties that we go to. Is this weird? And what are some of the best ways to pull it off without getting caught?”—Party Crashing, Dallas, TX

This is kind of like my need to do a number two at people’s parties. It’s a christening of sorts. Or, simply a marking of territory. But even though I’m the resident “sexpert”, I can honestly tell you I’ve never had sex with a guy at a party. With that said, I don’t think you’re weird. I actually want to know what kind of parties you’re going to where you can find space to have sex. I live in NYC, so the parties I’m invited to usually involve a studio apartment and an oven in the closet. The closest I ever got to “doing it” was changing a tampon in the bathroom.

My advice? The larger the party the better. The larger the house the better. If you want to be discreet, go into an unoccupied room and lock the door. Worse case somebody knocks on the door and then you stop. I think if you’re having sex at parties in the first place, a part of you wants to get caught. That’s why I poop with the door open.