No, I’m Not Pregnant—That’s Just A Muffin Top

Posted by: Jessica Wakeman Filed in: style
2:40PM, Tuesday October 13th 2009

Comments (39)

One summer during college when I worked at coffee shop, a man with special needs—I think he had Down’s Syndrome—used to come up by the cash register and chat with me all the time. We were shooting the breeze one day and I was standing with my pelvis leaning against the counter, sort of slumped forward. He looked down at my stomach and asked me, “Jessica, are you pregnant?” My eyes widened and I stood ramrod straight, sucking in my belly. “Nooo! I’m not pregnant!” I shrieked. His face flushed with embarrassment and he apologized profusely. And I, of course, felt like an ass for making him feel bad.

Flash forward to Sunday afternoon on a shopping trip to Sephora, when the cashier ringing up my Bliss Spa Best Of Skintentions moisturizer looked down at my stomach and exclaimed, “Awww, are you pregnant?”

Cringe.

I could have done one of two things here: acted nasty towards this complete stranger, or laughed it off.

So I laughed it off. “Oh no!” I chuckled, not wanting a repeat performance of the coffee shop incident. “I’m just wearing a billowy top today.” I paused, then added, “And I probably just drink too many Frappucinos.” The Sephora cashier laughed awkwardly and agreed my shirt was billowy.

OK, maybe my Matchstick jeans from J.Crew are more like Sausage jeans now. Maybe it’s time to buy a larger size, seeing as my “muffin top” is attracting attention. But my own poor sartorial choices aside, I’m left wondering why, oh why, don’t people think before they speak?

Yes, I’ve put some weight on my otherwise slim frame, but my body image is in tip-top shape. I used to be angular and awkward, so these days, I love my new “curves” and I’m in a relationship with someone who loves them more than I do. (When I told him about the Sephora cashier, he peered down at his own belly and said, “I’m pregnant with twins.”) But I still don’t appreciate the commentary.

We dissect other people’s bodies all the time in our culture (I’d go so far as to say we are fat-hating) and that scrutiny really gets under some people’s skin. Seeing as how when most gossip rags or TV shows talk about a woman’s bulging belly, it’s in a criticizing way, a lot of women would understandably be insulted when asked if they’re pregnant. I’m sure the Sephora cashier intended to be joyous and friendly and, yes, I laughed it off, but it still bugged me that this woman thought it was OK to comment about my body.

Please, people, take it from me: Unless it’s obvious, asking a woman if she is pregnant is rife with landmines. Just be careful.

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Tags: pregnancy, fat, weight gain, muffin top, manners, curves

Comments (39)

comments

Nina Carbone
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 01:47 pm: [report]

My rule of thumb: Unless a woman’s being wheelchaired into the delivery room that very second, let her mention the pregnancy before opening your mouth…

jubee
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:05 pm: [report]

A guy once said to me “you are really packing on the pounds, when are you due?”
when I responded that I wasn’t pregnant he said “well you just had your baby then?” no, I have no children and finally he said “its just that your skin is glowing.”

I am amazed he walked away alive.

Jenn27549
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:07 pm: [report]

I’ve started wearing billowy tops for just this reason…I can’t seem to stop eating the sweets long enough to permanently rid myself of a pregnant looking belly, so I just hide it. I may succeed for a week or two and get my stomach flat again, but then I eat an entire cheesecake in a weekend and its back to looking pregnant again. Oh well. I love cheesecake more than a flat stomach.

Perceptible
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:14 pm: [report]

I was probably 6 or 7 months pregnant before anyone would even dare ask if I was (that was 8 years ago.) People are so afraid to offend. (Except, apparently, in Sephora.) I make it a rule to never ask unless, like Nina Carbone said, they’re being wheeled into the delivery room, they’re rubbing their huge belly in the OB’s office, or they’re buying nothing but pickles and ice cream at the supermarket.

Besides, pregnant women are pretty easy to spot. You rub your belly all the time (unconsciously) and typically don’t lean it up against the counter. (Or maybe that’s just me.)

