“Being Fat Is Grounds For A Divorce,” Plus Other Scary Advice From A French Wife
Posted by: Jessica Wakeman
Filed in:
relationships
1:30PM, Friday May 22nd 2009
Some female bloggers call the U.K. paper the Daily Mail the “Daily Fail” because the paper likes nothing more than to bait its readers, especially on its women’s interest “Femail” section. It’s the go-to source for incendiary articles about how bosses should distrust women who don’t have children and you can’t have a family and a career. Nope, we weren’t making those up.
But nevertheless, the paper is fascinating to us—especially a recent article about what it is supposedly like to be a French wife. We romanticized about the sexy accents, and yummy facial hair, but zut alors!, it sounds a bit like being the captive of a very demanding tyrant.
Read on for more tips from French wives… [Daily Mail]
Advice: Your Husband Will Always Have An Opinion On Your Weight
My French husband knows what I weigh, will comment on the weight I put on (in front of friends and family, too) and will discuss my figure appreciatively (or not). At first, I was insulted, embarrassed and mortified. Now I know it’s just one of those French things—they do it out of love. Apparently.
Um, if this is true, it’s no wonder “French Women Don’t Get Fat.” They’re too terrified of some jerk saying their butt looks big in front of their entire famille.
He inspects my bottom, stomach and thighs on a regular basis. Pascal absolutely believes that my becoming a ‘fat wife’ would be grounds for divorce.
Pascal sounds like a loser, lady. We wonder how “fat” this French husband is.
Advice: It’s ‘Interdit’ (Forbidden) To Eat Between Meals
French wives never, ever eat between meals. Ever. This is difficult when you used to be a 4pm-Twix-in-the-afternoon girl…You never eat potatoes, pasta or rice at the same time as your main course—somehow that’s how you keep the weight off.
I’m sorry, but no 4pm snack—whether it’s a candy bar or an apple—sounds impossible.
Advice: Exercise! Exercise! Exercise!
Despite most French women claiming to walk everywhere to keep svelte, this simply isn’t true.
Yeah, didn’t think so. I knew they were lying about that one.
Advice: Privacy For Your Beauty Rituals
In France, there will never be the dilemma to use the loo in front of your beloved—it’s simply never, ever done.
This piece of “how to be a French wife” advice is one we can actually get behind. We wrote a blog post awhile ago about how true intimacy is the willingness to poop in front of each other, but we were single then. Single and foolish. Some things are better left behind closed doors, whether it’s emptying your bowels or waxing your upper lip.
Beauty is taken seriously and I am expected to be perfectly-groomed and made up daily. A French wife would never understand the concept of mooching about in her PJs, make-up free for the morning with the weekend papers scattered everywhere. It ain’t gonna happen.
Well that’s just silly. Most guys say they love the “no makeup, lying around in PJs” look. You know, natural women. They just don’t love it at a formal dinner, when perhaps your salsa-stained Yankees jersey doesn’t pass muster. Maybe this is just an idea that can never cross the French/American divide.
Advice: Never, Ever Get Drunk
You are expected to nurse a glass of wine throughout an evening…It’s just not done to get sloshed and try to keep up with the blokes.
One glass of wine? We thought this dude was French. Next!
Advice: Expect other women to go after your husband
French women are very, very forward where men are concerned—and they’re utterly indifferent to hurting each other’s feelings.
That’s not just French women—we have some disloyal sisters on our side of the pond, too.
Advice: The Family Is Everything
At all family gatherings there is an unspoken rule that women are expected to be in the kitchen, while the men enjoy an aperitif or two.
This is more or less how a lot of family gatherings shake out anyway—women in one room, men in another—but the “unspoken rule” part is so 1950’s.
Advice: Displays of Flesh Are a No-No:
I had to change my wardrobe when I married Pascal. Chic was in and slutty was out. Hipster jeans, mini-skirts, anything which reveals too much flesh or (horrors!) a midriff is frowned upon by a French husband. Glimpses of underwear are strictly forbidden, too. I’m now a sleeker, chicer version of my former self. Wearing jogging bottoms and a pair of flip-flops for a trip to the supermarket nearly gave my husband a heart attack during the early days of our marriage.
