New Studies Call Women Cheating Liars
Posted by: Wendy Atterberry
Filed in:
relationships
10:00AM, Friday September 4th 2009
Some new studies suggest men cheat up to five percent more than women, but apparently ladies are “bigger liars” about it. Hmm ... bigger liars or just better at not getting caught? According to some recent studies, women are having more affairs than ever—around 15 percent, while the figure is closer to 20 percent for men—but they behave very differently from men when they cheat. Dr. David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, says: “The biggest difference is that women are much better at keeping their affairs secret. If you look at the studies into paternity, even conservative figures show that between eight and 15 per cent of children haven’t been fathered by the man who thinks he’s the biological parent.”
Those figures reflect a growing number of women cheating in the last 20 years, mainly because more women are working outside the home where they have plenty of opportunity to meet other men and have ready-made excuses, like late meetings and business travel, to spend time with them. Add financial independence and changing social attitudes to the mix and the ingredients for cheating are plenty. Still, social attitudes haven’t changed so much that female infidelity is as forgivable an offense as male infidelity. Can you imagine husbands of female politicians standing by supportively if their wives were caught cheating? Or a society embracing a former female politician years after reported infidelity as Americans continue to celebrate former President Clinton? Even the headline of the article from which this information was gathered is telling: “Think men are the more faithful sex? A study shows WOMEN are the biggest cheats — they’re just better at lying about it.” Then we read ahead and learn that men actually cheat five percent more than women. So, no, women don’t cheat more or even necessarily lie more — they’re just judged way more harshly for it. [via Daily Mail]
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_jsw_
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:18 am: [report]
Just a minor point: if 15% of women cheat, and 20% of men cheat, it’s not a 5% difference. 33% more men cheat than women. I mean, it’s 5% looked at in one way, but, assuming the number of men and women is equal, the group of male cheaters is a third larger.
But… if between 8% and 15% of children (or more) are not fathered by the men who think they are the biological father, that suggests the numbers are higher. If women really are better at hiding it, that would suggest that they’re better at not telling surveys that they cheat, so they might, in fact, cheat more.
I disagree, by the way, that women who cheat are always judged more harshly. The Bill Clinton example is counterbalanced, for example, by the Farrah example in the article. I don’t think she’s any less loved because news of that affair leaked out. And, of course, there are plenty of instances where men are castigated for cheating, so it’s not like it’s condoned in general.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:23 am: [report]
@jsw: I’m waiting for the study I submitted this morning to get uploaded. The gist was that we go all dumb when we talk to pretty women.
Also, why does everyone bring up Clinton. He got a BJ in the office. He has a stressful job. We should rag on Bush some more for killing a couple hundred thousand people. #&@$%.
_jsw_
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:43 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: I don’t see why you just don’t get it. Bush had some non-white non-Christians killed in some place far away, and while, yes, some good Amerkins had to sacrifice themselves, it was necessary because otherwise the economic interests of our oil companies were in jeopardy.
On the other hand, Clinton allowed a woman to suck on his penis. His penis.
I don’t see why this isn’t clear to you.
Meanwhile, of course, Hillary was boning the entire Executive Office. But she was discreet about it.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:47 am: [report]
@jsw: Oh I forgot to mention that I was in fact a member of the cabinet and at the time I had the pleasure of wiping my ass with The Constitution afterwards it was my great pleasure to blow my nose into The Bill of Rights.
brandyalexander
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 09:51 am: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse: I read that article, too! But then again, I’ve kind of known that for a while
bogart4017
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 10:20 am: [report]
I wish i knew where these numbers came from. Nevada? Utah?
Wendy Atterberry
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 10:55 am: [report]
JSW, Good point about the percentages—math has never been my thing.
_jsw_
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:06 am: [report]
@Wendy: Sure… math isn’t your thing. Just another way you women attempt to hide your vast superiority by claiming to be less capable than you really are. Portraying yourselves in such a way as to make us think we’re so much smarter… just so we’re more easily duped.
We’re onto you.
Well, we think we are.