Also, I do find that some of these “billowy” tops do make even the thinnest person appear pregnant. They hug your chest and then widen out below. Kind of like maternity shirts. I’m 5’ 7” and 110 lbs and I have a couple of shirts that I feel make me look pregnant. So I never wear them, even though they’re soooo comfortable and cute. Maybe I should just let people think I’m pregnant. You get extra special treatment every where you go!

GreenAura
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:22 pm: [report]

A guy asked me once why I was taking vodka shots if I was pregnant. Instead of correcting him, I just said “cause I’m stressed out man!” The look on his face was worth the lie.

amandabear
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:42 pm: [report]

Who asks that?! I would never in a million years think to ask some random woman if she was pregnant. And although no one’s ever said it to me (my stomach, while quite generously padded, apparently is not baby-shaped), my favorite response would have to be “No, I’m just fat.” True, and has the added bonus of making the ask-er feel deservedly uncomfortable.

@jubee: Oh man, I’m surprised he walked away from that one too. Yikes.

mtngirl
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]

I was in a meeting with the Director of Women’s Health for our state (we were discussing reproductive health care) and immediately following, she leaned over to touch my stomach and said, “And I see you’re expecting a little one yourself.”

Um, no, I am not. I just like to eat. And do not ever try to touch me again. Who knows how hungry I am.

cattgirl813
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]

@GreenAura: You are a rock star.

I had this happen to me once. I was in a food court at a mall down the street from where I worked at the time and ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was a very hot summer day and I had on a really full, billowy dress. We chatted for a minute, then he asked, “So when are you due?” Not catching on to what he was saying, I said, “To what?” The look on his face let me know he thought I was pregnant, and my laughter let him know I wasn’t. “Dude, all I’m carrying is too much lunch,” I said as I laughed. I tried to reassure him that it was no harm, no foul but he damn near ran out of the food court. I got myself an ice cream cone and headed back to work.

Queen Frostine
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]

This is why I avoid empire waist dresses. Everytime I wore one out, the in-laws would come a runnin’ with tears of joy in their eyes, only to be smacked down. Now I just avoid them.

equnsuocha
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 02:50 pm: [report]

LMFAO @GreenAura I have a condition that causes my weight to fluctuate quite a bit, and it doesnt help that I like to eat lol. But I would be devastated if someone asked me that not because they were calling me fat, I grew up with that BS, been there done that, it would be because my most heart felt desire is to have children. At 37, divorced and with significant girl issues, that doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me, I am making my peace with it, but if someone asked me that I think I woudl either punch them straight in the eye hole or burst out crying.

powplz
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:12 pm: [report]

@GreenAura - awesome!

occumb
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:23 pm: [report]

It is never, EVER ok to ask this! I went through a wonderbra phase that gave my already D+ chest total pregnant boobs. One day, a cashier at the deli where I got coffee every morning excitedly asked me if I was pregnant. I immediately burst into tears and left (dramatic, I know). A few days later she quietly apologized and we had a moment. I packed up my wonderbra.

fluffysue
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:29 pm: [report]

Queen Frostine…avoid the empire waist dresses, or avoid the in-laws? lol

I don’t know why people have not learned that one simple rule, “Never, never, never, never ask a woman if she is pregnant”. If she knows you well enough that it’s any of your business, she will tell you. If you are just making small talk with someone you just met, why the hell do you care, anyway? Even if she is pregnant, how do you know you are not stirring things up for her by asking…maybe she is not happy about it, maybe she is in a bad situation with the father, who knows?
I’m lucky no one has ever asked me that (It’s obvious I’m just fat, not pregnant), but I do have a couple of tops I have bought and then rarely worn because when I put them on, even I think I look pregnant. Being over 30 and single, and realizing I might never have kids, I don’t need people asking me questions like that.

lea322
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:31 pm: [report]

Are people seriously still asking strangers this? I think I was 10 when my mom taught me that you NEVER ask a lady if she’s pregnant.

eclipse
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 03:58 pm: [report]

When I was in highschool I asked my friends sister if she was pregnant…to which she replied that she definitely wasn’t. At that point she had already had like 4 kids in a pretty tight time frame, and at my last count she is up to 6.