We’re with Pascal on this one. Although not for the same reasons. We’re guessing Pascal’s a bit of a possessive bloke and doesn’t want other dudes checking out his wife’s midriff. We’ve simply prefer people stop wearing club clothes to, say, the synagogue. It’s not prudery, just an appreciation for the “less is more” aesthetic. And the jogging-bottoms-and-flip-flops-at-the-supermarket combo is lazy—let’s be honest. We dress down running errands, too, but we’ll even admit it’s sloppy. And that’s usually when we run into that boss we hated or our ex-boyfriend’s new girl, too.
Advice: Always Be Ready to Throw Together A Meal With No Notice
I used to be an ‘expense account lunch’ girl, so it’s probably no bad thing that I can now cook, as Pascal prefers to give out dinner invitations - usually for eight people - just an hour or two before we sit down.
It’s time to ditch this Pascal character—really!
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misspixie
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 01:56 pm: [report]
It’s funny how men differ around the world in their treatment of women. I had a discussion with an American (guy) friend of mine who has been living here in the UK for quite some time. He says a lot of British men are quite cold and actually treat their women with slight disinterest….weird observation but I think he might be right.
As for French men - erm, nooo thank you. Sounds ghastly. (and as a Brit, being slightly anti-French is traditional anyway haha).
xxx
theattack
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:13 pm: [report]
.....Wow. Umm, no freaking way in hell would I ever play by even ONE of these unwritten “rules.” He would be gone in a heartbeat if he even so much as thought one of these things.
tabby
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:28 pm: [report]
Wow. French men sound ghastly!
HereComestheSunQ
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:31 pm: [report]
I’m curious about how dear Pascal was in the dark about his significant other’s tendencies (like the sloppy way she dresses to go to the grocery store or never seeing her about the flat in her pjs) until after they were married. Or was he aware and the rules just change the second your paramour slides the carbon on your finger? “We’re engaged! Now about that fat ass…”
Arsenic
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:43 pm: [report]
I’m sure there are some gentlemen in France, but between this and the constant groping my friends across the ocean get I’m surprised they mate at all.
Jessica
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 02:53 pm: [report]
I actually dated a half-French, half-Italian guy when I studied abroad and he wasn’t like this at all. (Obviously, you can’t characterize the gender of a whole country by one article in a tabloid!) He did criticize me for not using Nivea face cream, though, because he thought it was the best.
But I also dated an Italian when I studied abroad and he was a little bit chauvinist. I just remember him saying to me once, “Get me a glass of water!” and I was, like, “Excuse me?”
HitOrMissJudy
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 03:37 pm: [report]
The French men I’ve dated have all been amazing. I think Pascal is simply a bad oeuf. Or, given that it’s the Daily Fail, a fabrication.
og217
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:00 pm: [report]
Ok, the “inspecting of buttocks and thighs” daily is a bit insane. But any reasonable person will notice a 20 pound weight gain, too. If you start to go up dress sizes, I do think a man will notice, and I don’t think its wrong for him to be a bit disappointed. Now, there are ways to handle that kindly of course, but come on ladies. You know it and he knows it and your jeans know that when you pack it on, it’s usually not an improvement.
Sometimes I see these massive 500-pound women lumbering out of vehicles and waddling through a shop and think, How is it that she is married? (When I see a wedding ring) I am sure they are lovely people on the inside, but seriously come on. The sex? The health problems? The costs of medicine, special gear, clothes? The limitations - travel, vacations, shopping, sports, sex? And I don’t know of course, but I think, she could not have been this big before, she must have only allowed this to happen after she was secure and married. Maybe I am a french man? I must add too that when I had a male roommate, he would use his insane ability to call a person’s weight and tell me weekly how much I weighed, and add comments like, Gained 2 pounds, mostly in the calves. Infuriating, yes. But the shaming worked, what can I say. Now, that was a roommate, if it was a man whose male opinion i CARED about I would have died. Just had a scary thought - what if ALL men can do this? What if they are all just quiet about it??? OMG…
Diaryofamadbathroom
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:17 pm: [report]
That is either not true or it is the most unenlightened thing I have ever heard. If true, all knuckle-dragging frog douchebags like Pascal can kiss my ass.
