My 2009 New Year’s Resolutions

shannac02
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 12:44 pm: [report]

I Will not date: #&@$%, workaholics, alcoholics…

Wait, is that from “Bridget Jones’ Diary”??? Crap.

Lynn
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:32 pm: [report]

wait, how often is too often for a BJ? I’m pretty sure I’m over-treating my man, but I’ve never actually discussed it with anyone!

Amelia
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:37 pm: [report]

I am going to do a poll and then we will have conclusive data! But let me just say that I was doing it at least weekly, whereas my friends were doing it like, TOPS every couple of months.

EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:52 pm: [report]

A special occasion occurrence?  More than your friends? Who the f cares?  If you enjoy giving them and if your partner enjoys receiving them, then why would you put them on a schedule?  Isn’t it about giving your partner pleasure?  Why would you base that on what your friends are doing or make it “for special only”?  Seriously?  That’s f’d up.  Do it or don’t do it but don’t play stupid games about it.

Amelia
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:54 pm: [report]

@EB Actually, I don’t love doing it. Sometimes I do, but I established a pattern of doing it, uh, often so then it was hard to scale back. I’m just not going to establish that pattern again. But thanks for the comment!

lalaland
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 02:58 pm: [report]

My ex got them about once a month, but pretty much only when sex wasn’t an option… Some people just enjoy giving them and some don’t.

EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:03 pm: [report]

Well if you don’t enjoy doing it, then don’t.  Compromise. Something.  But don’t base it on some asinine poll of your girlfriends or some random decision that it needs to be “more special” than it is.  I do things that aren’t always my fave for my guy, but I do them because I love him and I know he loves what I do.  I know he returns the favor for me.  But it’s not about percentages or who gets theirs next.  It’s just about giving pleasure to someone you care about.  Why make it a numbers game?

Amelia
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:05 pm: [report]

@EB Seriously, I just said that I was going to scale back how much I do it in my next relationship. Chill out.

EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:09 pm: [report]

I just think a New Years resolution about deciding how much or what kind of sex you’ll have based on a poll of your girlfriends is a pretty juvenile idea.  Hope your next boyfriend realizes that what he gets is based on your girlfriend’s input.  But go for it if it’s what floats your boat.

Amelia
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:10 pm: [report]

It’s not based on my girlfriend’s input. I was just using that to illustrate that I was doing it more than the average lady—and thus more than the average dude is used to.

EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:18 pm: [report]

“I was doing it more than the average lady—and thus more
than the average dude is used to.”

But why does that matter? I truly don’t understand.  What does what *anyone* else does or doesn’t do matter compared to what YOU do with YOUR s/o?  That’s what I don’t get about this resolution.  You’re going set some artificial limit on a future unknown partner based on a totally unscientific “average” of a handful of your girlfriends.  Why?  Why not just see what happens with your s/o.  Maybe your next s/o won’t like bjs as much and you won’t give them as much.  Maybe he’ll really like them and you’ll have to compromise somewhere.  Why set up artificial and arbitrary lines about your sex life like that.  Shouldn’t it be about YOU and YOUR PARTNER and nothing else?

Amelia
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:22 pm: [report]

So much drama over a resolution that was supposed to be amusing! I’m not going to argue it anymore, but the point was that I wasn’t going to be a weekly blow job girl in my next relationship—but just like all resolutions, I’m sure I’ll be open to compromise.

EB
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:28 pm: [report]

Drama?  I just commented and you keep jumping on me. 

I guess I don’t see this kind of resolution as “amusing”.  I guess I think of sex with my guy as something about our mutual pleasure and not some arbitrary quota.  And I guess that I hate to see women posting about playing mind games and quota games like that because it reinforces the whole idea that women don’t like sex or use it as some kind of reward/punishment. 

But whatever.  I’m done.  I’d just like to see a more mature attitude than “I won’t give it more than average” ... just because.

Emily Poster
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 03:34 pm: [report]

EB your the one who seams to be jumping not amelia.

Michael
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:01 pm: [report]

@Amelia - my theory is that it should be in proportion to how often he goes down on you.  Somewhere in the 1:1 to 1:2 range sounds about right.

BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:20 pm: [report]

Hey, what’s so bad about giving frequent blowjobs? BJs are great (or so I’ve heard)! My boyfriend prefers sex to BJs so I only do it when sex isn’t an option - but I DO treat him a few times a week during foreplay, just to get him ready to go. He says I’m good at it, and pleasing him makes me feel good, so I honestly truly enjoy it. I’d think being the weekly blow job girl would be a good thing - wouldn’t your guy just LOVE you? Either way, it’s your choice - I must be just more fond of giving head.

In any case, I agree with Michael… it should be proportionate. If not, then I think it’s fair to withhold. Otherwise, though, I see no reason why not to indulge!

eden
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 05:37 pm: [report]

At least weekly compared to at least monthly BJs? Wow… to me, neither of those options seem that frequent! But its a normal, enjoyable part of sex for me. I guess I would do it three plus times a week… I would be very interested to see this poll, Amelia! (We do live together, however.) I do agree with EB, though, that you should NEVER compare your sexual antics with others. Do what you feel like doing.

Reve
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 06:29 pm: [report]

Good grief.  Amelia made a light-hearted observation and threw out a resolution - obviously meant to be humorous - loosely based on that observation.  People, especially EB, are jumping on her like she had it written into a pre-nup or something.  Chill out guys!  Love the site Amelia, especially your posts.

Fizzy
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 06:38 pm: [report]

Wow, I never would have thought the topic of BJs would make people be so opinionated.  Personally I love giving them and generally dislike receiving oral (or maybe just haven’t found anyone good enough yet).

BeeGirl
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 07:04 pm: [report]

@miss: I’m the same exact way. Giving is MUCH better than receiving for me. I like to get a little every once in a while, but in the end it doesn’t do much for me. I’ve only had two guys deliver so maybe I need to experience a bit more before I write it off completely… but I don’t feel like I’m missing much. Maybe it’s just not my thing. Most of my girlfriends have felt similarly.

Heather
wrote on December 29 2008 @ 07:05 pm: [report]

Amelia, I fully support No. 2. That’s a good one. Live music is like a drug to me. Not in the getting-addicted-stealing-money-from-loved-ones kind of way, but in the good way. When the live music starts, any bad things in my life go away, at least for a little while. Maybe I am addicted. But I totally fund my own adventures in live music. Except that one time. And my mom totally saw me take that money from her purse. Jeez.

ShortyDooWop
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:26 am: [report]

Maybe, just maybe, everyone can do their BJs whenever they feel like it.  LOL maybe Amelia’s guy made her jaw hurt…nobody wants to walk around with lock jaw.  (hope not too graphic) 

My resolution for 2009 is to find a job and make all of 2009 memorable.    Have fun in ‘09 ladies…don’t take yourselves too seriously!  Today is only tomorrow’s yesterday!

InTouch
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 11:36 am: [report]

Amelia, just my opinion but those regular BJs are probably the best known strategy to keep your guy from straying… and keep him bragging about you to his friends.

I need to work on a good set of resolutions for 2009. The only one I have so far is to spend more time with my dog (left).

Humble Bee
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:33 pm: [report]

EB thinks she’s hollier than thou now…
I agree with Amelia, its just an observation that her gfs were giving less head than she. Geeez no need to get your panties in a bunch. Eb’s opinion was appreciated, but her rant was not…. Everyone has different ways of living their life, don’t be so judgemental. Its like your friends coming and telling you, heres my resolutions and your pretty much bagging on them and saying their resolution is stupid. Its their Godaamn resolution.

EB
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:38 pm: [report]

At least EB knows how to spell ‘holier’.   

And anyone can make whatever “goddaamn” resolution they want, but if they publish it to a website, then they should expect comments and responses. 

And who gives a flying #&@$% if your girlfriends are giving less head than you are.  Does what you do in your relationship depend on what your girlfriends do in theirs?  Does your boyfriend know that the amount and type of sex he’s going to get depend on what your girlfriends are doing?  That’s a healthy basis for a relationship, I’m sure.