I guess I caught her on an off month…whoops. :(

I felt like a jerk. Never will I do that again.

tabby
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]

My aunts like to ask me at family gatherings if I am pregnant (and also, oddly, if I am a lesbian). I just tell them that No, I’m just fat.

KigandBits
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:12 pm: [report]

Ive only had one person ask if I was pregnant. Lucky for him, I happened to be 28 weeks at the time and had just started showing.

NomChompsky
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:18 pm: [report]

Ok, I have a related issue. Perhaps somebody can help me through this.

Crowded NYC subway. I got on at a significantly earlier stop than most people, so I’m ensconced comfortably (ish) in a prime seat. A bunch of people get on, including a couple people who are older and a woman who might be pregnant.

She’s wearing an empire-waisted shirt and carrying something, but I’m about 60% sure she’s pregnant. If she is pregnant, I am being utterly rude by not offering the seat. If she’s not pregnant, offering her the seat over one of the much better candidates would out me as rude, anyway.

What to do?

powplz
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:43 pm: [report]

@Nom - get out of your seat. it’s still seen as nice to give up a seat for an older person or a lady (preggo or not). Just don’t say anything about her belly or the status of her uterus.

Perceptible
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 04:45 pm: [report]

Tough one Nom. I’d say if you’re not 100% sure she’s pregnant, then don’t give up your seat. Unless you want to give up your seat just ‘cause she’s a woman. Then that’s up to you. I was always baffled by these subtle subway etiquette issues myself, and I’m a woman. I’ve offered my seat to elderly people many times. Sometimes they’d refuse, but no one was ever insulted.

PFG-SCR
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:11 pm: [report]

@Nom: Maybe ask generally to the older couple and lady, “Would you like to sit down?” and see if anyone takes you up on it.

I’ve been pregnant three times, and the only time I wanted special treatment is when I had to use the bathroom and the line was really long. Politely saying, “I’m pregnant, do you mind if I cut in?” worked every time since no one wants to see a 9 month pregnant woman pee all over herself.

LilMissSunshine
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:29 pm: [report]

I’m pretty thin but I get asked if I’m pregnant at least every other month. I think it’s because I have a tendency to rub my lower belly. It doesn’t bother me that much anymore.

On the other hand I ran into a girl friend recently who I knew pretty well before she got into her current relationship. I asked how she was doing since I hadn’t seen her in about 6 months and she said oh fine. Someone else said something about her being pregnant. When asked why she hadn’t told me when I asked about her life. She said that she thought it was pretty obvious. She’s four months pregnant and at most looks like she might have just had a big dinner. Honestly my stomach gets bigger than hers after eating a burrito. =)

Let_Love_Rule
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:38 pm: [report]

I’m six months pregnant and well within the recommended weight gain for how far along I am. I was slender before, so it’s also kind of awkward when I DO tell people I’m pregnant and they say, “Oh you don’t look it!” Uh, yes I do, unless you are used to women you literally look like they swallowed a watermelon. And when people I know say that, I have gotten mad, I confess. I yelled at my sister, lifted my shirt and said, “Bullsh*t! My stomach does NOT look like this normally!!”

And I HATE people touching my stomach!

Jessica Wakeman
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:54 pm: [report]

@Queen Frostine

I think it’s hilarious your in-laws think that if you were pregnant, you wouldn’t just, oh, tell them.

River
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 05:56 pm: [report]

Dear god, I needed this story- it’s bringing back good memories of an incompetent, insecure, and nasty piece of work I used to work with. M was a picture perfect case of an ‘apple’ shape: small in the chest, no waist, chicken legs, but a massively round beer-belly, right in the center. And M did not dress to hide it; rather, she wore jeans far too tight for her in the hopes of holding in her gut, which never, ever worked.

After a day of listening to M brag about how she wore a smaller jean size (10) than our model-tall/thin, waify coworker H (M’s boot cuts were skin tight through the calves and accentuated the MASSIVE belly she was sporting versus H, who was wearing them very low and slouchy as boyfriend style baggy), a lady came up to M to ask her when she was due.

I have never seen a girl turn so incredibly red with rage. I nearly died laughing because she totally had it coming. Unfortunately, she did not change her style; however, she did stop bragging about her ability to fit (ie squeeze into) a size 10.

noodle
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 06:16 pm: [report]

Was there a reason to point out the fact that the man in the first story was special needs?

