New Pills Make Semen Taste Like Apple Pie
Posted by: Simcha Whitehill
Filed in:
sex
3:30PM, Wednesday September 9th 2009
We ladies work so hard to heat things up in the bedroom. It’s a damn shame what we’re cooking up when we’re naked, never tastes that good going down—literally. Semen is hardly the fine wine of sexytimes. But Blue Mountain Nutraceuticals in the U.K. is turning the mouth-puckering lemons of love into, well, apples. Supposedly, you just have to convince your man to swallow first—swallow their Hard Apple pills (a completely vegetarian herbal supplement), that is. Sounds like we ladies won’t be the only thing doing his body good. After a week or two on the vitamins, his wad will really be a sweet release. Could these apple tablets that make your man’s load taste fruit-flavored be the new “American Pie”? Probs works better than Jason Biggs’ approach ... but one thing is for sure, we’ll never look at whipped cream on apple pie the same way again. [ITB Innovation]
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_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:34 pm: [report]
I see now that the Pineapple Study is going to need to be augmented.
*sam*
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]
@_jsw_: easy fix. single blind study with 3 groups: pineapple, apple, & control. it involves “sharing” though, so that may pose a potential problem, as I’m sure there are some of ladies (and guys) out there that tend to be more stingy
PinkRanger
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
or is this a labeling mix-up and these pills just make apple pie taste like semen? Seems more likely.
amandabear
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:41 pm: [report]
I’ve always thought that science should find a way to make semen taste like marshmallow sauce. Everyone would be happier.
brandyalexander
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]
i can’t tell if i’m hungry or horny. either way, i need to go home, and soon.
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:45 pm: [report]
@*sam*: It’s all in the name of science, so I’m sure people would understand.
@PinkRanger: You’re right, but you need to stick two pills a day into the pie for a week or more. It might not taste like semen, but I’m sure it’d taste plenty funky.
@amandabear: You’re onto something. It’s already white and sticky.
Riley
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
Everytime I see stuff like this it reminds me of “Idiocracy”. Chimps with tons of hair and boners.
I wouldn’t ask my lady to use anything to make her taste different(article a month or so ago, right?), hopefully she would show me the same courtesy.
I’m just a worrier when it comes to pills though. “Well Doc, thought I’d make my spooge taste like pie. Now you say I’m sterile??”
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:49 pm: [report]
* calculates driving distance and time to brandyalexander *
* determines it’d take too long, rents plane *
brandyalexander
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 02:52 pm: [report]
lol, j!
spatula
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:00 pm: [report]
SOLD
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:22 pm: [report]
I just ordered them. I figure they can’t hurt and might provide me with necessary vitamins. What I didn’t realize until I ordered them was that they’re suppositories, which will just add to the fun. Maybe I should amend my “can’t hurt” comment.
Sofjna
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:28 pm: [report]
*sam* and _jsw_: I’m not greedy at all and would glady share. I will participate in all three blind study groups if need be. Anything I can do to help out.
@Riley: I feel the same way about those “herbal supplements”. Besides, if I want something that tastes like apple pie, I’ll eat an apple pie. Mmmmmm… pie…
Oh, anyways, I want a guy to taste like a guy.
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:41 pm: [report]
I’m holding out for blackberry cobbler.
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:43 pm: [report]
@majicksand: It’s a UK company, and so they mean the British version of “apple pie”, which is our “blackberry cobbler”. I’ll come and show you.
@Sofjna: I meant to say that they don’t do anything at all. I’ll come and show you.
effing hickster
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 03:50 pm: [report]
@Sofjna: True about the pie. The easy, cheap workaround is to simply have your favorite beverage on hand. I used to date a young woman who’d simply share a Coke with me directly after the deed to kill the aftertaste.
Of course, in my humble opinion, you’re not a real man if you can’t handle kissing a woman who has just finished the deed. Sharing is caring, right?
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:08 pm: [report]
@jsw:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-scary-new-masturbation-device-for-dudes/
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:11 pm: [report]
@majicksand: Yeah, but it’d leak out of there, and the various lubricants would affect the flavor anyway.
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:26 pm: [report]
@jsw: You’re really living up to your forum title today. I’m so proud.
Sofjna
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:29 pm: [report]
@jsw: you’re going to be one busy guy, comming and showing everyone. At least evyeryone you’ve offered to is along the east cost (I’m pretty sure), you can just go straight down.
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]
@Sofjna: I love going straight down, so that works out perfectly.
@majicksand: Thank you. I’m still waiting for you to beat me, as promised. Perhaps you can beat me when I come there.
calenia
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:32 pm: [report]
Damn, I don’t like appple pie. I think that would taste worse. But, if they could make black currant flavored stuff I’d be all over that.
