Should We Mind Miss Manners’ Salutations For Same-Sex Couples?
Posted by: Jessica Goldberg
Filed in:
relationships
1:40PM, Tuesday September 22nd 2009
Not that you ever send snail mail any more, but Miss Manners received an interesting question from a reader yesterday: How should she address letters to same-sex married couples? I guess Mrs. and Mrs. Jones looks a little like a typo? “Thank you for not contributing to the general rude-ing down (the equivalent of dumbing down) of society by chucking honorifics altogether,” Miss Manners replied. She warned against addressing the letter simply to the intended’s name. “When Miss Manners sees a letter baldly addressed ‘Martha Dribbleport,’ she always thinks it must be a summons,” she explained. Nope, turns out there’s a format as old-fashioned as the post office for addressing more than one married person of the same sex: “Mesdames” for women and “Messrs.” for men. Those words look kind of bizarre to me, but what do I know? I’m too busy rude-ing and dumbing down society. [South Coast Today]
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bethlynn00
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 12:45 pm: [report]
Wow that will be really good info when same-sex marriage is finally legalized everywhere! But like you said, too bad no one sends letters anymore and we have been dumbing down so that “Hey” and “Wassup” are common greetings.
Raugiel
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 12:51 pm: [report]
I’ve seen Messrs in print before. I was not familiar with Mesdames. We should keep our neat words and use them! If nothing else, it will come in handy that one or two times you need to send out paper invitations!
resullins
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 12:58 pm: [report]
I agree, I think she’s introduced a very respectful greeting in an odd situation. I like it!
majicksand
wrote on September 22 2009 @ 03:19 pm: [report]
Those titles are the plural forms of Monsieur and Madame which are the French words for Sir and Madam respectively. Technically, Messrs is an abbreviation. I suppose you could just as easily use Sirs or Madams, but it sounds weird in English.
Perceptible
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:39 am: [report]
I reject the whole Mrs. and Mr. bullsh!t anyway. I used to HATE it when I would get mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirstname Lastname. I’m still an individual! Besides, the origin if Mrs. and Miss both come from Mistress, which, by definition, means belonging to a man, either husband or father.
Why can’t we just put Firstname Lastname and Firstname Lastname? What about married couples where the woman is confident and smart enough to keep her own last name?! Please, please, please can we do away with the Mrs. crap and just be me and him?!
Sorry, huge pet peeve of mine. Carry on.
resullins
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 08:48 am: [report]
@Perceptible: If someone keeps their last name after marriage, then yes, “Dear Tom Smith and Jane Jones” is perfectly acceptable. But your origin of the word Mistress is flawed. Mistress is the feminine form of the word Master, and is a sign of respect and courtesy, not ownership.
And really, shouldn’t it be about personal preference? I wouldn’t want mine and my husband’s mail to look like it was addressed to a pair of roommates. Unfortunately for people like you, that don’t like it, Mr. and Mrs. is considered proper etiquette and polite. There are also people out there that don’t like touching people, and get offended when someone tries to shake their hand… but that doesn’t mean everyone should stop. I hope your friends know not to address you like that, but you might have a little trouble with the rest of the civilized world.
Jenn27549
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 10:36 am: [report]
@Perceptible: Yep. You went there. Now you are going to ignite the whole debate about whether it’s stupid/sexist/old fashioned/whatever to take the man’s name. You could have made your point, however, without starting that debate by simply stating, “What about married couples where the woman keeps her own last name?” But instead you decided to be petulant and insulting. So women are stupid and insecure if they take their husband’s last name?
Why is it so hard for women (particularly the loud and vocal “feminists”) to just accept a woman’s right to CHOOSE on everything, not just abortion. The right to CHOOSE which name to keep or take. To CHOOSE whether to have a career or be a housewife. To CHOOSE to get married at all. To CHOOSE to have children or not. Isn’t that what it was all about anyway? That we have the choice? Not that Choice A is inherently better than Choice B?
resullins
wrote on September 23 2009 @ 11:56 am: [report]
@Jenn: Oh dear… that can is open. We have had that exact same debate on this very site, involving some of the very same people involved. There’s no way to convince a true feminist that making the choice to stay home with your children is the right choice for you. I find most feminists to be the most close-minded people in general. And what’s even worse… they’re close-minded about things that they think are close-minded. It’s a little hypocritical to me, but whatever.
And while their children are being raised by nannies and their houses cleaned by live-in maids while they’re becoming CEO of their firm, mine will be happy, healthy, and loved by a parent that’s there for them.