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:12 am: [report]
@jsw: It’s all a ploy to take over the world.
retro chic
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:17 am: [report]
So true. Not about the cheating/lying stats, but the cover-up skills, eh. Women can take it to the grave, but, the men I know… it was like they wanted to get caught. Really glow-in-the-dark, far-fetched lies and behavior. The more they “deny, deny, deny,” the more guilty they look. The squirming part is fun to watch, tho.
Re paternity: we wouldn’t want to put Maury Povich out of work now would we?
theoldman
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 11:37 am: [report]
There was an earlier article on the number of lovers that men and women acknowledge. For men the average is 6 partners. For women it is 4 partners. Since there aren’t 50% more women than men, there is a major disconnect in truthfulness. Either men are exaggerating the number of sex partners or women are fudging.eg 1,000 men x6partners/man= 6,000 women or 1,000 women x 4 partners/women=4000 men. Based on world/US population it ought to be pretty close to even on the average +/- 1.3%. When you deal with a population in the 100,000,000 range there aren’t enough hookers to change the result by 50%. In the alternative we have an awful lot of women in their 90’s shagging boys or 33% of men are gay and all women are at least bisexual.
There are lies, damned lies and statistics. Samuel Clemens
Coral
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 01:23 pm: [report]
I definitely agree with this. My boyfriend found out a few years ago when he was 22 that his dad was not actually his biological dad. For years, people had always joked that he and his brother did not look that much alike, but then he found out that it was actually true and that they are only half brothers.
I do think that more women who cheat hide it and lie about it. Of course men hide it and lie about it too.
Dr Caligari
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 01:52 pm: [report]
I would have to agree. Men either want to get caught or they just want to brag to somebody, whereas women can keep it stitched forever if they want to. Of course there’s nothing like a juicy sex scandal when the proverbial #&@$% hits the fan. I am always amazed at how far people will go to catch their lovers in the act…either with hidden video cameras or hiring private investigators to get the goods on their cheating spouse. Sometimes their made up, but I do love those websites like the lonely wives on blogspot which is at least entertaining!
seygra20
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 02:25 pm: [report]
ok
retro chic
wrote on September 4 2009 @ 02:26 pm: [report]
I always thought it would be fun to be the PI’s “gotcha!” girl. Really, tho, the lying?... public officials and clergy with yarns claiming kidnapping or hiking as alibis for their trysts?
@theoldman: always liked that quote.
majicksand
wrote on September 5 2009 @ 01:53 pm: [report]
Cheating is so prevalent in this country that I had a hard time convincing my shrink that I was just going without after I refused to have sex with my first husband anymore. She tried to prescribe me drugs to increase my sex-drive! I had to explain that I refused to be treated like a whore by a man who was supposed to love me, so I wouldn’t sleep with him. Morally I couldn’t have sex with anyone else, so my options were limited. She was convinced I had lost my mind after that!
Loki
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 02:06 am: [report]
My worst suspicions confirmed (yes, I too had done the maths and realised that someone had to be telling porkies…).
This is my history: after 5 years’ marriage we had problems but survived. After 35 years - still problems; I went online with a couple of friends (one male, one female, both known to my wife, both with substantial knowledge in psychology) to talk through the problems & get help. My wife found out & stalked me for a couple of months (I was unaware) then - divorce papers. We talked though that and are still together - during which time she announced that she had had a 10-year -long affair (started as just talking, allegedly ....) which started (you guessed it) 5 years after our wedding, ended at the birth of our daughter (yes, mine, no question).
Yet i am still treated as the guilty one. Odd, that, isn’t it?
AffluentBlue
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 06:19 pm: [report]
Majicksand - Having sex with your significant other isn’t an act of being a whore, its a natural built in instinct of the human race. In my opinion based on the contents of your comment, you should have taken the medication you were encouraged to use by a professional in that field. My guess, it was a depression medication. People like you encourage their significant others to cheat. Good job. If you want a relationship without the sexual aspect, that’s what friends are for. Although I have heard of a website for people who wish to have a full engaged relationship minus the sex. You should try to look it up.