LydiaRT
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:26 pm: [report]
Ok, seriously folks, did you actually read the article? How is it not funny? Sarcasm anyone? The Brits are famous for it - and they are waaaay better at it than we are. So, it may have been laid on a little thick, but still…did no one catch the fact that everything she talked about was over the top?
I’ve lived in London and I understand that their dry sense of humor takes a little getting used to, but truly, this chick is just funny. Get over it and move on…no one really thinks that French husbands are like this. Gross overstatement…
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:39 pm: [report]
@LydiaRT: Noooooo! I’d just as well string a coconut to a Swallow to check it’s air speed velocity.
LydiaRT
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:47 pm: [report]
@CheeeeEEEEse An African or a European swallow?
CheeeeEEEEse
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 06:55 pm: [report]
@LydiaRT: An African Swallow would go lovely with my funny walk.
writergirl
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 07:33 pm: [report]
So, based on this article, I am assuming if I was married to Pascual sitting at the computer, in my comfy lounge wear (meaning: sloppy) reading this article and working my way throgh a bag of Peanute M&M;‘s is not permitted?
DancerNinja
wrote on May 22 2009 @ 09:55 pm: [report]
M&Ms;sound delicious. I’ll stick with my American brethren.
fs38
wrote on May 23 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
I know that the frisky and jezebel cite articles written the Daily Mail as they’re rediculously incendiary and provide a good example of the inherent mysoginsm that still exists in society, but I also feel embarassed as a Brit because it feels like its the only representation of our media!!
From what I know about American media (which isn’t much admittedly) the Daily Mail is like Fox News; hyper-conservative and widely ridiculed. They even supported the the Third Reich- or as they put it- ‘sympathetic with its aims’. #&@$%!!!!!!
misspixie
wrote on May 24 2009 @ 02:31 am: [report]
fs38 - I agree. The Daily Mail is a heinous embarassment…
@LydiaRT - I doubt she’s being sarcastic in the Daily Mail, tbh. As a publication, it’s not exactly known for its firing wit.
friskyman68
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 05:03 am: [report]
I guess american women have it easy then.
jimnist10
wrote on May 26 2009 @ 08:56 am: [report]
While I’ve never dated a Frech guy, I once worked for a gay Frenchie. Yeah, the whole thing about getting fat? It’s so true. I was the receptionist at an extremely small PR firm in NYC that catered to galleries and art associations. He saw me at my desk enjoying some delicious McDonald’s and he said in front of the whole office, “Oh MacDonald’s? Well, not too much. We don’t hire fat people.” All I could do was smile at him. He also liked to cal me stupid and lazy in front of everyone. Yeah, I ended up so anxious and upset working there, I basically lost 15 lbs and quit after 6 months. It’s like they hate Americans and think we’re all stupid and fat. Never again will I work for the French, gay or straight.
og217
wrote on May 27 2009 @ 11:08 am: [report]
In most other places it just is not desirable or normal to be fat. American women really are the only ones who are ok with being fat, everywhere else women care about their appearance and the “big is beautiful” movement hasn’t caught on. It’s always interestingto see that American men have foreign spouses waaaay more frequently than American women. American women are seen as loud, overweight and unfeminine. Just my personal observation of course, as a frequent traveler to Europe.
dlws8607
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:02 pm: [report]
From what I have seen of men and women from around the world, despite the criticism directed at American men by their female counterparts, American men tend to be more respectful of their partners than men from a lot of other countries. At the same time, American women tend to be a lot less respectful of their partners, and more whiny about everything, than women from a lot of other countries. I feel sorry for American men and can understand if they want to marry women from other countries.
PinkRanger
wrote on June 23 2009 @ 12:27 pm: [report]
@dlws8607: oh yes us American women are so whiny with our civil rights movements and our hunger for more than whats handed to us. *eye roll* Please don’t make unfair generalizations about me.