EB
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:41 pm: [report]

What’s really fun is watching people fall all over themselves saying “it’s just a joke” when they realize it was kinda a stupid thing to publish on a website.  It’s like poking a stick at an anthill. 

lilo
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:51 pm: [report]

To each her own on the resolutions. I seriously doubt Amelia makes her decisions based upon what her friends do. And, if she does, who cares? It’s HER resolutions list. I’m looking forward to reading the other Frisky resolutions too. Hopefully, those will be okay with EB.

Humble Bee
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 12:57 pm: [report]

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

I can tell you’re just that type of person who cannot drop a subject, and will cotinue to ram the subject up their as$ until someone says your right.

EB
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 01:02 pm: [report]

Nope.  Just love the self-righteous responses from people who don’t know how to discuss a point without ad hominem attacks.  Look it up sweetie. 

Lynn
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 04:20 pm: [report]

I think this is getting out of hand. So much on The Frisky is tongue-in-cheek. And even if that particular resolution wasn’t, unless YOU are getting BJs from Amelia I hardly see why everyone is getting so impassioned. In the article about women not being in the mood, we discussed (in the comments) doing something for your partner even if you don’t want to. Of course, people fell on both sides of that fence, but personally when I’m unsure of something, I think it’s best to err on the side of being nice to each other. My BF likes BJs, and I’m glad to make him happy when I can. He does stuff for me all the time, in and out of the sack, and I’m sure he doesn’t love it all. That doesn’t mean I give him a BJ every time (honestly, my jaw & tongue couldn’t take that every night!) but I hope it’s enough.

BUT, just like we discussed in the “not being in the mood” thread, there has to be a compromise (IMO). It’s give and take. While it would be silly to make cut-and-dry decisions in your relationship based on other people’s, it could just be that, through hashing things out with her friends, she realized that she has been “giving” more than she’s “taking.” Or “giving” more than she wants to. Or any number of things.

It would be nice to say that comparing your relationship to someone else’s is totally relevant, but it’s not, really. That’s why people talk to their friends. That’s why people read Cosmo or Glamour. Or The Frisky.

Amelia
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 04:23 pm: [report]

@Lynn Thank you very much! Also, not to get all TMI, but I realized maybe I should have specific that the BJs that I reference in my resolution are ones that come, err, to fruition. Not a little nob slob pre-sex. That’s different.

jannatu
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 04:57 pm: [report]

definitely lol’d at “non slob”

Reve
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 05:08 pm: [report]

Here’s a fun idea - let’s try to find the condescending bitch… oh look! There she is!

...sweetie

bille
wrote on December 30 2008 @ 06:10 pm: [report]

Heh. No more BJ’s. Your S.O. may have to find another hobby as well

My list is more frugal than sizzle, but here it is:

Money Saving New Year’s resolutions for 2009

wanman
wrote on December 31 2008 @ 03:40 pm: [report]

Shhhhh don’t tell my girlfriend that a couple of times a month is too much. You’re going to ruin everything. : )

TS
wrote on January 1 2009 @ 11:18 am: [report]

Yikes ease up here folks. whatever happened to personal choice. I really think everyone needs to think this through a bit more. Amelia isn’t forsaking blow jobs, she never said never. She want to try cutting back, she’s got her reasons and they should be good enough for all of us.

Maybe she felt she was doing it because it was expected, like someone else already said sex of any kind should be considered a gift, not an obligation.

Maybe she wants to see if she was giving them because she enjoyed them and wants to see how much she’ll miss them…who knows?

All I can say Amelia is good luck in the New Year and I hpe your resolutions bear fruit

fallenangel915
wrote on January 2 2009 @ 04:48 pm: [report]

I’m not givin’ up givin’ BJs. I take joy in knowing I’m giving my man intense pleasure, and besides, what man will argue with a woman who has his dick in her mouth? Sometimes that’s the only way I can get him to shut up!

1desertrat
wrote on January 3 2009 @ 01:16 pm: [report]

I sympathise completely with the wine and unfortunate facebook msgs scenario.  Perhaps an integrated Breathalyzer/Facebook disconnect will become standard on iPhones and such in ‘09. 

Shame about the BJ thing, but the next guy will never know unless you (foolishly, IMHO) tell him.

Happy New Year!