_jsw_
wrote on September 16 2009 @ 06:27 pm: [report]
@AffluentBlue: You misinterpreted her comment significantly. Had you spent time looking through her other comments, you would know that majicksand has no problem with her sex drive. However, she does take issue with being treated as less than human.
However, it was just fantastic of you to jump in and, in your very first post, insult one of the more prolific and popular commenters here.
majicksand
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 10:45 am: [report]
@jsw: Thanks for the assist.
@AffluentBlue: Not that I need to defend my myself in anyway, but let me clear the air for you. I definitely enjoy sex. For a time, I enjoyed sex with my first husband. Daily, in fact. At some point though, two things became obvious:
1. he expected me to be both loving and functional while he was merely functional. I quit work after my second child was born, so he was the only income. I did all the childrearing and domestic chores while he worked outside the home. That was fine until he decided that made him “king of the castle” and me subservient. He no longer felt the need to treat me as an equal or to share his life and emotions with me. He did as he pleased, expected me and the kids to mindlessly submit to ridiculous demands, and shut me out emotionally. He believed this was his “right” as a man and as my husband. When I tried to resolve the issue, he actually told me that men don’t bond emotionally and that I had no right to expect it.
2. The sex (that he informed me was also his right) became very one-sided. I was unhappy and unsatisfied, and again I tried to talk to him. I was as gentle as I could be in an attempt not to insult him or bruise his ego. I told him I felt as though he was rushing through my orgasm just to get it overwith, so he could get to his. He looked me in the eye and replied, “of course I am.” He actually believed that was normal. As a “good” man, my orgasm was his obligation, so he dutifully made it happen. It was always forced and sometimes faked because he wouldn’t give up until I screamed in “ecstasy”. He was, after all, a “good” husband and an “amazing” lover even though his completion was infinity more important than mine.
Once it became clear that nothing was going to change, I informed him that I felt I had done everything I could to mend our marriage and that the ball was now in his court. I was no longer willing to accept his behavior. I was dying inside, and it was affecting my relationships with my children. If he wanted a real marriage, he was going to have to invest more than just a paycheck.
He stubbornly chose to ignore me. I insisted that he move into the guest room. He informed me that I was obligated to allow him to f*ck me simply because I was his wife. He tried to use the bible against me! He actually quoted scripture regarding a wife’s “duties”. Naturally, I fired back with the following passage which outlines the husbandly expectations.
After a few months, he realized I had no intention of giving in. I never cheated on him, nor did I give him any reason to believe I would. I just didn’t have sex at all. At some point he accused me of wanting him only for his paycheck. I assured him that by that point, he was entirely correct. He stayed anyway.
The day I threw him out, he threw me across two rooms of my house while my children screamed. I’m 5’6” to his 6’2”. He decided that if he couldn’t best me mentally or emotionally, he would best me physically. He snapped because I refused to argue with him. When I told him to get out, he told me I couldn’t do that because he had all the money. My response was, “watch me.” He always did underestimate me.
I currently own my home and two vehicles, I have full custody of my two children, I own my own business, and I am recently married to a man who loves and respects me and the kids. I still occasionally get phonecalls and mail from my unemployed, ex-husband’s creditors.
Oh, and the sex between me and my current husband is phenomenal.
AffluentBlue
wrote on September 17 2009 @ 08:58 pm: [report]
Majicstick, I’m glad to hear things worked out great for you, and I’m sorry you had to go through all that #&@$% to get to where you are now. I apologize for jumping to conclusions about you.
majicksand
wrote on September 18 2009 @ 07:46 am: [report]
@AffluentBlue: Thank you. Bit of advice? I’m pretty open about my life and willing to share details. Not everyone is—even on the net where they can be fairly anonymous. Sometimes the details are still too painful or just private. These comments give you a snippet, not a window. If you are confused or concerned by someone’s comments, ask. I will most likely offer more information. Others may let you know they are not comfortable divulging more. Either way, it’s not fair to judge someone else’s choices based on one paragraph of information.