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:41 pm: [report]
@jsw: Maybe you can coordinate your schedule to coincide with a certain someone’s next visit home. You might be able to convince her it’s a good idea if you promise a side of ice cream. ; Then it’ll be a party.
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 04:44 pm: [report]
@majicksand: I’d love to, but, you know, I’d need to be able to establish contact first to coordinate that. You might want to pass that along. Again.
majicksand
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 05:14 pm: [report]
@jsw: Working on it. You wouldn’t want someone with so little in the way of a real social life that she had nothing better to do than sit on internet forums chatting with strangers would you? Oh, right, that’s us. Damn.
_jsw_
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 05:16 pm: [report]
@majicksand: I sort of understand, but…if she’s not on the Internet, how can she communicate? I, um… you mean with spoken words or something like that? I was reading about that on Wikipedia the other day.
roastchicken
wrote on September 9 2009 @ 09:03 pm: [report]
“Semen is hardly the fine wine of sexytimes” Boy is that the understatement of the century. I’m all for swallowing, but there has to be a taste test first. Just a drop. One of my exes surprised me because he ate pineapples on a regular basis. Which in fact made my job easier. On the other hand, my most recent ex went on the Fatkins diet and decided that all fruit was off limits. O. M. G. I almost vomited when I tasted it. It was horrible.
What a difference a change in diet makes. I’d definitely buy those pills. I mean, if I know that I have to make sure that ladytown is clean and smelling sweet, why can’t a guy show that he cares about how he tastes as well?
yesaguy
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 05:34 am: [report]
well not much to say to that, but i would take the pill for my partner. one thing I cant stop thinking of is the after two weeks of takeing the pill and meet a women for a night fling, ( only if it get to that point ) but what is gona be her facial expression when it taste like apple pie???????
majicksand
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 08:15 am: [report]
@jsw: Apparently she does well with short-hand through a steno machine… at least that’s what the translator tells me.
40yrolddad
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 08:38 am: [report]
I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned that this was a subplot of a Sex & the City episode (forget which season). Samantha’s dude du jour had the nasty tasting stuff - too bad this wasn’t around back then - they could have done a product placement… (think Mentos commercial) :D
spatula
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 09:20 am: [report]
@40yrolddad: He had funky spunk!
canadiancutie
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 09:37 am: [report]
If they can make a whole variety of flavours you’ll have a heck of a lot more blow jobs happening. Everybody wins! The divorce rate might even go down.
workerbee
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 11:28 am: [report]
Damn I missed all the fun. I definitely think this is a good addition to our pineapple study. I also agree with canadiancutie. I looooooove apple pie; make semen taste like that and I’d have serious jaw issues in a short amount of time.
kristy1584
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 02:03 pm: [report]
Ya know Ive heard if men just eat more sweets their semen would taste sweet anyway. Just bake him lots of goodies! Of course then he might get fat too. How would we convince him to take it everyday though? hmmm…good idea though! Itd def make swallowing more worth while! haha
msu.umich
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 02:40 pm: [report]
My new goal: comment more on thefrisky so I can get in on the sexual tension up in here!!
I Go To 11
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 03:31 pm: [report]
I just told my fiance the other night that if his penis dispensed chocolate (or at least chocolate-flavored semen), he’d be getting BJs all the time!
Why does it have to be apple pie? Stupid apple allergy. :( I’ll hold out for white chocolate-flavored pills.
msu.umich
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 04:14 pm: [report]
I wonder if it really tastes like apple pie, or if its some awful imitation, like those horrible flavors added to lubes and such. With those things its like mouthing a Strawberry Shortcake doll.
effing hickster
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 05:55 pm: [report]
I sure hope they’re doing something equivalent for the ladies. I didn’t practice all those years on my Hostess Fruit Pies for nothing!
DancingGeek
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 06:12 pm: [report]
@I go to 11- white chocolate is not chocolate!! Blasphemy!!!
about changing nature’s ‘taste’- If I want apple pie, I’ll eat apple pie thank you very much.
stiffinp
wrote on September 10 2009 @ 06:18 pm: [report]
Funky tasting spunk! I remember that episode.
I eat chocolate. It works for me.
condomelite1
wrote on September 11 2009 @ 11:39 am: [report]
The only remedy is - Comfortambly Numb Flavored Numbing Throat Spray. No matter how his sperm will taste like you will have only refreshing taste of either chocolate, cinammon or spearmint.
http://condomelite.com/condoms/2009/02/19/comfortably-numb-deep-throat-spray/
Jenbug
wrote on September 15 2009 @ 09:31 pm: [report]
How much man splatter had to be eaten to determine they could make it taste like apple pie and who in their right mind would want that job?! I wonder what the job tittle would be- Spunk Junkie ...Semen Sampler…Cum Connoisseur?