Lexington
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 06:47 pm: [report]

Yeah, I’m pretty much of the don’t ask unless she’s actually being wheeled into the delivery room group- I had one customer at the coffee shop where I work once, and even though it was pretty obvious, we had the whole conversation where she talked about not being able to get anything with caffeine before I would even acknowledge that she was pregnant

Lisa Marie
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 07:51 pm: [report]

I have a sick, sadistic sense of humor. When I was eight months pregnant, cranky, tired of strangers rubbing my belly (seriously, DOUBLE U TEE EFF makes people think it’s okay to fondle some stranger?) and roughly the size of a small planet, a woman asked me when I was due and I responded, “I’m not pregnant!” I cackled on the inside.

alpikann
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 09:32 pm: [report]

i was pregnant once, i was 4 and a 1/2 months and told one of my coworkers. she was shocked, no one noticed anything at all.

i work in an OB/GYNs and let me tell you that is a place where you have to be careful about mentioning if someone is pregnant for the opposite reason than everywhere else.

i was asked if i was pregnant last week though. so i’m chatting with a patient who i know pretty well. i’ve been to her house, she comes to mine, she’s been a family friend since she began tutoring my little brother about 11 years ago. she is a part of my life if not a daily one, she is well aware that i ended a long term relationship 6 months ago, we had a conversation a few weeks ago about me trying online dating because i haven’t had sex in forever. i told her that i had a blood test that is also given to pregnant women (also diabetics, it’s given for lots of reasons) and she does a loud whisper… “caitie, are you pregnant?!” i, of course, laughed in her face in the nicest way possible for thinking such a thing. this is probably the only are you pregnant story that’s ever been funny.

evelwood
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 09:46 pm: [report]

I can’t believe all these people who are asking strangers about being pregnant. Its basically a comedy cliche at this point…
And Ive never been pregnant, but thats so awkward that someone would think its OK to come up and touch your stomach like that! creeeeepy

BeckiLG
wrote on October 13 2009 @ 10:03 pm: [report]

If you don’t see the baby’s head coming out of me, don’t ask if I’m pregnant. If you ask, I will politely refer you to this rule.

spatula
wrote on October 14 2009 @ 11:21 am: [report]

This seems a little silly to me. Having an ACTUAL muffin top doesn’t even have to mean you’re fat, it is totally about ill-fitting pants. So yes, Jessica, you should go up a size. Problem solved. I’m a size 2 with very little belly fat at all, and if I wore pants that didnt fit me properly, i’d have a muffin top.

the jodi
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 10:26 am: [report]

A homeless crack head who used to pan handle near my job wished me luck with “the baby” pointing at my stomach. I don’t give her money any more….

bethany356
wrote on October 15 2009 @ 08:35 pm: [report]

When I was pregnant, if someone rubbed my belly, I used to smile and sweetly say “My turn” as I reached for their bellies… =]

one tough kitty
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 04:09 pm: [report]

a coworker of mine was asked this inappropriate land mine of a question once… poor thing broke out in hives.

Ms. Magnificent
wrote on October 16 2009 @ 05:27 pm: [report]

My favorite line about drinking while appearing pregnant is that “I’m drinking for two now!”

CJ1432
wrote on October 17 2009 @ 11:28 pm: [report]

A client asked my boss (that is a man) why he was working me so hard since I have a little one on the way, right in front of me. My boss was more mortified than I ever could have been. It almost made it worth it.

BlueVibe
wrote on October 18 2009 @ 06:52 pm: [report]

I used to work in a veterinary hospital. The staff was almost entirely female, and of course we all wore scrubs. Scrubs, obviously, are boxy and shapeless.

One of our clients, who was a sweet but slightly dotty elderly lady, remarked once on how many of us were pregnant.

Actually, ONE of us was pregnant, and she worked in the office where clients rarely saw her. The client thought we were all wearing maternity tops! We did have a good laugh about it, though.

(I NEVER wear Empire-waist anything or babydoll tops. They make me look not just pregnant, but pregnant-about-to-pop. Embarrassing.)